I don't want to share anymore... (Vent)

Meandthey · November 2013

So I am a twin an my sister an I have always been in competition it seems. But it seems she's always trying to one up me lately. My H an I got married October 13 2013 an then the week we were on our honeymoon my sister got engaged an got married 6 months to the day of my wedding day. My H an I also had a little bit of trouble conceiving cause we thought I didn't ovulate needless to say in July I had found out I was pregnant (yeah!) so needless to say when I was 12 weeks my sister calls to tell me she is 6 weeks pregnant. I guess I shouldn't be surprised right... Well now it's planning baby shower time an I ask her how I do something on the computer for an invite idea for my shower an she yells at me for doing something for MY shower an that I shouldn't be planning mine. Which I wasn't planning anything I was just bored an being pro active. So then she says why don't u go plan my shower with this girl who I swear doesn't like me. An i didn't say much but in my mind I want to be selfish I don't want to have my shower in Jan an then a month later have hers. I just want to focus on me an my little one. Yeah I'm happy for her an would totally be all for planning her shower if it was like 6 months from now. But I don't want to do it now. Yes I want to be selfish I'm tired of havin to share everything!!!!! I have had to do it my whole life and as an adult I don't want to share the spotlight to

*sigh*

angelsnight · November 2013

I'm sorry, it stinks that you can't have much of your own as a twin. However being the same age, it's definitely understandable that she would likely be ready to get married and have kids around the same time you are. Doesn't make it any better though. Since you are a good six weeks ahead, maybe you can focus 100% on your shower first, and then hers, that way you both get your own spotlight and they don't overlap.

lazyreader · November 2013

*and

ladyglittersparkles · November 2013

I'm a twin too.
It's just the way it is. I've had to share lots if big life events
Even not with my twin. SIL did her wedding and baby etc all with in 3mo of ours. Be happy your kiddos will be close in age
Enjoy your pregnancy and try not to focus on hers.
It's only a competition if you make it one
(Believe me it's taken a long time for me to come tovthus realization)

Edit: mobile... Forgot a few words lol

dannie2011 · November 2013

Heck I'm not a twin and my sister is 4 yrs older them me. I had to deal with the same crap you're going through with my oldest. She never wanted kids and when I got pregnant 6 mos later she was. Everything was a competition who child walked first, spoke, etc. If you let it bother you she wins.

PinupMomma08 · November 2013

I get your frustration, trust me. But it is a part of life. Try to embrace it. Your baby is special! I promise

Excitedmum35 · November 2013

My sister and I had our second six weeks apart. There was no competition. It was nice to have someone go through similar stuff at a similar time. Try and see it as a positive.

clo1982 · November 2013

On the shower part I guess I don't get how the focus won't be on your little one if hers is a whole month later! How long do you want people to focus on your shower?? Maybe I could understand this if people were asking you to do a joint shower but it doesn't sound like that's the case. I know I sound bitchy but I have a tough time with these 'spotlight' posts. You got married first...had the spotlight...got pregnant first...had the spotlight...will have a shower first and will have a baby first. You essentially get all the spotlight on everything while she has to share it. Maybe her life events are about her and not about you.

AriaAmante143 · November 2013

I guess I don't understand how she's trying to one up you? She got engaged/ married after you got married. She got pregnant after you got pregnant. Did she know you were TTC? And even if she did, was she not allowed to TTC while you were? You're the same age. You're having your baby shower before her. A whole month. How does her shower interfere with you and LO?

Honestly, if it were me, I'd be excited my baby was going to have a cousin close in age to grow up with. No one is going to stop caring about your baby when she has hers. It just seems like you don't want to share the spotlight with HER, not that she's trying to one up you.

clo1982 · November 2013

@daisycat11....the last sentence sums it right up!

kelley72 · November 2013

I don't have any sisters- I sure wish I did. I cannot imagine how different my life and I would be if I had someone to share all my triumphs and tribulations with both growing up and now as an adult. Perhaps that is why I don't get what you are saying, I just cannot relate. It sounds a little immature to me, but what do I know? I guess I just see that my pregnancy, my baby, my dh, my life is MOST important to me but not anyone else... I would say embrace the fact that your lo will have cousins so close in age what a blessing! I love that my boys have cousins close in age- it makes family get toghethers so much fun!

