Thinking about TTC

Saralew11 · December 2013

My husband and I just recently got married in july and are thinking about TTC but I am currently working PT but my husband has a good job and we recently bought a house. We are trying to decide when it would be agood time to start trying.

JustCricket · December 2013

only you and your husband can decide this. Just make sure you are comfortable financially (which is different for everyone, but should mean that you're not in crippling debt).

Saralew11 · December 2013

We were going to wait until our one year anniversary next July but we also want to be young parents. We are 24 and 29.

MrsChanceW · December 2013

My husband and I got married this past July on the 26th and we are thinking about TTC around our one year anniversary too. We are 24 and 26. We also want to be young parents, plus we want 3-4 kids so we kinda want to start early and space them out a bit. We are doing well financially right now but I am still a little nervous about bringing a baby into our lives. Being a Mommy is a lifetime job and that excites me and also scares me a little. I just want to be the best Mom I can be when it is time to bring a little one into the world.

barefootbluejean204 · December 2013

@MrsChanceW This is me! 24 and 26 years old. Discussing TTC next year on our anniversary. Baby to be born summer 2015 hopefully if we get pregnant quickly!! (which I know is totally unpredictable and a little naive to be hoping for a baby in an exact time frame but...with my job, the summer time is our off season and would work out best for me to take leave during that time)

I know what you mean about being the best mom you can be. I'm already reading baby health books have done all the Fertility Friend lessons, babysitting alot, saving money into a "baby fund" collecting hand-me-down baby furniture etc from family, just trying to soak everything in and get used to the idea. I'm so excited to see what the future holds!! GL to you and DH!

Saralew11 · December 2013

Yea with me being a teacher I was trying to plan a summer baby but someone told me not to work around work and have the baby when we are ready. DH and I also discussed me taking a year or at least 6 months off to stay home with the baby. There are still a lot of things to consider. I'm more scared for delivery then anything else. I have also started collecting small neutral colored items to keep around the house.

Saralew11 · December 2013

AFwifelife said:

Saralew11 said:

Yea with me being a teacher I was trying to plan a summer baby but someone told me not to work around work and have the baby when we are ready. DH and I also discussed me taking a year or at least 6 months off to stay home with the baby. There are still a lot of things to consider. I'm more scared for delivery then anything else. I have also started collecting small neutral colored items to keep around the house.

As in baby items? I wouldn't start getting baby stuff before you are pregnant. If there is any issues with getting pregnant, you might start to regret getting those things.

2 of our friends have young kids so we use the stuff for when they come over. Its just a small infant bouncer

missnacholover · December 2013

1. Only you can decide when you are ready. Have an open and honest conversation with your husband regarding finances, what you'd like to do before babies enter your family, etc.
2. I would not plan to have a baby at a certain time. It can take healthy couples up to a year to get pregnant so it's really hard to plan the perfect time.
3. Don't buy baby things before your BFP. I just feel like that is bad juju.

britb143 · December 2013

My DH and I are at the "talking" about trying to conceive stage. Our plan is for next year probably mid summer. We are both 24 and we got married in June. (Quite a few summer weddings this year) congrats to all of you

. DH has a great job but I am going back to school for a medical assistant program in the spring and that won't get out until the day after our one year wedding anniversary. I am also excited but nervous to start this new chapter. As you all said I want to feel "ready". However many people have said you will never be fully ready or prepared so you kind of just have to go for it. Of course there are factors that play into having children (finances, jobs, insurance etc..) I think it's great that we are all around the same age and in similar time frames. I look forward to getting to know you ladies a bit better. Good luck

@saralew11 @barefootbluejean204 @mrschancew

SmileyJay · December 2013

Give yourself time and eventually you will just sort of know it is the right time. There won't be enough reasons not to. I got married at 21 and we finished college and bought a house. Now we are headed towards our 3rd anniversary and planning to ttc soonish. It is really exciting to finally feel ready. Everyone is different but I am so glad we waited a few years after getting married to have a baby. We lived together for 3 years before marriage but being married is just different for us. I know this is a time we will cherish for our whole lives - being young and healthy with extra money and no kids. Having that for a few years has been instrumental to us feeling "ready" and I am so glad we got married young enough that we had that time together without feeling pressure to have kids.

