Childcare/going back to work

curlylocks3 · December 2013

We've been spending a ton of time talking it over and crunching the numbers and trying to decide what the right choice is for our family and I just can't seem to get comfortable with either choice. We live in an area that recommends getting your name on the list and non-refundable deposit paid around now if you go the childcare route so I'm feeling a bit under the gun to make a decision. Any thoughts you can lend, or things you considered when deciding this, would be helpful and appreciated.
Thanks

For anyone mobile- I'm 12 weeks with twins, we do not have any other children.

somewhereincali · December 2013

One thing to remember in the number crunching is that there is more than just take home salary (benefits, retirement, increased future earnings)
But the best is to try to block out all those thoughts about what you SHOULD do and try to figure out what you think you WANT to do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay home, and nothing wrong with wanting to work.
It's also possible to pay the deposit and then make a decision later if you feel like you can't now. Even though it's no refundable it's small compared with all those other costs

somewhereincali · December 2013

As for what I considered, it wasn't about the money but just knowing that I would be a better mom if I also had time to work and develop that part of myself as well. But it's quite personal and for me just about my personality.

What are the pros and cons for you?

curlylocks3 · December 2013

Honestly, I'm scared to keep working and scared to stay home. I work full time in a hospital, rotating days (and a set schedule isn't possible). I know how strict our sick time policy is and I'm afraid that between two kids in day care, if you assume each baby gets sick twice a year and I get sick once, I've maxed out the number of times I can call in and I'll be on probation. I also know I won't have the flexibility I have now that I've come in on my off-day if they need help and I've seen that count against other people (deemed "not a team player"). Lastly, I wouldn't have the option to leave work if one of them got sick at daycare and H works about an hour away. We don't have family in the area and aren't especially close to any neighbors so I have no idea how that would work.

As far as staying home, I think we have a decent plan worked out for me to continue with adult interaction but I worry about not being able to get back in to work afterwards. Part of me feels that the fact that I'm flexible and open to trying a different specialty (including working off shifts or outpatient) will help but I've had other people tell me I'd never find a job again.

We've also toyed with the idea of me trying to find something different after they are here where I'd have a set schedule (doctor's office, home health, etc) but there isn't a guarantee I'd be able to get a job in that setting. We do have the flexibility that my H can set up a flex schedule at work but it would need to be a set flex (like off every Wednesday) and not changing every week.

Lastly, we've talked about hiring a nanny to come to our house or even trying to do a nanny share. We're the first of our friends to have kids and I don't even know how to go about navigating all that (although we have been looking at Care.com).

ETA: Sorry that was so crazy long. Just so you all don't think we never considered this before getting pregnant, our plan was that if it was twins I'd be a SAHM. And I thought I'd be totally on board with that and now am having second/third/fourth thoughts. I don't know if its my subconscious speaking, or the fact that I really love what I do, or just that these are major changes and cold feet are normal.

pillowass · December 2013

Have you considered hiring an Au Pair? We have a young woman from Mexico who lives with us and takes care of our twins while we work. She is/was a preschool teacher and we absolutely adore her. A lot of the other parents we have met through the agency work in hospitals and/or do shift work - i think it's a really great option for people who have unpredictable schedules. Au Pairs are allowed to work 45 hours per week (no more than 10 hour days) and require one weekend off per month. Other than those restrictions you can set their schedules. Of course it's not for everyone since the person actually lives with you - there are times when it feels like having another kid… But if you have the room and you find the right person it can be really great. It's also cheaper than daycare.

Feel free to PM me if you want more information about our experience. Good luck - it's a tough decision!

curlylocks3 · December 2013

@quinncat- I will need to look into that, as far as I know a sick child is considered an unexcused absence and still counts against you but I need to look at the specifics. I currently work 4 8 hour shifts, so at least two weekdays, often 3. Do you mind if I PM you a few other questions about going back specifically in nursing?
@pillowass- thanks for suggesting that, I hadn't considered that option! I'm not sure we have the space for it but it's definitely something to consider. I will likely put together some questions and message you at a later point.

Has anyone here used a site like care or sitter city if they went the nanny route? I'm sort of trying to gauge how much more you pay for two infants vs one (is it double?).

LottaLattes · December 2013

I would just chime in that one con of a nanny is that if your caregiver is sick, you have the same problem versus a center. Also, based on my friend who had her twins in daycare, they were sick a lot more than twice the first year. Nearly a day or two every week last winter, but they both have fairly flexible schedules. And until they are older I would be a little hesitant for a nanny share, that is a lot to expect from someone, though once they can play a more reasonable prospect!
Is there anything you could do part-time? In my case, weighing a really good job compared to being able to finally SAH, hard but easy decision, and one I wasn't able to make with my older kids. I probably will never be as able to get back to what I was doing at the level and pay I was at after being out for 5-6 years, but I can certainly find something rewarding otherwise.

Good luck making your decision. It was one of the hardest I have made, and I still have days fantasizing about being at work, but there is no one right answer for everyone!

curlylocks3 · December 2013

@lottalattes- based on prices we are seeing, I'd need to be working full time to make that happen unless I can find some glorious paying job with a set schedule. I am investigating a few other options that would not pay enough to cover childcare but would keep me involved and my skills up to hopefully ease the transition back should we go the SAH route. Basically, we are trying to think of everything.
Thank you also for the feedback on frequency of sickness- I knew I was being awfully optimistic with only two illnesses per year- and the nanny share option. I've always worked with kids but feel like it's been forever since I was babysitting so just throwing it out there since it's a term I've run across in all this.

somewhereincali · December 2013

No I wouldn't pay double for nanny to twins! If anything a few more dollars an hour, but not double.

