Break down at Church

BrittianyM · December 2013

My DH and I went to our church last night for Night of Worship. Its pretty much to music for Christmas. I should have known that since it is a Christmas

celebration that most of the kids would be in the main worship hall. Babies and kids everywhere. There was a couple sitting in front of us with a baby about 8 or 9 months old. Brooke would be 9 months old right now. At first the baby would just smile at me and I could take it and be happy. After a few minutes I started to hurt real bad thinking that should also be us with our daughter swaying to the music. I left my DH and went to the bathroom and cried to God to please stop my heart. I want to be with my daughter so bad. Never thought I would have a break down at church. Now I know that I won't be able to attend Christmas Eve mass. I just think I will not be able to take it. Its so hard to know what will trigger me and what won't.

VyD81 · December 2013

So sorry you're having a hard time. Hugs.

jess123456 · December 2013

I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug in person.

stefuge · December 2013

I'm so sorry. ((Hugs)) These last few Sundays church has been really hard for me as well. I haven't had a break down, but I have come home and crawled into bed. Our church has a very large population of young families, and I swear everywhere I look on Sundays there is a pregnant lady or a mom with a newborn. I really hate it because I feel like I need to be at church and that church itself has been really helpful and healing for me, but the pregnant bellies have me tempted every week not to go. The unexpected triggers are the worst. ((Hugs))

BrittianyM · December 2013

Thank you ladies

schulme2 · December 2013

I'm so sorry it was so rough. Big hugs!

diamante1181 · December 2013

I'm so sorry. I've also had trouble being around babies and families at church. It makes me feel hollow inside.

neptunebljc · December 2013

I find church a hard place too. I also ring tissues just in case. Las week I cried because they had two young teens playing violins and it was beautiful. I think I'm that crazy lady who cries almost every mass.

BrittianyM · December 2013

Its all so hard. Now I am feeling so hopeless again. I want to have more kids but I don't see a happy ending here. I had my little girl in my arms for 11 weeks and she still ended up in a box. How does that happen? I feel like maybe we just aren't ment to have kids but if thats the case God should not have ever given us Brooke just to let me know how great she was and that life as a parent just to take her away. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful that I got to be with her for 11 weeks. I just miss her and don't see anything good from this point on.

mingaling2 · December 2013

Noethola · December 2013

((Hugs)) sweetie. It can be so hard, especially around the holidays, to experience things without our babies. I too always take tissues, and I cry at church at least every other month. So far, I have cried already once this month, and probably will every week this month (Sunday is her angelversary, and then it just gets harder as you get closer to Christmas and more families start being together in church.)

Do what you need to do to get through this season. Its tough.

BrittianyM · December 2013

@Noethola Thank you so much. I will be thinking about you and your sweet Elsie on December 8th. I am so sorry.

kz's_girlygirl · December 2013

I can't even go to church, so you are stronger than me! DH and I are opting out of Christmas Eve mass with MIL because she always likes to go to the pageant and I just can't submit myself to it this year. We are going to go to midnight mass instead, at a church where we don't know anyone. (When people give me sad pity eyes, it just makes me feel worse!.) Maybe you guys could do something like that at your church? Try midnight mass, or evening masses instead of Sunday mornings?

Just do what you have to in order to protect your own heart, and know that I am lifting you up in my thoughts

bunnybun4 · December 2013

so sorry for such a hard night...the times when it hit the hardest are times when I least expect it- it seems. thinking of you and sweet brooke

irons633 · December 2013

Hugs to you sweetie!!! I can only imagine how hard that was.

cawettig · December 2013

I am so sorry, I tried going back to church. It was just too hard for me. Stay away if you need to. I think that we are all having a really hard time lately with the holidays. DH is even having a hard time lately. {{{Big hugs}}}

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