Dinner with or without toddler?

excited16 · December 2013

I tried to search for a post about this but couldn't find so here goes.

Do you have dinner with your toddler every night?

We don't. DD(22mo) usually starts getting ready for bed around 6, sleep at 7 and by the time I get home from work at 430 or so, I'm not going to cook a big dinner. I usually give her leftovers, veggies, some sort of toddler veggie patties or whatever else is around. Then after she goes to bed, my husband and I eat.

I feel sort of bad that we're not having a family dinner but I figure there will be time for that when she's older and can stay up later. She doesn't eat a huge dinner anyhow, and whenever I've tried to make dinner for all of us, she is so whiny for attention while I'm cooking and then just gets tired and ready for bath/bed towards the end of the meal that it's not pleasant for anyone. We also have a 5 month old, so trying to deal with everyone during dinner is too much for me, I can't eat anyhow. We do sometimes have dinner with her, especially if we have family over or holidays, but again me and my husband can't really eat since I'm dealing with her.

If we eat after she's asleep, I can actually relax and spend time with my hubbie. Is this horribly selfish? Is she going to messed up from not learning proper mealtime behavior right now...?

ELF4321 · December 2013

DH rarely gets home before 6 or 6:30 and we try to get DD in the bath by 6:30, so there isn't time. I usually feed DD at 5 or 5:30. I do make sure to sit with her and might munch on a little of whatever veggies I'm feeding her. On the weekends I try to get us all to eat dinner together but it doesn't always work out.

spinsoffresonance · December 2013

For me it's important to have a proper family meal. We actually didn't even own a dining table before DD was born, but got one and rearranged our entire living room to make room for it. Now we have family dinner every night. We eat around 6.30-7, start bedtime around 8pm and dd is usually asleep by 8.30. She wakes up around 7.30am. You get home super early so you guys should have time for a family meal at least a couple times a week.

shannm · December 2013

I don't think it is horrible and it is pretty common. You can't do everything, so you have to choose your battles. Having said that, we do all eat together every night. It is something that I choose to work towards. I work full time but meal plan so the preparation time can be as short as possible, usually under 30 minutes. I get home between 5:30-6 and DD gets her bath between 6:30-7. She is 20 months. Our son is five.

emberlee3 · December 2013

We eat together as a family. Whoever picks up the kids is home by 5 or 5:30, so we eat by 6 most days. I plan meals about a month at time. I print a blank monthly calendar and write the meals in pencil, so I can change stuff based on schedules, events, leftovers, sales, or just feeling lazy. DH can look at it and start on dinner if he gets home before I do.

JENandJEH · December 2013

We eat meals together and DS is in bed by 7pm each night. DH doesn't get home until 6 most nights and I don't start working on dinner until 5pm at the earliest. DS2 is usually a total pill while I'm cooking but that's just how it goes. It doesn't hurt him to fuss while I'm cooking and I try to play with him if I have downtime during the prep/cooking. As for you and DH not being able to eat because you're dealing with her, I'm not sure I understand why this is an issue. DS2 gets in his chair and is offered his plate of food. He eats what he wants and then we try to keep him at the table by involving him in conversation (we talk about our days and I will usually ask DS2 to tell Daddy what we did then I go through it and he usually repeats a lot of what I say). If he is just completely done and needs to get down, we let him down from the table and he goes to play. He can entertain himself long enough for us to finish our meal. He has definitely shown improvement over the last few weeks with how he behaves at dinner and I know they're working on table manners at his little nursery school he goes to twice a week.

I agree with PPs about meal planning and figuring out meals that are easy/quick to prep. Lots of friends use freezer meals and keep 5-10 complete meals ready to go in their freezer. We don't have the space for that but it's definitely something I would love to do if we did. I think that the more times you all sit down together and have dinner, the easier it will become and the quicker she will learn how to behave at dinner. Good luck!

ASmallWonder · December 2013

LalaMama81 said:

I wouldn't call it selfish or that you're setting her up for disaster or anything. That said, yes, we all eat dinner together almost every night. We eat by 5/5:30 and bedtime starts at 6:30. Sure, some nights they're crankier than others, but it's all par for the course. You get home pretty early so I think dinner could be ready by 5:30 if you plan well. Another option is freezer meals or cooking dinner the night before and reheating it. We don't do kids meals, we all eat the same thing. While we rarely get adult meals at home, we get plenty of adult time after they go to bed. I have enough to do then without having to cook and eat, too.

