vent — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

vent

My husband and I didn't tell anyone about our pregnancy.  One of my close friends asked about all of the doctor's appointments and I told her that I was ok, just going through some tests, and that I'd let her know when we knew what was going on. With the slow growth of the fetus, I just didn't want to say anything until we knew it was all going to be okay. 
Well, when the bad news started coming in from the doctor and I started the miscarrying process, I just shut down. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to talk about it with anyone. It was too exhausting.
I got a nasty email from her a couple of days ago accusing me of being angry with her (even though I had kindly responded to all of her texts/emails, but hadn't wanted to meet for coffee).  She is going to move across the country in January and she blamed me for not helping her through her feelings about it.  So, I sucked it up and emailed her about our loss, sobbing as I wrote the email. No response from her. Then her husband texts to ask my husband out for a beer.  When my dh gets to the bar, her husbands lays into him, accusing me of not being honest and up front with what we were going through. He said I could have avoided all of this if I had just been more forthcoming and let them help.  LET THEM HELP?!? What exactly were they going to help with? Could they have stopped the miscarriage? Allowed my baby to continue growing inside of me? Kept me pregnant? 
Anyway, 25 minutes after my husband gets home last night, I finally get an email from my friend, basically reiterating what her husband had told mine. Basically blaming me for not telling her.  Saying that everything would have been fine if I had just felt like I could talk to her and what kind of friend do I think we are? She was the only one, other than my husband, that knew about this pregnancy, and this was her reaction.
Last night I was angry, now I just have this even bigger knot of sadness in my chest. 
Thanks for letting me vent!

Re: vent

  • I'm so sorry you're having to deal with your friend being an asshole on top of all that is already going on.  Talking to anyone about a loss is never easy, and when people respond like that it definitely doesn't make it any better.  I'm so sorry.
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  • Wow. Your friend sounds extremely selfish. She should only be concerned with your hurt at this time not about anything else. You have the right to keep things private and after you told her what happened she should have been supportive. I truly am sorry and know how hurtful it is to deal with insensitive people at this time. ((Hugs))

    Me (30) DH (31) Married 5/13, TTC since 2/13
    BFP #1 Blighted Ovum resulting in D&C on 11/1/13
    BFP #2 Ectopic Pg, lap surgery on 3/12/14, R tube removed

    BFP # 3, EDD 2/21/15 * please be our rainbow*
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