Baby Shower... after the baby

Babysaunders · December 2013

OK, so I just got off the phone with my mom who INSISTS that the baby shower happens after LO is born. I still don't have a date from her, or her friend (who is like my second mom) who is throwing it. I politely asked when she was thinking or if they had talked recently about it and she says, "not until after the baby is born, maybe April." APRIL? My personal view is that the shower should be done BEFORE the baby so that you are ready with the things you'll need. I will have this kid for a month or more before the shower even happens. I stated this to her, and of course she says, "well I guess it's not my say." Uhg, what to do.... just purchase everything for myself and take everything back when I have the late shower? Maybe i'm being a hormonal freak... what do you girls think?

YankeePeach08 · December 2013

I would ask your mom why she thinks it would be a good idea after the baby is born. Maybe she is thinking of gifts that you wouldn't use for a while, like playmats and high chair.

IMO part of the point of a shower is to help the new mom prepare.

When did you have a bridal shower, before or after your wedding?

Also, point out that in April you will be busy taking care of a newborn.

amandapthompson · December 2013

Do you think she's trying to pull a fast one and do a surprise shower?

angelsnight · December 2013

I'm sure there are people that have it after in certain situations, but the norm is before....I've never heard of it being after if there isn't a particular reason.

MeggsM · December 2013

I've been to a few after the baby is born- some think it's bad luck to give a shower before. I think they had most of the bug stuff already and handme downs . That being said I also want my shower before LO arrives. I'd just tell her you'd feel more comfortable before the baby is born .

YankeePeach08 · December 2013

amandapthompson said:

Do you think she's trying to pull a fast one and do a surprise shower?

ohhhh, good thought, that would be cool!

SomersIsles · December 2013

It might be overwhelming to make it to a shower after the baby is born. Everybody's stories are different but I know of some FTMs who needed a lot of time to get into a good routine before they felt normal again... i'm thinking crazy exhaustion and stress. That might put some added pressure on you.

SomersIsles · December 2013

Plus I think the majority of the guests would also raise an eyebrow towards the date of the shower...

dannie2011 · December 2013

When I had my older kids it was common on my ex's side to do it after the baby was born. The thing I noticed was it was pretty much a meet and greet and not to expect much more then cloths/toys. It was nice, but only because we already had a shower from my mom and got the big stuff.

Babysaunders · December 2013

I don't think it's going to be a suprise. My mom just wants it her way. I am a FTM and have nothing for this child because this shower was going to be "the big one." Plus, it will be held 1.5 hours away from where I live... who wants to drive on the snow and ice (I live in the midwest) in March/April with a newborn in the car? Frustration...

fish8412 · December 2013

You are not being a hormonal freak! I wouldn't want my shower after the baby is born. Like others said, it will be hard to attend with a newborn. And then you will have to deal with returning/exchanging/cleaning/putting away gifts. You don't want to have to worry about all of this with a newborn. In my opinion, the point of a shower is to help the mom get ready for the arrival of her baby. I would politely let her know how you feel and hopefully she will understand. Good luck!

LoveMoose85 · December 2013

I'm personally having my shower after the baby is born just because I want a coed more laid back BBQ type shower and want to wait until the weather is warmer. (also in midwest), But that is just my personal style. Do people other then your close family even buy you the bigger things you need right when baby is born? I thought you would just get clothes/toy type stuff from them anyway. I'm hoping my family just kinda steps in and offers to help with bigger items shower or not once the due date gets closer, but you are right it's kind of a tricky situation. You don't want to be rude and demand it, but also as a FTM with nothing you do kinda except some help.

BrideNamedMeg · December 2013

I've rarely heard of a shower happening after the baby is born, like others have said it will be much hard on you to figure out feeding (especially if you're BFing) while trying to be the center of attention at the shower. Plus everyone would have their grubby hands all over the baby, which would make me crazy! I think showers are great because even if you don't get all the big stuff, you have more of an idea of what you'll need to get and you'll also have lots of the little things you'll need (diapers, outfits, burp cloths, etc.) ready to go since people seem to bring a ton of that!

teaforthree · December 2013

I can't imagine having to be the center of attention at a shower with a newborn, leaky boobs, being in between maternity/regular clothes sizes, etc. All that is hard enough without having to entertain and follow social protocols. And like PPs have said, you probably won't want to go store to store dealing with returns and exchanges. Plus, you'll have to write thank you cards around your sleeping baby's schedule. Showers, I thought, were to get a new mom prepped and set up for the baby, to have that all out of the way so that when baby comes you can just concentrate on that. And, on a superficial note, part of the excitement/anticipation of the shower is talking about the baby to come! Sorry for being negative, I guess a lot of people apparently have showers after baby, but I think it would be SO much easier to do beforehand.

ETA: I am not picking on people who have showers later due to medical reasons, weather, travel, etc.

Golferbee · December 2013

I would hate having my shower after LO is here... I've only been to one shower after baby was born, but the baby was 13 weeks early... So it wasn't planned that way and of course no one thought twice about it! It was great to have a happy day for that mom in that case.

