When do you clean, work out etc?

spainy17 · December 2013

I am usually a lurker here but am recently back to work full time and figured you ladies were the ones to ask.

I am having a hard time fitting everything in my day/week!!!

My DD was high needs and unable to take a bottle for 5 months and has yet to STTN. She is doing world's better at 10 months but I have spent the better part of the last year just eeking by. I have had no time for myself and am just finally able to get back to work my regular hours. So my question is, how do you fit it all in and keep it together? I am so exhausted that on my days off I have to catch up on sleep during one of her naps and the afternoon nap is getting shorter and I am often using it to quick get some laundry done or set up for the next day that I never feel like I get ahead.

When do you workout? Clean the house? Hang out with your DH? More importantly, how are you awake for it? I would like to take a half day once every two weeks to clean and am already feeling guilty about putting DD in daycare to do it. And working out? No idea how I could keep that up regularily. I already get up at 430 am for work, I would die getting up any earlier. And I could do it once she was in bed but then I would miss out half of my coveted rest/hang with hubby time. It is so hard to find balance!

Anyway, if anyone is managing to work full time, keep their house out of disaster level, spend quality time with baby, work out and not get divorced please let me know how the heck you are doing it.

valeivegas · December 2013

lol - you can't do everything! It is hard - & I go crazy too. But if you only have 1 child it is easier to make time for chores, working out, etc b/c your spouse can be with the baby then. Maybe carve out 2 nights/week to go to the gym for an hour, then also do a Sat. morning workout. As for cleaning, I'm adamant about giving the bathrooms a good scrub every couple weeks, and the floors about 1x/mo (major cleaning) - but otherwise I just vacuum quick on the weekend & clean up every day a little bit. The living room is always a mess with toys everywhere but I honestly don't care - I almost never pick it up - it doesn't bother me. Right now me & Dh have no time to ourselves during the week except for maybe 10 min before bed. And I gave up working out - I've been to the gym maybe 5x in the past year - I'm canceling my membership after the holidays. I've just accepted that right now with two little kids I just don't have time for the gym. The day will come where I'll be able to pick it up again, or even better - get a stationary bike in the basement.

aglenn · December 2013

Ditto on outsourcing cleaning the house. This is probably the biggest sanity saver I've found and it is very much worth the money.

For working out, I am constantly juggling that around depending on what works best at any given time. Sometimes during lunch, sometimes after the kids are in bed, and whenever I can fit in a work from home day I squeeze in a workout sometime during the day. I am not able to do as much as I would like for workouts (20-30 minutes, DVDs and treadmill), but it is OK for now. I would like to take off those last 10 lbs but it is not happening any time soon and I've mostly come to terms with that.

For DH time, during the week honestly we have very little. By the time the kids are in bed and I've done my workout I am very much done. I have to get up at 5am to have any hope of getting to work on time. On the weekends we have made Saturday night "date night" which does not usually even involve going out, but we will have a salad or snack while the kids are eating dinner and then make ourselves something the kids would never eat (seafood, spicy food, etc.) after they are in bed. That's our chance to pop open a bottle of wine and actually connect with each other for a while.

itsmevkb · December 2013

I don't work out, so there's that.

I also don't clean my house. We have someone come every other week to clean. So, there is daily maintenance like cleaning up Cheerios off the floor and wiping down counters but the "real" cleaning is done by someone else.

I do laundry mainly on Sundays just because we tend to be home that day more so than Saturdays.

We try and eat dinner as a family almost every night which gives us time to talk to all the kids and also time for my husband and I to talk to each other. My husband and I also spend time talking when we're cleaning up from dinner while the kids play, we catch up on the day and talk about what else is going on the next day, that week, etc. We have little things we try and do together during the week, like watch certain tv shows together and go out to breakfast as a family Saturday mornings. Of course we try and get out just by ourselves every so often but that's hard with trying to find someone to watch four kids, but we hire a babysitter or ask our in-laws maybe every other month or so.

Oh, and I don't have super high expectations. So, I don't expect my home to be spotless, or that I'll be able to work out for an hour every day. I just know that's not my reality right now and I've made my peace with it. Having and doing it "all" is all about defining exactly what your "all" is and for me that has very little to do with cleaning and working out. For others it might in which case they might readjust other things to make those areas their priority.

You'll find your rhythm in time.