Hope you have a wonderful shower and happy and healthy pregnancy and lo.

rockopera · November 2013

You and your sister are exactly the same age. Why should she be expected to change or delay her life events for yours?

The world doesn't stop for your news. Weddings, babies. No one really cares as much as you do. So it's Pretty silly for you to think you have some claim
on the undivided attention of friends and family. Especially for a baby shower.

She's also right - you shouldn't be making decisions and passing them on to her for your shower ( I am assuming she is hosting?). The host is responsible for that.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

scrumpfy · November 2013

I'd be excited to have someone to share the pregnancy experience with, and for my baby to have a cousin the same age to grow up with.

SmittyPants · November 2013

TallAsh said:

This kind of thing drives me bonkers. I think my SIL was upset that we are expecting a LO only 4 months after her baby, but I can tell you that our decisions on when to hump had zero to do with the fact that she was pregnant. Sorry. I guess I can see how it's frustrating, but really you just sound extremely egocentric if you think all of your sister's major life decisions are made to steal your spotlight.

I agree completely. I mean, assuming her husband proposed he decided when to do it, not her. As for having her wedding six months after you, who cares? Should she have checked with you beforehand on a date that was acceptable to you? You come off as very bratty in this post. I'm sure as a twin it can be frustrating to share, but someone else's decisions in life are not about you.

clo1982 · November 2013

I think having siblings, not necessarily only a twin, means you share. My sister is pregnant too and is due 2.5 months after me. I don't really think she got knocked up to spite me. I'd say a good thing to focus on would be getting over your need for the limelight...once your lo comes NOTHING is about you anymore...it's about them. Sorry all, I could rant about these posts all day. They seriously drive me nuts and it shocks me every single time how many people agree with these types of feelings.

SomersIsles · November 2013

So if you have a big life event, she is required to put her life on hold and wait? Sounds a bit selfish on your part....

southerncharm24 · November 2013

Just curious, do you ever think she gets just as angry with you for always doing everything first?

mfarmer0811 · November 2013

I think you are being very selfish! She is your twin! You shared your mother's uterus for nine months, it's something that is a given!
Even if you weren't twins, just like a PP said, it's your sibling, you share!! I so wish my sister and I could share the experience of having kids close together. However, she married a guy that is older than her, and already had kids, he lied to her saying they would consider having kids after they got married, and then he went and got a vasectomy without her knowledge; she loves him, and wants to stay with him, but it breaks my heart she will probably never get to experience what being pregnant is like, or being a mom to her own child!
I really think you need to grow up, and be thankful you are having kids, and that your kids will be close in age with their cousins!!

Oh, and on a totally unrelated note,. it's and!!!

jaysgirl1707 · November 2013

Having the same thing with my sister in law. Which having four sisters myself I always had to share something with one of them. And low and behold its actually my sister in law. Its like I can't get away its always a sister from somewhere lol. After H and I got engaged, her and her Fiance broke up. During that year they got back together and 4 months before our wedding they ran to the alter to get married. (went to the courthouse). Always seemed a lil fishy. She's one of those people that thinks she's better than everyone. And I think she got jealous because her and her H had been engaged longer than us. Because he proposed to her when they were together for a year. Anyway. Then we get pregnant. And im 12 weeks and announced at 8 weeks. And my H says guess whose pregnant. And bam she's 4 weeks. Im like wow. Just so seems like she just can't let her brother have anything. Even tho it was supposedly an accident.

I know how it feels girl. Im so glad she doesn't want to have a joint shower. I would not have that. I would def fight to have your own. Especially being a twin! There are some things you should have to yourself! You are you're own person. You guys aren't conjoined

AriaAmante143 · November 2013

jaysgirl1707 said:
Having the same thing with my sister in law. Which having four sisters myself I always had to share something with one of them. And low and behold its actually my sister in law. Its like I can't get away its always a sister from somewhere lol. After H and I got engaged, her and her Fiance broke up. During that year they got back together and 4 months before our wedding they ran to the alter to get married. (went to the courthouse). Always seemed a lil fishy. She's one of those people that thinks she's better than everyone. And I think she got jealous because her and her H had been engaged longer than us. Because he proposed to her when they were together for a year. Anyway. Then we get pregnant. And im 12 weeks and announced at 8 weeks. And my H says guess whose pregnant. And bam she's 4 weeks. Im like wow. Just so seems like she just can't let her brother have anything. Even tho it was supposedly an accident.

