How do you not kill your MIL when she says "MY baby" all the time?

wtfisup · December 2013

Because she does. And when I showed her a picture of the NT scan, she said, "Oh, you can see its features! It looks like ME!"

colllydon · December 2013

Bahaha sounds like my crazy ass MIL. I tell DH to keep her a away from me. My attitude is pretty bad with her lately. I have no tolerance for her BS

babyt614 · December 2013

My mother does this all the time. She's also under the illusion we are going to spend the 1st two weeks after baby is born living with her... that's not happening...

wtfisup · December 2013

Yeah, mine thinks she'll come stay with us to help out. OH HELL NO.

MaidMarion25 · December 2013

I hate this! DH's parents constantly say "our baby". No, this is mine and DH's baby, thank you. I think I shut them down enough and they started to get the hint because the other night mil asked me if she could hold the baby when it gets here, and she was asking this seriously because I've been so protective and short. So I told her I would think about it...

AnnaKaie · December 2013

My mom says it. Out of everything she could do this is mild. And she has been amazing lately helping at the house that I really don't care.

babybean82 · December 2013

My MIL is super nice but also kind of crazy about the baby, she has been telling people for years that she will be in the delivery room when I have a baby because she wasn't allowed in when BIL's wife had their 3 kids. Yea I have already told DH no way in hell is that happening. She also keeps asking for copies of ultrasounds, So far I have been able to hold her off because they only give us a couple of prints each time and I want to keep them. I am really worried that once we give her one I will have my ute shown to everyone in town and I really would like to keep that private and just show to close family etc. She also calls future LO her baby.... I don't like it but I haven't said anything cause I am going to pick my battles.

Mrs_D_in_KY · December 2013

My MIL doesn't use the my baby term, my own mom did when I was pregnant with DS. MIL knows DH doesn't mince words and will not hesitate to speak his mind or stand up for me. But MIL did state several times when I was pregnant with DS how she was in the room when her other three grand kids were born. I plainly said, my own mother will not be there. Besides the medical staff, unless you were at the conception you will not be invited to the birth. That shut everyone up.

wtfisup · December 2013

mrsgerman said:

I realize how this can be annoying but if anything I would be thankful for the love that she has for this baby she doesn't even know yet and how much love she will obviously be giving. Children and babies can never ever have too much love So many grandparents want nothing at all to do with their grandchildren and those poor babies grow up never knowing them

I politely decline this sentiment. I am from one of those mega-huge families that included not only plenty of grandparents, but aunts, uncles, etc. I get that family is good. My MIL is a textbook narcissist who works to make everything about her. (Example: she was being really mean to her youngest son last week and he finally said, "You're hurting my feelings," to which she replied without pause, "Well, when you say that, you hurt MY feelings.")

There are many kinds of love in this world, and not all of it is healthy. I grew up with loving, abusive family. As a parent, I get to discern how things go.

Luna C · December 2013

Just kill her. It's the easiest solution.

MrsRage · December 2013

My MIL said that if I have a girl she's stealing her and dressing her up in a bunch of outfits, etc. That's great but #1. You're not stealing my baby and #2. I want to pick out the cute outfits..

lauren063092 · December 2013

Lol I don't have this problem, but my mom is constantly referring to herself as mommy when talking to my daughter. This is just out of habit and she corrects herself so I find it funny.

Beeank · December 2013

My mil calls it her pookie. Excuse me while I roll my eyes forever. @-)

KristaU831 · December 2013

I've said it before, its really annoying when you are pregnant, but once the baby is here it really doesn't matter. my mom calls DD her baby and it pissed me off when i was pregnant now I'm just like whatever.

Everything is so intense when you are pregnant and seems major but in the long run it's not so bad.

but until then offer to let MIL birth the baby.

paleblueeyes · December 2013

We just didn't tell any family
Yet. I have told a few friends and lots of coworkers ( as of this week ). All family will Have to wait until
Christmas and new years. I want just a few more weeks of peace.

I have a feeling that the MIL will be doing this. That is why we are waiting. I hope she doesn't want to stay. We live 2 hours away, so I hope that does not happen.

wtfisup · December 2013

LoHerrim said:
With DD my mom was so insistent that she be in the delivery room. I told her I didn't want anyone but me & DDs father in there. I ended up having a c-section and they only allow one person in the OR. Somehow, my mom begged the dr and weaseled her way into the OR without my consent. I. Was. Livid. Afterwards, I gave her hell. When DS was born (again via c-section) I threatened her with never seeing him if she tried to go over my head and underhandedly tried to get her way. She's been much better about boundaries since I got married though. I think it makes a huge difference that a) she already has my DD to care for b) she loves my H and trusts him and c) I have gotten way more outspoken about what I want or don't want.

