Whose home for the holidays? poll

dufferoo · November 2013

Ok, I don't actually know how to set up a clicky poll, but I'm just interested in how other families handle the holidays as far as spending time with both your family and your husband's. I realize there are a lot of factors that go into this and every situation is unique, but we are having a hard time finding a system that works well for us so I am interested in all different scenarios... Do you alternate years? Do you do one family for Christmas Eve and the other for Christmas? One for Thanksgiving and one for Christmas? Visit both families on each important day? Also, do you get flack from your parents/in-laws and how do you handle that??

jnnfrrose6 · November 2013

When we lived in NYC, we alternated because it required travel for both (his family is upstate NY, mine is in GA). Now that we're in GA and have DS and convinced FIL to move to GA (ILs are divorced, though FIL passed away last year too) we do holidays here. MIL has an open invite to come to any and all holidays. I was informed yesterday she will be here for Christmas.

mb314 · November 2013

We live 4.5 hours south of my family and 9 north of DH's family, so we do every other Christmas with each family. It actually works well for us because my BILs and SILs are also on the same schedule, so every other year DH's family is all together for Christmas.

We always do Thanksgiving with my family because it is driving distance for a long weekend. DH's family is far enough away that we would fly, and we don't want to fly at Thanksgiving.

In a way I think it's easier that our families are so far apart because there isn't the pressure to share time over the holidays. My BIL and SIL have both of their families in the same town and they struggle with the pressure to see both families each Christmas.

magentawarped · November 2013

Thanksgiving is always at my dad's house...it's become kind of our yearly family reunion. FIL tried to convince us to come to his house, but it's the one time I get to see all my uncles, cousins and whatnot...plus my stepmom is a better cook than DH's stepmom.

So now apparently Christmas has been claimed by FIL. He's coming to our house, though, because I actually put up a tree and stuff, and he's a hoarder.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2013

Nicb13 said:

I have a super small family, mainly just my mom and a cousin. Xmas eve will be at our house because there's more room and it's easier to just put DS to bed and continue doing our thing. We pick up SS on Xmas morning and bring him back to our house to do presents, etc then we either have dinner at my house or my moms.
The big thing for us is the Xmas party DH's family has the weekend before Xmas. My mom comes to that and there's a whole bunch of us and tons of kids. It's the best part about the holiday's for me.

My parents have a Christmas Eve party every year. It's great, because what else are you going to do that night? It keeps kids occupied from counting down for Santa and the adults have some time to enjoy too. They aren't doing it this year for only the 2nd time in my life (they are just beginning an expansion on their home and have to pack up and move out for 6 months). I don't know what we're going to do Christmas Eve!

tifdaski84 · November 2013

Both of our familes are close (inlaws are only minutes away and my family is about 45-50 minutes away) so we celebrate with both on or around Christmas. This year, we'll be with my H's family Christams Day after spending the morning just us at home and mine on Boxing Day. Next year, we'll likely spend Christmas Day with my family (depending on my sister's plans with her inlaws) and another day with the inlaws.

I know this is easy for us since both families are close but I couldn't imagine NOT seeing one or the other on or around Christmas. We do the same thing for Easter and Thanksgiving.

oliversmommy32912 · November 2013

We try to do everything every year and it always ends up being crazy. I don't see a way out though. All of our family members are close and we are close with all of them. I have a split family, so there's that, and to top it all off, my husband's birthday is on Christmas. We just split our time the best we can and try to have as much fun as possible!

anna&jl2011 · November 2013

Our holidays are packed. But DH family lives within walking distance and my family lives 20 mins away. My parents are divorced and remarried.

Thanksgiving: We do one meal with DH family and the other with my mother then usually stop by my dad's house in the middle of the day.

