8 mo waking up 5 + times a night!

karlinabob · December 2013

My LO is 8 months old and just doesn't want to sleep at night! Generally I put her down, by nursing her, around 7:30. She wakes up 2 or 3 times before midnight, I nurse her back to sleep. Then she sleeps anywhere from 2-3 hours. Somewhere around 3 a.m. I am so tired I bring her to bed with me and she nurses back to sleep. Then she continuously wakes up looking for boob. So I am nursing, laying on my side uncomfortably, miserable, and barely sleeping. Then she gets about a two hour stretch of sleep and we're up my 7 a.m. I'm like the walking dead - the nursing dead. She's never slept longer than 3 hours on a consistent basis since she was born.

I don't want to let her CIO, but I am open to any advice regarding that, I might be swayed at this point. I'm really looking to change the nursing behavior and just get her to sleep without it. Lately, I've been putting her in crib semi-awake, she cries and yells for me to get her back up, I rock her, put her down and repeat 3-4 times until she falls asleep. It's exhausting and my arms and body are tired. After her 3rd time awake at night I just give up and zombie-nurse her. Lack of sleep has made me just resort to falling back into the habit.

Maybe what I need right now is just some other moms that are going through the same thing to give me some words of encouragement, or moms who have been where I am at and can help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I often feel guilty because I know she's not going to be this little forever and I just want to be there for her.

Right now I quiet things down and feed her solids at 6. Then bath with lavender oil (the good stuff), then a baby massage and book. Quiet time with lights low and nursing, singing, rocking. I mix lavender oil with coconut oil and put it on her pulse points, give her gripe water, and turn on her sound machine. Then bed by 7:30 ish.

I'd be fine with waking up 2 times or even 3 times, but last night it was 6 times.

Thanks for any comments/suggestions/encouragement!

LisaLisa1980 · December 2013

Honestly, just hang in there. She doesn't need to CIO or be sleep trained, she's just going thru a regression & it will pass. I just went thru 3 months of DS waking every 2 hrs and now he's back to sleeping well. It's sooooo tough, I get it, but just keep being their for her.

Even kellymom says nursing to sleep is OK. I do it. Lots of women here are against it but its your choice.

I also would lay off the oil & gripe water - she doesn't need it IMO

=Lee=B · December 2013

I've heard month 8 can be the worst. My almost 9 month old has popped out 2 teeth and is working on the 3rd. It's been brutal, she's been up every 20-30min she goes right back to sleep but wakes from the teething pain.

My daughter has nursed every 2hrs round the clock since birth. There was a very short stretch where she did one 4-5hr stretch each night, for a week, and then back to the every 2hrs.

To survive I bedshare. She naps in her crib and starts off the night in her crib but when I go to bed I bring her into a twin bed we have in her room and we sleep together. When she wants to nurse I half wake to roll over, I pass back out while feeding and wake up the next time she wants to nurse. It's still not great sleep but way better. We both get much more sleep by being in bed together.

As PP mentioned there is nothing wrong with bedsharing. It's for survival! You won't screw up your baby by nursing her to sleep. There is so much going on at this point, teething, wonder weeks, language development, brain development, physical skill development. Sometimes they just need comfort and closeness to help them.

cMichelle0423 · December 2013

Has it been like this for a while? Or is it something that just recently started happening?

My son is like this too and from all my research, I've come to the conclusion that he's been "trained" to want his bottle at night because that's what he's been used to.

What has helped me is putting him in bed a little later, around 8:30-9, and making sure he's good and full right before he goes to bed. He's slowly taking less bottles now, but I've also been giving him his pacifier instead of a bottle first to see if he's actually hungry or just wants something to suck on. Most of the time the paci does the trick and he goes back to sleep peacefully and spits out the paci within 10 min.

Best of luck to the both of y'all!

=Lee=B · December 2013

pavlovcat said:

My daughter has been doing this since she was 6 months old (she's 8 months now). Some nights it's every hour, some nights every two, some nights she'll wake up every 15-30 minutes before settling down for a couple hours. She wants the bottle almost every time she wakes and will not accept a pacifier substitute. The past two nights she WANTS to sleep, but she can't. She seems so uncomfortable - thrashing around and fussing while half asleep. No clue what's going on.

