XP: Breast vs Formula

CJS2011 · December 2013

XP from BF board

Our little one is 11 days old now and I am at my wits end with breastfeeding. It is to the point where I dread getting up in the morning because it seems like my entire day is consumed by breastfeeding and pain. I cry every day about it, because I know how beneficial breast milk is. The feelings of guilt if I were to switch to formula are overwhelming. Anyone else having this problem? I would love to hear some positive things from formula moms.

DebateThis · December 2013

@AmyG*

Have you seen an LC? You might be able to get some help so you're not in pain. No advice on switching to formula but I've always heard to not quit on a bad day and that the first 3ish weeks are the worst. I hope you can come up with some solutions that don't make you feel guilty, whatever those may be.

sla626 · December 2013

I have been having a very hard time too. I'm almost ready to give up, been wrapping my head around it and almost 100% ok with it. I have seen a lc, I still pump but don't bf. One thing that helped me was talking to my sister in law. She stopped after a short time because she was producing nothing and went five days straight with no sleep. What made me feel better is that my nephew who was formula fed is very healthy, and is very smart. He was reading at 3 yrs old. 2 reasons I want to bf are health and developement, among others. I have been trying my best and knowing that I have been doing everything I can Is helping me to let go of it.

babymama619 · December 2013

FWIW I know plenty of kids who were formula fed and happy, healthy, and felt loved and bonded. A miserable mother isn't great for baby. BFing shouldnt be horrible or dreadded by either of you. I hope you find a solution that works for you.

LibberDuck · December 2013

I went through the same things with my first and now with my second, though so far it isn't as bad. I had a horrible time BFing my first DS, got mastitis twice and thrush. After the second bout of mastitis is when I decided to quit. I never got DS to have a good latch and could only feed him in one position, which is basically what lead to my mastitis. I live two hours away from basic amenities so it was tough to get with a LC. I have to tell you - switching to formula was the best thing I did. After spending about a week feeling guilty, I realized what a better mom I was able to be. I was no longer crying all the time, nor resenting my LO, plus I found I was much more comfortable going out in public. And I was a much, much better mom!

This time, LO had trouble from the start because he would get a good latch, then fail to suck. We finally got that figured out and he would fall asleep at the boob. I would find he would nurse for an hour straight and still be starving. I started to feel myself having the same feelings as I did with my first LO. Now I am pumping 4 to 5 times a day instead. LO gets breastmilk throughout the day and formula overnight. So far, I am much happier. The only issue now is finding time to pump!

I know it's hard, but try to let go of the guilt. The most important part of being a mom isn't whether or not you breastfeed, it's that you love your child and your child feels loved. Formula is actually close now to breastmilk, the biggest difference is it lacks the antibodies. You will not hurt your child by feeding formula!

Oh, and my first DS is now a very bright, healthy, and imaginative almost 3 year old. He's only ever had one cold and two bouts of vomiting his entire life.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

Let me start by saying that I tried like hell to breastfeed both of my LO's and was unsuccessful for a number of reasons. I wanted to BF this LO so badly and had a really determined attitude towards it, but it ended up not happening for us. My milk did not come in and he ended up having milk protein sensitivity. DD had that as well. I have heard so many different ways that women have been able to keep BF'ing with the allergy and make the milk come in and I tried everything I was told to. I met with LC 5 times, but nothing seemed to help. I was miserable, crying and felt like a failure.

Finally, we switched to 100% formula and one of the most expensive formulas out there (due to the milk sensitivity) and LO is perfectly happy and fine. I know that BFing is so beneficial, but I had to make the tough decision to move to formula in order to keep us both happy and healthy. Because LO had blood in his stool and was vomiting blood our pediatrician was able to write up this formula as a medical need and our HI pays 90% of the cost! which is such a help.

DD was a formula baby ( I didn't try nearly as long with her as with DS to BF) and she is an incredibly social and smart almost 3 year old. She does get sick a lot (colds/fevers), but she has other immune system problems that have nothing to do with formula vs breastmilk which contribute to that.

