Beyond pissed- long with a treat

megs12914 · December 2013

So I think people know that my IL's are beyond ridiculous. Today they topped the cake. They are taking BIL out of town December 15, 16, and 17 for some music thing. To get there, they have to go through where we live which is normally three hours away from them. We always make this trip, they never have. Not once. If all stays the same, LO will be born by c-section on December 18th so they could just stay an extra day and save all that time.

DH is talking to MIL asking her if they are going to be here when LO is born. MIL says that she will have to talk to FIL and that she doesn't see the point if she is only going to get to see him through glass that day. Umm, he will be 6 weeks early and in the NICU and no one is going to be holding him, maybe not even me or DH. When SIL had her baby, she was there at 1 a.m. and didn't leave. I already hate her so this just makes everything worse.

I have been on hospital bed rest for 17 days and she has not come here or sent flowers, a balloon, anything. I know it sounds crazy because I can't stand her but she doesn't know that and it is just plain FUCKED UP for her not to come see me or anything through all this. I have tried so hard and gone out of my way to include her in things and I am DONE. No more restraint or pretending like she is normal. Her daughter is a heroin addict whose baby she is raising and she says only tested positive for heroin because she was "stressed."

All of this hurts DH's feelings but he won't talk to me about it and so we have gotten into a fight about why he doesn't seem to be able to show emotion. If I wasn't pregnant, I would be going off on her now. Maybe I should because I'm pregnant? I'm in the worst mood now. Here is a treat followed by a gif that expresses exactly how I feel.

bethughknee · December 2013

That GIF needs to be playing above my head somedays...haha.

I don't have much IL drama so I don't really have any advice. But as far as it causing fights with your H, that is just the icing on a terrible fucking cake! I would say maybe not to push him to share how he's feeling with you and maybe just keep reminding him once a day or so that if he wants to share with you how frustrated or hurt he is by all this, you're the one who gets it the most!

If they don't want to be there even to see their precious grandchild in an isolette, that is THEIR loss. Just keep reminding yourself that your LO will be surrounded by people who can't get enough of even the sight of him. Eff the IL's. They don't deserve to meet him when he's born if they can't appreciate it. Sorry I am bitchy this week...

Cara1024 · December 2013

wow! what s terrible MIL! I think you should go off on her BECAUSE you are pregnant.

Deblondie1 · December 2013

I'm so sorry. She sounds like a real peach.

Munchie2.0 · December 2013

ohhhhh heeeeellllll naaaaaaah!

I would go off on her BECAUSE I was pregnant! Really, at this point, y'alls relationship can't get any worse.

I love the whole baby tested positive for heroine because of stress... Yea, that happens ALL the time! can we say D-E-N-I-A-L

I am angry for you.

If going off on her stresses you out, don't do it. I think it would make you feel better though!

mommabird77 · December 2013

That is awful! That makes me so angry, I mean they are going to be right in town, and can't fucking stay ONE more day to see their grandchild?! Even through glass? WTF!?

jessicacss · December 2013

That is not cool. Let them continue to act like that, and they will just feel really dumb when you have a gorgeous baby a few months later that is crawling around, and they can't meet.

bethughknee · December 2013

Also, treat wise...for future reference I prefer strawberry topping for my cheesecake but you're stressed so I'll let it slide this time.

bensmommy518 · December 2013

First off, love the GIF and I totally think you should speak your mind to them pregnant or not. Holding it all in just makes you more angry and resentful than if you told them how you felt. Maybe they need to have someone hold a mirror to their behavior and no one else in their life (your DH included) seems to be doing that.

Second, so sorry you are having to deal with this drama and that it is causing fights with you and DH. I know I get irritated with shit my in laws pull but I always try my hardest to not let it get between me and DH becasue then they win. If he is not ready to talk about his feelings you cant force him. Just express yours and let him know you are a safe person to talk to when he needs to.