She sleeps mainly in the rock n play but we need to get her out of it as she fell out this past weekend after waking from a nap (we can't buckle her in because she'll only sleep on her side). She refuses to sleep in the crib and refuses to co-sleep.

She slept well before that with only 1 or 2 wake ups. She's never slept more than 9 hours total at night.

We're ready to try CIO. I can't do this anymore.

Ummm, an 8 month old should not be sleeping in a rocknplay! Not only because it is completely unsafe (especially unrestrained as you mention) but because it is way to confining. You say baby wants to sleep but is uncomfortable. But you've got her squished in a contraption meant for babies half her size that forces them into a limited number of positions!

Ditch the rocknplay and let her get used to the crib, if she were sleeping a solid 12 hours in the rocknplay I could understand you wanting to leave her in it but after 2 months of crappy sleep in it I can't imagine why you would have left her in it that long! She can sleep just as crappily in the safety of a crib!!

princessbmw · December 2013

My ds has been a terrible sleeper since birth too. I resorted to cosleeping but was losing my mind since I wasn't getting enough sleep. I totally understand how you are feeling. For us, something had to change, so at 6 months, we used the Ferber method of increasing length interval checks. We ditched the rock n play and put him in the crib the same night. The first couple nights are tough but stay consistent. Borrow the book from the library and follow the method.
You have to help your baby learn to fall asleep on their own. I can now put ds down without rocking to sleep and he goes to sleep with minimal crying if any. He still wakes up 1-3 times a night, but nowhere near what it was before. We all get more sleep, we all feel better, and I am so much less stressed. Good luck...I know how hard it is.

LisaLisa1980 · December 2013

princessbmw said:
My ds has been a terrible sleeper since birth too. I resorted to cosleeping but was losing my mind since I wasn't getting enough sleep. I totally understand how you are feeling. For us, something had to change, so at 6 months, we used the Ferber method of increasing length interval checks. We ditched the rock n play and put him in the crib the same night. The first couple nights are tough but stay consistent. Borrow the book from the library and follow the method.
You have to help your baby learn to fall asleep on their own. I can now put ds down without rocking to sleep and he goes to sleep with minimal crying if any. He still wakes up 1-3 times a night, but nowhere near what it was before. We all get more sleep, we all feel better, and I am so much less stressed. Good luck...I know how hard it is.

I just don't believe we have to "teach" them how to fall asleep. We don't teach our babies to crawl, they just learn over time. They'll get it one day. DS has gone thru so much in the way of sleep that I'm just not convinced. He has his phases and good nights that any form of training during a phase would have just caused added stress for all of us

bibby32714 · December 2013

For us a later bed time worked. She now gets a nap around 7 ish, just for an hour..I wake her up... and we play some more then bed time routine and down around 830-9. We have the merlin sleep suit and have trained her to be able to zip her in it, in her crib, tired, and walk away. If she wakes any time before a 4 hr stretch we try the pacifier first. It works most times. Many times they are not really hungry, just want the comfort. You could also try (if possible) someone else going in as LO may want the boob as soon as it is near but if not available will go back to sleep.

princessbmw · December 2013

I feel like a lot of people who are totally against sleep training don't have a difficult baby when it comes to sleep. You have to do what's best for your family. For me, I could barely function and I was beginning to resent the situation. I was irritable, felt sick, ad wasn't enjoying my son. It was the toughest 6 months of my life. I tried everything and his sleep just kept getting worse. For us, sleep training worked. Do what you feel comfortable with and don't let others make you feel bad about it.

Bizzy80 · December 2013

princessbmw said:

I feel like a lot of people who are totally against sleep training don't have a difficult baby when it comes to sleep. You have to do what's best for your family. For me, I could barely function and I was beginning to resent the situation. I was irritable, felt sick, ad wasn't enjoying my son. It was the toughest 6 months of my life. I tried everything and his sleep just kept getting worse. For us, sleep training worked. Do what you feel comfortable with and don't let others make you feel bad about it.