Christmas: We do christmas eve afternoon with my dad, christmas eve night with DH family, Christmas morning at our house( my mother usually comes) christmas day lunch with DH family, and christmas day supper with my mom and her house.

myjohnsonboys · November 2013

For Thanksgiving my family always eats super late (not sure why but we do). DH usually takes our boys to visit his family and I guess have lunch there and returns in the evening to eat with my family and I. I stay behind and help finish the cooking with my mom and sister. For Christmas we basically do the same except I am napping while he takes the boys to do presents and stuff with his family. My relationship with the il's has always been up and down. I have found that keeping a respectable distance is best.

skibunny59 · November 2013

Thanksgiving is different every year. Sometimes it's with my family, sometimes it's with his family. Most of the time, his family does "Thanksgiving" the saturday after thanksgiving so it usually works out well because then we can do my family on thanksgiving.

This year we are having thanksgiving at my house so we are inviting both sets of parents and both sets of siblings.

Christmas is much easier. Christmas Eve is when my family does their big celebration with the whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc.) so we always do Christmas Eve at my parents house with my family. The past couple of years my parents have invitied DH's parents for Christmas Eve.

Christmas day we usually go to his parents house. My parents don't really care if I come by their house or not on christmas since for us christmas eve is the big day. Some years we go to virginia to see his sisters a couple days after christmas and we'll spend a few days with them.

capulet · November 2013

Right now we live about 6 hours from my ILs and my mom (who moved to the same town as my ILs about two years ago) and across the country from my dad and sister in Seattle. We will spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with DH's family, probably with visits to my mom, who can't really host us at her place. We've spent Christmas every year with DH's family since we got married, but we've moved a lot in the last nine years, so we've spent Thanksgiving with whoever was geographically closer. My parents are divorced and my own family is not nearly as large as DH's ginormous family, so it's just easier for me to visit them at other times of the year when travel is not so expensive and I don't have to worry about distributing myself evenly during the holidays. I had plenty of that when I was a kid, thanks.

My mom is spending Thanksgiving day with her brother, sister, and my grandfather two hours away from my ILs, and wants us to go up there too. While this is theoretically possible (mom's family dinner is at noon, ILs at 4 PM), I am not really relishing the idea of spending another four hours on Thanksgiving in the car after spending the previous day driving six hours, and it would probably drive the kids bonkers. I might just go by myself. For various reasons we haven't really had to deal with the holiday weirdness since my mom moved to my ILs' town until now, but this year it's going to start being awkward.

LyndseylovesHugh · November 2013

We live in a different state than both sets of our parents. We used to travel and alternate, but now that we have a kid we will be doing holidays at our house. If the parents want to come visit us that is fine, in fact my mom and step-dad are coming on Christmas Eve and staying a few days, but we think it is important for our kids to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning and traveling by plane with kids during the holidays is just to stressful. If we lived near all parents we would just alternate holidays.

melody921 · November 2013

We alternate years for Thanksgiving and Easter, so this year is our year to be with DH's family. And since his parents are divorced and remarried, but everyone gets along fine, we are hosting everyone at our place. Christmas Eve will be with my side of the family, and Christmas Day will be split with DH's two sets of parents/step-sister and BIL.

dufferoo · November 2013

Thanks for all the responses! @Lalamama81 you are a girl of my own heart. I kinda wish I'd gotten 85 more responses just like yours so I could show them to my hubby and be like "Seeeeee???!!!"

plus12012 · November 2013

This year, Thanksgiving is going to be with DH's family and my parent's are coming to our house for Christmas.

I have 3 siblings and we are spread out all over the country so, we pretty much leave it up to my parents where they want to go over the holidays. So w/ DH's family it's kind of a if my family isn't free than we will spend it with them. This may not sound fair but, they live much closer and we see them a lot more throughout the year.

jess9802 · November 2013

Both sets of parents live less than five miles from our house, and just a few blocks apart from each other. Most years we have Thanksgiving with one set of parents, then dessert with the other set. This year my in-laws are visiting DH's sister out of state, so we are hosting my parents and won't go anywhere.

Christmas Eve my in-laws have a big open house style party complete with Santa Claus, and I love it. So we go to that every year, and some years my parents have come, though last year we stopped by their afterward for cookies and eggnog. Christmas morning is at our house - we open presents and then my parents, my brother, and my SIL join us for a big fancy breakfast. We trade off Christmas dinner - one year with my family, the next year with my in-laws.

We've done it this way for four years now and it's not too exhausting, just as long as we don't try to eat multiple dinners. That's terrible.

sunnyday016 · November 2013

My parents and ILs live in the same town, about an hour away from where we live. We spend the holidays out there, and usually will sleep over for a night or two at my parents house. We usually end up splitting the day, part of the day at the ILs and part of the day with my parents. Since having kids, we have made it a priority to do Christmas Eve at our church at home, then wake up Christmas morning in our own home. THEN go out to see family.

kalette · November 2013

Thanksgiving is always at my aunts. DH's family doesn't get together for Thanksgiving usually. Christmas eve/day are usually at my parents and we do DH's family whenever it works. His family all work in medical,so they are often working those days and we do it before or after.

Irishsapphire · November 2013

Thanksgiving at my parents. My parents live in Oklahoma, so it is easier to travel in November rather than December when it could be snowing. Christmas at the inlaws. We live in Seattle, and my inlaws live 2 1/2-3 hours away in Washington.

APendola · November 2013

We live in the western part of Canada and my parents live in the east. It's really expensive to fly in Canada...not to mention the weather can be a real PITA that time of year...especially where my parents live. So we haven't gone to their place for Christmas since 2007 (just before we moved in 2008). DH is from South America - so it's even more of a challenge to visit his family.

I actually really enjoy not going home for Christmas. I like working when the traffic is slower and the office is quiet...I like that I get to just enjoy the stat holidays and do something simple with my husband like a walk in the dog park and a nice dinner.

stgn01 · November 2013

Thanksgiving = everyone here, my parents and in-laws

Hanukkah = go to in-laws

Christmas Eve = my mom's house

Christmas Night = my parents to my house

Aurora_Borealis · November 2013

We live 45 miles from my ILs and 2000 miles from my parents. We do not travel ever to my parents' for the holidays. I refuse to travel to the midwest in the winter. While on some level this disappoints my parents, deep down they are rational people and understand why I would want to avoid the very real possibility of being stranded at O'Hare on Christmas Eve with a toddler. Instead DD & I spend 10 days with them every summer, though my parents know they are welcome here for any holiday.

As far as how we deal with local holiday arrangements, it depends on the year. Some years we host, other years the ILs or their friends host. Sometimes the ILs are traveling and we spend the holiday with friends or just as a small family at home. One year we had Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant because no one felt like hosting (DH was in grad school and working full-time and FIL was recovering from a stroke).

Stephorse · December 2013

They live close so we split both days with both. We spend Christmas Eve morning with my parents and extended family (my dad's side of the family) and go to the in laws at night. Then we eat lunch Christmas Day at my folks house and then at the in laws that night.

FabulousMrs.P · December 2013

This is an area where we ALWAYS have a problem even though we DO have a system set up. We all (us, my parents, and my inlaws) live in the same town. We alternate Christmas with the in-laws and Christmas with my parents. Inevitably when it is my inlaws year NOT to have us on Christmas day, they give us a hard time, but we don't give in. As a child I always had to leave my home after we opened our gifts on Christmas day and go to two different Christmas gatherings. I am not doing that with my child. We have Christmas morning at our house and don't go anywhere until after DD's nap. It is nice to have some time to relax and do things as a family unit on Christmas Morning. I want my daughter to have memories of traditions that we do on Christmas morning at home.

As for how do we handle the flack, we let them speak and then we say "we are sorry that you feel that way, however we have to do what is best for OUR family. You did have us for Christmas last year and we are happy to get together on alternate day to celebrate Christmas."

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