QueSrah · December 2013

When your baby isn't STTN, doing it "all" can't include exercise and cleaning and lots of QT with your spouse all on the regular. At least, I couldn't manage it. And there was certainly no "getting ahead," on chores or other household stuff. At 10 months, I was still up multiple times at night with DD, going to bed by 9 pm to attempt to get by like a human, and so spending maybe an hour with DH half asleep after dinner. We have cleaning ladies, so the only cleaning we did was laundry and dishes. I only managed to convince myself to get up early enough to exercise before work this summer - when DD was 3.5 years old.

My only advice is to be kind to yourself, at least while you're still half sleep-deprived. Don't beat yourself up for not exercising, or for letting your house be in a "disaster" state. The first year or so is as much about survival and learning to add parenting to the long list of adult stuff you need to do on the regular, as it is about keeping up with the rest of that list of adult things you need/want to do.

jf198400 · December 2013

I have found you can't do everything, at least not all at the same time. We have cleaners that come every 2 weeks, and it is a life saver. I just vacuum as needed in between. We didn't hire them until after baby #2. Before that DH and I would clean on weekends during DDs nap. The house was never perfect, but it was livable.

Working out happens in phases. At my last job we had a gym in our office so I could workout at lunch. Now I don't have that anymore. The plan is to workout at night with a 30min DVD after the kids are in bed. Right now I am just too busy getting ready for the holidays, so I am giving myself a pass until January. I wish I could join a gym with childcare, but my kids are in daycare 10hrs a day so they would be too tired to go during the week, and it's too expensive for me if I'm only going to be able to go on the weekend.

I do most laundry on the weekend and throw in a load at night once or twice a week. I pack lunches after kids are in bed. My biggest problem is finding time to cook.

DH and I don't hang out much during the week, but we hang out after kids are in bed every fri and sat night.

Don't worry things will get better when your child starts sleeping better at night.

valeivegas · December 2013

Oh - & to answer your question : "More importantly, how are you awake for it?"

COFFEE

I would die without it!!

djm31012 · December 2013

LOTS of help. I have a cleaning lady that comes every other week. In btwn i wipe down counters when i cook and bathrooms when i have time. I do laundry on the weekends--sometimes i throw in on a friday night, then DH and i watch a movie and i switch the dryer when its done. My week nights are preserved for DS. He gets 100% of my attention from the time i get home until the time he is in bed. working out has fallen by the wayside (is that the right spelling?!) I dont like it, i dont feel good about it...but its just how it is for now. I know eventually I will have more time for it but right now i dont. I would say I work out once a month and its usually a sunday morning during DS nap or sunday night when hes asleep. Thats it. I walk 12 min each way to and from my office every day...and i stretch every morning when i wake up...thats all i got. be organized and efficient so you arent wasting time...but sometimes you need to leave the laundry in the dryer for 3 cycles and have a dish in the sink and your hair in a bun and thats OK.

wychets · December 2013

I deep clean once a week. I try to pick up every evening because I have 1 hour to myself before DH and DD get home from work/DC. Some days I don't do anything because I am too tired, and I get to it when I can. Work out? Meh I run around like a mad woman 7 days a week, does that count?

mexicolombiana · December 2013

Well my schedule has changed since I cut out naps for both my girls and have started putting them to bed around 7:30 p.m. They were falling asleep around 9 or 10 which was hard.

So now, I get home at 5:30 p.m. and for 10 min. I sweep the house and do minor things like unload the dishwasher. Then I prep for dinner, then bathtime and bedtime by 7:30 ish.

I go to the gym a few times a week, then I watch tv and hang out w/DH until like 11 or 12 then we go to bed. So we have plenty of time together at night. I normally don't get up until 7 which is when the kids get up so I'm still getting 7-8 hrs of sleep.

Lately though, the 22 mo old has been waking several times a night which is killing me, so I'm going to have to start going to bed closer to 11.

We also have a cleaning lady come like 2 times a month to do deep cleaning.

Weekends are our laundry time and mopping floors and cleaning bathroom.

Also on Sundays my toddler has ballet in the mornings and I take an Adult beginning ballet class which is freaking HARD for 1 1/2 hours so that's a great workout, and I play volleyball on Monday nights in a league. Then I go to the gym 2 or 3 other days out of the week. If you want to get in shape you just have to make time, BUT it's totally not possible if you're up 1/2 the night with a baby. Working out can wait until the kids are mostly STTN.

It actually all gets done fairly well in our house but that's because the girls are older now (DD#1 is 3 and DD#2 is almost 2).

plus12012 · December 2013

valeivegas said:

Oh - & to answer your question : "More importantly, how are you awake for it?"

COFFEE I would die without it!!