I am comfortable with our decision at this point. I just wanted you to know that if you do choose to EP or to move to formula, you are not alone. You have to make the decisions that are right for you and your LO.

Good luck

sla626 · December 2013

I love all the support and for us moms that are struggling with bf and coming to the decision to perhaps quit, it helps a lot!

MWagner10 · December 2013

I just had to make this same decision,and it sucked I felt like a big failure. My LO is 20 days now and what I realized is this actually gives us the best feeding relationship. I was so stressed out when he was at the breast and he never really nursed he only wanted to comfort suck, then I would have to give him a formula bottle then pump then start the whole process over again. I dreaded pumping after all that and my supply tanked. After I realized that we bond so much better when he feeds with a bottle I went back to pumping and am slowly building back up my supply. So far I can feed him 50% breast milk and everyday my percentage goes up. I'm not ready to give up on breast milk, and now I am so happy with the way things worked out. I had to really look at the whole situation and tell myself that having a happy calm mom is more important than a miserable mom. Hope that helps:)

sla626 · December 2013

kellykinns said:

sla626 said:
I love all the support and for us moms that are struggling with bf and coming to the decision to perhaps quit, it helps a lot!
I really don't understand all the judgement these days. The most important thing is that baby eats. No one should feel guilty for feeding their child.

I think it's self judgement, lol all of my family and friends support me if I need to stop. It's me who is beating myself up, but I'm moving past it slowly:)

Karadee1 · December 2013

I can tell you, I quit BFing after about 10 days because it was taking an emotional toll on me. I cried every time he screamed when he wouldn't latch, and it was slowly killing my sanity. I know lots of women can provide some advice on how to push through with BFing, and if that's what you want more power to you. I can only offer advice on the formula guilt part.

The last time I pumped I ugly cried so hard for like an hour. I felt awful for not being emotionally "strong enough" to endure through the tough times. Truth be told, nothing I researched or none of the classes I took prepared me for how emotionally trying BFing would be. I felt so guilty for giving him formula, but he's 3 weeks old now and is happy and healthy, and fed.

Im sorry you're going through this. It gets better!

CJS2011 · December 2013

Thank you so much for all of the support ladies! I am really going to try

CJS2011 · December 2013

Oops, I hit reply too fast!

Thank you for all of the support ladies! I am really going to try to make it a couple more weeks, but it is really starting to take an emotional toll on me. I, like others said, cry before almost every feeding. To top it off, I found out I have mastitis today. Thanks again!

Karadee1 · December 2013

sla626 said:

kellykinns said:

sla626 said:
I love all the support and for us moms that are struggling with bf and coming to the decision to perhaps quit, it helps a lot!
I really don't understand all the judgement these days. The most important thing is that baby eats. No one should feel guilty for feeding their child.
I think it's self judgement, lol all of my family and friends support me if I need to stop. It's me who is beating myself up, but I'm moving past it slowly:)

---------------------

It took my husband and parents being so supportive of me making the decision to quit BFing for me to get past it. I don't know why I was so hard on myself!

sla626 · December 2013

Sing2phins said:
There have been days I have wept, literally, while feeding, either because I was so tired, or I was in pain, or just the uncertainty - how long will she feed this time? Can I keep her awake long enough to get her to eat enough to sleep a decent amount after? Will she wake up as soon as I put her down? How hard will I have to fight to get her to latch correctly (sometimes she will claw her face or suck everything in reach except my nipple)?

So, I feel you. I second what someone else said: Never quit on a bad day (assuming you have good days; thanks for pointing that out, @wedding06). In my short experience as a mom, I have found that basically every other day is super hard and every other day is pretty good to great. It all largely depends on how well Maggie eats/sleeps overnight (and therefore how much sleep I get overnight - daytime naps are nice, but I generally don't take them unless DH makes me). When she does well, we have a good day. When she doesn't, it's rough. I just try to remember what my grandma told me: Some days are just for getting through.

