Vent! Grandparents want to tell everyone...

FutureMrsW9 · November 2013

I get that they're all excited, but after going through IF announcing too early is just something that's so uber scary to me. We obviously have already told immediate family and a few very close friends who knew about IVF. We were thinking about maybe announcing to the family that we see on Thanksgiving, but I'm only 10 weeks this week....while that sounded good a couple weeks ago now that we're here is still seems SO early. I think DH is OK telling, but for me who feels all the twinges everyday, I'm just not comfortable yet. And I swear, DH's parents ask every.single.day when they can start telling people. It's driving me insane, I almost wish we never told them! My SIL (DH's sister) told literally the world when she was like 5 weeks and this was after going off the pill and trying one time the first month off....boom pregnant, must be nice. Our situation is VERY different, I don't think they get that. Granted, we don't have a history of miscarriage *knock on wood* but it's still a sensitive issue obviously. Anyway....I just needed to vent that it's been annoying the ever loving you-know-what out of me!

krdesi · November 2013

I understand. That's frustrating! I spilled the beans to my grandmother since she was visiting from Bermuda amd I probably won't see her when I announce to other family members, but as soon as I told her, I regretted it! I feel like she's already told my aunt, which means my whole family will know! That would make me so mad...after all this, I want the chance to announce MY news myself!

jezebel57 · November 2013

i think that no matter when you decide to tell, its a scary thing!!!! i allowed my parents to tell extended family at 12 weeks. i hated it, but felt like they deserved to share great news also, and people would only be happy for us. i am still scared at 30 weeks lol. PAIF brain gets to you!!!!! whatever you decide, do what's right for you and your DH, not what your family wants you to do.

sunflowermama42212 · November 2013

If it makes your feel better the chance of miscarriage after 8 weeks with a normal range heartbeat drops down to 5% and only drops down to 3% after first tri. I would put my foot down now or they will be like this your whole pregnancy. Just say you want things on your terms and they need to relax. But much nicer obviously lol

katekat8721 · November 2013

It's so hard. My dad told my grandpa when I was 6 weeks pregnant and he then told his brother, who then told my other uncle and yadda yadda, oh dear lord, I was so pissed.

I've had to lay my foot down, hard, with members of my family. Now with that said, we've finally reached the point where we feel okay to share, and are giving them free reign to tell whoever they want after Thanksgiving when I'll be 10 weeks. But by this point, I've already gotten to tell those I wanted to myself in my own way on my own terms.

We're the ones who went through years of heartache, we're the ones to go through IVF, we're the ones who should be able to share the good news. I understand family and friends are excited for you too, but that doesn't change the fact that it's your good news to share.

Just be clear with them your time frames and what you do and do not feel comfortable with.

MJC1116 · November 2013

MY FIL was the same way when we told them the news at 7 weeks. We were going to wait to tell them in a more special way, but DH spilled the beans while I was on bed rest and then came over to the house. FIL's immediate response was, "Great! When can I tell everyone??"

Have an honest conversation with them that you are not comfortable yet but when you are you will be sure to tell them so that they can share the news with everyone.

It comes from a good place, but it can be so frustrating. Go with what feels right to you. And I agree with others.. it's scary no matter how far along you are. I was 14 weeks and kept trying to back out of telling people. Once we did, it definitely made the pregnancy feel more real. Good luck!

Peanutz21 · November 2013

i totally understand....that's why i didn't tell my parents until 14 weeks. even then i sort of wanted to wait until 20 but DH couldn't wait any longer. i still haven't told work or anyone beyond my immediate family.

they say hindsight is 20/20...you can't change the fact that they know now. maybe politely ask them to keep it quiet until you're ready to share on your own terms.

sarah_beth2005 · November 2013

I needed this post today! We told DH's mom a few weeks ago, since DH wanted someone he could tell and who would be excited for us, but who can most definitely keep a secret. We told DH's dad last Friday (I was 9wk2d at that point), because it was his dad's bday and he has been wanting more grandkids for years - he was super excited, but it's going to be very hard for him to keep it secret. We're planning to tell the rest of DH's immediate family when we see them for Thanksgiving, but we're going to have to try to make them promise to keep it quiet for a few weeks, too. We're going to tell my parents the first weekend of December (I'll be 11wks by then), when we see them in-person (they are 500+ miles away), so I don't want any of DH's family to spill the beans to the whole world before my own parents even know! Once we hit the 12 week mark, I'll tell my brothers, but will wait on telling the rest of my extended family until just before Christmas (since that is the earliest that I want non-family to know). I'm hoping to keep it under wraps through the end of the year, so that I can get through my end of year evaluation before telling my employer - but of course this will depend on how well everyone else can keep it quiet! Unfortunately, in today's world, it only takes one person to post a random "Congratulations" on your Facebook wall for everyone to start asking questions...and since I have several FB friends that are colleagues, it's a definite worry that I have. I'll feel better in a month once everyone knows, and so that I don't have to try so hard to hide my belly! Between IVF weight gain and twins, I'm already showing....

LadyMacaron · November 2013

I seriously could have written this myself. I am going through the exact same thing, and I am also 10 weeks. Grandma text me today asking if we could tell our guests at Thanksgiving. We wouldn't mind, because they are mostly family friends (who are they going to tell?), but it bugs me that she keeps asking me. DH is actually way more against telling anyone before 12 weeks than I am. I think we are just going to tell everyone that we can all share, as we choose, at Christmas. Give them an end date and just be done with it.

Good luck! It's hard to dodge these situations for much longer!

drjwj · November 2013

My mom was the exact same!! Around ten weeks I caved and said she could tell her close friends and she sent an email to her entire school! I was so mad!

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