Help from family in week 1?

LittleLady77 · December 2013

In my mind I want a week for hubby and I to bond with the babies before my mom comes to help but is this totally unrealistic? What do you ladies think?

legaleagles · December 2013

My mom and dad and other family friends live close...they'll be over at times, but wont stay with us. If I'm needing my mom to stay over (or send DD to my mom's we will). When DD was born my mom came over almost every day.

ILs will come in June (I'll probably deliver in late April) but wont stay with us. They cause me a lot of anxiety, but I try my best when they visit. They are never as nearly as helpful as they think...and are pretty disgusted by breastfeeding (I bf'd dd for 21 months) and with newborns I'll probably be topless a lot. lol

LottaLattes · December 2013

I said number 1, but it depends 1000% on the people coming to help. And also how totally capable your husband would be on almost no sleep with newborn babies. My ILs came over for 3 days which was the best thing ever but I adore my MIL and my FIL isn't super helpful for baby things other than holding a happy baby but he doesn't get in the way either. My mom would have caused me stress so wouldn't have been good. It will also be way harder I would think if you are recovering from a C/S, and how you recover in general pp.

I laugh with my MIL sometimes about trying to breastfeed babies through tubes stuck to my boobs (per LC) with her holding one boob while I tried to latch a baby and my husband feeding the other in another room with my FIL I am really thankful they were there.

Good luck. There is no blanket right answer, maybe if possible can they be on call? My ILs went home after the third day (were just home with the bigs the first night) but came back for a night 2 days later when things weren't going well (started improving when I just decided to pump). But it was nice to have the option of them returning to save us

sparkman-to-be · December 2013

I had help after delivering my 2 singletons both times and I cried both times my mom left. She will most definitely be here and hopefully for longer than the normal week she stays, after the twins arrive!!

jocie2581 · December 2013

Having my parents around right after they were born was invaluable. Gave DH and myself time to focus on the boys. While my parents focused on feeding us and running errands for us.

CNYBride05 · December 2013

I voted bonding is important, but I also think help is imperative. We had a doula 3 days, 4 hours each time, the 1st week. I wish we'd just had family there instead. Having help doesn't detract from your bonding. In fact, it can help because you can just be with the babies and family can clean up for you, make food, etc.

LucyRicardo3 · December 2013

ITA with @LottaLattes . If your help is there to truly assist, whether it's making meals for you and DH, cleaning kitchen, washing dishes/bottles, entertaining any older LO's, or laundry, is help. Not someone that will expect you to feed them, be their "hostess", or clean up after them while they hold sleeping babies. So communication is truly key.

rcnavywife · December 2013

Our babies will almost certainly have some NICU time and we have an older DS as well, so I need help before they are even home. My parents will come and stay as long as we need them. Although we don't have a big house and it will be crowded, they are super helpful. We are lucky as my IL's are great as well.

LittleLady77 · December 2013

Thanks ladies. My mom will absolutely be helpful and do whatever I tell her to do but she is also SUPER stressful to both DH and I. I can usually only handle her and her opinions for 2 days. The good news is that she is only 1.5 hours away and can totally be on call if we need her. I *think* my hubby will be great but who really knows and we will have a cleaning service initially but I know that's not a replacement for help.

Wishing35 · December 2013

I chose get help. But bonding is important, our parents where great they came and cleaned, brought food etc and then gave us space! They where there when we needed a hand or a nap break but left us alone with them too, just knowing they where only a phone call away was a tremendous stress reliever. If you have help, be clear about what you want and need from them.

LegalLadyBug · December 2013

We didn't have any help with DD and were fine, I realize twins are different though. This time around we live near our parents and they'll be there to help if we need it.

TREDgirl · December 2013

My mom came to help week 4 when hubby went back to work. I am very glad I had her wait so we could enjoy that time alone with the babies.