I know how it feels girl. Im so glad she doesn't want to have a joint shower. I would not have that. I would def fight to have your own. Especially being a twin! There are some things you should have to yourself! You are you're own person. You guys aren't conjoined

You thought it was fishy because they had a courthouse wedding 4 MONTHS before your wedding?? Was the entire year of your engagement off limits or something??

ceh789 · November 2013

bandteacher said:

I can't even handle these AWing princesses. Are there seriously chicks who feel this way when their siblings or friends have happy life events?

It makes me really sad for them, to be honest. How empty does your life have to be before you can't share the joy people you love are experiencing because you think it is somehow being stolen from you.

mfarmer0811 · November 2013

Edit: deleted duplicate post

mfarmer0811 · November 2013

ceh789 said:

bandteacher said:

I can't even handle these AWing princesses. Are there seriously chicks who feel this way when their siblings or friends have happy life events?

It makes me really sad for them, to be honest. How empty does your life have to be before you can't share the joy people you love are experiencing because you think it is somehow being stolen from you.

This. My DH and I had to do IVF to get pregnant, I'll never be able to get pregnant on my own without ART. If my sister, or anyone else was to get pregnant, yeah, I would be sad for me, but not for them!! I certainly wouldn't be angry!!! Children are a gift from God!!

AriaAmante143 · November 2013

bandteacher said:
I can't even handle these AWing princesses. Are there seriously chicks who feel this way when their siblings or friends have happy life events?

SERIOUSLY. One of my close friends got engaged the night before my wedding. Someone actually told her to not wear the ring to my wedding, so she wouldn't "upstage the bride". Screw that! As soon as I saw her I dragged her up to the head table to see that bling. I was so happy for her!!

Weddings or babies do not make the world revolve around you. No one should put their life on hold so you can soak up the spotlight.

bumpuser9058414 · November 2013

I got pregnant with DD, 6 months later my cousin got pregnant with her DS. I got married in April 2010, she got married in August 2010. I got pregnant with #2 when her #2 was 3 months old, you know how we feel about it? Ecstatic! We get to celebrate these wonderful life events together and have children close in age and be friends like we are. I'll never get this mentality.

BrideNamedMeg · November 2013

I don't know your particular family dynamic, but it does seem like you're the one with the problem. Like others have said, you're the same age, it makes sense that you'll be having kids and getting married around the same time. My cousins, SIL, sister and I have all been having babies around the same time. The year DS was born we had 6 new babies in our family! And it's awesome. I loved being pregnant around the same time as them and now that our kids are a little older it's awesome for them to have cousins and friends that are the same age.

I'm actually REALLY sad that I'm the only one pregnant in our family right now - all of the others are done having kids as I'm one of the youngest in that group. I worry that this baby won't have anyone to play with when they're older as the others have all "partnered up" already. I guess we'll deal with that when the time comes, but it feels almost lonely to be the only one - not like "yay I finally have the spotlight to myself".

jaysgirl1707 · November 2013

AriaAmante143 said:

jaysgirl1707 said:
Having the same thing with my sister in law. Which having four sisters myself I always had to share something with one of them. And low and behold its actually my sister in law. Its like I can't get away its always a sister from somewhere lol. After H and I got engaged, her and her Fiance broke up. During that year they got back together and 4 months before our wedding they ran to the alter to get married. (went to the courthouse). Always seemed a lil fishy. She's one of those people that thinks she's better than everyone. And I think she got jealous because her and her H had been engaged longer than us. Because he proposed to her when they were together for a year. Anyway. Then we get pregnant. And im 12 weeks and announced at 8 weeks. And my H says guess whose pregnant. And bam she's 4 weeks. Im like wow. Just so seems like she just can't let her brother have anything. Even tho it was supposedly an accident.