This. My son is older than yours right now (3.5) but I've always made dinner when I get home at 5:30. DH usually isn't home until bedtime so it's a challenge. Some nights it's pizza or something else really simple and we have a picnic or something but I also make a couple meals over the weekend. It's not a HUGE deal right now but soon enough you're going to want her to learn patience and how to eat with other people. Maybe just try doing a couple dinners together a week for now

MooOink · December 2013

We never even thought too. DS eats around 5 or 5:30. That feels really early for our dinner. DH and I eat around 7:30 after I've gotten DS to bed. He's 16 months old, so I'm not sure that I'm ruining him yet -- we do plan to eat as a family as he gets older. Plus I've never been able to stick to meal planning so we rarely have something already planned out and ready to cook.

oliversmommy32912 · December 2013

I'll echo the others and say that it's not horrible to not eat together but if it is something you desire you might be able to make it happen with some planning.

Within the last few months I have done a lot of freezer cooking. I also often double recipes and freeze the extra. It has saved me a tremendous amount of time, money, and frustration.

We ate freezer broccoli and cheddar soup with fresh bread tonight. Tomorrow we will have lemon and honey marinated chicken, leftover bread, and salad. Today's meal took me about five minutes of hands on work to prepare since all I had to do was put the frozen bread dough in the oven and put the soup on the stove. Easy peasy.

Some things that are easy to prepare for later are chicken in various marinades, pot roast packs with pre-cut veggies, pot pie, quiche, soup, shredded chicken, beef, or pork for salads and sandwiches, casseroles, shepherds pie, meat sauce for spaghetti, etc.

MooOink · December 2013

LalaMama81 said:

MooOink said:
We never even thought too. DS eats around 5 or 5:30. That feels really early for our dinner. DH and I eat around 7:30 after I've gotten DS to bed. He's 16 months old, so I'm not sure that I'm ruining him yet -- we do plan to eat as a family as he gets older. Plus I've never been able to stick to meal planning so we rarely have something already planned out and ready to cook.
I don't get this. You never thought to eat dinner with your toddler? How kid does he have to be?

News flash, most adults don't want to eat at 5:30, but generally that's a good time for toddlers and small children. I adjusted my schedule.

Whoa, newsflash? My bad.

We sit with him at the table and talk to him, but we don't actually consume food when he does. We don't find it necessary to adjust our schedule yet and make ourselves eat if we aren't hungry.

I figure around 2 we will definitely make it a consistent thing to have family dinners.

MooOink · December 2013

Leftie22 said:
We eat together, and I think the benefit is that your LO learns to behave better at meals. If you never give them the chance, you might have a hard time later. .

I agree with this, but also think the same thing can be accomplished without consistent family dinners. We eat out quite a bit with DS 16 months old, and he knows to stay in his seat the entire time and we've been able to teach him to leave his food on the table if he is finished instead of throwing it onto the floor. We actually enjoy when we go out to eat with him, but we also don't do family dinners at home yet.

skibunny59 · December 2013

We eat together as a family every night. I get home from work between 3:30-4:00 and DH walks in the door at 5:30. We usually sit down to eat as soon as DH gets home.

I don't cook when I get home from work. I cook at night after DD goes to bed and then we all eat it the next day. Or I cook a bunch of meals on the weekends and freeze them.

skibunny59 · December 2013

LalaMama81 said:

MooOink said:

We never even thought too. DS eats around 5 or 5:30. That feels really early for our dinner. DH and I eat around 7:30 after I've gotten DS to bed. He's 16 months old, so I'm not sure that I'm ruining him yet -- we do plan to eat as a family as he gets older. Plus I've never been able to stick to meal planning so we rarely have something already planned out and ready to cook.
I don't get this. You never thought to eat dinner with your toddler? How kid does he have to be? News flash, most adults don't want to eat at 5:30, but generally that's a good time for toddlers and small children. I adjusted my schedule.
Whoa, newsflash? My bad. We sit with him at the table and talk to him, but we don't actually consume food when he does. We don't find it necessary to adjust our schedule yet and make ourselves eat if we aren't hungry. I figure around 2 we will definitely make it a consistent thing to have family dinners.

I just think it's odd that you never thought to do it. And 2 is just a random age that it becomes "necessary."

I'd love to eat at 6:30/7 again, but eating together is more important to me.

