When do you mention adjusted age?

brachysira · December 2013

My DD is almost 11 months, and almost 9 adjusted. She is sometimes developmentally ahead of her real age and on other things she is just a little behind, even for her adjusted age. We have been going to a preemie playgroup and she is younger than everyone and always seems on track. However, we just signed up for a baby gym, and it's a different story. Moms there ask how old DD is and I say she is 10 months, but then they say, oh, my LO is 11 months or 13 months or whatever and it's a world of difference. These kids are running around, have pigtails, put toys in shopping carts and push them around...while my DD army crawls or sometimes regular crawls, has almost no hair, and mostly just mouths toys. Should I bring up, "oh, but she was a preemie so she's kind of 9 months and kind of 11?" Do they even get that you should adjust for milestones or does it just seem weird, like I'm stuck on her birth or something? I don't want people to feel bad for DD or think she is behind, but I don't want people to think I am oversharing and talking about her origins when they're just making casual conversation and we've known each other for 30 seconds. What do you do?

carrotcake06 · December 2013

This past weekend we were out at a restaurant and the server says "oh twins! How old? 3 months?" And I said "No, they're 5 months. But they were 6 weeks early". I usually don't get into that much detail, but she kind of opened the door.

I prob wouldn't say anything, or like @Usm123 suggested, just say "11 months but 2 months early". I feel like as babies grow, they really start doing things at their own pace which can vary greatly from kid to kid.

conradtn · December 2013

I guess since she's still so young I mention her adjusted age.

direy25 · December 2013

conradtn said:

I guess since she's still so young I mention her adjusted age.

Same here.

jbranden12 · December 2013

I still mention it. I usually say she was born in January but came three months early so developmentally she is about 8 months.

MinaE01 · December 2013

When he was younger, I mentioned it all the time, mostly because he was (and still is) so small. Now, it's only occasional. He's not that far behind, and as @usm123 said, there's such a wide range for skills and milestones.

Bluebird2318 · December 2013

With strangers I ended up just finding it easier to give her adjusted age without mentioning her actual age or that she was premature at all. I still do that actually. When she's 2 I will start giving her actual age without any adjustments. The people who I feel it is important to know she was a preemie already know (close friends and family), so I give her actual age without any adjustments to them.

Throw3ks · December 2013

I do the same as some PPs. I give adjusted age to strangers and those I talk to more, like the moms in a play group I explained the age thing too. Granted my dd is only 15act/5adj.

brachysira · December 2013

Well, my new strategy is this: I give her real age. Then the mom will usually say, "is she walking?" I say, no, but she was 8 weeks early, so she's all over the place with development. Sometimes they say, "well, it's pretty early to be walking" which means they don't get you should adjust but that's okay. And if my LO is ahead of their baby who is the same age (she crawls, gets to sitting, pulls up at 11 months, and some babies don't), then I don't mention her preemie status.