<><>AMA weekly check-in<><> (BFP warning)

buggirl72 · November 2013

***<><>AMA weekly check-in<><>***
This check-in is for Friday, November 29, 2013.
I hope everyone had a great week and a wonderful Thanksgiving! Please give an update on how you are.
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Welcome Bigboneded, 2ndgeneration

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Lots of thoughts and prayers being sent katib77’s way. I hope beta number threehas a great doubling time and brings you peace. XO and everything is crossed for you and your LO.
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This is a check-in designed for us that are AMA (35+) and dealing with that added challenge in our TTCAL journeys. Please feel free to share your insights, vents, thoughts, and anything else. Mostly this check-in is to remind all of us that we are not alone and to offer support to each other. Check in every Friday. New members: Post an introduction and your current TTC status and I will add you to the list! Welcome :-) Current members: Post your updates, link to your chart, upcoming appointments, prayer requests, and if you get a BFP, please feel free to post here (along with your EDD)
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Current Members:

anitaflora

Ashellypnut

Bigboneded

buggirl72

clh4444

dajhughes

Eliz77

gscoville

HeyMrsPotter

HoldingOutHope

MsAmandaPants

peggels24

rachnnn

RN536

rubysi

SoxFan777

Tappin2b

Tobylovekm

tuscanbride2007

2ndgeneration

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clh4444 - Working towards coming to terms with CFNBC is so incredibly hard. After my IF diagnosis it took me 8 years to really come to peace with that. What finally got me there (besides time) was really looking at how much I love my life that I have with my husband and how much good there is between the two of us. I, of course, had a surprise not-ever-supposed-to-happen BFP two months later. Now, I’m in the same boat as you and trying to decide at what point I say we stop. Right now, DHEA is my hail mary. Adoption may be in our future but a lot of that depends on finances. ((((hugs))))

peggels24 - How are you doing? Have you had your first AF yet post D&C and how long are you and YH benched?

rubysi - How did your OB appointment go? Did you get a plan going forward with how to deal with your PCOS and TTC?

RN536 - Good luck today with your MRI! Please update us when you can.

Bigboneded - I re-read your intro on the main board. (((hugs))) and I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. You said you were having irregular cycles. Have you been charting and/or have you talked with your OB/RE about medicated cycles?

2ndgeneration - I completely understand still having some fight left in you (it’s why I’m still here). I know you are cleared to TTC immediately - are you charting this cycle?

anitaflora - I totally forgot to ask you how your drive went for your CD3 bloodwork! I’m sorry! What is the plan for the cyst you have?

Tappin2b - Did you get DH to watch the Great Sperm Race? I love that he is 100% on board and wants a fast BFP but some realistic expectations will make it a little easier if it takes a few cycles or more to happen.

gscoville - Am I reading your chart right?! No spotting for ten days! And a later O - which clomid can do. FX that you have great timing and that the clomid is what you needed! Did YH decide on school or the mine job?

HeyMrsPotter - ((((hugs)))) how are your mom and dad doing? I’m sorry for what looks like an imminent CD1 but I’m glad it did not show yesterday. More ((((hugs))) and I hope your day was peaceful.

ashellypnut - I love you sweetheart and I want you to do what is best for you ((((hugs)))). You are always, always welcome in any check-in I run and, I hope, they always stay a safe and supportive place for you to post. I do not want to lose track of you. Okay?

Eliz77 - Okay, I officially do not know what to think of your chart. (((hugs))) love. When are you testing?

To anyone who missed last week’s check-in: how are you?

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Question of the Week: Since it is still officially November I’ll have this be the last challenge check-in! Share something beautiful you saw this week!
We had deer behind our house the other morning! I love that we have so much wildlife (except the skunks, I’ve now seen three different ones) and feel like we live in the woods even though we don’t.

buggirl72 · November 2013

My update -

Still continuing with DHEA and hoping that it gives me some good follicles. Of course, good follicles mean nothing without good timing so I'm hoping everything lines up there. DH is more in a NTNP type mindset were I recognize we do not have the time to just hope we randomly hit close to O.