I know most adults like to eat later but honestly, unless DH and I are going out for dinner on a date or something I prefer eating at 5 or 5:30. I love having dinner done and the kitchen all cleaned early so that I can enjoy the rest of my night.

jnnfrrose6 · December 2013

I have a very similar schedule to OP and we're probably 50/50 on eating meals together. Some nights it happens, some nights I just focus on getting DS fed and then worry about DH and myself. I agree with others, though, that getting home at 4:30 should give you plenty of time to prepare something within 30 minutes (pasta, baked chicken, kielbasa, pizza, tacos...). There's plenty of options as long as you are prepared. I may not have time to make something from scratch, and DS has had more canned veggies than fresh, but he's getting veggies and dinner with the family most times. DH doesn't always get home in time to join us, but then he takes over bedtime to have some time with DS. And on the evening I'm not actually eating with him, I do at least try to join him at the table so he's used to that. It may not be ideal for when you want to eat, but it is doable.

MooOink · December 2013

LalaMama81 said:

MooOink said:

LalaMama81 said:

MooOink said:
We never even thought too. DS eats around 5 or 5:30. That feels really early for our dinner. DH and I eat around 7:30 after I've gotten DS to bed. He's 16 months old, so I'm not sure that I'm ruining him yet -- we do plan to eat as a family as he gets older. Plus I've never been able to stick to meal planning so we rarely have something already planned out and ready to cook.
I don't get this. You never thought to eat dinner with your toddler? How kid does he have to be?

News flash, most adults don't want to eat at 5:30, but generally that's a good time for toddlers and small children. I adjusted my schedule.
Whoa, newsflash? My bad.

We sit with him at the table and talk to him, but we don't actually consume food when he does. We don't find it necessary to adjust our schedule yet and make ourselves eat if we aren't hungry.

I figure around 2 we will definitely make it a consistent thing to have family dinners.

I just think it's odd that you never thought to do it. And 2 is just a random age that it becomes "necessary."

I'd love to eat at 6:30/7 again, but eating together is more important to me.

What the difference if I'm putting food in my mouth when he is rather than sitting at the table with him talking?

JulesDiane · December 2013

I don't see the big deal. It would be ideal to eat dinner with them every night, but it doesn't always make sense and isn't always possible. Very rarely do we all eat together. Both girls are usually hungry by 5:30, and DH doesn't usually get home until 6:30 or 7:00. I don't make them wait, and if they snack, then they won't eat dinner. Depending on how hungry I am, sometimes I will eat with them, sometimes I wait until after I put them to bed and eat with DH.

traveltheworld · December 2013

I think you are probably right that 2 is young and you'd have plenty of time later on. And I can imagine with a 5 month old it's not easy. But if you want to do it, here's how we make it work. DH and I commute together so we generally pick DS up at 5:00, get home at 5:30/5:45, and then dinner is on the table within 30 minutes of us getting home. DS will completely lose it if dinenr is not ready by 6:15.

I meal plan on Friday nights, buy groceries for the week every Saturday morning, then pre-wash and chop up everything Sunday night. I also pre-make as many things as I can Sunday night. I generally make dinners for Monday - Thursday, 3 lunches (the other lunches DH and I just eat out, or we eat some of those pre-frozen meals), and 4 breakfasts. We eat out or do take-out Friday nights because by the end of the week, I'm super tired.

As soon as we get home, DH takes DS upstairs to play so that DS is not bugging me while I cook. Although I always make sure that at least some of the meals are the type that can be just popped into the oven (caseeroles, quiches, etc.) so that I can play with him as well.

ashiscute · December 2013

I stay at home but I rarely have started much in the way off cooking most nights before 430 (unless its a crock pot meal) so it seems odd that you couldn't find something. And as for feeding a 22mos while eating yourself I'm not sure how that's hard. She should be pretty independent at that age for feeding. I have a 34mos and a 14mos and we have always eaten together every night. If DH is working late I eat with them not him. I think it's important personally to have dinner together as a family and I also think they learn best watching you. I would try to at least have dinner together a couple times per week.

tifdaski84 · December 2013

We eat together most nights but my H and I do have the odd meal after LO's gone to bed. And the nights that H is late, LO and I eat without him.

FabulousMrs.P · December 2013

Yes, we do have dinner together every night. I wouldn't say that your child is going to be "messed up" from not having dinner with you, but sometimes they do pick up some nice habits from you. I find that my daughter is more willing to try new things if she see us eat them. The nights DH doesn't come home until late DD and I eat without them.

I do try to do meal prep the night before (after LO is in bed) so that I don't have to do too much when we get home after work. I try to have things ready so all I have to do it throw them in the oven when I get home so it is only 30 minutes tops until dinner. And I make the steamfresh veggies most nights to go with it...only take a few minutes to heat up. And if I know I am going to have a really tough day, I throw something in the crockpot in the morning so dinner is ready when we get home.