I completely agree. We have not slept trained yet but it has gotten to the point where I cannot function anymore and something has to be done. I hope it works just as well for us.

=Lee=B · December 2013

Yes, I judge people that leave an 8month old, unrestrained, in a device meant for much smaller restrained kids.

Children's services won't care about a herniated disk when you show up at a hospital with a baby with broken limb or head injury. If your back injury means you can bend and lift figure out a safe way to bed share, or some other safe manner to allow your child to sleep. There are plenty of ways to ensure your child is safe that will not aggravate your back. As far as I'm concerned if my only option was further hurting my back or hurting my child...I'd be hurting my back. Doesn't matter how close you are sleeping to your child the device is unsafe in this situation. Period.

LisaLisa1980 · December 2013

PAVLOV: Before you consider CIO, please be reminded of the fact that you're starting your daughter in a new territory. It's NORMAL for babies to not sleep well. They just need comfort and security. Imagine going from a nice, plush, warm king sized big to sleeping without blankets or pillows - not the same extreme, but the point is, your daughter may just need extra time to adjust.

PRINCESSBMW: You are right, you need to do what works for your family. DS was a great sleeper until he hit 4 months and then sleep went on a 3 month hike. He would wake up every 2 hours give or take, and some nights it would take up to 2 hrs to put him back down. Some nights he was up for the day at 3am, sometimes even 5am. I spent a lot of my days being in a constant daze and not functioning like I how I would like to have been. I'm not sure if you've seen any of my posts in the last few months, but I talked a lot about the issues we were having - trying to transition him into his crib PLUS unswaddling him. The majority of the advice was to kill 2 birds with one stone - sleep train and go cold turkey with the swaddling. We did a form of CIO for all of 10 minutes and never resorted to it again. DS is the kind of baby who needs to know we are around and will scream bloody murder otherwise. Why would I subject all of us to that when we could just buckle down and take it day by day. Everyday my H would remind me "we're almost there, just hang in there, it'll pass soon." Well, even though "soon" meant 3 months later, DS is now back to sleeping better. This is why I'm not convinced babies need to be trained to sleep. They will eventually fall into their own pattern. So, yes, I totally get sleep deprivation and not being able to enjoy the things you want to, and yes, DS was going through a difficult time, but it's not going to last forever. It's hard, I really, truly understand how hard it is, but CIO or any form of training just wasn't for us.

pinottoparenthood · December 2013

It sounds like your LO is getting used to nursing to sleep and is having a hard time falling asleep on her own. I think if you want it to improve, you need to stop nursing her to sleep every time and let her self-soothe. You don't need to do full-on CIO necessarily, but let her put herself to sleep by putting her down drowsy but awake. You can comfort her if she cries, but then put her back down. This is what we did. I would let him fuss in his crib, but if he started crying, I would pick him up, soothe him, then put him back down. I also leave a couple of pacifiers and lovies in the crib with him when he is putting himself to sleep so that he can self-soothe. As long as you nurse her back to sleep every time she wakes up, she is going to continue to rely on that to fall asleep and want to nurse every time she wakes up in the night. If she can learn to put herself back to sleep, those wake-ups won't be such a big deal. Also, sometimes if we let R fuss in his crib for a bit in the MOTN, he will go back to sleep by himself without any interventions.

ETA: I know how difficult and frustrating it is when you are trying to get a screaming baby to go to sleep, but it's really all about consistency! Good luck and I hope things get better for you!

