How to Be a Stay-At-Home Mom

RandD6 · December 2013

My husband and I have been talking a little more lately about what my work situation will look like once the baby is here and I feel so stuck! My husband would LOVE for me to stay home and I really would love to stay home as well, at least until the baby is old enough to start school. I work in a management position in retail so I'm making ok money, at least enough to be able to help with most of the bills we have. My husband is a LEO - ok salary (definitely not what they deserve!) and it fluctuates as he has the consistent opportunity for overtime. I'm afraid of staying home and thus putting all the pressure on my husband to work crazier hours than he already does to the point that he is hardly home just to make up for my lack of income....anyone else dealing with something similar to this or has already been there, done that?? I know there are some things we could cut back on, etc. but I don't know if it would be enough?

busterbeagle · December 2013

Is going part time an option for you? I work 2 days a week and SAH the rest and its the perfect compromise for us.

RandD6 · December 2013

Yes, part-time could definitely be an option because my husband is off 3 days in a row during the week but I guess I'm also worried that won't be enough either! haha maybe I'm worrying too much? I don't know...just wondering how some are making it work on one salary or supplementing that with a part-time job that might not be paying as well as what they were originally making while working full-time, etc.?

cchild101010 · December 2013

Maybe you could try living off his salary only for the next couple of months (including through the holidays) and pretend like your salary doesn't exist. See how comfortable you would be with it and maybe that will help you decide. In the meantime it will also allow to put away extra money.

busterbeagle · December 2013

I wish there was a secret formula or making it work, but what we did was sit down and write up a budget of all our expenses (necessities only) and then compared the numbers to DH's salary. The numbers were too close for comfort and would not allow us to save anything, pay or unexpected emergencies, or have any entertainment money. We still can't save very much with my small income, but we can fix things around the house, pay for car repairs or vet visits, and treat ourselves and DD to some little indulgences.

sthomas1222 · December 2013

Attempting to live off one salary now in practice definitely helps. I was in school when I got pregnant & so hadn't worked in 4 years. Then I couldn't find a job while pregnant & then realized I didn't care. It sucks that my loans are finally coming due but we're making it work. I did get a very very part time job that I love once she was 7 months. It's not much but every little bit helps especially now that we've got #2 on the way. While my degree would bring in A LOT more money (I have an RN) the sacrifice is well worth it to us. I love being home with her & not missing a milestone. My job allows hubby to be the one with her which makes it even easier. It's just a matter of setting a budget & sticking to it. We live comfortably while still able to have a few wants & paying off debts. Some days I think of the money I could be bringing in but then DD smiles at me & I forget all about it lol. For me personally it's so much more important to stay home since my childhood was horrible & my parents were never there. I want to be there for my kids how I wish my parents had been. Sorry for the rambling btw!

Mommie05 · December 2013

I currently work full time but when my maternity leave is up (12 weeks) i do not plan to go back to work. Our first just turned 2 and daycare for a baby and a toddler is crazy!! There are plenty of SAH jobs online that you can apply for. Company called Sitel offers flexible hours. Try Enterprise rental also. They dont pay much but would definitely help!

rosasmith7 · December 2013

Do you have someone to watch your baby or will you have to pay for daycare and baby sitters? The way I look at it is, if your working just to pay for child care and maybe a little extra it's not worth it. I'm at home right now because I had to travel 50 min to work and hubby didn't want me traveling during winter. Every family is different and it's what works for you. I personally want a parent with my child a lot of the time. I don't want other people raising my kids. I grew up with a single mom and she did the best she could with what she had. I just remember being passed to every family member to be watched. It was like I had 8 moms. I may get a part time job at night later down the road. That way hubby can watch baby while I'm at work.

runningyogimama · December 2013

rosasmith7 said:
Do you have someone to watch your baby or will you have to pay for daycare and baby sitters? The way I look at it is, if your working just to pay for child care and maybe a little extra it's not worth it. I'm at home right now because I had to travel 50 min to work and hubby didn't want me traveling during winter. Every family is different and it's what works for you. I personally want a parent with my child a lot of the time. I don't want other people raising my kids. I grew up with a single mom and she did the best she could with what she had. I just remember being passed to every family member to be watched. It was like I had 8 moms. I may get a part time job at night later down the road. That way hubby can watch baby while I'm at work.

I was with you until you said you don't want someone else raising your kid, which day care isn't.

The part of this I agree with is look at the cost of day care in your area and how much you make. For me, it wasn't worth working full time, because by working part time a couple of evenings and Saturdays, I'd make as much as if I was full time but paying for day care, so it wasn't worth it to me. Beyond that, like PPs said, look at your budget, try to just live off DH's salary, etc.

rosasmith7 · December 2013

I hope you didn't think I was being rude about daycare. I think it's an awesome option if you can afford it. Your kids get to interact with other kids their age and that's really important. I was referring more to passing from family member to family member. I just remember as a kid I hated that. I felt like I spent more time with other family members than my mom.