***lost LO mentioned***

I've also been having a much harder time with the holidays then I thought I would. I was looking at the Black Friday ads and it really hit me that this should have been Zachary's first Christmas. To say I have been in a funk is an understatement. I really have no expectation that I will have a living child. I fully expect that I will get another BFP at some point but that it will just end in another loss. Even though I don't think I will end up with my rainbow I'm not willing to stop yet - because I'm not willing to look back and wonder if I had tried just one more cycle if that would have been the cycle.

gscoville · November 2013

Congrats and ((hugs)) Kaitb!!

I know, I can't remember the last time I went 10 days without spotting - I didn't realize what a cloud over my head all that spotting was until going this long without it, I know it sounds silly but it's kind of freeing! I'm still waiting to see if I've actually O'd yet, I got a blaring +OPK a couple days ago where I normally have trouble getting a +, but no obvious temp spike yet. And the CM! Not to be gross, but I've never had this much EWCM, it's positively insane. Yesterday and today I've had literally gobs of it, super stretchy, I've never seen that before. I'm not sure if it's because of the Clomid or the antibiotics for BV, but it's certainly not my norm.

Hubby is still not sure, he's waiting on an appointment on Monday to see if a retraining program through employment insurance will accept his application to go to school, meaning he would get help with tuition and partial pay while going to school. If this doesn't go through, then he'll be trying for the camp job. He's really excited for this school opportunity so I hope it happens for him, even though it'll be much reduced income for us it will make him the happiest to be taking this direction in his life - plus he'll at least be around for TTC.

QOTW This last week has been weirdly foggy all through the day some days. I work at a school 20 minutes out of town, out in the country, and so I get to drive through the woods, past a lake, and through some generally beautiful landscapes anyways. The fog has been so ethereal and gorgeous and there have been lots of deer around, it's just been an absolute joy to drive to and from work every day!

gscoville · November 2013

buggirl72 said:

My update -

Still continuing with DHEA and hoping that it gives me some good follicles. Of course, good follicles mean nothing without good timing so I'm hoping everything lines up there. DH is more in a NTNP type mindset were I recognize we do not have the time to just hope we randomly hit close to O.

***lost LO mentioned***

I've also been having a much harder time with the holidays then I thought I would. I was looking at the Black Friday ads and it really hit me that this should have been Zachary's first Christmas. To say I have been in a funk is an understatement. I really have no expectation that I will have a living child. I fully expect that I will get another BFP at some point but that it will just end in another loss. Even though I don't think I will end up with my rainbow I'm not willing to stop yet - because I'm not willing to look back and wonder if I had tried just one more cycle if that would have been the cycle.

((((huge hugs)))) I'm sorry you're at the point where you feel like there's no hope, it's an awful place to be. I also hope your H develops a more compatible mindset about getting that timing right, I certainly relate to feeling the urgency I know you're feeling!

rubysi · November 2013

My ob appointment was not as useful as I had hoped. The expectation is that they will only move forward with testing and treatment when I have been 6 months without a pregnancy since they only started seeing me when I became pregnant. They told me of the options I will have when I get to that point. I am just feeling like my time is running out. It took us 9 years the first time without help. On the otherhand if I o this cycle (not something I do alot) it should be soon. Bbt not going great my chart looks like the rockies. I am also doing my opk's

@buggirl172 I am sorry this time of year is so difficult. >:D<

RustyGirl3 · November 2013

T&P's for Katib Congrats!!

(((HUGS))) Bug

Tappin2b - Did you get DH to watch the Great Sperm Race? I love that he is 100% on board and wants a fast BFP but some realistic expectations will make it a little easier if it takes a few cycles or more to happen.

I haven't made him watch it yet. With celebrating Thanksgiving twice and working on the house we have been crazy busy. Hopefully soon.

QOTW- At DH's parents house for Thanksgiving...Everyone was there the whole time. Usually there is someone who is spending dinner somewhere else and comes later for dessert or has dinner there and leaves to have dessert somewhere else. Not one person was missing...It was really great.

Eliz77 · November 2013

Eliz77 - Okay, I officially do not know what to think of your chart. (((hugs))) love. When are you testing?------I'm on iPad so will have to check in with everyone later since it will not paragraph and WILL drive me crazy...Well, I had a slight temp spike this AM which doesn't seem typical for me, but who knows. With my stress load this week, I have not been sleeping well. This AM I dropped my only FRER in the toliet. Of course. So I pulled out an OPK and that was clearly a BFN. :-( I will pick up a box on way home and try again in AM if no AF.

buggirl72 · November 2013

gscoville said:

Congrats and ((hugs)) Kaitb!!