LisaLisa1980 · December 2013

pinottoparenthood said:
It sounds like your LO is getting used to nursing to sleep and is having a hard time falling asleep on her own. I think if you want it to improve, you need to stop nursing her to sleep every time and let her self-soothe. You don't need to do full-on CIO necessarily, but let her put herself to sleep by putting her down drowsy but awake. You can comfort her if she cries, but then put her back down. This is what we did. I would let him fuss in his crib, but if he started crying, I would pick him up, soothe him, then put him back down. I also leave a couple of pacifiers and lovies in the crib with him when he is putting himself to sleep so that he can self-soothe. As long as you nurse her back to sleep every time she wakes up, she is going to continue to rely on that to fall asleep and want to nurse every time she wakes up in the night. If she can learn to put herself back to sleep, those wake-ups won't be such a big deal. Also, sometimes if we let R fuss in his crib for a bit in the MOTN, he will go back to sleep by himself without any interventions.

ETA: I know how difficult and frustrating it is when you are trying to get a screaming baby to go to sleep, but it's really all about consistency! Good luck and I hope things get better for you!

I'm still nursing 7 month old DS to sleep, however, my H can also put him down too. I used to question what I was doing based on what was being said on this board so I did some searching online & even Kellymom avocates nursing to sleep so I'm not worried about it. They'll grow out of it. DS is now able to wake up, roll over & go back to sleep on his tummy whereas a month ago that never could have happened.

Here's that link:

https://kellymom.com/bf/normal/comfortnursing/

PhieryBFly · December 2013

I have a controversial suggestion (although this thread doesn't really need any more if that): have you tried letting your baby sleep on his/her tummy? I tried it one night several months ago after hours of trying to get her to sleep and she was out like a light. My 2+ hour nightly bedtime dropped to under ten minutes just by putting her down that way. We have no other SIDS indicates in the environment (no smoking, breastfed, blah, blah, blah) and since nearly all babies sleep better on their bellies, I have a hard time thinking that evolution or God or the Force or whatever would make nearly all babies want something that would put them in danger. I didn't start this until she could easily roll both ways FYI. Okay, I'm ready for the flaming.

=Lee=B · December 2013

PhieryBFly said:

I have a controversial suggestion (although this thread doesn't really need any more if that): have you tried letting your baby sleep on his/her tummy? I tried it one night several months ago after hours of trying to get her to sleep and she was out like a light. My 2+ hour nightly bedtime dropped to under ten minutes just by putting her down that way. We have no other SIDS indicates in the environment (no smoking, breastfed, blah, blah, blah) and since nearly all babies sleep better on their bellies, I have a hard time thinking that evolution or God or the Force or whatever would make nearly all babies want something that would put them in danger. I didn't start this until she could easily roll both ways FYI. Okay, I'm ready for the flaming.

Once they can roll both ways it's not a big concern anymore. It does help some babies sleep. My friend is a doctor and she noted that when we started the back to sleep trend most babies started sleeping more poorly. On really rough nights in the early days I would lie my daughter on her tummy, sit beside her until she was sound asleep then roll her onto her back. It worked wonders. Of course, that is different than leaving them unwatched in the early months (which I'm not advising). But, once they can roll both ways tummy sleeping is fair game.

sgoodsel · December 2013

To the original poster... could you have dad try to comfort baby by rocking etc for a few nights. Baby may still cry but she'd be in dad's arms if you two don't want to do CIO. Maybe LO will break the association of nursing. I think some babies are just naturally better at sleep than others.

We had the same problem DD was not an easy sleeper without boob. We coslept for a long time but got to the point where no one was sleeping well, even her, as she woke up every 20mins-2 hours to nurse. I hated life and was miserable as I was so tired! We did our own version of Sleep Lady/Ferber/CIO, she did end up crying for 15 mins for a couple of nights, it was less terrible than I imagined it. After a couple of days she can sleep through the night some of the time. She still wakes up sometimes (we're going through a bad sleep time right now and I expect those times to come and go), and we go to her and sooth her if she's not falling asleep well or cosleep if she/I needs it, but now we are all doing better because sometimes we all get good sleep! And we base our choices of how we respond to her based on her cries, if it's just a fussy cry we leave her for a bit, a scared/really unhappy/hungry cry we react immediately. Sometimes sleep isn't as good, but it's still better now that she knows how to go back to sleep without comfort nursing all the time.

