SIL went way over the line...

lba0614 · November 2013

A week or so ago I finally had a good opportunity to let SIL know that her and MIL were not going to be invited to come to the hospital until after LO is born and after we've had time to bond and all that (up until that point they both had just assumed they could come the minute we let them know I'm in labor) So when this opportunity came up I made sure to tell her that they were to wait until we gave the go ahead to come down here (they live about an hour away). SIL seemed perfectly content with this and specifically said that they would do whatever I wanted.

So today after Thanksgiving dinner I come out of the bathroom and walk up during a conversation SIL is having with my DH...

She is basically at the end of trying to push him around and get her way and get him to say it's ok for her to come down once I'm in labor. DH is a huge pushover, and his family knows that. Once I walked up she basically summed up her point rather quickly and finished it up with some bull about it depending on the time of day anyway, and all that.

So, SIL specifically went to my DH while he was alone and tried to manipulate him to get her way, even though I had already talked to her and made my point clear. Wayyyyy over the line IMO.

Also, although this may not have been the smartest thing I could have done...but I didn't want her to bring her toddler to the hospital when we were going to give them the ok to come visit, so I told her there was a no kids under 12 policy at the hospital....well apparently she went as far as to look up my hospital's policy for herself to disprove my point...also kind of a crappy thing to do IMO.

I mainly just wanted to vent. DH and I already have a plan of how we are going to attempt to fix this situation...

And yes, I know it's always an option just to not tell them anything at all until we are ready for visitors, but DH won't get on board with that idea so it kind of is what it is as far as them knowing...

Seriously though, did she way overstep the line or am I overreacting? Again, I really just needed to vent. DH already got an earful on the ride home and I needed someone else to tell. I honestly feel like SIL disrespected me A LOT by going to DH behind my back like that...

mavgirl_73 · November 2013

Absolutely she crossed a line. She knew the deal and pulled a pretty douchey move. I'd have been fuming.

notthecheat · November 2013

Why is it so important for her to be there sooner? I don't understand people.

SweetPriz · November 2013

God SIL are a pain on the butt .. I'm sorry I know how that feels my 2 SIL try to do that but at the end it's what I say not them . So it's what ever you want your the one giving birth.

kendalsheryl · November 2013

Sounds like she's used to being manipulative, selfish and getting her way. I also got the opportunity to tell my SIL she wasn't welcome at hospital bc we weren't telling ppl until after baby came and we were ready for visitors. She didn't get it. Kept saying well I won't be in the room but I just want to see the BABY!!! She's a total extrovert and drama queen and I find it draining to be around her normally. No way!!! Her daughter and BIL kept saying "it's not about YOU- they're the parents!" She STILL kept trying to make her point.

lba0614 · November 2013

sventurarn said:

Why is it so important for her to be there sooner? I don't understand people.

I have no idea...I don't understand it either quite honestly.

DH's family is all very very close and up in each other's business and apparently it never occurred to them to check that I was ok with them being that way when it came to the birth of my kid...they just assumed. They are a bunch of assumers!

shoeflypie · November 2013

I don't know how you didn't snap.

lba0614 · November 2013

Caramarchi said:

I don't know how you didn't snap.

I think the shock of her actually going that far just to get her way is the only thing that made me not. It took me until we got into the car to really get mad about it...

shoeflypie · November 2013

blockquote class="Quote" rel="lba0614">

Caramarchi said:

I don't know how you didn't snap.

I think the shock of her actually going that far just to get her way is the only thing that made me not. It took me until we got into the car to really get mad about it...

Why do people think others child births are about them??

2010weddinggal · November 2013

I'm sorry I just do not get people, I get that they are excited and all but you just went through one of he most diffcult yet rewarding times in your life. You get the right to spend all the alone time you want with the baby wiithout interruption.

Aycul18 · November 2013

I'm sorry :-( yes she did cross the line, and I would make it known to her so that she knows how pissed you are without causing family drama. Is there any way to get your H on board with not calling anyone?

lba0614 · November 2013

Aycul18 said:

I'm sorry :-( yes she did cross the line, and I would make it known to her so that she knows how pissed you are without causing family drama. Is there any way to get your H on board with not calling anyone?

Unfortunately I don't think so. We have talked about it multiple times and he just doesn't feel right about it. It's irritating...because at this point I feel like that's the only way I can be for sure that his family won't show up uninvited.

2010weddinggal · November 2013

I hate using the well I'm the one having the baby card, but in this case I would. You need to tell him that you just want it to be you guys for a few hours. If he will not listen then get the nurses on board they will.

KateVA · November 2013

Why would anyone WANT to be there before the baby is born?!!? Such a strange thing and of course, OP, you are in the right. Just don't call them at all until he is born.

The only thing I might let go is her bringing her son. Its his cousin, i think it could be a really special moment. I'll never forget when DS1 (20 months at the time) met his brother. I can't wait for my boys to come meet their new brother as soon as my mom can get them there

camedowncrushing · November 2013

When I was pregnant with DD my in-laws (DH's parents and three sisters who are all very close) assumed they would be waiting in the waiting room. After several times of me telling them no, and that they would not be getting a phone call until we were ready they finally understood...and then they started to get nervous I wouldn't call them at all. Ha ha ha. They have no boundaries, and from the beginning would say crazy things like "no we want to ride with you to the hospital" even though they live an hour away. They were serious. They wanted to drive to our house, and come with us. The thought of them sitting in a waiting room while I birthed was just so anxiety provoking. I didn't want DH worrying about what they were doing. I wanted him to be focused on just having the baby. It worked out well in the sense that I had such a long long labor that I didn't give birth until 9:30 at night...visiting hours are over at 8. I was exhausted anyways, and would not have been up for visitors. We called them that night to tell them the baby was born, and then told them they could come the following day.
I would strongly suggest you talk to DH about not telling anyone until you have the baby if this is what you want.