Whoa! This confirms my plan to only call parents once the baby I'd born, fed, and sleeping.

katekat8721 · December 2013

I lucked out in that I get to deliver in the operating room and only DH is allowed in. That takes care of the mothers wanting to be in there!

My MIL is really sweet, but DH has mentioned that she wanted to come down and stay with us after babies are born. I was not down for this at all. This took care of itself when we found out we were having two babies, and the guest room went buh-bye!

chance_encounters · December 2013

Ok. Wait I can top this. Yes my mil has called my son her baby since I was pg. Then she thee a baby shower for HER. I was there but she made it very clear that she invited her friends and family and they were there to see her and celebrate with her. Then when he was born she reposed pics of my son on her FB page of her baby. Then after he was born she told me how it made her boobs hurt and she could probably breastfeed him if she wanted to....I refused to leave her alone with him. She is nuts and the world revolves around her. I wish I could say it was going to get better.... (Hugs)

wtfisup · December 2013

chance_encounters said:

Ok. Wait I can top this. Yes my mil has called my son her baby since I was pg. Then she thee a baby shower for HER. I was there but she made it very clear that she invited her friends and family and they were there to see her and celebrate with her. Then when he was born she reposed pics of my son on her FB page of her baby. Then after he was born she told me how it made her boobs hurt and she could probably breastfeed him if she wanted to....I refused to leave her alone with him. She is nuts and the world revolves around her. I wish I could say it was going to get better.... (Hugs)

OH. MY. FLIBBERTY. FLOG. THAT SHIT IS CRAY.

Wow.

I can't even really digest some of those details.

tnd1218 · December 2013

Mine doesn't have this sentiment. She just likes to question our decisions on everything (dislikes the name and is upset that the baby will have my moms middle name as her middle name since my DS has FILs name as his middle name), tells us what we don't need to buy this time around, doesn't want us to buy a crib or play pen and quote "please don't leave your kid in a play pen like a typical Mexican" both our families are Mexican and my jaw dropped when this was said I had to get up and just walk away. Oh and the best she isn't too happy that it's a girl because "she was hoping for a boy she's not good with girls so looks like my DS will be the only spoiled one." Well sorry to burst her bubble (insert eye roll)

jessierye · December 2013

Not discrediting your feelings at all, I'm sure this is annoying, but as someone who didn't grow up with a grandma or much other extended family, I want my baby to soak up all the attention he can get. My MIL and mom both lay claim on my fetus and I gladly accept the doting. In the end, I know it's our baby and we will need as much help as we can get!

wtfisup · December 2013

tnd1218 said:
Mine doesn't have this sentiment. She just likes to question our decisions on everything (dislikes the name and is upset that the baby will have my moms middle name as her middle name since my DS has FILs name as his middle name), tells us what we don't need to buy this time around, doesn't want us to buy a crib or play pen and quote "please don't leave your kid in a play pen like a typical Mexican" both our families are Mexican and my jaw dropped when this was said I had to get up and just walk away. Oh and the best she isn't too happy that it's a girl because "she was hoping for a boy she's not good with girls so looks like my DS will be the only spoiled one." Well sorry to burst her bubble (insert eye roll)

Wow. That gender comment blows my mind.

My MIL is also criticizing all my choices, so I'm know longer sharing them.

The worst was when we said that, if it's a boy, we won't circumcise. She freaked out, yelling, "He'll never get a blowjob!" Umm, stop. Also, I'm sure he will. Also, STOP.

Mztwilson · December 2013

I don't get offended by it. Maybe I'm weird. It's only my mom who refers to my kids as her babies. I guess to me it's not a big deal.

wtfisup · December 2013

Mztwilson said:

I don't get offended by it. Maybe I'm weird. It's only my mom who refers to my kids as her babies. I guess to me it's not a big deal.

If my mom did it, it might not bother me; but my mom is a lot more respectful, selfless. It's probably because my MIL routinely uses everything to shine a light on herself. And it's kind of part of this cutesy act she does.

Mztwilson · December 2013

@wtfisup if we have a boy we aren't doing the snip either. My son (from previous relationship) was 8 weeks early and the didn't offer to circumsize until he was 3 weeks old and leaving the Nicu. I decided not to because he was already at a higher risk for infection and it seemed cruel. If I have another boy I don't want them to be different.

ashwatkins · December 2013

My mil is calling the bean her little sunshine and is trying to force me to call the bean a girl. I had my 14 week check up Tuesday and the doctor said it looks like it might be a girl but I don't know. My dh told that to his mom and she started to cry and went to buy everything pink. She even bought a crib and car seat for herself!!!!!!