APendola · December 2013

Yes, we do have dinner with her. DH and I used to have dinner in front of the TV quite often. Now that DD is eating the same food as us...I started a routine of eating dinner as a family at the table. I usually get home around 5:15 and we have dinner around 6:00 or 6:30.

I find lunch time on the weekend more awkward because DD is usually ready for lunch at 11:00 and a nap at noon. So we don't always have lunch together. I'll get her leftovers and sit with her and then DH and I will have something else later.

Mrs.RockyM · December 2013

I get home at 5:30, and we have a family dinner every night at 6:15/6:30. Immediately after is bath. DD2 gets some milk after bath and gets teeth brushed and read a book and then bed, all while DD2 gets to watch 1 TV show and then she's up to brush her teeth and then a book. We do bath every other night, so on the nights there is no bath, it just ends up being more play time.

I do whatever I can the night before to prepare so we don't eat crap or I cook meals that are easy and don't take too long to prep/cook - Tacos, spaghetti and meatballs or meat sauce, chicken, fish, etc.

mb314 · December 2013

We eat dinner after DS goes to bed. It will probably change as he gets older, but it the only time DH and I have together, and we enjoy our adult time. As DS gets older, we'll probably eat earlier, but I really enjoy our late dinners as just the two of us. I don't think it's a big deal at this age.

SunAndRain · December 2013

During the week DD and I have dinner together at ~5:15. Bedtime is 630. DH gets home around 6. There is no way DD would make it until then.

On the flip side the three of us sit dwn to breakfast together most mornings. Time I treasure.

AliW220 · December 2013

We have a similar schedule. We're home by 4:30. 5-5:30 we eat dinner, kids start getting ready for bed ~6:30 and sleep by 7.
I cook every single night. We chose not to spend money on eating out, and we make it priority to eat all together as a family. It's not how fiance was raised, and at first he thought it was strange. But that's how I was raised, and that's where some of my fondest memories are.. around the dinner table, the whole family chatting about our days.
I'm not saying it's always easy to whip up supper in 30 minutes, while the kids are crabby & hungry. Fiance doesn't get home from work until right before we eat, so it's just me watching both the crazy boys while cooking. But it's do-able, thanks to a crockpot, freezer, and some planning.
Fiance and I get a break once they are both in bed at 7pm, as we usually turn in by 9.

22mo old & 5 mo old... I doubt we'd be able to make our schedule work tho!! Do what works for your family

desertmouse39 · December 2013

My LO is 18 months and we don't usually eat dinner together, either. My husband and I both work full time, I am pregnant with #2, and although I get home with LO usually by 5:00, hubby often can't be here until 6:00. She is usually most hungry around 5:30, so that's when I feed her dinner. We have a good amount of family time with her before bedtime, where we play and read books, take care of our chickens, etc... but my husband and I have our dinner after she has gone to bed. On weekends we all eat breakfast together and often a dinner together, out or with friends.

Family meals are important and we are looking forward to these but it doesn't work for us right now. It's what works for your family and it will change as the kid(s) grows, sleep patterns and bedtimes change, etc...

jllmb79 · December 2013

We all eat together (15 days of the month Husbands at work, so just me and the kids)

We eat as close to 5pm as possible but sometimes there are nights where it is 630 and we are just starting to eat. We start bedtime activities at 7pm.

tortuga47 · December 2013

Don't feel bad. We don't do a family dinner now either. When DS is older, we will, but between all our schedules, work, his limited diet right now, it just doesn't work out that way.

Meery82 · December 2013

Nicb13 said:

There's no right or wrong answer to this. Do what works for YOUR family.

Once again, you took the words right out of my mouth (or my fingers).

We eat dinner together on the days that I don't work (4 days out of the week)because I get home from work at about 11:30 pm.

vamomtobe · December 2013

Just guessing (since I'm one with a LO who has a super early bedtime) that it's not the age specifically that's the threshold, but more of the later bedtime that often comes with it. I'm pretty sure no one marks their kid's birthday on the calendar with note that NOW the family can eat together.

OP, no need to feel bad about not being a specific kind of "super mom", i.e. one who finds or makes the time on nights and weekends precooking and freezing meals (I am in awe of those who do it! Go you!). I'm sure have your own special time as a family that still makes you "super mom" in your own way.

We eat dinner together when we can, which I'd say is rarely. And when our son is older (and has a later bedtime!), I'm really looking forward to meals together as a family.

mb314 · December 2013

Obviously everyone has to do what works and obviously if a parent is still at work everyone can't sit down together. Growing up we did family dinner whenever we were all there, but when my dad was on shift work, there was only so much we could do.

