Vent-Thanksgiving family "fun"

hokies94 · November 2013

My sister just told me she's bringing mac n' cheese for her kids to supplement Thanksgiving dinner since they don't like turkey or thanksgiving food. I'm slightly annoyed. There's nothing they can eat??? It's not like they're toddlers-they're 10,8 and 6.

We're a very casual family and it's just us and my parents. I really don't care if her kids eat mac n' cheese. but I don't want to have to argue with my kids about whey they can't have mac n' cheese. My kids will eat thanksgiving food and DH will spend all day cooking it. I don't want them eating it when we have tons of good food.

I shouldn't be surprised. This is not the first year she's done this. I don't want to start anything so I'm not going to say anything to her.

hokies94 · November 2013

nowababy said:

Hopefully you sister isn't planning to just make it out of a box and it might be an actual contribution to the feast.

This is what I can't remember from past years. I really hope it's not from out of the box. One of my kids is an extremely picky eater and I struggle with getting her to eat good stuff. She will absolutely choose mac n' cheese over turkey and other stuff which I know she will eat if she tried but wouldn't choose on her own (she's 9). I just thought we'd be able to get through Tgiving without a food struggle/argument.

notkateanymore · November 2013

I feel sorry for your sister's kids...Thanksgiving food is the best.

littlemermaid · November 2013

I would tell your kids they can have a small spoonful as a side dish not as their meal.

Court0026 · November 2013

Family always keeps things interesting. It is a little annoying, I agree.

goillini823 · November 2013

I guess my confession is that I can't have Thanksgiving dinner w/o some Mac N Cheese. Lol.
Can you just let your kids have some as part of their sides?

spring_time · November 2013

I actually think mac n cheese is on a lot of Thanksgiving menus. Why can't your kids have a little bit as a side dish? I don't think this is anything to get worked up over. In my family, everyone brings something to the meal. Consider this your sister's contribution.

notreallyirish · November 2013

There were many thanksgivings where my brothers just ate rolls and ham--and I'm talking through high school--so I'm not shocked by your sister's picky kids. Macaroni and cheese is a perfectly acceptable contribution to everyone's meal. If that's all her kids eat that's their business. From my perspective that's more leftovers for you!

LatteLady5 · November 2013

Ditto PP's. Growing up my cousin was (is) a vegetarian but as a kid she only ate cheese and pasta. We always had plain cheese ravioli for her and mac and cheese. It never affected what we ate though. I'm making a baked mac and cheese and one little toddler girl coming isn't allowed to eat meat. Her mom has some weird ideas about food. IMO, it's not a big deal. Just put a little mac and cheese on their plates and if they want more they eat a good portion of the rest of their food. Don't make it a battle. It's a Holiday, enjoy!

pitterpatter129 · November 2013

I don't know. I'd be with you on being annoyed. It's not like she said I'm bringing mac and cheese like it was a side dish for everyone. She specifically said it's because she needs to bring kid friendly food to appease her picky eaters. I'm with whoever above said they don't get the making special meals for kids. Both my kids (2yr and 9mo) will eat what everyone else eats. All annoyance aside, I agree if she brings it to share, there's no reason why your kids can't have a spoonful with their turkey.

2-Step · November 2013

I have a friend that does this and it's tough sometimes when we get together for dinner. She'll make something like that for her kids and my kids are expected to eat the dinner. She usually serves it before dinner so her kids are gobbling up chicken nuggets or PB&J and mine are waiting for dinner and whining. However, I remember having close family friends like this as a kid and they always had different very lax rules and it frustrated me, but after awhile I think it was good for me because I learned my parents rules trumped what other people are doing and no amount of whining was going to change that. Sorry you have to deal with the annoyance on thanksgiving day though!

If it's just a little they are having on the side I don't think it's worth a battle. If that is all they want to eat as a separate meal from the Thanksgiving meal then I would be bothered.

rosesandpetals · November 2013

My aunt and uncle do this every year for their 3 kids. All of my other cousins (who are all children <10) want the crap food (french fries, grilled cheese, etc). It always starts a huge argument. The cousins who eat the junk food also play their video games during dinner, etc. I see where you're coming from because it is hard to explain to kids why they have to behave or do something when their cousins don't have to do it. You can't really tell your kids, "It is rude to come to someone's home and tell them you won't even try any of the food they spent all day making." When there is another kid there who is doing just that. At least, you can't say that without starting an argument.

I have no advice, sorry. I know it sucks, though!

jak554 · November 2013

I'd be a little annoyed, but could you possibly ask her to make it as a side to share with everyone so there's no battle? That way it looks like it's part of the meal even if that's all her kids eat.

Spin313 · November 2013

As long as she's bringing it as a side dish for everyone to share, I don't see the big deal. Give your kids a spoonful with their meal.

Dochas · November 2013

littlemermaid said:

I would tell your kids they can have a small spoonful as a side dish not as their meal.

After the turkey, if you're afraid she won't eat it. My son likely will not eat anything at Thanksgiving dinner. He's a bad eater to begin with and at parties he has no interest in food. He might have some cranberry sauce and some homemade bread. I'm not bringing anything else for him. And I'm still letting him gorge on whatever desert he wants. At their ages I really can't believe she wouldn't just shrug and let them eat, or not (unless you do something weird with all the food!). If you can't unclench for a holiday meal, when can you?

Dochas · November 2013

NandaB said:

Yea. What they said. Why can't your kids have some? Sounds like you are determijed to make it a food battle.

