Skip school for mom's weekend?

AliW220 · December 2013

I'm blown away by this, but maybe I'm in the minority.

SS is 4, in preschool, and is insanely bright - in 3 months has blown every objective of preschool out of the water. For about a month now, BM & FI have been trying to work out a modified exchange so that SS can attend FI's big birthday/family get-together party. BM is allowed 3 weekends a month, but takes 1-2 on average. The only way she will agree to exchange SS early (by a few hours) is to get him a whole day early, meaning he'd miss preschool. She lives across state lines, 4 hours away, so it's not as easy as just driving to get him.
Missing school even tho "it's just preschool" wouldn't even be an option for me as a parent, but as fiance to BD I don't get much of a say. Seems like it would send the wrong message to SS that school is optional, and I don't want him to get that idea!

What's the general consensus on this? Let the kid miss school? How would a judge see this?

mom2one · December 2013

Yes...it's preschool. Kids don't even need to GO to preschool.

cole2144 · December 2013

IMO it`s not a big deal, it is only preschool, which is not even mandatory.

MommyEllenSue · December 2013

It's only preschool and 1 day. It's really not a big deal.

Banana44 · December 2013

My DD1 is 4 and in pre-school. We skip school. No big deal. Sometimes we skip to go the movies. And DD is pretty bright (according to me, who isn't biased at all) But seriously - what are they going to miss - working on letter of the week - a day of centers? No big deal!

Nineoceans · December 2013

We just never switch time. If it's important enough for SS to attend we plan it around when he will be with us otherwise no kid from a bf will get to attend every single event.

Don't walk over or minimize the NCP's time. It's not the right thing to do

Wahoo · December 2013

It's preschool. I wouldn't worry about sending the wrong message. Kids learn messages over time, not for "once a year" events.

I have taken my kids out of school for a week to go on vacation, and my friends who are teachers / former teachers tell me it's not that big a deal!

CurlyQ284 · December 2013

Suuuuper unpopular but the years that we have SDs for Thanksgiving, DH gets Saturday to Saturday because BM doesnt have paid time off so they miss 3 days. They're in middle school. I think its ok.

FWIW my mom was VERY loose with mental health days, missing school for vacations etc. It didnt make me take school less seriously. I got my work in advance and did it on the days i missed for vacation.

AliW220 · December 2013

CurlyQ284 said:

FWIW my mom was VERY loose with mental health days, missing school for vacations etc. It didnt make me take school less seriously. I got my work in advance and did it on the days i missed for vacation.

Interesting, and good to know. I came from a family where we didn't miss school for anything - other than if we were puking or had a high fever and would have been sent home anyways. I felt like that was where I learned my work ethic, but maybe that's not the whole picture...

I also feel like if it's allowed this ONE time, its not going to be a one-time thing. I worry that a solution to working out schedules will always be to pull him from school.

Thanks for the replies everyone!

cole2144 · December 2013

Not trying to be snarky but why is this even a factor for you? What is you custody situation? If his parents are ok with it, why does it matter? Why does your fiance say?

AliW220 · December 2013

cole2144 said:

Not trying to be snarky but why is this even a factor for you? What is you custody situation? If his parents are ok with it, why does it matter? Why does your fiance say?

We have primary placement, at most SS sees his mom EOW. I know that I'm not a biological parent, but I too am raising SS. BM has acknowledged that on multiple occasions. Our blended family works with both fiance and I having a say in decisions for both our boys. SS's education and anything regarding his schedule and life are very important to me, the child means the world for me, why should it not matter to me?

After a long talk with fiance about it, he is not willing for SS to miss school. He was only agreeing to it to try to keep some peace, and be done with the negotiation. BM has mental health issues (reason why the courts give her limited time, only a year ago or so supervision got lifted), so the fear is that she won't be able to separate this as truely a rare occasion, and that it will become a default answer to schedule issues.

cole2144 · December 2013

AliW220 said:

cole2144 said:

Not trying to be snarky but why is this even a factor for you? What is you custody situation? If his parents are ok with it, why does it matter? Why does your fiance say?

We have primary placement, at most SS sees his mom EOW. I know that I'm not a biological parent, but I too am raising SS. BM has acknowledged that on multiple occasions. Our blended family works with both fiance and I having a say in decisions for both our boys. SS's education and anything regarding his schedule and life are very important to me, the child means the world for me, why should it not matter to me?

After a long talk with fiance about it, he is not willing for SS to miss school. He was only agreeing to it to try to keep some peace, and be done with the negotiation. BM has mental health issues (reason why the courts give her limited time, only a year ago or so supervision got lifted), so the fear is that she won't be able to separate this as truely a rare occasion, and that it will become a default answer to schedule issues.

Don`t get me wrong, I am a SM and we have 50/50 custody so I certainly believe SPs get a say. It just did not seem like a big deal to BD and I believe if it is not a big deal to him than that should be that.

Holly_1007 · December 2013

I agree that yes, its just pre-school and yes its just a one time thing but I would be nervous it would set a precedent that she doesn't have to abide by school schedule in the future when it is more important.

Nineoceans · December 2013

Bliz1712 said:

Holly_1007 said:

I agree that yes, its just pre-school and yes its just a one time thing but I would be nervous it would set a precedent that she doesn't have to abide by school schedule in the future when it is more important.

This is what I was going to say. Yes it is just preschool and I wouldn't be worried about missing a day, but then it sets the precedent for future years when it does matter. It also then becomes 2 days here, 2 days there and could get out of control. I don't know how your BM would be, but in our situation this would be the case for us.

Are you forgetting you asked HER for a favor? You can't ask someone for a favor and then name the guidelines for the favor. If you go into a BF situation doing this please prepare to have 14 more plus years of war.

If you upset her enough she can go back to court. Please believe all it takes is one sympathetic judge and you are now 50/50 not the primary custodian and then you are fighting these battles daily. There are plenty of extremely unstable women who have a large percentage custody- stick around and you will see

ambrvan · December 2013

Yes, our BM was this for the brief time she had visitation during school time. I'm kindergarten, SD had a truency letter by the end of September. Her pre-k also had a rule that if they missed x number of days they would be booted out for a child who needed the spot. So make sure your pre-k doesn't have any rules like that.

If that's ok, then letting the out of state NCP have that extra time to their weekend is fine. She has to have BD's permission the way custody stands now anyway, so she cannot just randomly pick him up and keep him out of school in future years. You and BD will be the ones enforcing the lessons about the importance of school.

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