Mama-Bear · December 2013

We didn't really have any help when my twins were born and we had a 27m old at home. I delivered on a Thursday, went home on Monday, DH was off the rest of the week and then I was on my own. Our parents live close so they would visit sometimes, but we never had "help".

somewhereincali · December 2013

Ditto the it depends on the help.
We had my parents who were amazing, did everything around the house, and were super supportive of EBF even when it wasn't going well.
I'm still to this day so thankful for their help those early days.
But if it's someone who is just going to hold babies and tell you to formula feed (if you are trying to bf) then I would say no thabks

BabyCarryingVessel · December 2013

Oh girl, we had one night of "bonding" and I was practically begging for someone, ANYONE to come help. Haha! That first night was a doosey, and my man wasn't the greatest help, and I was recovering from the CS and extremely hormonal. If you have good help available, for the love of God, accept it! But I'll agree with PPs, it depends on the help. I was very fortunate to have my mom and MIL.

vegetablegardens · December 2013

I'm so glad you posted this, as I'm struggling with it, too.

I was hoping for some bonding time, too, and I'm starting to panic with all of these people saying they will be coming to help during the first month. My mom is one thing. Anyone else seems like it would feel like "company."

raraavis28 · December 2013

This is kind of a loaded topic, and there are lots of variables (esp. depending on your relationships w/ family members, if you are having overnight guests, etc.)

Both my and DH's families live very nearby, so I had a lot of helpers during the first week. They came during the day to hold babies, make us food, help with chores so I could get a nap or shower, etc. It was really nice. Granted, I am also very close with my mom and sisters (who were the main helpers) and I am pretty extroverted; I think I would have felt kinda lonely having to do everything on my own from the start. And my body was tired and sore as I healed from my C/S. DH, on the other hand, started to have enough of visitors after a week and that caused some unnecessary drama.

When it comes to helpers, I would advise:
1. Get a game-plan and make sure you and DH are on the same page (with the realization that you might change your minds once you are there, so keep the lines of communication open!)

2. Only accept help from people you are comfortable with and who will actually be helpful.

As for bonding, you will get plenty of bonding time even with tons of help, so I wouldn't worry about that.

zazu13 · December 2013

I am lucky that both my mom and MIL live 3 miles away and my sisters and SILs are not much further. All have agreed to help and I have told them they are all welcome and needed to help with household duties and to hold crying babies (not sleeping ones). I'm not sure how to actually orchestrate the help, but I know they are willing so that is nice.

ballygirl · December 2013

My girls are 7 weeks and I could not have done this without my mother. I had a rough csection recovery and was a total zombie for about 2 weeks. My mom stayed with us and helped do night feedings, cooked dinner, washed bottles, basically did whatever needed to be done because I was so worn out and could barely function. Each week has been a little easier and although I still get a lot of help, I finally feel like I've gotten my groove back.

CaliCarly77 · December 2013

Our families live far and would have to stay with us. My mom has a lot of opinions and frankly, last time she was here it was more work than help (a few weeks ago). She would probably love to hold babies, but she isn't very helpful in cleaning up, etc. Also, because of her personality, dh just shuts down around her and hides. So we asked her to come a few weeks later, when dh is back at work, so that it will actually be helpful. My mil is coming a few weeks after that (not sure why she is waiting so long to come).

I hate feeling like I have to entertain guests. I am really counting on dh to step up, we'll see. I will let you all know in a few weeks lol.

kellibelle0417 · December 2013

It does depend on you and the help. We loved having a few days of bonding time before my parents arrived (3 days later). My parents were an amazing help the first week, but I think they were done and tired out by the second week. 1 week would have been perfect for us. You definitely need people you feel comfortable around helping. Especially if you plan to bf. I was also blessed with friends visiting and brining us dinners the next few weeks. My sister made us a dinner once a week. It was really nice! Good luck on your decision!

katiebenes · December 2013

The first week I had *good* help. I had my parents there to help me do things like laundry. I was incredibly sore and couldn't walk so well (I had edema and it made walking painful.)

I like the help more now that I can't hold them both at the same time as well (they're 3 months)

ntdane · December 2013

I haven't had my twins yet but with an extremely active 2.5 yo DS I know we're going to need help. We are new to the area and don't know a lot of people and the closest family is 4.5 hours away so I'm trying to work this out now so we have a loose plan in place. My IL's are closest and they will probably come to help watch DS while I'm in the hospital. I would not be able to handle them staying with us when the babies come home so we'll have to figure out the best way to send them home. My mom will come to help the first week the babies are home, which will be extremely helpful.

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