I know, I can't remember the last time I went 10 days without spotting - I didn't realize what a cloud over my head all that spotting was until going this long without it, I know it sounds silly but it's kind of freeing! I'm still waiting to see if I've actually O'd yet, I got a blaring +OPK a couple days ago where I normally have trouble getting a +, but no obvious temp spike yet. And the CM! Not to be gross, but I've never had this much EWCM, it's positively insane. Yesterday and today I've had literally gobs of it, super stretchy, I've never seen that before. I'm not sure if it's because of the Clomid or the antibiotics for BV, but it's certainly not my norm.

Hubby is still not sure, he's waiting on an appointment on Monday to see if a retraining program through employment insurance will accept his application to go to school, meaning he would get help with tuition and partial pay while going to school. If this doesn't go through, then he'll be trying for the camp job. He's really excited for this school opportunity so I hope it happens for him, even though it'll be much reduced income for us it will make him the happiest to be taking this direction in his life - plus he'll at least be around for TTC.

QOTW This last week has been weirdly foggy all through the day some days. I work at a school 20 minutes out of town, out in the country, and so I get to drive through the woods, past a lake, and through some generally beautiful landscapes anyways. The fog has been so ethereal and gorgeous and there have been lots of deer around, it's just been an absolute joy to drive to and from work every day!

I really hope that he gets approved for the retraining! It sounds like a great opportunity. I'm a big believer in going back to school if you can

It sounds like you are definitely gearing up to O. FX for you!

buggirl72 · November 2013

rubysi said:

My ob appointment was not as useful as I had hoped. The expectation is that they will only move forward with testing and treatment when I have been 6 months without a pregnancy since they only started seeing me when I became pregnant. They told me of the options I will have when I get to that point. I am just feeling like my time is running out. It took us 9 years the first time without help. On the otherhand if I o this cycle (not something I do alot) it should be soon. Bbt not going great my chart looks like the rockies. I am also doing my opk's

@buggirl172 I am sorry this time of year is so difficult. >:D<

Since they know you have PCOS and it took you 9 years to get pg, making you wait the standard six months is not right. You could try to push a little harder, especially with a diagnosis in place, to see if they would be willing to run a couple blood tests to just check where your hormone levels are at. I was able to get my OB to start some bw two months after my first loss based on my past history. The results of one of those automatically got me a referral to an RE.

buggirl72 · November 2013

Eliz77 said:

Eliz77 - Okay, I officially do not know what to think of your chart. (((hugs))) love. When are you testing?------I'm on iPad so will have to check in with everyone later since it will not paragraph and WILL drive me crazy...Well, I had a slight temp spike this AM which doesn't seem typical for me, but who knows. With my stress load this week, I have not been sleeping well. This AM I dropped my only FRER in the toliet. Of course. So I pulled out an OPK and that was clearly a BFN. :-( I will pick up a box on way home and try again in AM if no AF.

Oh that sucks! OPKs have a much higher threshhold requirement of HCG to show a positive so I will stay positive for you.

katib77 · November 2013

******BFP WARNING*********

Thank you so much for thinking of me. Thankfully today I am out of beta hell. After beta #2 was a doubling time of 73 hours on Wednesday, today it came back with less than 48 hour doubling so I'm back to being on track. Thank you to all of you for your support these past 10 months since my miscarriage. You know I wish nothing but rainbow take home babies for all of us. Much love.

2ndGeneration · November 2013

buggirl72 said:

My update -

***lost LO mentioned***

I've also been having a much harder time with the holidays then I thought I would. I was looking at the Black Friday ads and it really hit me that this should have been Zachary's first Christmas. To say I have been in a funk is an understatement. I really have no expectation that I will have a living child. I fully expect that I will get another BFP at some point but that it will just end in another loss. Even though I don't think I will end up with my rainbow I'm not willing to stop yet - because I'm not willing to look back and wonder if I had tried just one more cycle if that would have been the cycle.

*loss mentioned*

I'm so sorry about your little one.

