Sharing IVF story?

LuluPMW · November 2013

I have told no one. Absolutely no one knows about the 4 year long journey of hope and heartache we've been on. Living far from family is a part of it.
Anyway, we plan on announcing the pregnancy at Christmas. From your experiences, is it a positive thing to share the journey as well? Will it open a floodgate of too personal questions? Will people judge?

jezebel57 · November 2013

that's a hard question about will people judge!

i think there may be a chance that some will, but does it really matter?! you are pregnant!!! congratulations!!!!!!

we told family during the 1st IVF and it failed. then we told only our siblings through the 2nd IVF but not our parents. When we told our parents we were pregnant, we casually mentioned we did another IVF in May but didn't want to tell them for fear it didn't work again. Most of the rest of the conversations were about the babies and not about the IVF. I did have to explain the IVF process again a few weeks later to my dad who still thought it was strange, but has since been finding out that lots of people he knows have gone through it and it's considered "Normal" now.

i think if you think its important to share, you could just say how excited you are after 4 years of trying and lots of help from dr.'s that you are now pregnant!!!

sunflowermama42212 · November 2013

I think that all depends on your family. My immediate family knew and we don't talk about it and they don't ask to many question but everyone is more thankful and appreciative for the blessing in our family. Not that they treat me better then my sister but since I struggled they are overly excited for me. But they also asked their question during our process so you might have a lot more questions since they never knew. Think about what you wouldn't want to share and if it's a lot then I wouldn't tell them. But generally people are just happy you found success in your journey.

krdesi · November 2013

If people judge you, then you don't need them in your life! I hsve considered sharing my blog with family/friends, but I won't until later on in my pregnancy at least. Feels too soon for me!

Good luck!

twistsandturnsto2 · November 2013

PP have some great advice. It's really just going to depend on if you want to open that can of worms or not. And if you feel comfortable speaking to people about it. If you do mention IVF, you will naturally open yourself up to a lot of questions and possible judgment from others. With any announcement like this, you are bound to get very positive as well as some "negative" responses. Would the support outweigh the possible judgment you might face?

Good Luck!

LuluPMW · November 2013

Thanks ladies. A part of me feels like sharing it with immediate family because it makes the joy even greater and more amazing. There are a couple of religious fanatics that might take issue with it and they always seem to assume the worst from those not so religious.
Thanks for your perspectives. I've still got plenty of time to think it through.

FutureMrsW9 · November 2013

I think it's totally a personal choice, and if you do decide to share you have to strong enough to ignore those who do judge. Maybe they're judging because they've had their own struggles with something, IF or not, and it's their scapegoat and makes them feel better about themselves. I'm sure we've all judged others at one point or another for different things they've done. Everyone is different and we all make life choices that work for us as individuals. That said, I'm quite open about going through IF/IVF. I think as a society it's not talked about nearly enough and the ignorance around it all just makes me sick. That said, I don't go around like "I'm pregnant via IVF!" But if it does come up or it seems appropriate I will mention it only because I think the awareness needs to be out there, especially with it being so common nowadays. I do think you have to have a thick skin to be able to talk about it openly, though, because you will get uncomfortable questions that you might not be used to, and there are always people who are against that kind of intervention for one reason or another. Either way, it's a baby, it's a blessing so people will more than likely be excited for you!

missusw218 · November 2013

We have kept my SIL in the know throughout our IVF cycle. She also encountered infertility (DOR) and did her own IVF cycle years ago before moving on to adoption. She has been very helpful and supportive throughout.

We haven't shared our pregnancy news with our families yet, but are planning to start next week with my parents. My mom knows we have struggled for awhile and asked me recently what the plan is. I had just gone through ET and didn't want to get into it over the phone. I told her we hadn't found a new RE since we moved (that's been my story for awhile) I'm hopeful that my parents will be happy and supportive, but they will be curious how it happened!

LadyMacaron · November 2013

I'm very open about our IF struggle and our IVF journey. I don't feel like there is anything to feel embarrassed or ashamed of, and everyone has been incredible supportive. I have never had someone be judgey or rude, and if they were I'd be dumping them from my life. Give people the benefit of the doubt. We aren't in the 50's, EVERYONE knows someone who has dealt with infertility, it's not thought of as as unusual when 1 in 7 is struggling with it. I bet people will surprise you! Once I started sharing, friends that I thought got pregnant easily, shared their stories of loss or IF. It was very eye opening.

Peanutz21 · November 2013

it's a personal decision. i'm not a very open person ... so i don't plan on sharing my ivf story publicly. my immediate family and a few close friends know but thats it.

katekat8721 · November 2013

You really have to know your audience. For that reason, I have been open and honest with certain people and others I haven't said a word. All my family knew we were doing IVF and had open minds and hearts and provided a lot of support for us. But coworkers, extended family, not-as-close friends, eh no I just told the news and if they asked if twins ran in the family I said yes (which is actually true, lol).

You can always start off by telling your news and if the moment and mood is right decide to share with your family your struggles. You can start off by saying something short and sweet like "we've been wanting a baby for years, but unfortunately went through infertility. Now we're excited and looking forward to the future with our little one." You are ultimately in control of what you want to share and not share. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with xo

zazu13 · November 2013

I have been pretty open and honest about our IF struggles and IVF journey, becoming more and more open as the years passed and the treatment progressed. Even people I haven't told directly have probably suspected due to DH and I being married so long and now we are expecting twins. I have had only love and support from people we have shared with and I have found out about so many others who have or are still struggling with IF, treatments, m/c, adoption, etc. There have been a few nosy questions, but I choose to use it as a chance to enlighten people about the realities of IF and IVF and I think they were genuinely curious and not trying to be rude. Everyone I have shared with is excited for us and I haven't had anyone judge or offend me. I live in a community where family is highly valued, most people have or want children and IF treatment is not looked down on at all so I think that makes a safe place to share. I hope you have the same response from people should you decide to share.

LuluPMW · November 2013

@LadyMacaron - there is no shame or embarrassment here. I'm a very private person.

@katekat8721 - I think you hit it for me with knowing my audience.

I want to share, but when I'm ready and on my own terms.

xo

olenkapdx · November 2013

I initially wanted to keep it private from my immediate family, but it ended up being such a socially isolating time for me that I ended up telling my mother and sister as I was going through the process. I also told one of my closest friends.

Once I was pregnant, I told most of my friends about the IVF. They were really curious about the process. As you can imagine, I'm sure, there is a lot of misunderstanding about exactly what it is. I also shared with one coworker, only because it randomly came up that she was having difficulty TTC with baby #2 AND that she knows my RE.

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