The biological clock is real for both men and women. My husband is practically begging for a baby at this point (he is almost a little over a year older than me).

lifeonthehill · December 2013

We also got married in July. H and I agreed no TTC until at least 1 year but now we have a few financial goals to meet and we are going to start TTC next December!
H is ready besides the financial end of it and I feel the same way. We need to be a little more secure financially.
Good luck!

Smallllmin · December 2013

Saralew11 said:

We were going to wait until our one year anniversary next July but we also want to be young parents. We are 24 and 29.

This is our first month TTC#1, we are 25 and 29

Hoping to be young parents too!

MrsChanceW · December 2013

@Saralew11 I think it sweet you have a little baby bouncer. Last time I was at Target I bought a little tiny pair of baby socks for someday. Delivery scares me too. My husband is six foot five and I am only five foot two. I worry the baby will take after him and I will have to push a giant turkey sized baby out.

toribrite · December 2013

We are both 29 and are ready soon. 30 is time enough I think... my personal clock is starting to get louder lol. But we were engaged for over 2 years so we don't feel the need to wait an extra year. I would have liked to be a young mom... my mom was 16 when she had me and I loved being close to her. Turns out I'll probably be a medium aged mom.

I haven't bought much... but one thing I did buy is a new teddy bear that is the same one I had as a baby!

Saralew11 · December 2013

Yea we are excited - I started my prenatal vitamins tonight - I went with VitaFusion chews. When my DH came home and saw him it really sank in for him that this will be happening. I also made my appointments for the OBGYN, Dentist and Family Doctor for a full check up before conceiving. I have purchased some books on my Nook for the H and I to start reading just to get us prepared for the TTC stage. I am so excited but just like my H it is really starting to set in and i'm getting a little nervous and scared but no one said this was going to be an easy process.

barefootbluejean204 · December 2013

@britb143 So last night I casually mentioned to DH that 2 people at work that day asked me that morning if I was pregnant just because I was eating a banana and peanut butter for breakfast and they started asking me when I was going to have a baby. We started talking a little bit and I said "well I don't want one NOW, think about if we start trying next year then it will be the NEXT year before we have one - that's 2 years from now!" (theoretically) then he says he wants to wait 5 years. It has ruined my day today thinking about that conversation from last night. I then later apologized to him for even bringing it back up since we are waiting til August next year to discuss again, and told him I want to wait until he wants it too.

It sucks and even hurts a little to not be on the same page...

Me, 24, him 26.

Saralew11 · December 2013

@barefootbluejean204 - I had the opposite thing happen in our marriage. My DH wanted a baby right away and I wanted to wait until our first year anniversary. Now we are both on the same page about TTC in February/March after I have had all of my check ups. Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

barefootbluejean204 · December 2013

@Saralew11 Thank you!!! That does help.. I just know how stubborn my DH is :-S it takes a lot to change his mind about things!

FemShep · December 2013

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.

msheppard0831 · December 2013

My DH and I are getting ready to start TTC #1 also. We got married in 10/2012 and were together almost 6 years before that. Our only timeline really was we wanted kids before 30 (I was 25 and him 24 at the wedding) so we obviously were giving ourselves enough time. We just passed our 1 year anniversary and baby has been popping into both of our heads all the time now! My husband was actually the one a few weeks ago to tell me he wanted my current bcp to be my last. I was a little hesitant because we had originally set a tentative date to stop bcp for July 2013 so its a bit early. But the more I think about it my biggest concern is money and that is not going to change. My annual review is coming up next week and I'm about due to be promoted to senior and my DH just got an unexpected promotion a few weeks ago. We are still waiting to find out exactly what kind of raise we will both have but I'm just hoping that the increase will cover whatever my lost wages will be for taking maternity leave! I also just started my prenatal vitamins and go the Vitafusion gummie!

Saralew11 · December 2013

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.

If you have such an issue with what I said you don't have to comment on it.I didn't make a promise I just said things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Isn't this group created to give advice and be supportive? That was what I was doing. She could have said she didn't appreciate my comment but she didn't she said thank you that helps. Stop being so negative.

FemShep · December 2013

Saralew11 said:

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.

If you have such an issue with what I said you don't have to comment on it.I didn't make a promise I just said things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Isn't this group created to give advice and be supportive? That was what I was doing. She could have said she didn't appreciate my comment but she didn't she said thank you that helps. Stop being so negative.

