freaking out...

beccaxbooxbear · December 2013

Ok I'm going home after lunch sometime today and im so scared. My parents have my 15 month old till Saturday which is great but I don't feel like I can handle both! I feel so new at this newborn thing all over again and Its probably my hormones being messed up right now but I am completely scared to do this. Anyone have anything to help me right now? STM advice? Any advice? Anything? I want to feel ok about this. I haven't felt this way until a few hours ago and now my anxiety is thru the roof. I want to be a good mom and be successful I'm just so scared of failing.

Dreamingmommy4 · December 2013

I'm sorry you are feeling so unsure about everything. I don't have any advice (FTM here) but I will say, don't be afraid to ask for help! And keep thinking positive thoughts, it will get better.

good luck!

BSnipes35 · December 2013

STM with a four year old...so, not in the exact same boat, but I can tell you it gets easier every day. Your newborn is going to cry more than your first. Why? Because you can't hold this LO all day. You're going to have to put the baby down from time to time to do things for your oldest. But it's ok. It doesn't make you a bad mom. And it's not going to hurt the baby.

Just take it one day at a time. Let the little things go. Your family will change and adjust. And try to involve your oldest, even at 15 months. Draw their attention to LO when you're changing a diaper or bathing or whatever. Let them see that this new baby needs you, too. And then try to make time for just you and your oldest. Lay down with them at nap or play a game or go for a walk while LO is being cared for by someone else. You can do it! Lots of moms do! Just remember it gets easier.

sarenu1 · December 2013

We give our 22 month old tasks. Like helping with diaper changes, getting diapers and wipes.

She also helps pick up dropped items.

Our pediatrician also recommended mommy time and to make a big deal about it to the toddler. Like playing a game or activity with just them and calling it their special mommy time.

gwenneh · December 2013

sarenu1 said:

We give our 22 month old tasks. Like helping with diaper changes, getting diapers and wipes. .

Three-year-olds are really great for retrieving the remote and your tablet/cell phone while you're captive beneath a feeding baby. That is some useful stuff right there.

Honestly, parenting two at once was my biggest fear but it's simply been a non issue as we take it, like another poster suggested, one day at a time. That's not to say there aren't easier days and more difficult days, but in the grand scheme it isn't nearly as monumental as I made it out to be.

You'll be grand after a few days, I'm sure.

Chargersgrl33 · December 2013

I'm so sorry you are feeling this. I have a 2 year old so I have many of the same feelings you do. Things with a newborn get easier. Things also don't have to be perfect. I was told that the newborn won't remember crying but the older child will remember being pushed aside. So I keep that in the back of my head when my 2 year old is asking for attention. Is there a part time daycare or preschool you can out you older child in? I keep my 2 year old in daycare and I have to say it's been so helpful! Good luck girl!

KallieandJustin · December 2013

Babywearing has saved me over the past few weeks! I am still able to do stuff with my older boys and be able to have baby with me too. Like others have said, take it one day at a time.

beccaxbooxbear · December 2013

Thank you ladies for your personal experience and answers! I love the mommy and toddler time idea and I'll definitely make a big deal out of it. I live ds1 So much and don't want him to. Feel put aside. He has such an amazing personality and he's my little love bug and I'd like him to stay that way. He was very interested in avery today when he met him and u had both of them on me but ds1 kept being a little too rough with the baby so it made me nervous. I will definitely involve him in whatever I can. I need to find something for him while I bf like maybe make it baby and brother snack time or something. Thank you again ladies! You're all really wonderful

EandIMommy86 · December 2013

I have a 16 month old so I am basically in a similar situation as you. If your 15 month old is on a schedule, that will help you a lot these first few weeks. I have found wearing my son around the house to get things done helps. Also, if your child has a time where they play independently, that's a great time for you to relax with your newborn. Of course you are giving them your attention all the time, but you may not always have that relaxation time with them. At some point during the day, their naps will probably overlap since newborns sleep so much. Use that time to relax or get stuff done.

Once you get into a groove it will become less overwhelming. You can do it.

Have your 15 month old help you with things involving the baby so that they feel included. For example when its time to change LO, ask them to give you a diaper for the baby and let them watch you change the baby.

GL

JaysonandKristin · December 2013

beccaxbooxbear said:

Thank you ladies for your personal experience and answers! I love the mommy and toddler time idea and I'll definitely make a big deal out of it. I live ds1 So much and don't want him to. Feel put aside. He has such an amazing personality and he's my little love bug and I'd like him to stay that way. He was very interested in avery today when he met him and u had both of them on me but ds1 kept being a little too rough with the baby so it made me nervous. I will definitely involve him in whatever I can. I need to find something for him while I bf like maybe make it baby and brother snack time or something. Thank you again ladies! You're all really wonderful

Try to remember the word gentle in lieu of NO! or Don't! when you're chaperoning their interactions. And, try to remember that newborns don't break that easily. So, while DS1 is figuring this baby bro thing out, give him some independence in establishing his relationship with him. I mean, the way you describe his personality, it doesn't seem like there's much harm in letting him explore his brother.

As to your OP, I felt the EXACT same way about 3. But, we've all be home together for 2 weeks now, and it's been fantastic. A ton of worry about nothing, really. Good luck!! Remember needs over wants -- even if that means that your newborn has to cry while you get DS1 some food. You guys are a family of four now, and that means that everyone has a place in line sometimes. DS1 has to see that he still has a PROPER place in line, meaning that his needs are still addressed appropriately.

I disagree with taking and making special time for an individual child. But, that's a reflection of our parenting strategy. We made these kids with the explicit purpose of growing a family and exponentially growing the love. We have zero guilt about the time we spend with them as a group. There is no sense (in our minds) of giving any one child time to make sure that they feel loved. They know they are loved.

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