Mztwilson · December 2013

wtfisup said:

Mztwilson said:

I don't get offended by it. Maybe I'm weird. It's only my mom who refers to my kids as her babies. I guess to me it's not a big deal.

If my mom did it, it might not bother me; but my mom is a lot more respectful, selfless. It's probably because my MIL routinely uses everything to shine a light on herself. And it's kind of part of this cutesy act she does.

In that case I would be beyond annoyed!!!!!

christinemurray91 · December 2013

Eeesh. How narcissistic of her...

I would probably just say 'you mean your grandbaby' every single time she said 'my baby' until she got it.

As for the 'the baby looking like her' in the scan, just smile and nod. She's excited and probably has no idea she's making people uncomfortable... She probably thinks she's being nice by being so 'into' it.

If you can't let it roll off, you could always ignore what she said and say 'Yeah, I thought (whatever feature) looked a lot like DH'. MILs can be the worst sometimes, lol.

christinemurray91 · December 2013

chance_encounters said: "Ok. Wait I can top this. Yes my mil has called my son her baby since I was pg. Then she thee a baby shower for HER. I was there but she made it very clear that she invited her friends and family and they were there to see her and celebrate with her. Then when he was born she reposed pics of my son on her FB page of her baby. Then after he was born she told me how it made her boobs hurt and she could probably breastfeed him if she wanted to....I refused to leave her alone with him. She is nuts and the world revolves around her. I wish I could say it was going to get better.... (Hugs) "

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

tnd1218 said: "Mine doesn't have this sentiment. She just likes to question our decisions on everything (dislikes the name and is upset that the baby will have my moms middle name as her middle name since my DS has FILs name as his middle name), tells us what we don't need to buy this time around, doesn't want us to buy a crib or play pen and quote "please don't leave your kid in a play pen like a typical Mexican" both our families are Mexican and my jaw dropped when this was said I had to get up and just walk away. Oh and the best she isn't too happy that it's a girl because "she was hoping for a boy she's not good with girls so looks like my DS will be the only spoiled one." Well sorry to burst her bubble (insert eye roll)"

My MIL was awful about DD being a girl, since she only had boys and was constantly saying she was going to treat her like a boy and was always saying to people 'well, unfortunately she's having a girl'... She did lots of other stuff (including her being a falling down drunk) that made it so she never saw DD alone until just last month and we didn't talk through most of my pregnancy. She got her drinking in order and has clearly gotten over the gender thing, because they love DD, but I had to really stick to my guns... though she clearly still sees me as the bad guy.

Ohwell.

(sorry about the weird formatting, quotes weren't working right)

wtfisup · December 2013

A lot of my MIl issues are sourced from the fact that I'm the only one who even remotely-kinda-nearly stands up to her. My very introverted husband is terrified of conflict and says nothing.

momof5sept18 · December 2013

My ex MIL and my mother both wanted to be in the room with me when I had my first DS. I wanted my mother but not my MIL. which ex h said was unfair but she had already seen her other 5 grandkids born and it was my mothers first grandkid. But then I got sent to the hospital from my ob appt., induced for 14.5hrs with no luck doc said emergency csection was in order and I couldn't call them fast enough to tell them neither were permitted cause I was getting cut open instead. My hospital is strict. One person and one person ONLY in OR with me. This is my 3rd LO (DHs first, though he treats my two DS's from my previous marriage as his own and claims them as his own) and hes super excited to be in the OR. His mother lives like 10mins away but she wouldnt ever come over. Pregnancy is about the pregnant mother and therefore shes not interested cause its not about her. And Im super sensitive to anyone besides DH calling baby "theirs" and I'll probably snap and have to claim temporary insanity due to pregnancy hormones .

momof5sept18 · December 2013

emilyh107 said:

chance_encounters said:
Ok. Wait I can top this. Yes my mil has called my son her baby since I was pg. Then she thee a baby shower for HER. I was there but she made it very clear that she invited her friends and family and they were there to see her and celebrate with her. Then when he was born she reposed pics of my son on her FB page of her baby. Then after he was born she told me how it made her boobs hurt and she could probably breastfeed him if she wanted to....I refused to leave her alone with him. She is nuts and the world revolves around her. I wish I could say it was going to get better.... (Hugs)

Omgoodness. I would of been on Snapped. I am so sorry. We need a group of MIL stories and preventatives.

wtfisup · December 2013

Mommy23Munchkins said:

My ex MIL and my mother both wanted to be in the room with me when I had my first DS.