I'm right there with you with the bolded part! I feel the same way. I just don't have any time to waste. I want to encourage you to keep fighting on-that's how I feel too! I'm not giving up without a fight. Menopause will have to get me first.

my update- I am cleared to TTC immediately, but am supposed to wait 2 weeks for sex (loss last week) so have some days to go-no charting right now, last loss I got my cycle back about 3 weeks later so maybe it will go the same this time. Dh seems...ok...with the idea of ttc again. He worries about me having to go through the losses. But we both still want a rainbow baby, and like you said buggsgirl, if you don't try...

it's so easy to talk about wanting to ttc when I can't even have sex. let's see how bold I am in a month lol.

gscoville · November 2013

RN536 said:

Hi @buggirl72 and all the other AMA ladies. Bug I'm sorry you are feeling so defeated and I wish you could believe you will get your rainbow!! I'm glad you're not giving up on trying though. Hopefully the dhea will help. I'm in a little bit of a funk today and I haven't been on the board all day. I just checked quick and I'm mobile so I won't read everyone's responses int tomorrow. Sorry. Too hard to read in the phone. My mom had the MRI today but we won't know the results til her appointment Tuesday. She said it wasn't too awful of an experience. I am still waiting for AF. Feel crampy so I thing she is coming. Not sure of what our future plans hold besides just trying natural. Had some baby day dreams during acupuncture today and like bug I'm starting to feel that they are only dreams now. Have to shake this funk. Have a good weekend everyone

((hugs)) I hate how our age makes things seem so much more urgent and, well, desperate. I know I share this funk, every failed cycle just seems to be a bigger movement of the hand on the clock we're all working against. I hope those cramps aren't AF on the way, and I'm wishing your mom the best at her appointment!

peggels24 · November 2013

@buggirl72 ((hugs))

peggels24 · November 2013

peggels24 - How are you doing? Have you had your first AF yet post D&C and how long are you and YH benched? Sorry I hate typing on this iPad and I assume there will be spacing issues with this post. I'm doing well....it was great to see my family and feel their support in person. My brothers were the cutest. They each asked me numerous times how I was doing. No AF yet. There's still some confusion as to how long I'm benched. OB said 1 cycle. Maternal fetal specialist suggested two. Either way....it is not time yet lol

peggels24 · November 2013

RN536 said:

Hi @buggirl72 and all the other AMA ladies. Bug I'm sorry you are feeling so defeated and I wish you could believe you will get your rainbow!! I'm glad you're not giving up on trying though. Hopefully the dhea will help. I'm in a little bit of a funk today and I haven't been on the board all day. I just checked quick and I'm mobile so I won't read everyone's responses int tomorrow. Sorry. Too hard to read in the phone. My mom had the MRI today but we won't know the results til her appointment Tuesday. She said it wasn't too awful of an experience. I am still waiting for AF. Feel crampy so I thing she is coming. Not sure of what our future plans hold besides just trying natural. Had some baby day dreams during acupuncture today and like bug I'm starting to feel that they are only dreams now. Have to shake this funk. Have a good weekend everyone

((Hugs)). Sorry u r in such a funk.

clh4444 · November 2013

buggirl72 said:
My update -

Still continuing with DHEA and hoping that it gives me some good follicles. Of course, good follicles mean nothing without good timing so I'm hoping everything lines up there. DH is more in a NTNP type mindset were I recognize we do not have the time to just hope we randomly hit close to O.

***lost LO mentioned***

I've also been having a much harder time with the holidays then I thought I would. I was looking at the Black Friday ads and it really hit me that this should have been Zachary's first Christmas. To say I have been in a funk is an understatement. I really have no expectation that I will have a living child. I fully expect that I will get another BFP at some point but that it will just end in another loss. Even though I don't think I will end up with my rainbow I'm not willing to stop yet - because I'm not willing to look back and wonder if I had tried just one more cycle if that would have been the cycle.

Hugs. I totally get where you are at. I have a lot of the same feelings. I think mentally I'm done but don't want to look back having not tried everything. I hope the dhea is the answer for you.

anitaflora · December 2013

Sorry I'm so late! It's been a really hectic holiday weekend and I think I finally have a minute.

Congrats and wishing you lots of luck to @Eliz77 and @katib77!

@buggirl72 - so many hugs to you - I am so, so sorry you are hurting and I can't imagine how hard it must be for you during this time of year... I am continually moved by your strength and sending lots of love your way lady. And I hope you are able to have good timing this cycle!