You need to put your big girl panties on. I gave you honest, constructive, and helpful feedback about how your efforts to be supportive could actually backfire and hurt people. If you've lurked around this board, and others, a bit, you'd already know that. You'd also know that anyone can comment on anything.

Bottom line, you have no effing clue when someone's partner will be ready to TTC, when someone will get pregnant, and whether or not "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" or "when you're ready". My *supportive advice* to you is to think a little bit and lurk a little bit before you post so you can start to have some concept of just how hurtful it is for women to hear the bullshit you're spouting off.

Smallllmin · December 2013

MrsChanceW said:

@Saralew11 I think it sweet you have a little baby bouncer. Last time I was at Target I bought a little tiny pair of baby socks for someday. Delivery scares me too. My husband is six foot five and I am only five foot two. I worry the baby will take after him and I will have to push a giant turkey sized baby out.

Omg giant turkey baby hahaha. My husband is 6'8", and was 10 pounds when he was born... So yeah, I share your giant turkey baby fears. Although, hopefully our kid won't be born with feathers

msheppard0831 · December 2013

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.

If you have such an issue with what I said you don't have to comment on it.I didn't make a promise I just said things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Isn't this group created to give advice and be supportive? That was what I was doing. She could have said she didn't appreciate my comment but she didn't she said thank you that helps. Stop being so negative.

You need to put your big girl panties on. I gave you honest, constructive, and helpful feedback about how your efforts to be supportive could actually backfire and hurt people. If you've lurked around this board, and others, a bit, you'd already know that. You'd also know that anyone can comment on anything.

Bottom line, you have no effing clue when someone's partner will be ready to TTC, when someone will get pregnant, and whether or not "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" or "when you're ready". My *supportive advice* to you is to think a little bit and lurk a little bit before you post so you can start to have some concept of just how hurtful it is for women to hear the bullshit you're spouting off.

I'm new to this whole thing and I read her original comment. I didn't see any promise - I saw words of support. What is so negative about "when it is supposed to happen?" We can predict very few things in life so we can't sit and plan everything down the minute and expect it to happen exactly that way - life is life - and things happen when they happen - not necessarily when we WANT them to happen. There is nothing negative about it - its realistic...and for all anyone knows there is a reason (and I am not religious) it might take longer....I think of that like karma or the laws of the universe (my own terminology). Be supportive but remember this is the internet...don't take everything SO seriously.

Ducktale · December 2013

Nicb13 said:

Saralew11 said:

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.
Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.
If you have such an issue with what I said you don't have to comment on it.I didn't make a promise I just said things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Isn't this group created to give advice and be supportive? That was what I was doing. She could have said she didn't appreciate my comment but she didn't she said thank you that helps. Stop being so negative.

Well now, that's not how a discussion board works, is it?
Giving advice and being supportive is far different than saying something you THINK someone wants to hear, just to make them happy.

This.

You did make a promise when you said "it'll happen when it's suppose to happen" and "he'll change his mind". Many people on these boards have struggled with infertility for many years and for some, it will never happen. Some people never change their minds.

False hope and making promises you can't keep =/= support.

FemShep · December 2013

msheppard0831 said:

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.

If you have such an issue with what I said you don't have to comment on it.I didn't make a promise I just said things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Isn't this group created to give advice and be supportive? That was what I was doing. She could have said she didn't appreciate my comment but she didn't she said thank you that helps. Stop being so negative.

You need to put your big girl panties on. I gave you honest, constructive, and helpful feedback about how your efforts to be supportive could actually backfire and hurt people. If you've lurked around this board, and others, a bit, you'd already know that. You'd also know that anyone can comment on anything.

Bottom line, you have no effing clue when someone's partner will be ready to TTC, when someone will get pregnant, and whether or not "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" or "when you're ready". My *supportive advice* to you is to think a little bit and lurk a little bit before you post so you can start to have some concept of just how hurtful it is for women to hear the bullshit you're spouting off.

I'm new to this whole thing and I read her original comment. I didn't see any promise - I saw words of support. What is so negative about "when it is supposed to happen?" We can predict very few things in life so we can't sit and plan everything down the minute and expect it to happen exactly that way - life is life - and things happen when they happen - not necessarily when we WANT them to happen. There is nothing negative about it - its realistic...and for all anyone knows there is a reason (and I am not religious) it might take longer....I think of that like karma or the laws of the universe (my own terminology). Be supportive but remember this is the internet...don't take everything SO seriously.

