how will you handle the truth about santa?

mommymegan831 · November 2013

DD is 3 1/2, she was really into Christmas and Santa last year, and this year seems to be even more. She's in a new daycare and in the oldest room, some of the kids are almost 6 because they're going there for kindergarden. I'm assuming they're still young enough that they all believe, but I also worry that someone may tell them Santa is not real. I'm really enjoying this time when Christmas is so magical so I really want to keep it going, but I kind of feel bad lying if she comes right out and asks. I also have a 1 1/2 year old who doesn't get Christmas yet so I don't want him to loose out on ever knowing the magic of Christmas.

What will you do when your child asks?

What'sNext? · November 2013

I remember asking my grandmother and she asked if I believed in Santa in my heart, when I said yes, she said good because that is the only thing that matters, he is more than a man, he is love, he is family, he is a special magic that you feel when you believe in him in your heart. That conversation has meant the world to me and one day, hopefully a long time from now, I will share it with my own children.

groovygrl · November 2013

I will also ask them if they believe, etc... I am not worried about it until they're like 6 or 7 though and some kids believe way longer. I really like the ideas in this letter I saw posted on pinterest....
https://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/73/9b/95/739b95b8d4c8c84352b371bd9c039ed5.jpg

mommymegan831 · December 2013

ClaryPax said:

I feel like a bad mom as I haven't really explained Christmas. I am not religious and didn't grow up in a church so to explain it religiously is hard for me. I probably need to find some books on it. DS is 3 and since I haven't really gone much into it he's not super big on Christmas or Santa, I mean he know who Santa is but doesn't put a whole lot of importance on it, which I think is good. I think in a more secular type Christmas the emphasis should not be so much in toys etc. I agree more with the spirit of Christmas, magic, feeling in your heart etc. I just don't know if I should try to start teaching him a lot about it now or wait until he is 4 and will understand it better. We may take him to our first service this Christmas but if my husband who did grow up in church doesn't really lead the charge then I don't see me doing it.

My mom forced us to go to church every week, so I feel pretty guilty admitting DD's been there about 5 times in her 3 1/2 years. She's also not so into the whole toy thing. She gets that Santa gives her gifts, but can't come up with any gifts she wants. She just loves the decorations, dancing in the car to Christmas music, ginger bread houses, just everything that has to go along with Christmas. Maybe she won't be super upset to find out that Santa isn't really part of it, but we did story time with Mrs. Clause and when Mrs. Clause mentioned making lists DD got a little upset since we haven't done that yet and she kept asking where Santa was because Mrs. Clause said he'd be coming. When we past a statue of baby Jesus she pointed it out, didn't know who it was, so I explained why we celebrate Christmas, but to her it's still all about the Christmas season and not Jesus.

VTbride05 · December 2013

I have a hard time with this subject.

My son has always been afraid of Santa. At age two he freaked out at the idea of a stranger coming into our house in the middle of the night. So.... we don't talk about Santa very much. While my DH and I were raised going to church every week, we don't take our kids, but I do have two nativities out and let the kids play with them, and we talk a lot about the meaning of Christmas.

We do write letters to Santa, but we also talk with each other about what we want but more so what we want to give. We give our kids one gift from Santa and the rest are from us. They also know that I fill their stockings.

So...... this week an older girl told my son that if he doesn't believe in Santa he will get coal in his stocking. Insert my heavy heart. As much as we don't push Santa my heart was sad thinking this magic might be taken away from him. He didnt say anything then but later told the same story to my DH.

I dont know what we will say... we will probably tell him that Santa, the story of Santa, the magic, the belief is a part of Christmas, along with baby Jesus, being with family, giving to the food shelf, etc.

One last thought... a good (adult) read is the Autobiography of Santa Clause. That gave me a bit of history that I will share with my kids.

NicoleWI · December 2013

This is hard. I want my kids to believe for a while b/c I think it creates a lot of magic, and the memory of that magic and belief in magical things seems important to me in their lives. But, I hate to outright lie, also, and already at 4.5 DD has asked me straight out about a couple things. She asks questions I NEVER would have thought to ask when I was little. She asked me if elves were real, and Rudolph, and I said yes for now even though I felt conflicted and guilty. She has also asked if the Easter Bunny is real, b/c, as she said, "is there really a great big bunny who comes to your house? That's silly!" and I just sort of diverted that one. I didn't expect these questions until like 2nd grade.

neverblushed · December 2013

Mom of older kids chiming in:

I think it's pretty typical for kids to go through 3 stages of belief (or non-belief) in Santa.