Don't feel bad if your baby has to cry to learn how to sleep. I do think that some babies need space to learn how to fall asleep, and that can involve crying.

laujam31 · December 2013

We are in the same boat. DS used to go down at 7:30 wake at 3:30 and be up for the day (occasionally needed a pacifier somewhere in there, but nothing crazy) At around 4 months it all stopped Waking 3-5 times a night, constantly in our bed. Boob in mouth just so I could get some semblance of sleep. It's still going, He just turned 8 months. You are not alone.

I nurse right before bed, sometimes he falls asleep nursing, other times with a paci. He does not need to be rocked, but he does need to be held. I used to be able to put him down semi awake, but since he could sit up/ get in crawl position, that isn't an option. He pushes himself up. He will not lay down. And now he is standing so I feel like cry it out is not an option bc I don't want him to get hurt. I'm drowning here. I'm hoping someone gives you magical advice. My dr said he'l grow out of it. I'm exhausted to tears.

PhieryBFly · December 2013

Here's an article from the Sleep Site about the 8 (or 9 or 10) month sleep regression. It may provide some insight: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/8-9-10-month-old-baby-sleep-regression/

And here's a link to some gentle sleep resources if you'd prefer to try those over sleep training: https://evolutionaryparenting.com/gentle-sleep-resources/

I hope these help- Good Luck!

HML5382 · December 2013

I went through this at 6 months and decided to do some sleep training and we got down to 1 wake-up per night from waking every 2 hours. By 7 months she dropped that 1 wake-up on her own. I was not a big CIO fan either, we did do some graduated crying though to give her a chance to fall back asleep on her own. She did need to be trained to put herself to sleep because I had trained her to only fall asleep with my help. Just like a baby will never learn to crawl if you don't put them on the floor and let them practice, a baby can't learn to fall asleep if you always intervene.

Every sleep book I've read (and I've read several!!) says that babies (and adults) go through a brief awakening as part of a normal sleep cycle, it's a survival mechanism to make sure everything is ok while we're sleeping. To a baby who fell asleep being cuddled and nursed this can cause problems because they wake expecting to still be cuddled and nursed. My first daughter had no issue with this, she would fuss for a second, roll over and suck her thumb and go back to sleep. But my second definitely has had trouble with this. For her I needed to work extra hard to make other "sleep associations" so when she would wake up she could get herself back to sleep without me.

I still nursed at bedtime, but I got her used to other things that would still be there when she woke in the night, like a lovey and a pacifier. Eventually those other things became as comforting to her as the nursing and she wasn't as reliant on nursing to soothe herself back to sleep. Now we're done nursing and she goes to bed awake and sleeps till morning without any help from me. Well, usually, of course there are still the occasional fluke moments when she needs a good cuddle

sidey1 · December 2013

You could also try introducing a security blanket, we were having horrible sleep issues with DS waking frequently and not wanting to be put back in his crib and introduced a blankie, (we got an adan and anais one that is a breathable material and really just a small square) it took a few nights but now he is sleeping for at least a 4-5hr stretch, when he wakes up he reaches for his blankie and rubs it against his face and falls back asleep. It definately provides him comfort and he's sleeping in every position you can imagine, back, side, stomach. Dr said stomach sleeping once the can roll is completely fine.

honeydew01 · December 2013

HML5382 said:

I went through this at 6 months and decided to do some sleep training and we got down to 1 wake-up per night from waking every 2 hours. By 7 months she dropped that 1 wake-up on her own. I was not a big CIO fan either, we did do some graduated crying though to give her a chance to fall back asleep on her own. She did need to be trained to put herself to sleep because I had trained her to only fall asleep with my help. Just like a baby will never learn to crawl if you don't put them on the floor and let them practice, a baby can't learn to fall asleep if you always intervene.

Every sleep book I've read (and I've read several!!) says that babies (and adults) go through a brief awakening as part of a normal sleep cycle, it's a survival mechanism to make sure everything is ok while we're sleeping. To a baby who fell asleep being cuddled and nursed this can cause problems because they wake expecting to still be cuddled and nursed. My first daughter had no issue with this, she would fuss for a second, roll over and suck her thumb and go back to sleep. But my second definitely has had trouble with this. For her I needed to work extra hard to make other "sleep associations" so when she would wake up she could get herself back to sleep without me.

