Difficult people vent (ticker warning)

angelsnight · December 2013

Does anyone have someone in their life that just seems to get word diarhhea around you all the time regarding your loss? For me it is my future SIL. In some ways she is very supportive, but she just always seems to say things that rub me the wrong way. I try not to talk about my loss to her much anymore, but she still finds a way to be an idiot.

Last night, she told me of her friend who called to see if she could give her kids away because they were driving her nuts. I tried to politely tell her that it bothers me to hear that, as I'm dying to have a baby in my arms, I really don't want to hear about people who aren't appreciating their kids. So of course she has to go on to say, oh it's normal. Everyone feels that way from time to time with their kids (she doesn't have kids). She then goes on to defend her/her friend's statement by saying her friend had a lot of difficulties with her pregnancies, all of the kids had what were potential life threatening conditions so she's grateful to have them, but of course they get on her nerves.

I don't care! I know it's a completely valid statement, I wasn't saying she's a bad mom for saying that, I'm not even saying I will never say that someday. But right now, at 8 months out from my loss, I don't want to hear it. It's a sore spot for me.

This is also the same person that wanted to buy me a "self help baby book"....I can't say the title because I'm afraid it may upset someone else, but the title was absolutely ridiculous to even think of buying for a loss mom and if I weren't so shocked and dumbfounded when she happily told me she could buy me this book, I would have ripped her a new one. I just don't understand people sometimes.

Noethola · December 2013

***Siggy warning***

Not ok. Just not ok. I wish she would listen to you when you give her direction on things that just are not helpful to you. Regardless of whether people need to vent about their children (or rehash their friend's vent), they can choose a proper audience. A loss or infertility mom is not the right audience.

stefuge · December 2013

I'm so sorry, that is so frustrating and so upsetting.

TwinkleTor · December 2013

I have a co-worker who is almost exactly the same. In my case I'm a pretty shy and passive aggressive person, so when she starts talking I just stay quiet in hopes that she would shut up, usually doesn't work. So at this point I've learned to tune her out. What she does is a little different though, because she is currently pregnant, and got pregnant when I lost my Domenik, so she asks me questions like "did you feel this when Domenik died because I feel this". Or "what did it feel like when he died, because I don't feel anything." I get mad because she is only like 11-12 weeks along, and those are just inappropriate questions to ask anyone, especially me who lost her baby only 3 months ago!

I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance, I guess it comes with the territory. Feel better! XO

angelsnight · December 2013

TwinkleTor said:

I have a co-worker who is almost exactly the same. In my case I'm a pretty shy and passive aggressive person, so when she starts talking I just stay quiet in hopes that she would shut up, usually doesn't work. So at this point I've learned to tune her out. What she does is a little different though, because she is currently pregnant, and got pregnant when I lost my Domenik, so she asks me questions like "did you feel this when Domenik died because I feel this". Or "what did it feel like when he died, because I don't feel anything." I get mad because she is only like 11-12 weeks along, and those are just inappropriate questions to ask anyone, especially me who lost her baby only 3 months ago! I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance, I guess it comes with the territory. Feel better! XO

OMG, some people just deserve to be punched. I would never in a million years think that is ok to ask someone. Hugs!

VyD81 · December 2013

What's wrong with people? They do deserve a punch to knock some sense back into them. @angelsnight & @TwinkleTor, sorry both of you have to endure ignorance.

stefuge · December 2013

TwinkleTor said:

I have a co-worker who is almost exactly the same. In my case I'm a pretty shy and passive aggressive person, so when she starts talking I just stay quiet in hopes that she would shut up, usually doesn't work. So at this point I've learned to tune her out. What she does is a little different though, because she is currently pregnant, and got pregnant when I lost my Domenik, so she asks me questions like "did you feel this when Domenik died because I feel this". Or "what did it feel like when he died, because I don't feel anything." I get mad because she is only like 11-12 weeks along, and those are just inappropriate questions to ask anyone, especially me who lost her baby only 3 months ago! I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance, I guess it comes with the territory. Feel better! XO

@TwinkleTor - I am horrified that your coworker asks you things like this! Thinking about someone asking me those questions about Colton seriously makes me feel sick to my stomach. You are way stronger than me for not punching her in the face!

Noethola · December 2013

TwinkleTor said:

I have a co-worker who is almost exactly the same. In my case I'm a pretty shy and passive aggressive person, so when she starts talking I just stay quiet in hopes that she would shut up, usually doesn't work. So at this point I've learned to tune her out. What she does is a little different though, because she is currently pregnant, and got pregnant when I lost my Domenik, so she asks me questions like "did you feel this when Domenik died because I feel this". Or "what did it feel like when he died, because I don't feel anything." I get mad because she is only like 11-12 weeks along, and those are just inappropriate questions to ask anyone, especially me who lost her baby only 3 months ago! I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance, I guess it comes with the territory. Feel better! XO

I am so sorry. I seriously think this would be my reaction...and that by seeing it, she would know to never ever ask again.

CRUN2012 · December 2013

Omg!!! People.are.idiots.

mingaling2 · December 2013

TwinkleTor said:

I have a co-worker who is almost exactly the same. In my case I'm a pretty shy and passive aggressive person, so when she starts talking I just stay quiet in hopes that she would shut up, usually doesn't work. So at this point I've learned to tune her out. What she does is a little different though, because she is currently pregnant, and got pregnant when I lost my Domenik, so she asks me questions like "did you feel this when Domenik died because I feel this". Or "what did it feel like when he died, because I don't feel anything." I get mad because she is only like 11-12 weeks along, and those are just inappropriate questions to ask anyone, especially me who lost her baby only 3 months ago! I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance, I guess it comes with the territory. Feel better! XO

That is beyond horrifying. What a complete asshole - I'm sorry you have to deal with that coworker!

jess123456 · December 2013

People are so dumb sometimes. It amazes me that people can be so clueless and hurtful. I am so sorry that you have dealt with this.

schulme2 · December 2013

Omg sometimes I just really hate people. Who would ever think it was ok to say something like that to someone?! So aggravating!

cawettig · December 2013

I can't believe some people don't even think about the things they say/do around us. Ugh the nerve of some people. My SIL always says the wrong things. I just want to slap her sometimes... She keeps saying how this rainbow is dh first and how we will have only this number of kids or whatever. ugh I finally told her on Thanksgiving that Arianna does count and we always include her as being here. It felt good setting her straight finally.

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