Help me with babysitting anxiety

Bamgal25 · November 2013

I have to go back to work for a few full time days in a couple of weeks and my sister and MIL will be taking turns babysitting DD during that time. I am really struggling with anxiety over leaving DD with them, especially MIL. I know they both will do a good job and that DD will be fine, but I'm just having a hard time thinking about leaving her ALL day. So far I've left her with MIL for an hour, with my parents about two hours, and with DH several times for a couple of hours.

My MIL is off work this wednesday and I have a hair appt so I'm thinking about asking her to babysit DD for a few hours that day as a "trial run." Can someone help convince me this is a good idea? I know I just need to get the first time over with but I'm just worried that DD will cry a lot while I'm gone because MIL will do things differently than me. Or that MIL will overstimulate her by saying her name repeatedly in a sing-songy voice the whole time

kimberlymacrae · November 2013

Why is it a bad thing that your MIL does "things differently than you"? Why does that make you anxious?

kimberlymacrae · November 2013

I totally agree with how hard it is to work up a system and the time you've dedicated to what works for your LO, but (I know for me) I have to keep in mind that I can't control everything for my LO. It is like the Caprisun commercial... sure you'd like to be there for him/her at all times and help them out but that isn't reasonable. I know it is different because we're dealing with babies who do not know how to communicate (efficiently) yet... so I get the anxiety part of it. And you are 100% right, no one can take care of him like you can... but it is a good thing that there are multiple people taking care of your LO, it doesn't seem like it now but in the long run this will work out. Your mom/MIL will develop a bond with the LO and your LO will "learn" or deal with someone else's care taking skills. There is more than one way to successfully watch a LO.

Remember that you can only control so much of your LO's day-to-day life. Just do the best you can telling you mom how you like things done, write down directions, pre-make a lot of the things that are really crucial and then from that point on you have to let go... ya know? It's tough, I get it. But know what you can control and know what you can't.

Here is the commerical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDgjJxJp6DQ

Bamgal25 · November 2013

@kimberlymacrae To answer your questions, part of it is because I'm a control freak, but its more just worrying how DD will adjust to having things done differently and handle having another person care for her for a long stretch of time. Basically what @andjess11 said.
And I do realize I can't control every aspect of her life, especially when she is older, but its just taking the first step of "letting go" that's hard.
@dhaueisen you're right about 24 hours being a long time. That would be really hard for me too!

bermybabe68 · November 2013

I think a trial run is a great idea. It'll help LO transition better if you do a few half days first so it's not a shock to her, or you, when it becomes an all day deal. I'm planning 2 weeks of half days for DD at day care before returning to work full time.

krose0713 · December 2013

My mom and MIL will be watching my LO starting tomorrow, and I trust them both completely, but I had the same fears about them not being able to read her signs or comfort LO like I do. What helped me was thinking about how I had a hard time with even DH doing this in the beginning. She would be fussing and I would want to jump in bc I knew what would comfort her immediately. Eventually though, he figured out what worked for him to calm her down. The same thing will happen with your MIL; it may not be what you do, but she will learn what works for her with LO.

Pockety · December 2013

I felt the same with my first. DD is my second, and last night I left both kids with a 17-year-old who I had met once. DD was sleeping when we left. The 17-year-old put DS to bed, and then when DD woke up, gave her a bottle and put her back to bed. She'd never seen our routine or even held DD before, and the routine was certainly different as I BF in DD's room, and told the sitter specifically to take DD downstairs so that if she cried, it wouldn't wake DS.

So, a teenage stranger with no knowledge of our routine did things completely differently than we normally do, and everything was totally fine.

I am fully aware that this probably makes me sound insane to most FTMs, and I'd never suggest leaving your baby with someone you're not comfortable with, but, just offering an example.

Let MIL give it a try. If her methods don't work, then you can offer suggestions to her. One bad day won't hurt your routines or your baby. And, most likely, it won't be a bad day at all.

Help me with babysitting anxiety

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