Frankly they don't deserve to see the baby and I would rather them not be there if I were you if this is how they are going to act. You don't need that stress. It always makes me sad when people make stupid selfish decisions but the most valuable thing I have learned in life is I cant control their decisions for them. They do and it is up to them to accept the consequences of those decisions. If they want to see the baby, they will come to you. Just stand firm and let them live with their own decisions. Like @KaitiMac said, your LO will be surrounded by those that love him. Eff everyone else.

Toribaker171 · December 2013

Do we have the same IL's? SO and I are going through something very similar, and I know how hard it is for you both, especially for YH. No one wants to see a sibling put first all the time, or not have their parents their on a big day like that, and it amazes me how a parent could do that to their children. Especially when they are going to be right there that day, and they know the baby is coming early!

Just hang in there, I hope all your family and friends (or whoever you invite) are there to show you the support and love you deserve on your special day, and to remind your H that he does have family who aren't blood, especially since his are acting like jerks!

bethughknee · December 2013

jessicabcairns said:

Invite them to come "visit" you his weekend in the hospital, borrow a text book from one of your nurses (they are heavy - good for throwing) and hick it at her. Won't solve the issue, but you'll feel better.

^ She just won the day.

LuGal623 · December 2013

First let me say I love your choice of GIF!

Second wow...your ILs saw like real peaches! Sorry you have to deal with that and I know it sounds crazy but you will be so much better for just letting that shit go. They aren't worth your stress or time and I'm sorry it is so upsetting to you even though you know how they are. I hope you can just seek peace in your immediate family and you and DH are all the more better for that.

gina0485 · December 2013

Megs,

To start:

1) December 18 is an awesome day to be born

(that's my birthday too)

2) You don't get to choose who your family is -- and, you only have some degree of control over who your in-laws are. Perhaps it's a blessing they won't be coming into town, wreaking their havoc all over you and DH's happiness. Do you truly in your heart want them there, or do you just want them to want to be there so DH doesn't have to suffer? That's the shitty thing about people - you can't trust or count on everyone. The only thing to do is keep your chin up and let DH know that what matters is that the three of you -- you, him and LO -- are what makes a real family and you will be together in the NICU giving your baby all the love he needs. Don't let him see you fretting over your IL's poor decisions, and don't let them bring you down any more than they already have. While perhaps DH isn't ready to deal with his emotions now, I sincerely doubt he'll forget this, and someday his parents will be sorry they weren't there when he needed them the most - but you will have been, and he won't forget that, either.

megs12914 · December 2013

@jessicabcairns @bethughknee I have these books they gave me to prepare so I'm ready!

@gina0485 I do want them here just for DH. I don't want to have to see them but I know it hurts him.

alinafed · December 2013

I would totally understand you bitching her out about this, just saying.

Also sorry to hear you are going through this with your ILs.

km_md · December 2013

You have every right to be upset, and it is hard if your DH doesn't really communicate his feelings about everything too. ((hugs)) I hope that you can just try to ignore her crap and focus on your own family - she doesn't seem worth your time and effort.

Mamash619 · December 2013

Sounds like we have the same mother in law...

MamaP19 · December 2013

I'm really sorry! That's the last thing you need to be dealing with right now. It's unfortunate how your MIL is treating you and that she doesn't seem concerned about seeing your LO right away, but it's really her loss.

Also, there are lots of things I do when stressed: have coffee, drink wine, take a bath, read a book, sleep, etc. So a big LOL to only using heroin because of stress. There's obviously a lot more going on there..

You would certainly be justified in going off on her, but I probably wouldn't. If my MIL chose not to make me, H, and LO priorities in her life - I just wouldn't make her a priority in mine.

HappyDoc · December 2013

Maybe it is a blessing in disguise because you don't have to deal with her? She sounds like a selfish and unsupportive person, and that is definitely not the type of person you need in your life. My MIL passed away several years ago, but my FIL is the biggest loser ever. DH and I cannot even talk about him, because it ALWAYS leads to a fight. So I just pretend that he doesn't exist, makes my life easier.

Sending you lots of positive and calming thoughts!

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