With respect to the pain, I didn't believe it at first, but it's true: Breastfeeding should not hurt you if you're doing it correctly (that is, if LO is latched properly). If you are in pain throughout the feeding (not just at the beginning when it still stings a little sometimes), you should really see a LC, because that means LO's latch is not good. You can seriously damage your nipples if you continue to feed that way, not to mention what it's doing to your morale and your bond with LO (because you're dreading feeding, which I totally understand). If your insurance doesn't cover a LC, either find the money somewhere - it will be worth it - or call La Leche League and see if there's a meeting in your area.

In the meantime, can you pump to give your nipples a break? At least then LO is still getting breast milk. I understand your concern and guilt over formula; I don't want to use it unless I have to, either, which is why I'm suggesting pumping and bottle feeding the breast milk.

Whatever you do, don't quit yet. It will get better; you're both
new at this and you both need practice. Good luck.

Great advice, but some moms don't produce enough and that's ok too. I have been pumping and bottle feeding and doing formula. I only get about 1oz each time which isn't enough to feed my son at 3 weeks.

Princess_Lily · December 2013

If you want formula, then do it. DS was formula fed from 2mo+, he wasn't thriving with my milk, and frankly pumping was a PITA!

While I felt like a complete failure as a mom from 2-6mo (I sunk into a bad PPD because I couldn't BF my child. I think the PPD was due to a drop in hormones). Frankly, DS was happiest when he was FF...which allowed my nerves to calm, and in turn we all slept better too. Hindsight allows me to see this was the best decision I made for DS and myself too.

IMHO there is way too much pressure in society for mothers to BF, which causes so many (like myself) to feel like failures when their bodies don't preform. While BF (and attachment parenting) it is a wonderful bonding experience for mommy and baby, there are so many other ways babies could bond both with and mommy and others in the childs life (daddy, siblings, grand parents). Some bonding examples we had for our FF baby were:

- Cross cradle hold with bottle in hand, rocking until DS fell asleep

- Co-sleeping for naps

- Bathtime

I say, if you want to - just do it.

you and your family will find a groove which works for you and baby. Don't listen to the judgement of others - formula is NOT the devil!

sands42 · December 2013

I'm having a more difficult time with BFing this time around. It's more painful and I have Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (DMER) I'm considering changing over to formula because of the DMER but am struggling with feelings of guilt as well.

I did formula feed my first after 6 months due to my milk drying out and everything worked out well with her.

I guess my response is more to say you are not alone in your feelings and struggles!! Normal mommy worries and feelings. Everything will work out!!

annalisel · December 2013

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I have no experience with BFing (I'm a potential adoptive mom), but since you are looking for some positive, reassuring things about formula feeding, here goes.

Three of my close friends chose to/had to formula feed. All their children (toddlers, school age) are happy, healthy, intelligent kids. I can't tell the difference between them and their BF peers.

LO and I still get skin to skin bonding time, it's just that it's after the bottle feeding. He loves falling asleep on my chest. Another other good thing is that LO also gets that experience with DH. They are both enjoying it. LO seems quite content with the bottle, is a vigorous eater, and is gaining appropriate weight.

We were very concerned about immunity benefits of breast milk, but LO came home to us at the tail end of DH's cold and the beginning of mine and didn't get sick. He's also been around several dozen people including a toddler who went to urgent care for a cough 2 days later. So far so good with LO staying healthy.