@gscoville - yay for no more spotting! And yay for O-ing and good timing it looks like on your chart!

@rubysi - I'm sorry you have to wait so long - waiting like that to meet those kinds of hurdles is so difficult. I hope that this cycle works out for you and that your temps since Friday have given you some more info.

@Tappin2B - I hope the holidays were good for you even though it sounds it was so busy - I can relate!

@RN536 - huge, huge hugs your way, sweetie. I'm so sorry you're going through so much with your mom right now - and I know the TTCAL stress on top of it must feel just overwhelming sometimes. Lots and lots of love to you and you know how to reach me if you need an ear.

@2ndGeneration - that's good news that you're cleared to be off the bench - wishing you all the best for this cycle!

@peggels24 - sorry to hear there's a little dispute about how long you're going to be benched. But I'm sending you lots of good wishes for healing and recovery right now.

anitaflora: I totally forgot to ask you how your drive went for your CD3 bloodwork! I’m sorry! What is the plan for the cyst you have?

The drive was not too bad - thanks for asking. I actually got there way, way early so went by a Starbucks and sipped a pumpking spiced latte while relaxing to listening to some Phish in my car

My happy place before I went in

But then I remembered once I was getting my blood drawn that you're really not supposed to be drinking caffeine before getting blood drawn! Oh well, it didn't go too badly.

As for the cyst he found, he didn't say anything about plan of action at all on any front yet. He just said it was there. What I'm a little confused about is that at first I thought it might be the same one that was discovered on the same ovary last year, and I basically told him, oh yeah, that was there before and I got an MRI and my OB said it was functional and not to worry about it. But now I'm thinking, if it is the same one, Dr. Google says it should be removed at this point even if it is functional. Or, maybe it was a corpus luteum cyst still leftover from my recent miscarriage? Or a new one? I'm not sure but I guess I'll find out his recommendation once I get the remaining test results back, hopefully at the end of the week.

I am kind of hoping it will be something that can be easily removed and then we can move on quickly from it. I would hate to have to wait more just to see if it goes away on its own. Or worse, that it doesn't even matter because my other tests come back so poorly that he won't recommend IVF anyway.

QOTW: Something beautiful this week.... hmmm.... lol okay - my husband vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen! I know that sounds silly but the housework battle is strong in our home and I keep telling him how important it is to me that he contributes a little more otherwise I look around and feel like throwing in the towel because I can't do it all on my own and what's the point? If HE does it then I feel like, okay, I have to press on and get such and such done. So that was a good thing and I was glad maybe.... mayyyyybe there will be a change

Lots of love to all!

buggirl72 · December 2013

@anitaflora - for me, the RE was positive about IVF as a possibility until he got my bloodwork in - but, all of my levels came back bad. He had an Ovarian Reserve Assessment done that rated me at a 1, so definitely knocked IVF off of the board. So far you have several that are good so I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that those are what matter.

ashellypnut · December 2013

Hey ladies!

I'm a bit late to the party due to the holiday weekend but I'd like to check in!

@buggirl72: Our fearless leader! I got love for you! (((hugs))) for you because this is a rough road and this time of year makes it more difficult. I'm sorry you're down hun. I hope you feel better soon.

@gscoville: GL to your DH tomorrow and GL with this cycle!

@rubysi: Sorry about your appt, that is so frustrating. GL love.

@Eliz77: (((hugs))) Sorry that this cycle is making you crazy hun.

@RN536: I hope you're feeling better love. (((hugs))) GL to your mom on Tuesday's appt.

@2ndGeneration: GL with getting your cycle back on track.

@peggels24: (((hugs))) during your time TTA. It can be tough.

@anitaflora: GL with that cyst and with your test results.

@katib77: Congrats and h&h 9 months to you!

ashellypnut - I love you sweetheart and I want you to do what is best for you ((((hugs)))). You are always, always welcome in any check-in I run and, I hope, they always stay a safe and supportive place for you to post. I do not want to lose track of you. Okay?

UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your support last week, it really meant a lot to me. I have my follow up with the RE tomorrow to review all the diagnostic tests that have been done. I'm curious as to what she'll say about the "mass" that mysteriously disappeared from my ute and what we'll do about the blocked right tube. She should be able to tell me about my ovarian reserve so I'll report back this week. xoxo to you ladies!