Missi576 · December 2013

I chose to give up my job and stay home 11-1/2 years ago when my first daughter was born. My ex-husband and I were going to juggle the time as he was working late nights, but the whole thing of staying home with a baby really freaked him out badly. He called me my first day back at work and outright asked me to quit.

(( Personal background, welcome to skip

)) On the emotional side of it, it has been trying at times. I went back to work when my second was 9 months old and put my ex-husband through school. For this though, I'm going to address what I struggle with at times now, because once he graduated (three years after I went back to work) I stayed home and have since. IT can be a struggle. MOMS Club was amazing for me while I was part of it. Due to being home, I chose to use a virtual school for my daughters, which is amazing for them. My 10-year-old is being moved officially up to the sixth grade because she has always done some of her lessons with her sister who is a year ahead. Both test well above average and they are so independent and confident and love how they school. I know I'm making the right choice. My husband and my ex-husband and all the grandparents completely support what we're doing. Financially, it has always been rough... but always worth it when counting up pros and cons.

I miss working.. at times I feel like I don't contribute enough because I'm not bringing in a paycheck. I also haven't gotten involved in the MOMS Club here, but I have already contacted them. Ultimately it comes down to what is best for my girls though. Watching them excel, having a close relationship with them, and knowing that I will be the one caring for the twins day in and day out is worth the sacrifice to me

It is a completely individual choice and you have to find what is best for you. A caring parent that works full time but is an attentive parent is just as amazing as someone who chooses to stay home

And as to working again, if you are in the medical field, I can't imagine you'd have trouble finding a job when you chose to go back. Good luck!

tootsscott · December 2013

I worked in daycare and when we found out it was twins, it just made sense that I would end up being a SAHM until they're in school. To put two babies in daycare, it would cost $100 more than what I was bringing home in a month. Not worth it. Also, I certainly wouldn't be putting my kids in daycare to have other people take care of them, while I was taking care of other children.

Also, expect your twins to get sick much much much more than twice a year! Especially in that first year!

Rynleigh · December 2013

Do what's going to work for your family, your budget, and your sanity. If you do decide to return to work, start looking around your social network and finding out if you have a friend or two who is already a (trusted) SAHM who might be interested in some supplemental income to help you out with childcare when you are ready to return. I tend to stay away from bigger childcare centers for the first few years until my kids are potty trained, at least. Not just due to costs, but also to quality of care. Some centers are absolutely superb, but being a licensed center does not automatically make for a good quality environment. You also reduce early exposure to viruses and bacteria by sticking to a provider who only cares for a few children, where a center with many children can spread illness very quickly, even under the most sanitary conditions.

legaleagles · December 2013

We're trying to figure out the right situation for ourselves as well. We have a 2 year old who will be 3 next August and starting preschool. I took 6 months off after she was born and went back to work 4 days/week. My mom lives close so she's watched DD since then. We pay her, but it's practically nothing. In March of this year, we put DD in daycare 1/day week to give my mom another day off and to get DD socializing with more kids because we could tell she needed/wanted it. She has done wonderfully in that setting. She got sick a lot the first few months (and it was hard for me as a mom to see her with so many colds when she really hadn't had any, but the other benefits greatly outweighed the colds she was getting).

In October I went back to work full time to help out on a project here at work so we put DD in day care 2 days/week and she loves it still. In fact she's potty trained at school (though wont even acknowledge the potty at home - ha). I'll be wrapping up this project at the end of the month or passing it on because honestly this PG has wiped me out and I need the rest. I'll be back to 4 days and keeping DD in day care the 2 days.

I knew I needed to go back to work at some point after DD was born. The 6 months with her was amazing and I'll have that again with the twins. I am an attorney and I honestly fear that getting back to my career which I love will be very difficult after being gone for several years, so I will return to work after the twins. Also I have to think about future earning potential, contributing to my retirement accounts, social security (assuming it's still around). We could afford for me to stay home, but we want to buy a bigger house in a few years and we like to travel and with us both working we can do that. And now that we'll have 3 kids to buy plane tickets for travelling, my salary will continue to allow us to do those things and provide those experiences for our children.

We have not figured out childcare yet. My mom who is amazing, is 70, though young, active, and healthy for her age, I know twin neborns and a toddler will be too much. So We're not sure what we're doing....and that's the scary part. Right now we are thinking that we will send DD to preschool at least 3 days/week and that I'll be home at least 1 day/week, maybe 2. And we're looking into a nanny for 2-3 days/week for the twins (my mom would take the other day or 2).

Several colleagues have used care.com to find their nanny and have had great success - that's where we're going to start.

All that said, I have an amazing employer/work for a great organization. I never feel bad about leaving or coming late for medical appointments, a sick kid, etc. And luckily the type of work I do affords me to do that most of the time.

We are also planning on sending the kids to a pretty expensive private preschool so I have to work to help cover the costs of that, especially once the twins are in preschool.

KatieGummow · December 2013

I am in the same boat as you. However, the farther along I get (granted, I am only 20w) the more I feel as though I want to stay home. We figured we can always change our minds later.

jennifire7 · December 2013

I took 3 months off after our twins were born and then my husband took 3 months off (unpaid FMLA). We looked into daycares and it didn't make sense to go back to work for childcare. I work full time Monday thru Friday and my husband stays home with the twins and works Friday thru Sunday part time. We have a nanny who comes for a few hours on Friday that we found on care.com. We put up an ad and had several applicants - we really like her and feel very confident having her watch our children. When I found out I was pregnant, I never imagined that we would have this kind of a schedule or that our children would not be in some sort of daycare. I think it's important to plan ahead, however you might feel differently after they are here. Hope that helps.

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