Do You Feel Supported?

patchen30 · November 2013

ODS just turned 2 and YDS just turned 7 months. ODS is in a very tantraumy phase (not surprisingly) and YDS is great but it was not the easiest road w/ him as he was born at 33 weeks and spent 5 weeks in the NICU. We have very attentive grandparents and my DH is a very present father. So that's all great.

However, as you know it can be total chaos w/ 2 under 2. I feel like we're pretty stressed out a lot of the time - someone is crying, someone is throwing a tantrum, someone always needs something. To be expected, but as a result I'm usually running around like a chicken w/ my head cut off. I don't really mind this - I figure it's part of the deal. However, I get a lot of flack from grandparents and my husband to "relax and enjoy the kids" and a lot of references and comments about how I'm. And it's not in a I'm-looking-out-for-your-best-interests kind of way, it's in a critical-you're-not-going-about-parenting-correctly way.

I feel that everyone else - DH, grandparents, etc - just plays w/ the babies while I do the work (feeding, changing, cleaning up, packing diaper bags, etc.) There is a lot to be done and they just have no clue. There is also a lot of juggling of schedules and I seem to be the only one who cares and get a lot of criticism for being too rigid.

I would just sit around and play w/ the kids and let someone else do the work - BUT NO ONE ELSE CARES enough to do it, and my kids would suffer the consequences (missing naps, no schedule, going on trips and forgetting this and that, etc).

Does anyone else deal w/ this? I would be fine doing the work if everyone would just leave me alone about how I'm taking care of my kids.

patchen30 · November 2013

That's supposed to say "how I'm Type A".

JulyMomma2U2 · December 2013

I can relate a lot. I get a lot of the "you're too strict" or "just relax" comments.. It drives me nuts. Not so much from DH as he is a HUGE help, but a lot from family.. People don't understand the necessity of organizations and routine when you have two little ones.. I *need* my 17 month old to stay in the stroller while out because I can't be worrying about where he's running off to.. It's important that my children NAP otherwise they are unbearable in the evening.. It's CRUCIAL that my rules are the same at home and at other peoples homes because it helps cut down on tantrums, etc.. Sometimes people just don't realize the things I say and do are to help keep the calm in our every day lives.. For example.. We don't allow Ds1 to play with the telephone.. Why, because there are too many times he's gotten ahold of our home phone and left it off the hook and then no one was able to get through to me (we have awful cell reception).. Plus he's broken one hand set by dropping it.. So, at Thanksgiving when my IL's gave him the phone despite me saying no and I took it causing him to scream, I was the bad guy.. I "need to pick and choose my battles".. In my mind, consistency is more important.. If he isn't allowed to have it at home, he isn't allowed to have it at x y or z's house! Sorry for the rant, but I get what your saying.. I honestly just think people don't understand the complexities of having 2 close.. It has it's challenges, but the more organized and routine you are (in our experience) the smoother it goes!

ebp913 · December 2013

I am pretty laidback but my mother thinks I am just ridiculous because on Christmas Eve, I won't bring 2 PNPs to a family friends house and put my kids down in their house so DH and I can stay at their dinner longer. I think she's completely insane. Small children don't just fall asleep anywhere and my 9 month old is a freaking handful and sleep has been hard for us so I have learned to respect what he needs. PLUS CHRISTMAS IS THE NEXT DAY. It's a stupid dinner party that honestly, I don't care about. I am not going to spend an hour trying to get my kids to sleep at a strangers house only to move them an hour or two later to go home. I want them rested and happy for Christmas. My mom thinks I am so inflexible and when it comes to nap time, yes I am. Naps mean my kids are happy and their happiness comes before anything else. It's absurd.

jf198400 · December 2013

I can relate, 2 close in age is tough, the good news is it gets easier. Mine are now 3yrs, and 21 months and life is much Much less hectic. So it may be stressful now, but in another year it will be a thing of the past. It does sound like you need to talk to your DH about helping more. Mine is the same way. He is totally willing to help IF I tell him what needs to be done. Would it be nice if he could figure out that the diaper bag needs to be packed, lunch needs to be made, and the dishwasher needs to be turned on? Yes. But he's not a mind reader. As long as he does what I ask, then we're good.

patchen30 · December 2013

I totally agree with you all and completely see where you're coming from and think you're right. Why everyone else thinks they should opine on how I raise MY children I'll never know. I'm going to try and remember this when people I know have kids and I want to throw in my 2 cents. I hope I remember to zip it.

It's a hard enough job already - the last thing you need is for people to come down on you for doing the best you can do. I always remind my husband (who is my biggest critic) that I'm a reliable, loving, engaged mother who always puts my children first. I'm not a crack addict or a child abuser. So maybe everyone can lay off and pick and choose THEIR battles.

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