I totally can NOT fathom these mothers/MILs/anyone insisting or even asking to be in the delivery room. That is such an extremely trying, personal time: you'll be in pain, needing support, exhausted, vulnerable, and very exposed (both figuratively and literally). There is no one other than my husband I feel that comfortable with. How can people ask to intrude like that? (i.e. if you invite them, that's dandy, but who would ASK?)

I don't really understand at all people feeling entitled to interject themselves into others private moments.

Our plan is 100% to tell two close friend-couples when we head to the hospital. Family finds out when baby is born and I'm okay. And then they'll have 3- and 6-hour drives before they can get there.

momof5sept18 · December 2013

@Wtfisup ,
I would ay my csection was a blessing in disguise but I kinda felt guilty because not long before I had DS1 my ex MIL got diagnosed with cancer and passed away 2 days after DS1s first birthday. And my mother had a double brain aneurysm and stroke when DS2 was 3 months old and doesnt even remember me or anyone hardly. Im just lucky shes alive. But them fighting over who would or wouldnt be in the room at the time drove me nuts . Even when I was super sick in the hospital those 14.5hrs before I had my emergency csection they were still bickering and fighting over who would hold baby first since neither could be in the room.

HeyAmberNicole · December 2013

My mom is the one driving me crazy. My DS is 9 now and his grandparents on his dad's side don't really pay attention to him (mainly cause his dad doesn't either) so my mom hasn't had to "share" her grandbaby.

So, when I told my mom I was pregnant, she was mad at first. Mad that she didn't know we were trying. When explained to her we really weren't, she said that was a cop out. Fast forward a few weeks to our first ultrasound. Baby looks like a gummy bear. When I texted her a pic of the US she claimed the HER gummy bear is perfect and she can't wait to spend baby's first Christmas in Oregon.

Not only is she claiming the baby is hers (she isn't kidding, I've asked her about it and she said that baby's always belong to the grandparents), but now planning out holidays that are a year away. Oh and she's demanded that she's in the delivery room. Since I'm having a c/s she says that because boyfriend and I aren't married, that she should be in the room.

Meanwhile, boyfriend's parents are fantastic! His mom is excited and asks how baby is doing and blah blah blah. His dad always tries to buy us stuff.

I'm thankful that I have a family that wants to be involved, but seriously, there is such a thing as too involved.

tealowl · December 2013

tnd1218 said:

Mine doesn't have this sentiment. She just likes to question our decisions on everything (dislikes the name and is upset that the baby will have my moms middle name as her middle name since my DS has FILs name as his middle name), tells us what we don't need to buy this time around, doesn't want us to buy a crib or play pen and quote "please don't leave your kid in a play pen like a typical Mexican" both our families are Mexican and my jaw dropped when this was said I had to get up and just walk away. Oh and the best she isn't too happy that it's a girl because "she was hoping for a boy she's not good with girls so looks like my DS will be the only spoiled one." Well sorry to burst her bubble (insert eye roll)

OMG, what?! Is this a thing?!

This reminds me when DD was an infant and my Mom saying, "Please don't go pierce her ears, only Mexican people do that." FWIW, we're all white, but still.

MollySm · December 2013

My parents both passed away almost 9 years ago - I would love if they could call Lucia their baby! I'm sure it's hard, but as long as your MIL or whoever is sane enough that you haven't cut them out of your life and your child's life, I would try to ignore it. Loving your kid a lot isn't a bad thing. Sometimes people are selfish - it's not the end of the world.

But this is coming from someone who loved having lots of people who love her baby in the delivery room to celebrate her birth, so maybe I am just crazy :-) It was amazing getting to share that moment with people who love her, and they still talk about it and remember every moment.

wtfisup · December 2013

MollySm said:
My parents both passed away almost 9 years ago - I would love if they could call Lucia their baby! I'm sure it's hard, but as long as your MIL or whoever is sane enough that you haven't cut them out of your life and your child's life, I would try to ignore it. Loving your kid a lot isn't a bad thing. Sometimes people are selfish - it's not the end of the world.

But this is coming from someone who loved having lots of people who love her baby in the delivery room to celebrate her birth, so maybe I am just crazy :-) It was amazing getting to share that moment with people who love her, and they still talk about it and remember every moment.

Yeah, people differ a lot there. I wouldn't want anyone around.

Loss does skew your priorities. My only brother died, so that's something I consider. Ie I'd like to have had him in baby's life.

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