1. Total belief -- during this charming stage, kids believe 100%, and they don't question the obvious inconsistencies of the whole Santa myth. You can even slip up and make a mistake that should tip them off, and they will willingly overlook it. For example, a child can overhear you talking about when you bought a toy that supposedly came from Santa and say, "You didn't get me that, Santa got me that!" All you have to do is say, "Oh, right! I must have been confused." Kids this age will not even raise an eyebrow. If a classmate tries to convince a child in this stage that there's "no Santa" the child will ignore or pity the classmate.

2. Questioning/Testing -- during this phase, kids begin to notice how illogical the Santa story is, and they begin to ask questions. This stage can last for several years, or it can take just a few moments. Sometimes, kids in this stage begin to suspect the truth, but they think that if they stop believing, they'll stop getting all those cool toys, so they continue to "believe" until they're older. Sometimes kids are more skeptical, and the first question pops the whole bubble of belief. They may mention it to you, or they may hide it and play along with you, as long as you keep the myth going.

3. Acknowledgement of Non-belief -- at some point, kids will let you know that they are ready to openly acknowledge that Santa is a myth. For some kids this can be at an age that's quite a bit older than you'd expect. I know my DD had serious questions about Santa from about age 7, but she didn't openly acknowledge that she "knew" until she was about 11.

The tricky stage is 2. I handled early stage 2 questions with answers that reinforced the Santa myth. Example: Child: If Santa makes all the toys in a workshop, how come he gave me a Wii? Parent: Santa makes some toys in his workshop but some come from stores, depending on what kids want. Child: If it takes a jet 4 hours to fly across the country, how do reindeer fly to every house in one night? Parent: Santa's reindeer have special powers that allow them to do it all in one night.

As my kids got older in Stage 2, the nature of their questions changed, and so did my answers. For example, instead of questioning the logistics of Santa, they would actually mention the possibility that there's a choice of whether or not to believe. At this point, I stopped trying to reinforce the Santa myth, but I did not confirm or deny the existence of Santa. Example: "Child: Mom, Lauren said at lunch today that her sister told her there's no Santa. She said she doesn't believe in Santa anymore. Parent: Oh? How do you feel about that? Child: Well, a lot of kids in my class think there's no Santa, but I still believe in him. Parent: Well, everyone has a right to decide for themselves. You can still believe in Santa even if your friends don't."

Long ago, my H and I decided that we would NEVER tell the kids that there was no Santa. Even when my DD finally said, "Hey, Mom, you don't have to pretend anymore. I know there's no Santa" I said with a wink, "There is too a Santa!! He's just not exactly who you thought he was. He lives a little closer to home than you thought. And I'm VERY well-acquainted with Mrs. Claus!!! But in all seriousness, if you look at Santa as a representation of parents' love for their children, then he is real."

Every parent has to handle this in a way that's consistent with their values and beliefs, but I have known parents who caved in and revealed all at the first question, when they really could have thrown it back on the kid and allowed the kid to come to a decision more independently and over a longer time. I think when parents tell too early, kids can be disappointed. When parents allow that middle stage to go on for a while, the kids can come to terms with the myth more peacefully.

meg1974 · December 2013

I'm sure my post will be really unpopular, but we don't do Santa. My children believe everything I say, and the thought of telling them some stranger comes into our house in the middle of the night and leaves toys for them just makes me really uncomfortable. DD1 is such a realist, I seriously doubt she would believe me if I told her anyway.

They just think Santa is something people dress up as during Christmas time. They do get gifts from Santa at Christmas parties, but they have never really asked where gifts came from. If they did ask, we would tell them the truth.

I know my kids might ruin it for other kids some day, and hopefully I can defer that by telling them that some people believe in the spirit of Santa.

ambrvan · December 2013

neverblushed said:
Mom of older kids chiming in:

I think it's pretty typical for kids to go through 3 stages of belief (or non-belief) in Santa.

1. Total belief -- during this charming stage, kids believe 100%, and they don't question the obvious inconsistencies of the whole Santa myth. You can even slip up and make a mistake that should tip them off, and they will willingly overlook it. For example, a child can overhear you talking about when you bought a toy that supposedly came from Santa and say, "You didn't get me that, Santa got me that!" All you have to do is say, "Oh, right! I must have been confused." Kids this age will not even raise an eyebrow. If a classmate tries to convince a child in this stage that there's "no Santa" the child will ignore or pity the classmate.

