Mommy melt down

BeeGirl2 · December 2013

4 days home with the kids this weekend and 2 of those days were flawless for the most part and the other 2 days were so horrendous I shut myself in the bathroom to cry a few times... Oh, you may have saw me, I was the Mom who had no control over her 2 and 4 year old anywhere we tried to go.... What am I doing wrong?!? Sometimes my 4 year old is spot on and other times its like I speak a different language. I also feel like they have to constantly be doing something. When we just sit around and relax all I do is yell at both kids... Is it because they are so stimulated at DC all week? Or am I doing something wrong? Am I alone with this?

emberlee3 · December 2013

It sounds pretty normal, at least based on how things go at my house. DS is 4 years old, and is quite obnoxious at times. I don't think there is such a thing as "sit around and relax" with toddlers/preschoolers. DH and I take turns to give each other some peace and quiet on the weekends.

mittensonkittens · December 2013

I've been there. Sitting on the floor crying while they run circles around you? Yup, there too. I often wonder if they are more difficult because they are used to all the action of a child centered environment at daycare. Or maybe I just don't have as much practice as SAHM's. Since I have had baby #3, I have really had to find ways to deal with them. We have been trying to run errands on week nights when they are in bed, or during the day when they are at daycare, instead of dragging the kids with us on the weekends. Or we'll bring one of them with us. They are 100x better behaved when separated, and they like the individual attention. And we have been trying to go out and do something fun every weekend. Even if it's just the park. They need to release some energy. When they get really wound up, distract them with something else. It may take a few tries, but find something that interests them that doesn't involve throwing themselves off the furniture or hitting each other with sticks. If all else fails, walk away. When I've really had it, I tell them I'm done, and go into my bedroom. After a few minutes they calm down and come in there to see me. Letting my 4 year old be more independent has helped with the yelling issue. Instead of yelling at him for taking the snack out of the pantry instead of waiting for me like I asked, I ask him to get the snack and count out so many pieces for him and for his brother, and put them away. I need to be less of a control freak and let him do stuff. We also work around the most difficult times of the day. 5-6 pm until bedtime is the most difficult time of the day, so we try to make sure both DH and I are around. That has been a big stress reliever, but really more of an issue with all 3 kids. Oh yea, sleep! Get some more sleep yourself. You can handle anything when you're rested. Good luck! And Happy Monday!

BeeGirl2 · December 2013

@ms.mittens you give me hope!! We are TTC #3 and after this weekend I kept asking myself if I am totally crazy... When my kids are stimulated and separated they are great but I feel like weekends are about doing things as a family since we are all away from one another 5 days a week... But same here the 2 of them think they are straight out of a ninja scene when they are together at home!! My Mom is always giving me a hard time saying I go out to much and should just stay home and let the kids relax... That when I was a kid we were home all the time and I am spoiling them. We don't always go to expensive places.. Even the park or library... Just something to get them thinking and moving. Of course I worry when they are incapable of being home and behaving and I can't help but wonder if I don't have enough time to add another to the mix. Some days life is smooth and easy and I am confident and other days I fear I am doing it all wrong. It is nice to know that you do it with 3- thanks for the advice!!!

dglvrk2 · December 2013

DD had a spectacular meltdown yesterday. I'll fully admit I didn't deal as well as I could. I'm 8 months pregnant with DD#2 (my Bump siggy does not work......) and this makes dealing much harder sometimes.

I think a lot of LOs' behaviors on long weekends has to do with them being out of their routines. It's not that they are overly stimulated at DC or dislike the extra mom and dad time. They're out of their elements. Thinking about this more - it seems like it takes DD a few days to adjust when we're on vacations.

OP - Hang in there. If you and DH get time off over Christmas/New Years, do schedule some "alone" or "me" time for yourself in advance. A date night could be great too. Your kiddos may enjoy having a baby sitter for an evening too. And, as another poster noted, there's always the electronic babysitter :-) (in moderation, of course!)

mittensonkittens · December 2013

BeeGirl2 said:
@ms.mittens you give me hope!! We are TTC #3 and after this weekend I kept asking myself if I am totally crazy...

Yes, you ARE crazy. But you're not alone in crazytown.

And your mom may have a selective memory with the whole "relax" comment. I also sometimes send the kids outside. The back yard is fenced in, and I sit inside in the quiet house and watch them from the window. That's relaxing.

jf198400 · December 2013

I think long weekends are tough. The kids are off their routine, they're excited by all the family stuff, and they don't know how to contain themselves so they run wild. Don't beat yourself up, we've all been there.

mae0111 · December 2013

Ooooh, I'm so with you... my 4 year old was really tough this weekend. She argued with me about everything. EVERYTHING. Sweetie, great job getting your shoes on, but they're on the wrong feet... NO THEY'RE NOT. My, it's only 20 degrees out - it's cold! NO IT'S NOT. She even started answering for DD2... It was exhausting. By Sunday, I was out of my mind, between the arguments, negotiations, and temper tantrums. By then, the poor kid didn't have a chance, because I couldn't reset myself.

I wish I had some advice, but I don't... just wanted to let you know that you're not alone...

aglenn · December 2013

I have a four year old and a toddler and I think honestly they are both just at really tough ages right now. Four is full of attitude and control struggles, and the toddler still requires a ton of supervision but he completely thinks he can do anything big sister can do. It is exhausting and frustrating. They definitely get wild and out of hand if we are in the house too much so we try to get out as much as possible, even if it's just a quick wagon ride around the block. I also have to try really hard to choose my battles with DD (the older one) because she will fight me on anything and everything if I let her. She frequently leaves the house wearing crazy outfits she's picked out and with shoes on the wrong feet. I can't stand correcting her all.day.long and it seems to make her push even harder if I try, so I let a lot of things go for now. It is very hard and you are definitely not alone!

MommyAtty · December 2013

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. CS Lewis said, "We read to know we are not alone." I read this board for that reason. I had a rough evening with DD last night. And felt like an utter failure. So thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one.

mae0111 · December 2013

MommyAtty said:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. CS Lewis said, "We read to know we are not alone." I read this board for that reason. I had a rough evening with DD last night. And felt like an utter failure. So thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one.

Oh, this. So much this. Every word. I was crying in bed last night because although there were times that DD was being difficult, there were other times when she was just being 4, and I was just at my wit's end.

BeeGirl2 · December 2013

Thank you ladies for making me feel NORMAL!!! I hope you all are having a wonderful day! We were all happy to get back to routine this morning.

mhickey426 · December 2013

jf198400 said:

I think long weekends are tough. The kids are off their routine, they're excited by all the family stuff, and they don't know how to contain themselves so they run wild. Don't beat yourself up, we've all been there.

i agree. Even the best moms loose control. They are kids it happens

cedenton · December 2013

I had one of those on Saturday after my 15 mo. old slapped me in the face in the morning (on purpose) and then had to be removed from the indoor playground for hitting other kids in the evening. It turned out he had a double ear infection. So I just all around felt like a bad mom. Hope it gets better for you!

daisy662 · December 2013

My little guy - 16 months - is not really into toys. He wants to walk around the house and nose into everything he shouldn't. He doesn't stop. He could care less about the tv. Literally, does not even glance at it. My only salvation is his pack n play. That is the only place he will sit still and play with his toys. A half hour of that here and there really helps.

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