QOTW: Yikes, skunks! As for me, a beautiful sunrise over the parking lot of our complex which reflected off of the frost that formed on the cars. So pretty!

peggels24 · December 2013

@Ashellypnut good luck tomorrow

HeyMrsPotter · December 2013

@buggirl72, I can hear the hurt and frustration in your update this week, friend, and I wish there was a way to make it easier. I'm sorry this journey is shitty and uncertain. But I'm glad you're not ready to give up yet. ((HUGS))

@gscoville, hooray for those crosshairs! FX that YH gets good news re: school at his appointment tomorrow.

@2ndgeneration, I hope your cycle returns to normal soon. GL!

@anitaflora, FX that the rest of those test results look good and that you get some clear answers and a plan regarding the cyst.

@RN536, I'm sorry you've been in a funk. You're dealing with so much... Hang in there, hon. ((HUGS)). And FX for good results for your mom.

@katib77, congrats!

@Tappin2B, I'm glad you had a great Thanksgiving with everyone around.

@rubysi, I'm sorry things aren't happening sooner with your OB. I hope your chart straightens itself out soon.

@ashellypnut, I'm sorry this past week was so rough. GL for tomorrow's follow-up with the RE. I hope you get some good answers.

@peggels24, I'm so glad you got to spend some in-person time with family. There's nothing better than that kind of love and support.

HeyMrsPotter - ((((hugs)))) how are your mom and dad doing? I’m sorry for what looks like an imminent CD1 but I’m glad it did not show yesterday. More ((((hugs))) and I hope your day was peaceful.

My mom and dad are doing well, thanks. I'm back home now. Yes, AF showed me a little mercy and didn't come until the weekend. This will sound trite but I'm actually glad it was Thanksgiving on my EDD -- I was kept very busy with caring for the parents and preparing the holiday meal for our family. I went to bed exhausted and didn't dwell on things too much

Tomorrow morning is my initial consult with the RE. At this point, 7 cycles after loss, and with the Viagra not doing much to help with DH's ED, I'm thinking I'd like it if the RE is willing to move right to IUI. DH will see a urologist later in the month, and I of course still hope that will provide some chance of improvement, but in the meantime, I'm just done waiting patiently for other solutions. I could be jumping to the wrong answer, I know. I will be open and willing to listen to the experts. I just need something definitive and positive to happen soon.

clh4444 · December 2013

@heymrspotter. Good luck with the re today. I hope you get that definitive plan and can move forward with a new strategy while waiting for the urologist.

ashellypnut · December 2013

@HeyMrsPotter: thanks hun. We are in a similar boat, I think. RE appt is this am so I will update later. GL with YOUR appt. BTW, my DH had ED issues and has been taking Cialis with great success. I'm not sure of your history there but is it worth a shot at switching meds? FX you get some plan in place moving forward. (((Hugs)))

peggels24 · December 2013

@heymrspotter Good luck today!

dajhughes · December 2013

Not much to update on my end here - just wanted to pop in and say hello and happy holidays to you lovely ladies! @buggirl72 thank you for including me in the check in!

buggirl72 · December 2013

@ashleypnut - (((Hugs))) back atcha and thank you! What did you find out at the RE? I just realized you posted last night that your appointment was today - not tomorrow like I was thinking!

@HeyMrsPotter - it does not sound trite at all ((((hugs))))). I'm glad you were able to be with family on a day that could have been very hard and able to keep super busy. What happened with the RE? I totally get why you want to move to IUI quickly and hope you have a plan to move forward with.

HeyMrsPotter · December 2013

buggirl72 said:

@ashleypnut - (((Hugs))) back atcha and thank you! What did you find out at the RE? I just realized you posted last night that your appointment was today - not tomorrow like I was thinking!

@HeyMrsPotter - it does not sound trite at all ((((hugs))))). I'm glad you were able to be with family on a day that could have been very hard and able to keep super busy. What happened with the RE? I totally get why you want to move to IUI quickly and hope you have a plan to move forward with.

Thanks for the well wishes, all. The RE did feel IUI is the right move, IF we get OK results for the sperm analysis scheduled for the 16th, hysteroscopy scheduled for the 10th, and lab tests taken today for AMH, prolactin and to re-check my thyroid.