I know how it feels girl. Im so glad she doesn't want to have a joint shower. I would not have that. I would def fight to have your own. Especially being a twin! There are some things you should have to yourself! You are you're own person. You guys aren't conjoined
You thought it was fishy because they had a courthouse wedding 4 MONTHS before your wedding?? Was the entire year of your engagement off limits or something??

They were broken up for our entire engagement until that time was what I meant.

jaysgirl1707 · November 2013

And im sorry if anyone got offended by what I said at all...i dont want to be one of those people to start things. Just how I felt at the time......i obviously love her and am happy to have a new nephew or niece a couple months after my daughter is born. And happy that she will have a cousin to grow up with.

clo1982 · November 2013

jaysgirl1707 said:

Having the same thing with my sister in law. Which having four sisters myself I always had to share something with one of them. And low and behold its actually my sister in law. Its like I can't get away its always a sister from somewhere lol. After H and I got engaged, her and her Fiance broke up. During that year they got back together and 4 months before our wedding they ran to the alter to get married. (went to the courthouse). Always seemed a lil fishy. She's one of those people that thinks she's better than everyone. And I think she got jealous because her and her H had been engaged longer than us. Because he proposed to her when they were together for a year. Anyway. Then we get pregnant. And im 12 weeks and announced at 8 weeks. And my H says guess whose pregnant. And bam she's 4 weeks. Im like wow. Just so seems like she just can't let her brother have anything. Even tho it was supposedly an accident. I know how it feels girl. Im so glad she doesn't want to have a joint shower. I would not have that. I would def fight to have your own. Especially being a twin! There are some things you should have to yourself! You are you're own person. You guys aren't conjoined

4 months?!? For fucks sake what would have been an appropriate window for it to not seem fishy?!? And damn those accidents that end up in pregnancies when it's clearly someone else's turn to shine! I see OP never returned.

clo1982 · November 2013

I'm still totally pissed at my sister for being born 2.5 years after me and upstaging my toddlerhood with her birth. Selfish conniving bitch!

katykatykaty · November 2013

You're about to have a child. Grow up.

BabyVDM · November 2013

ugh

I am having twin girls. I really hope they don't grow up to resent each other and be so competitive. I am hoping they will be happy for each other when great things happen and supportive when bad things do.

karacakes98 · November 2013

Oh FFS. Cry me a river.

*I realize this response is a bit outside my normal realm of replies, but really. Grow up. Ugh.

crystaljoanna · November 2013

OP - you and your sister are both starting new families and you have an opportunity to create the type of relationship you want. It sounds like this is your issue - not hers. You both are going to have children that can grow up as best friends. Personally, I'm jealous. I would give almost anything for my sister and I to have children the same age. But I waited too long to have kids and having more children isn't an option for her. Your bitterness over what is really an amazing opportunity and experience is only going to hurt you and your future child. Move on and embrace your growing family.

Meandthey · November 2013

I was having a selfish moment yesterday! Off course I'm happy that I get to be an aunt. A lot of you ladies don't also understand how my sister an I are or who we are. It was just a venting moment! Those who understand thanks for understanding. Me posting this didn't know how big of a response, thought I was just talking out loud. Sorry if I hurt anyone feelings. I'm moving on an over my selfish moment!

BabiesFTW · November 2013

I'm a twin too. I think some don't understand what it's like to have to share nearly everything your entire life.
That said, I'd try to focus on yourself, be happy for her, and be grateful nobody is trying to throw you a joint shower!

lazyreader · November 2013

*and

Meandthey · November 2013

BabiesFTW said:
I'm a twin too. I think some don't understand what it's like to have to share nearly everything your entire life.
That said, I'd try to focus on yourself, be happy for her, and be grateful nobody is trying to throw you a joint shower!

Yes the topic of joint shower was brought up but we had to rule that out due to my guest list is already 100 people for our jack an Jill with most of the guest being my hubby's family. Glad u can relate! I swear I am very happy to be an aunt. Just a moment of selfishness

cdnmomma · November 2013

I would love it if my sister got married and had a baby close to the same time as me. I think it's a bit egotistical to think that anyone, even a twin, would make such big decisions, such as getting married and having a baby just to spite/ compete with you.

babylimas · November 2013

Having 4 sisters very close in age, I can't imagine not sharing every event. I had to get over that feeling at a young age.

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