Back and Forth?

Jags8 · November 2013

Sometimes I want a baby so bad. I often dream that I am pregnant/giving birth/breastfeeding. I wake up and want a baby. Then sometimes I see my sisters with their kids, or I will help a family out and babysit so they can have a date night, and then I think "Wow, baby fever GONE. I am not ready to be a mom!" I will be so grateful that I can just go out with my husband or friends without a fuss.

Am I the only one that goes back and forth? Will this ever go away, and I will simply want to start a family without a doubt? How do/did you know when you're actually ready?

kdc5836 · November 2013

I can only speak for myself. I have always wanted children. When I got married I was ok with getting pregnant but know I was ok if it didnt happen the first year so I stayed on BC. By the end of our first year I knew I did not want to wait any more and was ready. DH on the other hand was not. I went off BC with his blessing and he continued to prevent until he felt ready. We know have agreed to no longer prevent starting on our vacation in 3 wks!!

But to answer your question. The first year I wanted a baby but know I wanted to be selfish the first year of our marriage so choose not to. By the end of the year there was nothing that would make me not want a baby.

SmileyJay · November 2013

Yes, just give it time and (if you are like me) you will slowly start wanting a child more than the conveniences you would be giving up. We lived together for 3 years before getting married. Then the first year of marriage was amazing - bought a house, finished school, settled into jobs, etc. The second year of marriage we have just spent a lot of time together and enjoyed doing DIY projects and exploring personal interests without feeling guilty. We had our 2nd anniversary back in July and are finally ready to really commit to having children. We have an overseas trip planned for May and I don't want to be pregnant during it... I think we will try next year for sure. Hopefully I am ovulating when we go overseas and we are able to conceive then, but not counting on it.

This time last year we wanted children but I would constantly catch myself entertaining the idea of not having kids or at least waiting a lot longer. Days when we would sleep late or just have an awesome day doing non-infant friendly stuff like rock climbing or scuba diving or driving all day to visit my family. Or when I'm eating a delectable bit of sushi or raw oysters. I never feel that way anymore really. Now more times than not it feels like someone is missing from our family.

It helps that we are both 100% in finally and my husband has been that way for a while. It just took me a little while to be ready to say "let's do this". We are on the young side and building careers so there are reasons to wait several years, but we feel drawn to be parents and there are more reasons for us to start our family now (or 6 months from now really).

LunaGirl28 · November 2013

I seriously go back and forth every day... completely normal, I think!

Melissa51212 · November 2013

I did this. I felt ever hour I changed my mind. Somewhere in the past few months I have falling fully convinced I know am on the baby train even though I still wonder, Can we afford this? Are we ready? Do I want to give up all that freedom?!

lifeonthehill · November 2013

My back and forth is all based around fears. Will I be good enough? Can we afford it? Is he ready?

We will see how I feel in 12 months when we start TTC

Jags8 · November 2013

Thank you so much for all your personal points of view. It's a relief to know I'm not the only one. My husband is 100% ready (has been since before we were even married). So it's just up to me now.
I guess we will wait until I feel ready more often than the feeling of relief of not having kids (rather than waiting for these moments of doubt to go away completely, because that may never happen).

Ducktale · November 2013

Yeah, waiting is probably a good idea. I felt same as you for the first few years I was married. I liked babies and all and got the warm fuzzies when I was around them. But then I go home or to work and felt totally okay without a baby and enjoyed the freedom and advantages of no kids. Fast forward a few years and while I still have my moments of just enjoying things the way they, more often than not I do wish I had a baby. Everyone's different though, and some never get baby fever, but don't feel bad putting it off awhile. It's a big decision.

luvmygirls22 · November 2013

My philosophy is to wait and take time for the two of you first before adding to the family.

missa2152 · November 2013

I go through the same back and forth. I actually came on this board in hopes of finding someone posting exactly what you did so I didn't feel so alone. My husband and I have been married two and a half years. He is going to school to be an anesthetist (meaning he is a broke student until that point) So we currently live in his parent's second home. It's a beautiful home, but we will only be there for two years until we have to move for more of his schooling, which leaves the future unpredictable. So I think that's part of my apprehension; not having our roots yet, but also knowing we can't wait until he is done with school. That will be another six years. But there is also this self doubt. Will I be a good mom? Can I juggle everything in my life on top of being a mom?

We signed up for health insurance through his work last month. You have one opportunity to do it a year, and we knew if we didn't do it this January, it would rule out even the thought of a child for over another year. Last week my husband asked if I would make an appointment to have my Implanon removed, so I made the appointment, and today it was done. So here I am, on the threshold of a huge lifestyle change. I don't know what this nagging fear is that I'm not going to be a mom. Of course I will be, why wouldn't I be? It makes no sense these irrational fears!

Everyone I've talked to said that there is never a "right" time. And if you plan to wait until you feel ready, you'll never have a baby, because no one is ever "ready". I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with these ups and downs.

laurenstar18 · November 2013

I feel the same way although it's not really back and forth for me. I'm dealing with my doubts and fears that come along with having your first child. Can we afford a baby? How will i know what to do? Am i doing it right? Are we truly ready? Etc...

The thought that this will be forever and can never be undone is what crosses my mind a lot. The fact that it can't be reversed and it really is life changing is what scares me.

Our lifestyles have done a full 180 from where we were before marriage. We don't drink and party as much. We don't stay out late and we don't smoke cigarettes anymore. We both want a baby so bad. My husband has been teady since before we were married but i fear that he doesn't really know what it's like to have a baby of our own. A couple of our friends have babies and he lights up whenever we see them but i don't know if he understands the 24 hr care of a newborn/baby.

Despite our fears and doubts, we are 100% ready to take on this challenge together knowing that these feelings are completely normal for first time parents.

Do not doubt yourself and do what feels right for you and you husband. Only you two can determine if you are in the right place.

britb143 · November 2013

Everything you posted is exactly how I feel also. I go through phases of wanting a baby right now but also enjoying our freedom. DH tells me all the time I don't think anyone is ever truly ready to give up all of their freedom. However you learn to accept it and other things like sporting events and birthday party's become more exciting then you ever thought they could be. Right now I have BF pretty bad but we are planning on waiting until after I finish my medical assisting program next year. Plus hopefully by then DH will have gotten the promotion we are hoping for at work.

It is nice to know that other people feel the same way as I do. OP if you don't mind me asking how old are you? I wonder if it's an age thing maybe? I am 24 (well I will be in a week)

dogperson11 · November 2013

We spent a lot of time figuring out if we were "ready" or not. Now we're at the point (3 months info TTC) where we feel like someone is missing (from vacations, from holidays, etc). I think someone else mentioned a similar feeling.

Jags8 · November 2013

britb143 - I'm only 25. That's why I'm not too concerned about having a baby rightthissecond. But sometimes that fever really kicks in, and it doesn't help that DH really wants to start a family!

Back and Forth?

Re: Back and Forth?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards