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November 2012 Moms
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So upset

shella923shella923 member
in November 2012 Moms
My in laws left a heavy card table here after thanksgiving. DH put it in M's bathroom like to the side of the toilet but she went after it on friday during bathtome so he moved it back into the hall. I thought about moving it but my eyes are always on her. So they're playing hide m seek as I watch the dishes and of course she goes after it and it falls on her. DH completely flips. Blames me for not putting it back (he was at his parents sat til today with M). We decide to take her to the dr. He is very upset. He had to park his new car of 4 months (after 15 yrs) in a narrow spot because a douche neighbor had his friend parj in ours. Of course he scrapes the front of the car in the rush to reach dr before they close. Now he reaaaallllyyy loses it!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit. I was scared. We got to dr and they saw no reason to send her to er. Then we get home and I really think of how bad it could have been. This table is heavy I bawled for a while. Why didn't I moved it before ? Just had to let it out. FWIW DH is in therapy for anger but ugh it's just so bad in situations like this. !!!!!!!!!!
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Re: So upset

  • lyndsihutsonlyndsihutson member
    Don't beat yourself up. DD is fine so its all ok. My DH would have reacted the same, just to have someone to blame. I am sorry you have to deal with this but mistakes happen. DD was in her cozy coupe truck yesterday and fell out and it landed on top of her and he almost lost it on me. Crap happens. Dont let it get to you. You are a fantastic momma and he just has an issue with anger and blame. 

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  • shella923shella923 member
    Thanks so much ladies. I felt a little better this morning and he seems okay. Is staying home with the baby today just keep an ion her. She is happy and acting normally. I keep thinking in my head what if. But the most important thing is that the baby is fine. Thanks so much for listening.
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  • MaebbMaebb member
    I'm glad DD is ok. DS has pulled a small table over on himself, and it was a similar thing with my H getting mad even though he was equally to blame. Anyway, you're right - the important thing is that she's ok, and hopefully your H will get the help he needs for his anger issues. Don't torment yourself with the what-ifs or shoulda woulda coulda's.
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  • maven212maven212 member
    I'm sorry your LO had an accident  @shella923 - please remember that what could have happened didn't happen. That's an important distinction. What this amounts to is a reminder to find a different place to store someone else's table - that's all. Of course you feel guilty, but you need to take it easy on yourself. You are a mom and she is a baby. She will do things that will injure herself. You've done a great job anticipating potential problems to this point.  Moreover, she is fine - so it's all to the good.

    Re: your DH.  His response sounds disproportionate to the actual threat. My experience with important people in my life that have anger issues is that they act in a very similar fashion to what you described here out of, at least partially, a sense that they can act that way. They give themselves permission to be openly very angry and to overreact, even though it negatively affects those around them, because it makes them feel better. While he learns to control his anger, do not let his reaction add to your sense of guilt over the table falling over. It is good that he has recognized his anger is a problem and is working on it because how he responds to stressful situations really is his shiz. He decides how he will react to any situation. You don't need to let his decision making process and any resulting angry outbursts compound your mommy guilt.

    Maybe I've said too much. I feel really bad that you went through this experience, that's all. It is so stressful to deal not just with an injured child, but someone else's stress at the same time.  
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  • shella923shella923 member
    @maven212 you did not say too much! That was sweet and thoughtful. Of course today he is fine and thinks he did not overreact!!! I was like riiiiiiggggghhhht. Seriously I was debating making an appt with my former shrink to learn how to deal with this crap!! Otherwise he is a great DH But he needs to get some coping skills. Honestly I had to go in paxil pp so that helps me deal with everything but that stupid table haunted me all day. On top of that I had to run check on my granny at lunch and turns out she's anemic. We thought it was gonna be worse! I'm getting over the guilt. Thanks to ALL who responded. Love you gals!
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