ABColeslaw · December 2013

You'd be surprised what you could do if you had to or really want it. I SAH right now, not by choice. My son was dx'd Autism when he was 2 and there is just no way possible to fit in the gazillion hours of therapies he needs and his day program transportation and pick ups if I am at work. It wasn't an option for me to continue working and we had to pick up and figure it out quickly.

jane8188 · December 2013

There are a ton of things you can do to save money. Cloth diapering saves a TON of money. We don't have cable or internet, only our smart phones and rabbit ears, so you could still use your phone internet for a hot spot if you already have a computer or tablet or whatever. With rabbit ears we still get CBS NBC ABC and fox, so lots of good shows, news, and sports.

Another thing we do is pretty much never eat out, maybe twice a year. Cook everything from scratch. If possible have a garden. Get a bunch of things when they are in season and freeze them so you can use them during the winter and not have to pay the off season price.

My job didn't make enough to pay for daycare so I didn't have a choice, we had to come up with a lot of money saving ideas. Good luck! Edit for spelling

MrsZ0811 · December 2013

cchild101010 said:

Maybe you could try living off his salary only for the next couple of months (including through the holidays) and pretend like your salary doesn't exist. See how comfortable you would be with it and maybe that will help you decide. In the meantime it will also allow to put away extra money.

this! Also writing out a budget and being 100% honest on it on what you really spend and where you could cut back. It takes time and effort but that is the best way to see if it is realistic. DH and i currently live off of just his income but its not quite enough to support a baby too, so i will be getting a part time job so that we dont have to worry about daycare. We will work opposite days. But its really important to be honest about the budget it only works if you follow it!

spinsoffresonance · December 2013

Definitely look into the cost of daycare in your area before making a decidion. I'm in a high cost of living area and daycare for an infant costs $1600-$2800 per month. When DD was in daycare it was costing us more than what I took home after taxes.

That+One+Girl · December 2013

Agree with most of these ladies, practice living in just his paycheck, make a budget, find items you can cut. Also making things from scratch saves a ton! Buying flour and yeast is much cheeper than bread at the store. Also you can try using coupons (but only get something if you would get it without the coupon or you are not really saving money). Cloth diapers cost more up front but save in the long run. And try breast feeding (formula can get crazy expensive, however I know many women can't or don't bf)
Also keep in mind that when you don't work full time out of the house you don't need as many nice outfits/shoes so that may save a bit right there. Also you won't be stoping for your morning coffee or lunch out and depending on how often you do that can save a ton of money.
There are many blogs that people share their story from full time working to sahm. Good luck

likeabel · December 2013

Definitely look at the cost of daycare vs your salary. If working part time while DH is working is an option, that might be a great option for you! Also, if you have co workers, friends, acquaintances, etc. with small children, you can look into watching them while mom is at work. That is a great way to bring in extra cash while you stay home.

I agree with the other ladies, definitely practice just using his salary (it's a great way to work on your emergency fund) and make a budget. You'll be surprised how much you can actually cut out!

cristykaye · December 2013

Will your job pay for child care plus some? If not, stay at home. Mine won't so it won't be worth it for me to go back to work until I finish my degree.

pandadair · December 2013

cristykaye said:

Will your job pay for child care plus some? If not, stay at home. Mine won't so it won't be worth it for me to go back to work until I finish my degree.

Depends. If you have a career you hope to return to, you're going to have a rough time returning to the job and salary you had before baby after all those years off. Sometimes it is a better investment in your long-term earning potential to keep working and not net much after daycare. Money aside, you may find yourself in a much different position, career option-wise, returning to the workforce as a 30+ woman with a 5-7 year gap. Depends on your field and what your plans were from the get-go, but it's not always best to just stay home because childcare may eat up most of your paycheck for a few years while you're getting yourself more established. Not working because you're in school full-time is a different deal, obviously.

Mrsgattis11 · December 2013

I quit my job about 6 months ago. For us we just have to decided what's a need and what is a want. We have no debt and our cars and house is paid of so that helps a lot. We also run the AC and heater when nessary. It's going to be 65 degrees today so it's turned off. It's the little things that make a big difference for us.