This is definitely me. Coffee provides me sanity and helps me get through the day. DH works from home 1 day a week so I leave the cleaning to him and we just work really hard to make sure we put things away when we are done with it so it doesn't pile up around the house. I do all the laundry on Sundays and DH and I use Friday evenings after DD goes to bed (7pm bedtime for her) to catch up.

ccam · December 2013

You'll never be able to do it all!! Honestly, I get a ton of help from DH. I get home before him, try and prep as much dinner as possible, maybe unload the dishwasher if DS is playing well independently. Once DH is home, he occupies DS while I finish dinner. We eat, clean up/play with DS together, do bath/bedtime and then it's a mad scramble to get everything done and hopefully have an hour of down time together before we go to bed. But DH helps me out a ton! He doesn't sit until I do. While we hang out, I might fold a load of laundry or two. Then we clean over the weekend, when we have time.

My workouts are chasing around a 15 month old....

dglvrk2 · December 2013

As PP said, getting help - especially from DH - is KEY. I don't, by any stretch of the imagination, do it all, but here's what works for now for us:

When DH is in town (he travels a lot for work), he gets DD (2.5 yrs old) up in the morning, dresses her (yes, the outfits get interesting....but less work for me!), gives her breakfast etc. I have very little to do for anyone but myself until I take her to DC.

I get off before DH. DD and I go to the gym 2-3 nights a week. She's old and independent enough to love the kids play area at my gym. I pay extra for babysitting there, but it's worth it. I work out. We're home by 6. I usually make DD dinner and sit with her while she eats. We do not eat as a family usually as DH gets home later and exercises after we put DD to bed together. Bedtime = family time. (The dog even joins us!)

I'll clean a bit if DD feels like playing by herself between dinner and bedtime. Otherwise, it doesn't get done.

DH and I spend QT together after DD goes to bed. We try to have a date night at least once a month too.

Exercise and family time are more important to us than a clean house....Hence, at best, our house looks marginally clean. I'm actually in the process of finding someone to clean every two weeks. We need it, and I'll go nuts if I try to take this on too.

I'm due to have my second baby in January. I know our routine will change some. That being said, I'll never be able to do it all.

OP: I feel like carving out time for myself was the most difficult when DD was 6-12 months. You're in the thick of it now. It will get easier as your LO gets more self sufficient.

laurakaz13 · December 2013

We don't clean. We haven't in like 6 years. We have a cleaning service come and deep clean our house every 2 weeks. Of course we are super neat and wipe down counters and stuff, but that takes no time.

We own a treadmill and weights and I am a big runner. I run at 5 a.m., after bedtime or work out in the gym at the hospital where I work during lunch. I don't miss workouts as they are extremely important to me.

DH and I hang out after DD goes to bed most nights from like 7:30 to bedtime (sometimes this is us just working out together at home).

I will say that I was very lucky with a baby who easily took pumped milk at 3 weeks old and on, and slept through the night at 3 months old. So that did make a difference.

It will get better, but I always encourage mothers to take some "me" time no matter what. You sound exhausted! Can you get a sitter, leave the little one with DH or something to escape occasionally? That always helps too.

financialdiva · December 2013

We got a housekeeper when I started having complications when I was pg with DS2 and DH couldn't keep up with the house(even though I did it all by myself for years, but I digress)

I cleaned at night after DS1 went to bed. I had a schedule and would do one or two things per night.

Even if you can't afford a regular housekeeper I would highly recommend bringing someone in to do a deep cleaning, that way you are maintaining.

Now I have a housekeeper come every two weeks and it's awesome!

I exercise after I put DS2 to sleep. He goes down easy around 7:30, so I run right after that two days a week and once on Saturday morning. DS2 is an awesome sleeper though.

In a few weeks when I stop pumping, I am going to go back to working out over my lunch hour.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I never worked out after Ds1, it took me three years of being a working mom to hit my stride. You will get there with time!!

diamondduck13 · December 2013

Great post! I'm feeling the same, with a 3 month old and just back to work full time. I'm most worried about my longing to run, time with DH, and how my coworkers will feel about the fact I used to regularly, happily, stay til 6 or 7 and now I leave at 5 on the nose. The dirty house doesn't bother me like it probably should! We do have cleaning service every two weeks. I speculate the desired exercise routine just won't happen. I haven't accepted that yet, but I'm aware enough to know that's the reality I need to work toward accepting if I want time with my baby, DH and getting the basics covered - bottles, meals, dishes, laundry. My DH likes to be useful and helps out with a lot of that which is fab-u-lous.