I hope you find what will work for you. One of my friends did beat herself up about FFing quite a bit, but on the whole, all things were not equal for them.

smhiles · December 2013

At 11 days PP, I was still a mess emotionally. I questioned my own sanity lol breastfeeding is EXTREMELY stressful. I found myself stressed day and night and ready to throw in the towel only to wake up the next morning resolved to make it work. Then, the cycle started all over....I'd be miserable by mid-morning and in tears by dinner time. I went to my first pediatrician appt. and the baby still needed to gain more weight and the dr told me to nurse every 2 hrs, round the clock...no excuses. I felt like I was handed a prison sentence. My son nursed well, but sessions did not end. I had visions of me on the couch 24 hrs straight with a baby at my boob. I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't. Some women can and their dedication is great, but I didn't see my inability as a sign of failure...just a statement of fact and reality for ME. No doctor or lactation consultant was going to change that. My point is that my renewed resolve did me no favors. Advice that appears here all the time, "don't quit on my bad day" didn't resonate with me...every moment beyond that early morning, new day optimism was awful. I needed to figure out how to make this work so that my baby was getting what he needed and I was getting what I needed too...namely my sanity...because, honestly, yes, this is tough, but why make yourself miserable? For me, I was already supplementing with formula as per the hospital due to the baby losing too much weight. Ultimately, I balanced things out. I BF as much as I can and use formula to satisfy my baby and get the job done as needed. However, I have no delusions of grandeur. If and when BF becomes too consuming, I'll pull the plug. And I decided then that should I need to do that entirely IT IS OKAY!!! I know that's not your situation exactly, but the common thread here is doing what works for you. If throwing in the towel is going to make you a happier, more stable mama, do it. Formula is FINE! NO GUILT!! I was exclusively FF, so was my husband...we are well-adjusted, (fairly) intelligent (lol) people. It's going to be fine as long as your baby is growing and you are okay!!

CoIvie · December 2013

I quit when I was in the hospital. Smh. Hailey literally screamed at the top of her lungs after a couple feedings and I couldn't take it. It made me feel like she wasn't getting enough. So I asked for formula. And my milk came in late.

I pumped once I got home and only could pump a half oz..meanwhile my boobs were leaking like CRAZY. That upset me because I was trying so hard to pump for days and nothing would come out. So once I started leaking I figured I would get more...NOPE!!

She's on formula now and she's happy. I didn't have guilt for putting her on formula because I always knew I would probably do it. I was just mad at my body.. After my milk came in late, I got discouraged

Jfila13 · December 2013

I totally empathize. I chose to FF my twins the day after I got home from the hospital for a variety of reasons.

I called 4 LCs and it took two days to get back to me. Thankfully, I was a skilled pumper (DS couldn't BF bc of a cleft lip & palate). My nipples were sore, cracked and bleeding. They took a week to heal. I was getting almost no time with DS (17 mos).

I felt terribly guilty and even more disappointed that I would not have the experience of BFing any of my children. With 3 under 2, Epping was not realistic (I did for 6 mos with DS). I finally acknowledged that there are many ways to be a good mama.

Can you tell I am still trying to make myself feel ok about it? When DS gets his mommy time, I feel good about my decision. My girls are growing & doing great, too!

Is there a FFing board? It would be so nice to have a place to look to for support- I am always hesitant & apologetic when I let people know I am FF. I know I shouldn't be!

Good luck! The best choice it what is right for you!

CarrieB. · December 2013

The first couple weeks if BF'ing are terrible. I was in a lot of pain, her latch wasn't good and she had reflux. But it does get way better. I would say try to make it to 3 weeks at least to see if it gets better. I bought some lanisoh brand gel soothing things that helped with the pain and I kept taking the prescription Advil. Now baby is also on reflux meds and I quit dairy which is also helped.

You aren't alone. Breast feeding is hard work.

ashleyzeffiro · December 2013

I formula feed my daughter who is a month old, and she is thriving. She already is sleeping 5 hour stretches at night, wakes up to eat goes right back out for another 3-4 hours. She is healthy as can be at her 1 month dr. check up. My sister also formula fed all three of her children and they are super healthy, smart, and happy. It's not poison people. If you feel it will make you a happier mother and wife, then it's worth it. My husband and I have been super happy since day one, and honestly it may sound selfish, but its great to have my body back to being mine. Do whats best for your family!

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