My husband and I were both raised Catholic. neither of us are religious. i consider myself an atheist, he just doesn't really consider himself anything. neither of us were confirmed. His family is Irish. in their family, getting married in the church and getting babies christened is just what everyone does. honestly, i think had my husband met a girl who didn't have strong opinions either way or who was religious, he'd probably have just gone along with the tradition. when i first told him i didn't want to have a church wedding he thought the only other option was a courthouse (we got married on the side of a mountain instead). he at first argued that we should christen any kids we have because that's what you "do", but then we went to a christening together, and i pointed out to him that there is no possible way i could get up in front of a church full of friends and family and straight out lie to them, which is what i'd be doing if i said the things you say at a christening. he finally agreed, and now he totally supports me in it.
my BIL and SIL had a baby girl last spring, and there was a christening for her, because they just go along and follow "the rules." they are now expecting another baby in June, and last week my BIL asked my DH to be godfather. he said he really appreciated him asking, but that he just couldn't do it. they were at my MILs at the time. apparently he then went on to say that we won't be christening our baby. my MIL over heard that, and started to cry. this is a woman who does NOT show emotion. she said we just HAD to have a christening. that if we didn't the baby wouldn't really be a {insert our last name here}. ouch.
of course, the worst part is that they blame me for "changing" him when it comes to church stuff. first with the wedding and now this. and i suppose they are right since if i'd wanted a church wedding, i know he'd have gone along with that. i just can't believe she'd imply that our little baby would be less a part of the family just because we don't want to lie to everyone and dunk his or her head in a bowl of water. my family will be dissapointed too, though i know they'd never say something like that. i also know she just said it because she was upset, but now i can't help but think my little one will be the oddball grandkid. i mean none of them even go to church! ever!
the worst part is that i love my in laws. my MIL has never been anything but great to me. we are very different people, but i really do adore her. i'd hate to think that behind my back they think badly of me because of this whole thing. there are a lot of traditions i hope to keep, but this is one i'm ok with ending at our baby.
is anyone else coming up against anything like this with their their in laws or their own families?
Re: Christening woes...
Honestly, as a practicing Catholic, I would rather you stick to your guns and really explain your views to them. No one should lie or put on a show just to ingratiate themselves into a family. That's not what family is. If they're as kind and good as you indicate they are, then they'd appreciate that honesty and difference of opinion, and come to see that lying will do no good for anyone. Seriously, ask them if they think God would look kindly on you or their son for lying in church and to everyone., or look kindly on them for forcing you into it by with-holding love and support.
I truly hope it all works out for you and they come around and support you properly.
DD born 2/3/03
BFP 3/21/13 w/ EDD 12/02/13, C/P 3/29/13.
BFP 9/18/13 w/ EDD 5/26/14,
Beta #1 @ 14-16dpo = 375, progesterone 33.6
Beta #2 @ 20-22 dpo = 8,782!
Beta #3 @ 27-29dpo = 44,230, dx subchorionic hemorrhage/ threatened mc
Beta #4 @ 29-31dpo = 72, 080
Grow, little one, grow!
***** All AL Welcome *****
I told my ex-husband's parents that if they wanted my son christened, they were welcome to do it without me. They never did, so it obviously wasn't that big of a deal.
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
Any way with that said, I don't think you should be guilted into anything. It was an over reaction on your MIL's part. I'm sure your family won't be upset forever, If you explain to them it wouldn't be right for you and your husband to Baptis. If you haven't attended a baptism recently you should know that they will ask you to respond to the fallowing questions...
V. Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth?
V. Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the Virgin Mary was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?
Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting?
If you can't respond "I Do" to any of these questions honestly, then you shouldn't Baptise your child. Also they ask you if you will raise your Child in the Catholic Faith. If your Child chooses to become a Christain when he is older then it will be his decision. Sometimes I think that way makes more sense any way but once again I'm a apparently not a "true Catholic"
I'm sorry you were made to feel bad and I hope you MIL will respect your decision.
it was the questions you listed that helped me get my DH to see reason, since we've been to several Christenings since we've been together. my answer to all of them is NOPE.
and @redinlove, you are right. if he'd been adamant about doing it and really wanted to, i would have let him do it on his own. i know deep down he just doesn't really care either way.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that, I can't believe she would say that and I hope it was just in the heat of the moment. It is interesting because where I live you have to be an active member and attend most services to be able to have your child baptized in the church. Anyway, I've seen people post on here about just doing it to please family, but I think its great that you wouldn't lie. I'm sure once your baby gets here it won't matter and she'll love them the same. Its really too bad she said that.
So I wrote my reply above feeling bad and I do not judge people for what they believe in obviously you can tell by what I said above. Before I posted I went back and read all of the comments and you wrote "the thought of putting money in the pockets of the catholic church makes me feel ill". That's pretty offensive to someone who is catholic and if you have that attitude towards it and your inlaws pick that up I can see them being offended as I was reading your post. I haven't seen any Catholics coming on here judging and neither will I because I don't care what you do it doesn't bother me.
not sure where there was any "badgering"?
i certainly don't feel bad raising my children "like that". that doesn't mean i don't care about the feelings of my in laws. i love them, and i feel bad about upsetting them.
Maybe because it's her husband's family and she wants to attempt a peaceful resolution rather than just blatantly disregarding their traditions and risk causing a permanent rift? That's what I get from it.
@Jules51814, I don't fault you for "feeling ill" for giving the church your money. I personally feel ill thinking about abortion. But just like I can't, and shouldn't, make someone keep a baby, nor should you be made to give where it doesn't suit you. I don't find you judgmental or your statement offensive just because you share a different opinion. I don't think anyone here should. Just letting you know you're not bugging me
DD born 2/3/03
BFP 3/21/13 w/ EDD 12/02/13, C/P 3/29/13.
BFP 9/18/13 w/ EDD 5/26/14,
Beta #1 @ 14-16dpo = 375, progesterone 33.6
Beta #2 @ 20-22 dpo = 8,782!
Beta #3 @ 27-29dpo = 44,230, dx subchorionic hemorrhage/ threatened mc
Beta #4 @ 29-31dpo = 72, 080
Grow, little one, grow!
***** All AL Welcome *****
Random side note though: my kids are in Catholic school because we live in an area where there are no private schools and the public schools are not great at all. We'll be facing some issues next year when DD will not be able to make her sacraments with her classmates because she was not baptized. Not looking forward to that whole thing.
We approached both the wedding and lack of baptism as this is how it's happening. No discussion. We thought it out and it's our choice. No one really gave us trouble because they never really had a chance. Does MIL still try to convert us once a month? Yes. But...yeah!
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
Whoa, who said everyone in the church is bad!? I have a lot of family members and friends who are a part of it that I think are pretty great, and from what I gather, so does the OP. The comment was directed at the Catholic church organization, not the congregation.
DD born 2/3/03
BFP 3/21/13 w/ EDD 12/02/13, C/P 3/29/13.
BFP 9/18/13 w/ EDD 5/26/14,
Beta #1 @ 14-16dpo = 375, progesterone 33.6
Beta #2 @ 20-22 dpo = 8,782!
Beta #3 @ 27-29dpo = 44,230, dx subchorionic hemorrhage/ threatened mc
Beta #4 @ 29-31dpo = 72, 080
Grow, little one, grow!
***** All AL Welcome *****
I can understand your MIL being upset and saying a wrong thing in an upset moment. It's not cool of her, but I understand it. I really hope you all can reach a point of agreeing to disagree about this. Good luck.