I still think it's odd to not eat together when you could, (not you specifically) it seems like some are waiting for some arbitrary age, and I guess that doesn't make sense to me.

I do think the age can make a difference. We don't eat together for many reasons, but for one, DS is very clingy to me when I get home and he doesn't play independently. It is nearly impossible to spend 2 minutes just heating up leftovers or cutting up fruit for him. Even though I get home before 5 pm, I don't know how I would have a half hour to make dinner without DS throwing a total fit. As he gets older and can play more independently, dinners together seem more doable.

cece673 · December 2013

DD's bedtime is 7:30 and we almost always eat together as a family at 6:30, but I definitely see the advantage to feeding her first. She also gets super whiny when I'm cooking because she wants attention, etc and dinner often is not that enjoyable because I'm trying to feed her first and dealing with her throwing food, etc. I'm 10 weeks pregnant right now and am starving by the time dinner rolls around but if I could hold out, I'd probably feed her at 6:30 and then have H and my dinner at 7:30 after she goes to bed.

iwantnoworld · December 2013

I'm really not understanding this "Well, I do X, Y, and Z and have This many kids at these specific ages and they're cranky, fussy, clingy, AND crabby, but I still make it work, so............." It's coming off very santimonious. It's not what some of you are saying, it's the blatantly judgy context in which you're expressing it. So the fuck what if someone hasn't thought to have dinner with their kid? Who cares that you cook dinner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? Sure, give the OP advice on how you make it work, but leave out the overly-descriptive braggy bullshit, FFS.

I could understand if someone was trying to blatantly discredit the research that shows kids benefit from family dinners, but no one here is, so go take your high and mighty attitudes to a rear-facing past one debate where it actually matters. I breast fed where some people formula fed. There are proven benefits to that. But you don't see me sprinkling my self-righteous success story on anyone that chose not to because ::gasp:: it wasn't that important to them.

I breast fed. You have family dinners. That person reads to their kid every day, and someone over there in a corner made sure their kid goes to a preschool that incorporates foreign languages into their curriculum. Everyone has their excuses for why they didn't do this over that, and sometimes it's just because they don't fucking feel like it. Even people that do run themselves into the ground to be the best parent they can be end up with fucked kids. It all comes out in the wash in the end.

I love my kid and he knows it. Everything else is just gravy. I'm gonna keep my dinner time after he goes to bed right where I like it, just because that's where I like it to be.

Sorrynotfuckingsorry.

TL;DR: Some people need to get over themselves.

excited16 · December 2013

Wow! Didn't expect so many answers! We would love to have dinner together as a family but it is HARD. As others have said when I get home my older daughter is super clingy and wants mommy time, I still have to nurse and take care of my 5 month old. She usually wants to eat dinner around 5-530 and it's not like I just throw some food in front of her and leave! I sit with her, often while nursing the baby. I'll sometimes eat something with her - she loves to see me eat and copy me, the other night she ate raw kale/garlic salad with me, so she does eat a variety of food. When we have time, and my parents are here helping she sits with us at dinner and eats something. Anyhow, I'm sure it will come, every family is different and everyone's priorities are different. I would love to cook a bunch on the weekend, but we're doing so many other things - hiking, shopping, playing that I don't have time to cook a weeks worth of meals, but I really admire those of you who do! Thanks for all the advice, it's wonderful to see how many ways of doing things there are :-)

Meery82 · December 2013

excited16 said:

Wow! Didn't expect so many answers! We would love to have dinner together as a family but it is HARD. As others have said when I get home my older daughter is super clingy and wants mommy time, I still have to nurse and take care of my 5 month old. She usually wants to eat dinner around 5-530 and it's not like I just throw some food in front of her and leave! I sit with her, often while nursing the baby. I'll sometimes eat something with her - she loves to see me eat and copy me, the other night she ate raw kale/garlic salad with me, so she does eat a variety of food. When we have time, and my parents are here helping she sits with us at dinner and eats something. Anyhow, I'm sure it will come, every family is different and everyone's priorities are different. I would love to cook a bunch on the weekend, but we're doing so many other things - hiking, shopping, playing that I don't have time to cook a weeks worth of meals, but I really admire those of you who do! Thanks for all the advice, it's wonderful to see how many ways of doing things there are :-)

The most impressive thing on this thread to me is that you got a child to eat kale! I have to serve it in a pouch with other veggies or no dice.

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