Weird emotional feelings of late.....

JBDamonM · December 2013

Soooo, I hope this post doesn't offend anyone, but I"ve been having soem tough IF emotions lately. I'm trying to pinpoint where they are coming from, but it's not getting any easier.

DH and I received our MFI DX in March of 2012. That same night his father passed away in his sleep. As we grieved (both things really) I never really questioned things emotionally. Other than falling apart the day my OB called to tell me the results of his S/A I feel as though I quickly came to acceptance and did what I think we women do instinctually, immediately put a plan into effect on how to fix the problem, which we did resulting in my amazing daughter.

But just 10.5 weeks after DD got here, my period came back. And it's been back every month since then, in textbook form. Seriously, I could not have a more normal, regular cycle. And lately I am feeling a little sad and angry that this perfect cycle will never get an attempt to try getting pregnant the "normal" way. WTF is wrong with me????? Seriously, just typing that out I see how RIDICULOUS it sounds.... but I can't get past this. I have wonderered if I am finally accepting the dx now that the whilrwind of everything has stopped? or if I am having a hard time b/c #2 is on my mind in full force but I see the pricetag that will come with it and I get frustrated that we can't seem to catch a financial break?

I hate myself for feeling like this b/c I know how incredibly lucky I am to have such an amazing baby as many others in this boat don't even get that, and because all things considered my "journey" wasn't even that difficult.

I don't know - i needed to admit this to someone. And I truly apologize, I don't mean to offend anyone. I know there are ladies out there with IF DX who would love my normal cycle and may feel the same way I do, but on the opposite side.....And I really feel for those who are unexplained for some of these same reasons. Moral of the story - IF Sucks and I thought my tough IF days were long behind me

Ruthie04 · December 2013

I don't think there is anything wrong or offensive about the way you are feeling! It's all just awful and it's okay to be sad and angry. Lots of hugs!

kzawisl · December 2013

((Hugs)) I am sorry you're having a rough time. I wish having a baby would cute those IF demons, but it just doesn't.

I am part of a moms group from when my twins were born, and one of the moms is pg again. Her SIL is struggling with IF and has had several losses. The SIL asked this mom to please not use a particular name they has picked out, knowing they am never be able to have children...guess what name she decided on? That one.
I got stabby.
I love y'all, and I am so glad we have each other to lean on....but I wish we didn't have to have that common thread!

mdiblasi10 · December 2013

There is definitely nothing wrong with the feelings you are having and you don't need to apologize. That's what we are all here for! Big hugs. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I think many of us share the same emotions. IF just sucks, plain and simple.

IBackBevo · December 2013

I am so sorry! I think everyone has some lingering feelings even after having our thb. I t is completely normal!

Robeano · December 2013

Nothing wrong with feeling upset about it, totally normal. Big hugs to you!!

ccam · December 2013

Don't feel bad or hate yourself. I think it's completely normal and I totally understand where you are coming from. You could set a watch by my cycle since DS, but of course the one month I need it to be regular, it's not. Of course. IF sucks but we're here for you!!

imoverit · December 2013

Been exactly where you are. Your feelings are completely valid. IF is not an easy journey. Hugs mama. We are here for you.

kmc84 · December 2013

mdiblasi10 said:
There is definitely nothing wrong with the feelings you are having and you don't need to apologize. That's what we are all here for! Big hugs. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I think many of us share the same emotions. IF just sucks, plain and simple.

All of this!!! ((Hugs))

mcgeeva · December 2013

Totally normal. Your starting a crapy process again and I I got a period month after month I would feel the same. That hope always jn the back of your mind it might happen the natural way. Hang in there!

ashleymarie512 · December 2013

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way

There's such a million different ways to deal that nothing is wrong or off limits. Hugs to you!!

kaf7 · December 2013

Agree with PP. This thread should've been labelled "normal emotional feelings". Hugs.

MoFree · December 2013

I'm sorry you're struggling but it seems to me your feelings are completely normal. Our diagnosis is strictly severe MFI and I can relate to many of the sentiments you expressed. Even though the medical issue is my DH's, I feel that I am carrying the entire IF burden. IF sucks no matter which partner has the issue and the feelings don't go away after successful treatment, especially when you have to go through the same painful BS to conceive again.

TJ1979 · December 2013

Big hugs hon. I think everything was such a whirlwind last time, and now that you're thinking about #2 all those old feelings and more are just coming right back. Go easy on yourself. IF is a B and really messes you up.

JBDamonM · December 2013

Thank you ladies! It felt so much better to admit these feelings and have them validated. I have been feeling so off this week, and just hope it passes soon.... I wish none of us had to go through this.

Mrs.AmyDylan · December 2013

Hugs. I'm sorry you are feeling down. You guys are having a tough year and that certainly doesn't help. No advice, maybe crank some tunes and dance in your underwear? That sometimes works for me....

phishgirl29 · December 2013

((hugs)). My cycles were textbook, DH had no sperm issues, and I'm stuck in IF hell too. Now that O is here, DH and I are learning how to be intimate with each other again. The last three years were all about TI or avoiding sex as to not disturb the baby. It's amazing what a mind game IF has played on us. It sucks and it's unfair. ((Hugs))

luvboston · December 2013

Hugs I could have written this myself the other day. Your feelings are totally valid this journey isn't fair it's cruel! LO cured some of the hurt but not all and everyday when I struggle with bleeding and the financial backlash of all our treatments. I will never get to know the fun of getting pregnant without the price tag or constant worry but I can tell you one thing we have that those fertiles do not that's our if sisters!