NoelleZako · December 2013

I can see why people would have it after the baby is born but I wouldn't want it after myself. I would be scared that my precious angel would get sick meeting so many new people with new germs. It would be different for me if it was for family though but I live 1800 miles away from my family and am not willing to risk my baby's health for coworkers. I'm not even sure if I'm having one at this point but we have already purchased all of the big ticket items except for a breast pump and monitor.

jennybean80 · December 2013

Depending on where you live it can be common to have the shower after baby is born. I think I've only been to one that was before baby (I live in Canada). We still got lots of things like swing, bouncey seat, high chair etc at the shower after DS was born. Didn't really need any of it before the shower.

awhitworth926 · December 2013

@babysaunders this is the story of my life right now. My mil insists her family have a shower after and I've tried explaining why I'm not comfortable with it, my sister has offered to Invite them to the one she is throwing and I've even said if it is that hard we don't need to have it and she is furious with me. I have a history of anxiety and have no idea how I will feel after and i don't think the added pressure is fair. Good times.

PinupMomma08 · December 2013

I'm sorry, but having my shower after baby is born sounds like a nightmare. ESP as a FTM. If she is that insistent, I would just decline it all together. I've never heard of a shower after the fact though, it might be some peoples traditions. But part of the fun is seeing mom to be's belly and sharing in the excitement of the upcoming addition!

troublejessy · December 2013

I've never heard of having a shower after the baby is born (unless they came early). I think it would really stress me out to not know what supplies we would have, how we'd afford everything ourselves and also attempting to attend a shower with a newborn baby. Also, The whole point of a shower is that you aren't buying everything yourself...

ErinE683 · December 2013

The only shower I've been to after baby was born was because baby came early. I would hate to wait… I'm already hating the wait until January, because I want to buy stuff myself, but need to wait to see what we get. And I agree, I wouldn't want LO around tons of people right after it's born.

Babysaunders · December 2013

Yep! I'm annoyed. Part of me felt rude/selfish for wanting to do it when I want it. However, I realized that this is MY pregnancy and I do not at all want to have the shower after he is here. I think I'll talk with her a little more and make it known that I'm against this entirely. I'm going to have so much anxiety about not knowing what to get before. UHg drama!!

HobokensFury · December 2013

Showers are held before the baby is born. The only instance I've ever heard of a shower after the baby was if he/she was born early.

jwls84 · December 2013

I had a shower before and a shower after. I DID NOT want a shower after, but where I live that is pretty much the norm and a shower before is not.
Anyway I was a big ol baby about and through a hissy fit to everyone who asked (yep I'll admit that now).
Turns out it wasn't so bad and I got way more useful stuff at the one after, than the one before!

The main reason I didn't want one after was because I had to pass my kid around to people I didn't know and MIL was a bitch and didn't listen (but that's nothing new).

Pretty much if someone is offering to throw you a shower you take it or turn it down. I don't think you can really dictate all the details (which sucks!) but pick your battles!

ellajune2012 · December 2013

HobokenBride2012 said:

Showers are held before the baby is born. The only instance I've ever heard of a shower after the baby was if he/she was born early.

Yes and no. In some cultures it's considered "bad luck" to celebrate before the baby is born, as something could happen. Not sure if this is OP's mother's thinking. I know for Italians you do not celebrate babies, birthdays or pretty much anything before the actual date for that reason.... but then again Italians don't really do baby showers the way we do... they might have a meet the baby party after, but it's not really about getting gifts. Fortunately my mom is not that traditional so she doesn't care.

miramirror · December 2013

ellajune2012 said:

HobokenBride2012 said:

Showers are held before the baby is born. The only instance I've ever heard of a shower after the baby was if he/she was born early.

Yes and no. In some cultures it's considered "bad luck" to celebrate before the baby is born, as something could happen. Not sure if this is OP's mother's thinking. I know for Italians you do not celebrate babies, birthdays or pretty much anything before the actual date for that reason.... but then again Italians don't really do baby showers the way we do... they might have a meet the baby party after, but it's not really about getting gifts. Fortunately my mom is not that traditional so she doesn't care.

This is true for Jews and Russians as well. It's considered bad luck to have baby things in the house before the baby is born. Back in the day (when fathers didn't attend the delivery) this meant that the father was out scrambling to buy everything while the mother was in labor. Nowadays, there are lots of stores around me that will let you buy everything (nursery furniture etc.) and then deliver it while you're in the hospital. Where I live, people often throw a party after the baby is born and receive cash (presumably to cover the cost of the baby stuff the parents have already bought).

I don't get that there's a cultural component to the OP's situation, though. It sounds like her mother is just being difficult!

Babysaunders · December 2013

Of course my mom just emailed me saying "i know you're anxious...bla bla bla." This shower is my only shower (that I know of). There is no date, no guest list, and no communication to me from the shower hostess. This is all a bunch of crap. Maybe I just need to settle down and buy everything myself.

MadBloom · December 2013

I'm planning on getting the essentials myself and baby shower maybe 2 weeks after the birth. I think it's a great way to have everyone meet the baby

Karisel · December 2013

My bf's mom wants to have the baby shower still not sure how I feel about it

Karisel · December 2013

After the baby gets here

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