2. Questioning/Testing -- during this phase, kids begin to notice how illogical the Santa story is, and they begin to ask questions. This stage can last for several years, or it can take just a few moments. Sometimes, kids in this stage begin to suspect the truth, but they think that if they stop believing, they'll stop getting all those cool toys, so they continue to "believe" until they're older. Sometimes kids are more skeptical, and the first question pops the whole bubble of belief. They may mention it to you, or they may hide it and play along with you, as long as you keep the myth going.

3. Acknowledgement of Non-belief -- at some point, kids will let you know that they are ready to openly acknowledge that Santa is a myth. For some kids this can be at an age that's quite a bit older than you'd expect. I know my DD had serious questions about Santa from about age 7, but she didn't openly acknowledge that she "knew" until she was about 11.

The tricky stage is 2. I handled early stage 2 questions with answers that reinforced the Santa myth. Example: Child: If Santa makes all the toys in a workshop, how come he gave me a Wii? Parent: Santa makes some toys in his workshop but some come from stores, depending on what kids want. Child: If it takes a jet 4 hours to fly across the country, how do reindeer fly to every house in one night? Parent: Santa's reindeer have special powers that allow them to do it all in one night.

As my kids got older in Stage 2, the nature of their questions changed, and so did my answers. For example, instead of questioning the logistics of Santa, they would actually mention the possibility that there's a choice of whether or not to believe. At this point, I stopped trying to reinforce the Santa myth, but I did not confirm or deny the existence of Santa. Example: "Child: Mom, Lauren said at lunch today that her sister told her there's no Santa. She said she doesn't believe in Santa anymore. Parent: Oh? How do you feel about that? Child: Well, a lot of kids in my class think there's no Santa, but I still believe in him. Parent: Well, everyone has a right to decide for themselves. You can still believe in Santa even if your friends don't."

Long ago, my H and I decided that we would NEVER tell the kids that there was no Santa. Even when my DD finally said, "Hey, Mom, you don't have to pretend anymore. I know there's no Santa" I said with a wink, "There is too a Santa!! He's just not exactly who you thought he was. He lives a little closer to home than you thought. And I'm VERY well-acquainted with Mrs. Claus!!! But in all seriousness, if you look at Santa as a representation of parents' love for their children, then he is real."

Every parent has to handle this in a way that's consistent with their values and beliefs, but I have known parents who caved in and revealed all at the first question, when they really could have thrown it back on the kid and allowed the kid to come to a decision more independently and over a longer time. I think when parents tell too early, kids can be disappointed. When parents allow that middle stage to go on for a while, the kids can come to terms with the myth more peacefully.

I love this perspective. I have always been a bit uncomfortable with the Santa idea, and I really only play along with it because my DH does. But neither of us are whole hearted participants. This way of looking at it makes the magic a little more ok. I don't want the kids growing up too fast.

doublefiesta · December 2013

We don't do Santa, we treat him like a character, like Elmo or Barney. Like some PPs, I'm uncomfortable with lying to my kids. We won't be doing the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy either. There are times you have a good reason to lie to your kids, and I don't think Christmas is one of them.

sschwege · December 2013

doublefiesta said:

We don't do Santa, we treat him like a character, like Elmo or Barney. Like some PPs, I'm uncomfortable with lying to my kids. We won't be doing the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy either. There are times you have a good reason to lie to your kids, and I don't think Christmas is one of them.

This is a sincere question, Did your parents do Santa? If so, did you feel lied to when you learned the truth?

ilovemygirls · December 2013

We also don't do Santa (or Easter bunny/tooth fairy, etc). My parents did do it, but I had MUCH older siblings & figured out at a very young age...I want to say by 4 or 5...that Santa wasn't real. When we had kids, it just felt- unnatural to do Santa. I don't know another way to describe it. It's not like I ever came out & said there's no Santa from the get-go or made a big deal of it. Mostly we just didn't take them to see Santa at the mall, and it really didn't become an issue until they hit preschool & other kids were talking about it.

We just told them mom & dad give them their gifts, and that some kids believe Santa brings them & that is fun for their families & we are not to ruin that. I have always been super strict about that- never ruining it for anyone else. My bff is WAY into Santa (as in, her 11 yr old son in middle school still believes- which I think is far too old) but my kids have never spilled the beans around hers.

Sometimes I have a little regret not doing it. But I just don't think it was right for us. A friend of mine's parents didn't do Santa & she made a different choice for her kids. Maybe my kids will do it for their children, and if they do I will fully enjoy it with my grandkids!

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