LoCarb · December 2013

I have a cleaning lady and work out at lunch...it's worth the sanity and sleep!

thedash · December 2013

We have someone come clean either every week or every other week depending on holidays and her availability. In between our house looks like a tornado went through but at least I know the floor is clean underneath all those toys!

DH and I don't spend much time alone together honestly. We have family nearby to watch the kids for the occasional date night. We try to meet up for lunch if I'm near his office during the day or open some wine when both kids are asleep on the weekend. He gets up at 5 and the baby doesn't STTN so we go to sleep right after our kids during the week. Lately we talk on the phone while driving home or email each other to discuss things like Christmas shopping and scheduling events and activities. It seems silly but it's the only way we have an uninterrupted conversation sometimes.

I don't work out. It's just something that I am not making a priority anytime soon. When the weather is good we walk a lot (2+ miles several times per week) but right now we are just in survival mode most days.

It gets easier I promise. I can't wait til I'm done washing pump parts and bottles. At least until the next baby anyway...

laurakaz13 · December 2013

diamondduck13 said:

Great post! I'm feeling the same, with a 3 month old and just back to work full time. I'm most worried about my longing to run, time with DH, and how my coworkers will feel about the fact I used to regularly, happily, stay til 6 or 7 and now I leave at 5 on the nose.

Re: the bolded. I think I've stayed late at work maybe a handful of times since DD was born. I used to work 10-11 hours a day regularly. Nope. Not anymore. 9 hours max now, but I do bring some work home.

BeeGirl2 · December 2013

Like PP said we have someone clean our house bi weekly and it is the best money I spend all month!! It gives me precious time with the kids I would not have otherwise. I don't have time for the gym so I walk as much as I can... But finding a balance is an equation that is constantly changing... Their is no magic answer except do not get to overwhelmed and remember a clean house is way less important than family QT... The kids grow up, the damn house will still be full of dust bunnies in 10 years! GL

lillyq1982 · December 2013

I am new to this. I have a three month old at home and I just went back to work this week. I loved reading all the posts from more "experienced" parents.

We clean our house in "phases". One weekend he vacuums, one weekend I clean the bathrooms, 1 weekend he cleans the hard floors, one weekend he deep cleans the kitchen. We wipe up after ourselves daily so each area only needs to be deep cleaned about 1/month.

I still havent found time to go running and honestly, until I stop nursing and pumping, I don't think I will have time to workout and I have come to terms with that. Before pregnancy I was an avid runner, and I know I will get back to that, but I have realistic expectations and know that nursing and pumping are draining on me and I need to finish that before I start marathon training again. Once DS becomes a little more independant I will probably start lightly running again, but that will come in time.

DH and I spend time together when we put DS to bed and then after he goes to bed, I clean bottles, get ready for the next day and then we usually watch one or two of our favorite shows together.

APendola · December 2013

First of all, I don't think anybody really does it all. Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. Spe

Spend some time coming up with realistic goals and consider your priorities. Divide up chores with your DH and see if you can take turns watching LO for a few hours on the weekend so you each have time to do something important to you (ie. go for a workout, cook, run errands, have a nap).

Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed with all the things I should be getting done and how messy the house is. I decided to start with smaller goals. For example, I want a more organized house...so I started by working on organizing one part of the house - the kitchen.

sdlaura · December 2013

PrivacyWanted said:

Well I gave up trying to clean myself a few months ago. Now we pay someone to come and do it every week. They come on Saturdays, and I spend Friday night decluttering anything I couldn't during the week.
I go to the gym during lunch 3-5 days a week depending on my schedule. Depending on how I hit the 2 lights there I have between 20 and 30 minutes to work out. It's not great, but something is better than nothing. I also try and do a 30-45 minute DVD in the evenings once the kids are asleep.
DH and I make sure to have some quality time together every week, if we're having a crazy week sometimes this means a coffee date on the way into work, but it works for us

Pretty much this. Hired someone to do the deep cleaning, work out a couple days during lunch and one day on the weekend with DD in the stroller, and have about an hour each night alone with DH between when DD goes to bed and when we go to bed. We also hire a babysitter to do a date night once a month.

