Finding reminders

After I found out about the miscarriage, I deleted all pregnancy apps from my phone, all bump pictures I had taken, and tried to unsubscribe myself from any email lists related to babymaking. I still don't know whether that was the right thing to do, but it felt right in the moment. I keep on coming across things. I had bought all of these pregnancy books, and I've since hidden them away. Yesterday, I found a list of questions on my iPhone that we had made for our first OB appointment. It makes me feel a little insane to look at that list now, and to know that when I was putting together those questions, I was blissfully unaware that my baby had already stopped growing. Today, I found a text from my husband that he sent the night before our first appointment, asking if I was excited. I had said I was but also was nervous that maybe something would be wrong. Ugh.

This stuff is so hard.