I still nursed at bedtime, but I got her used to other things that would still be there when she woke in the night, like a lovey and a pacifier. Eventually those other things became as comforting to her as the nursing and she wasn't as reliant on nursing to soothe herself back to sleep. Now we're done nursing and she goes to bed awake and sleeps till morning without any help from me. Well, usually, of course there are still the occasional fluke moments when she needs a good cuddle

THIS! Very well said.
Yes, they will learn to crawl if you put them down and let them practice, by giving them a chance to learn to crawl. If you picked them up every time you put them on the floor and they cried, they will not learn to crawl. Same with sleeping.

When you say sleep training here, people automatically assume CIO. There are gentle sleep training methods to help teach your baby to fall sleep on their own. But if you do decide to go the route of CIO, you have to be strong and consistent. Usually the ones that say CIO didn't work for them are ones that didn't follow through...Letting your baby cry for 15 minutes and then intervening with the old sleep associations just because you can't take it anymore teaches the baby that you'll intervene if he or she cries long enough. It's been repeated here over and over, consistency is the key. So OP, I suggest picking a gentle sleep training method and sticking with it.

Also some kids outgrow sleep issues and become good sleepers on their own. But if a baby is dependent on many sleep associations to fall sleep, the chances of this happening any time soon is low. When we were discussing sleep issues with our ped at our DD's 4 and 6 month appointment, she mentioned both times how she sees patients with babies 18+ months who can't sleep on their own, are up so many times at night that's detrimental for their growth and development and how it is so much harder on both the baby and the parents to do some sleep training when a baby is older. As she puts it, it's a disservice if you don't teach them this skill early on.

Good luck!

taraleanne · December 2013

pinottoparenthood said:

It sounds like your LO is getting used to nursing to sleep and is having a hard time falling asleep on her own. I think if you want it to improve, you need to stop nursing her to sleep every time and let her self-soothe. You don't need to do full-on CIO necessarily, but let her put herself to sleep by putting her down drowsy but awake. You can comfort her if she cries, but then put her back down. This is what we did. I would let him fuss in his crib, but if he started crying, I would pick him up, soothe him, then put him back down. I also leave a couple of pacifiers and lovies in the crib with him when he is putting himself to sleep so that he can self-soothe. As long as you nurse her back to sleep every time she wakes up, she is going to continue to rely on that to fall asleep and want to nurse every time she wakes up in the night. If she can learn to put herself back to sleep, those wake-ups won't be such a big deal. Also, sometimes if we let R fuss in his crib for a bit in the MOTN, he will go back to sleep by himself without any interventions.

ETA: I know how difficult and frustrating it is when you are trying to get a screaming baby to go to sleep, but it's really all about consistency! Good luck and I hope things get better for you!

This is pretty much exactly what we did to help my LO fall asleep on his own. He stopped nursing to sleep by his own accord, but I still needed to get him to fall asleep period and honestly, rocking him wasn't working anymore- he was far too interested in playing with my hair or my nose.

We also introduced an aden&anais security blanket as mentioned by a previous poster and had the exact same result. After a few days he become attached. He totally sucks it or plays with it to help himself fall asleep. It's very sweet!

You don't have to let your baby CIO, there are gentler approaches if that's what you are looking for. Good luck!

KKillian1029 · December 2013

I have the same problem but my son is got 6 teeth so it is a little easier with that, but he wanted to get up at night and play and I try to put him back down but it don't always work.

The bad part is we just start about a month ago putting him in his crib to let him cry it out and so far he has been doing good, but i don't like the CIO way so i rock him to sleep and then place him in his crib around 8:30 and he would do fine until 12 and then i would get up rub him face and he would go back to sleep now he REFUEES to dare go back to sleep and play, this morning he woke up around 3 and didn't go back to sleep till 6 and then back up at 8 ...

this mommy and daddy need any advice possible

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