It will get easier once your baby has a more consistent sleeping schedule. I would have a much harder time if my daughter didn't sleep 11 hours straight at night. She also has a consistent nap on weekends that provides us with some alone time.

cecilyandgautam · December 2013

My commute to work includes 25 minutes of walking on an incline everyday so I give myself a lot of credit for that. I work out on my lunch break once a week and do yoga on Sundays. Aside from that, sometimes I throw on a Jillian Michaels DVD and try to work out in the living room - sometimes my daughter is really cooperative, even mimicking the moves I do, other times she crawls all over me and thinks it's a game so I have to just give up and move on with life.

For cleaning, we try to keep up with dishes on a daily basis but we're not very successful in that department. We spend 2-4 hours cleaning on the weekend - that's 2-4 hours each for both DH & I - and we do that during a mix of DD's nap, after she's gone to bed, and while she's up and about. We're trying to involve her now that she's older and can at least put her toys away with a little supervision. She really likes to be included, so we're finding little tasks for her.

But the short answer to your question of how to do it all - I don't and I make my peace with it.

Soon2BMrsN · December 2013

I am PG with #3 and just now coming to terms that it probably is not possible to really do it all.

I do not work out much, and if I do, it is simply walking/running with the kids in the double BOB. Now that I am PG and it's so cold out, I probably won't even consistently walk/run until baby #3 is born and breastfeeding has been well-established.

As far as cleaning goes, I feel like I just keep up with it for now. DH always vacuums. If I am unable to do all of the sweeping/swiffering/mopping, dusting, and bathrooms over the course of a weekend, I do one of those chores each day after school during the week (I am a teacher, so luckily, I am usually home by 4:00). Nothing gets deep-cleaned often enough though, and I have slowly accepted that. After #3 arrives, I will be taking a year off and will have all 3 kids at home (though ODS will be in half day kindergarten) so we will be hiring someone to clean.

Hopefully I can do enough to keep up with cooking, dishes, and laundry by then! And I bet walking with the younger two in the BOB while ODS is at school will be a sanity-saver and exercise in one.

umma4babes · December 2013

I have a 3 year old, so a bit different than your situation, but here's how I "do it all" (I don't, I just prioritize depending on my needs).

Workout - during lunch hour in my office every day. I bring a DVD player and workout DVDs. No shower facility so I bring bath wipes for quick clean up and a pair of clean underwear to change into. Workout itself is about 45 minutes. I do DVD workout on weekends at home after my son goes to bed at around 7:30-8.

Cleaning - on days that DH is able to pick our son up, I rush home like a mad woman and clean. I can vacuum, straighten up kitchen, and throw a load of laundry in the washer about 30-45 minutes. My DH sucks at cleaning so I get no help there. I try to clean the bathroom at least once every two weeks. Chlorox wipes are my best friend.

Cooking/food prep/grocery - DH takes over.

Time with DH - aside from our scheduled date nights (1-2x a month, sometimes none depending on our schedule), we just stay in each other's space doing our own thing.

Sometimes the dishes just have to be piled on, laundry unfolded, toys scattered about. That's just how it's going to be until the kids are older. I'm currently pregnant with #2, so it's only going to get worse.

Nechie122 · December 2013

I have a lot of help from DH. We split the daycare pick-ups 3/2 so I have two evenings when I don't have to rush home at the end of the day. I try to go to the gym at least once and then both days on the weekends.

Cleaning the house has become part of my routine too. I do the bathrooms on Saturdays (usually right after I get home from the gym and before I shower), the floors/vacuuming and laundry on Sunday, and DH cleans the kitchen on Wednesday nights.

We also try to get a babysitter once a month and go out and do something fun.

MommyAtty · December 2013

I changed my definition of "working out." I don't need a gym. I have a 22 lb weight to play with. In all seriousness, we want our kids to be active and athletic. We do 5ks with the baby in her stroller. When this baby gets here, I'm not sure how possible that will be for a couple of years. But when we play at home, we play hard. My 16 month old can already dribble a soccer ball, palm a baby basketball with either hand, and do fumble drills with her daddy. Babies can be tons of exercise if you let them. When your toddler throws her baby football on the ground and yells "ball ball ball!" and the whole family crawl-races to get it, you burn calories. (Btw, that's a fumble-drill.). And it's fun! When she was little, I would lay on my back, pull my knees to my chest,and put her on my knees. Then she could "fly." She loved that and still wants to do it sometimes. She also likes it when I roll up to a sitting position, so she's going from laying on my knees on her tummy to standing on her feet. She's having fun, I'm having fun, and I'm getting exercise. Yoga with a toddler is also a blast! The kid kicks my butt at downward facing dog. My house, on the other hand, looks like a tornado hit it. We are getting a cleaning service bc I hate that it never feels deep-cleaned.

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