IBackBevo · December 2013

I have not read all of the above posts so I hope I am not repeating anyone, but try truly just living on his income (and putting yours in savings) for a few months and see how it works.

sammy.k · December 2013

I nanny from my home 3 days a week and before DH was promoted I was planning on starting my own after school program for elementary aged school children from 3-6pm (we currently live right next to a school so kids can walk right over after school lets out). After all was said and done I was going to work 1/4 of the time and bring home more $ then I was working outside of the house. It's super convenient and DS loves having the extra playmates around.

pistolpackinmomma · December 2013

I SAH partially because DH has to travel for his job. So he is literally only home 1-2 days per week. I will say that if you continuing to work will help him be home more then I would probably do it. It's manageable with him gone but definitely not easy. Can you survive on just what he makes now? Do a trial run from now until you deliver and try to put your pay on savings and only love off of his. At the very least you will have a decent savings when you deliver to maybe help with an extended maternity leave but if you can't do it now then you most likely can't once the baby is here. Also, the larger savings will help him not feel so pressured to work crazy OT once the baby is here too.

Teneniel · December 2013

Two things: One, and a big key, is to adjust your thinking about your budget. You can't think of it as your husband having to make up for lost income. It's a new lower income you'll have. Two, I definitely agree with the other ladies about living on just his income and putting yours away as your emergency savings. For us it took about 4-6 months before we had our habits adjusted properly (and lo! You have exactly that much time left!) If daycare where you are is anything like it is here, it's worth it to stay home. Especially if you want more than one.

Christinaruth74 · December 2013

I am freaking out about this as well, but like a few PPs have said, I will attempt going back to work part time because we know that being a SAH just isn't the best option for us right now. Thankfully my job offers that flexibility. A friend of mine is a daycare provider offering care for only $25/day. Our goal is to have LO with her 2 days a week, and my mom has offered to babysit one day a week. I am very nervous about this huge change, but like many others have said the cost of daycare often surpasses a weekly income. And aside from the cost of childcare, the spike in our insurance rates has me freaked out a smidge too.
But definitely research cost of child care in your area and if you have friends and family available during the week that you trust, don't hesitate to ask for help. I never thought my mom could offer any assistance with her work schedule, but she decided that she would make it work!

but man, who knew babies were so costly?!

deanna1313 · December 2013

My husband is a NJ state trooper. Definitely good pay and we are in the same situation.
My work (I was a daycare assistant director) closed in June so I've been home since then. At the time there was no reason for me to be home when I could be making extra money, but I ended up getting pregnant. The plan was for me to be a stay at home mom when we had a baby anyway so it worked out.
My husband is a go-getter to put it nicely. He works 12 hour shifts and packs in the overtime. On top of it, he is flipping two houses with a friend. Honestly, if I was working he would be doing the same things. He plans to slow it down when the baby comes.

I agree. I hate that he is responsible for everything. I want/need nothing, but still gave guilt. We are very, very lucky to be in this position and be able to stay home,but I still wish I could do more. I think once the baby comes I will feel better because I will have more of a purpose for being home.

delatl · December 2013

pandadair said:

cristykaye said:

Will your job pay for child care plus some? If not, stay at home. Mine won't so it won't be worth it for me to go back to work until I finish my degree.

Depends. If you have a career you hope to return to, you're going to have a rough time returning to the job and salary you had before baby after all those years off. Sometimes it is a better investment in your long-term earning potential to keep working and not net much after daycare. Money aside, you may find yourself in a much different position, career option-wise, returning to the workforce as a 30+ woman with a 5-7 year gap. Depends on your field and what your plans were from the get-go, but it's not always best to just stay home because childcare may eat up most of your paycheck for a few years while you're getting yourself more established. Not working because you're in school full-time is a different deal, obviously.

I think this is a really good point. It's important to think over the long term for your career and economic security. It might make sense to stay home, it might not, but sometimes it can be really hard to get back in. I know for me, I'd probably opt to stay home if I knew I could get back into my profession where I left off but there are so few jobs available and I know people in my field who have been looking for work for years. I love my job and don't want to give it up, so I'm going to go somewhat part-time (4 days/week) instead of leaving.

RandD6 · December 2013

Ladies, I can't say thank you enough for all of your amazing amazing advice! It never occurred to me to do a trial run of living on just my husband's salary and I think that would be a very smart thing to do - definitely something we are going to try after the first of the year.

Another aspect of this situation that some have brought up is about looking at the long-term. I totally get that and I would except for the fact that I do not plan to stay with this job or field long-term. I was actually going to graduate school and have completed 3 semesters but once I found out I was pregnant my mind started changing about school. For one, I decided that I didn't want to spend the last months of just the two of us coming home from work and going straight into school work day after day. Ya know? I think I would like to return to school later on, perhaps once my own children are back in school....for now, I'll be paying back student loans...womp womp haha

LeeLee86 · December 2013

Sorry I worked at Enterprise for 4 yrs they physically hard 11hr days and NOT flexible at all. I do NOT recommend ERAC. Unless its a call center position at an airport location.
Just my 2 cents....

I work in fitness management now and I am also planning on going part time once I deliver.

Work out the budget first!! Good luck!

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