Lyzza350 · November 2013

She overstepped...big time. If be an angry monster if I was you. Even f she didn't like it the right thing to do is nod and smile and bitch in her head.

redmond_steph · November 2013

My dr told me at my appt yesterday that she has a no waiting room policy for her patients. She doesn't want anyone sitting in there to be distracting mom or dad from what is going on in the labour and delivery room. So happy I have this to fall back on! If you're really concerned they'll show up anywsys, can you lie and say your dr has this type of a policy?

Crgardner957 · November 2013

I would tell nurses and nurses station no one is to come in. No family, no inlaws. Nothing. Id be furious!!

greenbeanqueen · November 2013

I dont get why DH doesnt want to just wait to call them? What is his reasoning?

I think she definitely went over the line in calling the hospital to ask about the policy. Talking to DH behind your back is probably typical IL stuff, mine do it all the time and it seems to be something I hear about a lot. My ILs live 6hr away and are not getting a phone call until we are delivering/baby is born. My hospital actually does have a no kids policy in the maternity ward during flu season, so SIL who is 10 can't come and we figure instead of having them all just waiting around at a motel, they may as well just get on the road, so that by the time they get here, we will be well on our way to discharge and then they can spend their time with DD and we dont have to have drama at hospital.

I'm sorry she is being that way, but maybe you just need to be mean about it. Tell her outright you do not want her at the hospital until you deliver and that the nurses will be under strict orders that she cannot see you until you say so and that her DS will not be allowed in period and the nurses have to follow what you say. No amount of arguing is going to change their minds. My mom is a nurse and she says she is always more than happy to play bad guy for a patient and most good nurses are more than happy to do that because the patient and their mental health are the nurses primary concern, not dramatic bratty ILs/family.

Paddlefisher · November 2013

The nurses are there to attend to you. Use them as your bouncers and let them know that no matter what your hubby says, he can leave the room, you are stuck there and you don't want SIL there. When push comes to shove, they're going to follow your instructions before his.

KelseyKetchum · November 2013

Everyone in my family knows they will be alerted to us going into labor but to not come to the hospital til they are told too. Your SIL way crossed the line I would have been so pissed. And the only kid holding the baby is my little sister she is 12 but she is so excited about being an auntie and is vaccinated and healthy. Heck we even have a short list of people allowed to hold the baby at the hospital then it's hands off for a month for everyone.

blainethetrain · November 2013

There isn't some bat signal that goes off when women go into labor. No one is going to know you're at the hospital unless you announce it.

mightymousy · November 2013

Wow that's so inappropriate of her!!! I don't understand why she'd even want to be there if she can't even have an honest discussion with you.

peitri · November 2013

Probably wouldn't have lied about the no kids thing, but regardless, she did cross the line. As long as your DH doesn't call anyone, this problem should fix itself. No phone calls until LO is born, then no visitors! Hope you can convince him to stick to your original plan!

amberpro · November 2013

Yep. She's being super pushy. If YH won't agree to not tell them you're in labor, I'd just let the nurses know no visitors, period. She can be confined to the waiting room until you are ready. Which honestly sounds miserable to me (especially with young children).

lba0614 · November 2013

I knew that lying about the no kids policy could very well backfire on me, but my reasoning was just that I thought it'd be a more civil way rather than just flat out saying I don't want your 2 year old to hold his baby cousin right away...In my defense my hospital's policy on kids IS stated kind of confusingly so I used that to fall back on and just said I must have misunderstood it. It honestly just irritated me that she had to check for herself and not accept my word for it (it's not like I'm known for being a liar or anything like that).

@greenbeanqueen - his reasoning for not wanting to wait to call them is basically he feels that waiting to tell them anything will end up causing more hurt feelings and he is sure of himself that when he does call to let them know I'm in labor, he will be able to definitely tell them they are not to come until we are ready.

I love my DH, but he is a big pushover, especially when it comes to his family and unfortunately I just feel like when the time comes, he might be too flustered to MAKE SURE they don't come down, and they might just show up...or they might show up regardless of what DH makes clear to them.

I know I can let the nurses know no visitors, and trust me I will. However, knowing that they were at the hospital waiting around or whatever would put a whole bunch of extra anxiety on me anyway. Plus, they live about an hour away, and MIL has a job...I don't really understand what her plan is at this point...SIL is a SAHM so she very well has the capability of just coming to the hospital whenever the hell she wants, and at this point she seems pretty determined to do so.

Ugh, the thing is I really really love DH's family too. They have been super great and accepting of me and this is the first problem I've ever had with them. That is why I'm trying to avoid being a bitch because I want us all to still have a good relationship.

The plan at this point is for DH to talk to his mom sometime today, and let her know our wishes directly and kind of tell her about what SIL did and that obviously she isn't understanding...and hopefully his mom will help set SIL straight. Hopefully that works, because if it doesn't I'm more than likely going to turn into the mean wife and force DH to not tell them anything until we are ready.

peitri · November 2013

Hey, you guys need to do whatever you need to do if that is what you want! I hope everything works out for you in the end.

HerbanMom · November 2013

Wow, what a witch... yeah, in that event I would let them know if they come nursing staff will let them know they aren't allowed until you're ready. As far as kids- we didn't allow ANY children to visit with their parents while we were in the hospital, vax'ed or not. My brand new baby was/is too young to be exposed to any snot nose kids. Heck, I love my own children to death but they are in school and I'm even careful with them being around LO. We keep a gallon size pump container of hand sanitizer on the coffee table, lol.

SIL went way over the line...

Re: SIL went way over the line...

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