I will say, though, it was discouraging to see the conception success rates for the various kinds of IUI with AMA.

If our test results aren't dismal, we should be able to start the IUI treatment in January. In the meantime, DH's SA is scheduled for the same day during this current cycle on which I would typically ovulate. Since they said he should be abstinent for 2-3 days before the SA, it may impact our timing so that there may be no point in closely tracking this cycle. I know that's a big if, but I'm really tempted to take this as an opportunity for a break from temping and charting this month. I'm just feeling worn out.

@ashellypnut, hoping things went OK for you today. ((HUGS)). Thanks for the Cialis idea. We'll ask the urologist about the possibility/effectiveness of a med change.

@clh4444, I hope this week is treating you OK. I know you're currently weighing your path for the future regarding TTCAL, and I'm wishing you peace and certitude in whatever decision you ultimately make. ((HUGS))

buggirl72 · December 2013

clh4444 said:

buggirl72 said:
My update -

Still continuing with DHEA and hoping that it gives me some good follicles. Of course, good follicles mean nothing without good timing so I'm hoping everything lines up there. DH is more in a NTNP type mindset were I recognize we do not have the time to just hope we randomly hit close to O.

***lost LO mentioned***

I've also been having a much harder time with the holidays then I thought I would. I was looking at the Black Friday ads and it really hit me that this should have been Zachary's first Christmas. To say I have been in a funk is an understatement. I really have no expectation that I will have a living child. I fully expect that I will get another BFP at some point but that it will just end in another loss. Even though I don't think I will end up with my rainbow I'm not willing to stop yet - because I'm not willing to look back and wonder if I had tried just one more cycle if that would have been the cycle.

Hugs. I totally get where you are at. I have a lot of the same feelings. I think mentally I'm done but don't want to look back having not tried everything. I hope the dhea is the answer for you.

I think this is one of the hardest parts about TTC at our age. Any decision to stop carries with it a finality that does not really exist for most.

clh4444 · December 2013

buggirl72 said:

Hugs. I totally get where you are at. I have a lot of the same feelings. I think mentally I'm done but don't want to look back having not tried everything. I hope the dhea is the answer for you.
I think this is one of the hardest parts about TTC at our age. Any decision to stop carries with it a finality that does not really exist for most.

Very true and every month seems crucial. I am already pretty much out this cycle. We only hit CD 9 and CD 14. DH;s granddad passed away over the weekend and that kind of put a damper on anything TTC related. DH is now out of town with his family until Saturday. I feel guilty even feeling upset about this because I mean, what is more important but I can't stop the crazy checking another month off and getting another month older.

Thanks @HeyMrsPotter

buggirl72 · December 2013

clh4444 said:

buggirl72 said:

My update -

Still continuing with DHEA and hoping that it gives me some good follicles. Of course, good follicles mean nothing without good timing so I'm hoping everything lines up there. DH is more in a NTNP type mindset were I recognize we do not have the time to just hope we randomly hit close to O.

***lost LO mentioned***

I've also been having a much harder time with the holidays then I thought I would. I was looking at the Black Friday ads and it really hit me that this should have been Zachary's first Christmas. To say I have been in a funk is an understatement. I really have no expectation that I will have a living child. I fully expect that I will get another BFP at some point but that it will just end in another loss. Even though I don't think I will end up with my rainbow I'm not willing to stop yet - because I'm not willing to look back and wonder if I had tried just one more cycle if that would have been the cycle.

Hugs. I totally get where you are at. I have a lot of the same feelings. I think mentally I'm done but don't want to look back having not tried everything. I hope the dhea is the answer for you.
I think this is one of the hardest parts about TTC at our age. Any decision to stop carries with it a finality that does not really exist for most.

Very true and every month seems crucial. I am already pretty much out this cycle. We only hit CD 9 and CD 14. DH;s granddad passed away over the weekend and that kind of put a damper on anything TTC related. DH is now out of town with his family until Saturday. I feel guilty even feeling upset about this because I mean, what is more important but I can't stop the crazy checking another month off and getting another month older.

(((Hugs))) and I'm sorry for your loss. I understand. It's one thing to decide to skip a month, it's totally another thing when outside factors make it so you have to. Try not to feel guilty about being upset about this. More (((hugs)))

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