Tell you what.... Go on over to the Child free not by choice and infertility boards, and post that you're going to be supportive and tell them not to worry, because "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen". See how well that goes over. My point is that if you're struggling with infertility, well-meaning platitudes like "just relax" or "don't worry, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" are incredibly painful, rage-inducing, and just flat out lies. Something that is intended to be nice and supportive is horribly difficult to hear. So perhaps think a moment about how someone else might react before you post something that is, frankly, a well-meaning load of bullshit.

FemShep · December 2013

Nicb13 said:

FemShep said:

Saralew11 said:

Your DH will change his mind because I did and so did my DH. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen and when you guys are ready.

Huh??? I understand that you're trying to be supportive, but unless you have the power of mind control you have absolutely no idea if and when someone's partner will change their mind about a TTC timetable. And again, I know you're trying to be supportive, but saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen" is incredibly hurtful to people struggling with infertility. Saying it'll happen when someone is ready is demonstrably untrue.

It's great that you're making such an effort to be a supportive member of the community, but you may want to choose you words more carefully and not promise things you have no control over for yourself, much less anyone else.

Yep.

Hey, @saralew11 kindly remove my flag immediately. I said absolutely nothing that was at all appropriate to flag, and *you* can be banned for abusing the flag (which is NOT a dislike button). I suggest you read the sticky post that explains how the flag works and how you will be banned for abusing it. And frankly, this whole discussion is so mild by TB standards that I'm embarrassed that I've received my first flag for it.

Ducktale · December 2013

msheppard0831 said:

I'm new to this whole thing and I read her original comment. I didn't see any promise - I saw words of support. What is so negative about "when it is supposed to happen?" We can predict very few things in life so we can't sit and plan everything down the minute and expect it to happen exactly that way - life is life - and things happen when they happen - not necessarily when we WANT them to happen. There is nothing negative about it - its realistic...and for all anyone knows there is a reason (and I am not religious) it might take longer....I think of that like karma or the laws of the universe (my own terminology). Be supportive but remember this is the internet...don't take everything SO seriously.

The thing is, for some, it will not happen. That's reality. It's not what people want to hear, but it's the honest truth. Put yourself in someone's shoes who has been dealing with everything for YEARS. Pay attention to people's signatures that have everything they've gone through to try to get pregnant.

I started posting here only about 6 months ago. Before TB, I really didn't know anyone who openly discussed infertility, so I was not aware of the issues, some of the lies I've been told ("It will happen for everyone in the right time") and some of the insentive comments I've made. Hanging out here has been very eye opening and I have learned a lot from ladies who have had all different journeys. I still make insensitive comments. It happens. But when someone points it out, I apologize and learn and I'm a better person for that.

SmileyJay · December 2013

Just popping in to say the phrase "it will happen when you guys are ready" is not a very constructive thing to say. I realize it was meant in support... but really... I think all of us can think of at least 10 people who got pregnant before they were even barely ready and several who weren't able to conceive when they were very ready. Conception and readiness to conceive are not related unfortunately.

Only jumped in because the flagging was wildly inappropriate. As someone who has been jumped on for putting my foot in my mouth numerous times, it's better to just realize your mistake and move on. Flagging is not a dislike button like pp said. Stick around and you can learn a lot!

barefootbluejean204 · December 2013

TheCraftyKoala said:

Just popping in to say the phrase "it will happen when you guys are ready" is not a very constructive thing to say. I realize it was meant in support... but really... I think all of us can think of at least 10 people who got pregnant before they were even barely ready and several who weren't able to conceive when they were very ready. Conception and readiness to conceive are not related unfortunately.

^This. Saralew meant well and did not mean to offend. Also I do agree that this discussion is a good learning opportunity and I certainly didn't mean to spark all of it, just had a little rant. I am also involved a little bit in the GP board on the nest which has been a HUGE eye-opener to me as most of the girls on there (who are all strong and amazing) are dealing with trouble TTC. I wish that instead of jumping all over each other on this board we can get back to what it's here for, which is supporting each other.

Saralew11 · December 2013

I said nothing about her getting pregnant I was talking about him changing his mind when he's ready to TTC. She said he wasn't ready at the time and that's what I meant by it'll happen when he's ready to start TTC. The individual even agreed that my comment was not out of line and fine.

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