I don't know. Because they're going through a lot of trouble to make a great meal and it's annoying sometimes when guests can't just shut up and eat what's served? Although I can also see that in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. But people who do this kind of thing tend to make lots and lots of things about themselves so there's usually at least a bit of history.

lollitots · November 2013

This reminds me of a similar conversation I had with DH. I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner for his family. My nephew will be there (every other year visitation thing). He is majorly catered to when he visits. He is also a picky eater. I told DH that I would nut kick him if he got up and made mac and cheese for the kid in the middle of dinner when the kid complains about the food (and he will complain, he always does, but my BIL is proud of the fact that he never has disciplined the kid or told him no).

If you put all this effort into dinner it is inconsiderate not to try things (for a kid this age, we are not talking about a toddler here). Also, my kids wouldn't get why they have to try everything else and not just eat mac and cheese if was allowed to. I would do as pp said, and give it to your kids as a side, but with the knowledge that they have to eat everything else. I get why it bugs you though, because it would bug me too. Especially with kids old enough to eat something from the table, even if it was just rolls.

zbeesma86 · November 2013

don't stress it and let it ruin your day.

when you are serving your kids put a small scoop on their plates as a side.

NBD

hokies94 · November 2013

Dochas said:

NandaB said:

Yea. What they said. Why can't your kids have some? Sounds like you are determijed to make it a food battle.

I don't know. Because they're going through a lot of trouble to make a great meal and it's annoying sometimes when guests can't just shut up and eat what's served? Although I can also see that in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. But people who do this kind of thing tend to make lots and lots of things about themselves so there's usually at least a bit of history.

Ding ding ding. Yes, there's a bit of history. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. If this were a one time thing I wouldn't even think twice about it, but it's not. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal. Just slightly annoying.

DH cooks some fantastic food that they won't even try. I guess more leftovers for us.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

cjcouple said:
Why does everyone assume kids who don't eat thanksgiving dinner only eat garbage? My kids eat pretty healthy.
They are not big meat eaters, I never make stuffing (except with turkey) and rarely cook mashed potatoes on a regular basis. they are a PITA. I am not about to make them shut up and eat when it's out of the norm. And why should they go hungry? She isn't asking the host to make it. She informed her ahead of time, so the host can have an accurate headcount. What the big effin deal?

Yes thank you! Let's be honest most thanksgiving food while tasty is far from healthy. DD is not a meat eater most likely she will eat mashed potatoes and green bean and rutabaga. I might throw some hummus on her plate for protein to help he stay full gasp!

rockyrollgirl · November 2013

@NandaB Oh shutup and eat the turkey.

alli2672 · November 2013

I don't think it's a big deal either, but I don't understand why she needed to call you several days ahead of time to tell you about it.
Half the people on this board said their kids probably won't eat much of the thanksgiving food, but no one has seen the need to call the host and let them know that their kid will only be eating a roll and some rice.
Why is she making a thing out of it?

hokies94 · November 2013

She didn't call specifically to tell me this. She emailed me to confirm what pies she was bringing and also mentioned the Mac n cheese. Yes, it is my sister and we're very casual about family get togethers.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

NandaB said:
But AG, you will be insulting the chef who slaved away on the turkey and stuffing, thus ruining their thanksgiving and forcing them to deny their kids hummus and demand they eat said stuffing, thereby causing a dramatic food battle royale and also ruining the kids thanksgiving too.

Way to go jerk.

I am queen jerk! Well since I am the chef I will be the one who is deeply insulted. I will even let them have ice cream instead of pie. My goal in life is to give my kids something to talk about at therapy. They will never eat thanksgiving and I am ruining them for life!!!

Andrewsgal · November 2013

Oh and I so want to make Mac and cheese the fake day glo orange kind for thanksgiving just to spite this board.

eaglesfan700 · November 2013

I mean once you have Annie's though can you ever go back to dayglo?

True story, mr. eagles hates Annie's. He bitches if I get the Kraft white cheddar instead of the orange

Andrewsgal · November 2013

letranger said:
I mean once you have Annie's though can you ever go back to dayglo?

Oh there is always a way yo go back to the preservative chemical filled goodness that is kraft literally nothing compares!

Mrs.Hizzo · November 2013

I'm obviously in the minority, but I think it's rude to go to someone else's house for dinner and not only not eat what they serve, but bring something else in. At some point, kids need to learn this, too. Who the hell can't find a single thing to eat out of an entire Thanksgiving meal? I couldn't even tell you what my kids will/won't eat at Thanksgiving, because I neither know nor give a shit. I know that between three different kinds of appetizers, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, bread, green bean casserole, fresh vegetable, fresh cranberry, canned cranberry and two or three different kinds of pie, they've never complained that they were going to bed hungry. So apparently they're eating something, and if anyone says that their typically developing child over the age of 5 won't eat any of that and will be starving, I call bullshit.

MesmrEwe · November 2013

In this case, it's the presentation, not the end result... Had she said "can I bring a "kid's dish" for Thanksgiving that all of the kids will enjoy?" (as a contribution to the meal)... Would the end result be different. It's oftentimes HOW you say something and not what you say. While I'm of the opinion of "take it or leave it!" when it comes to these sorts of things, and let me add, Mashed potatoes have saved me many Thanksgivings (I don't eat Turkey - I'm thankful my belly isn't so empty that I have to shove that stuff in).. I'm also one that Thanksgiving if someone offers to bring something, LET THEM! (though if it's Kraft Mac & Cheese I'd probably rec' they choose a different kid's meal instead because there won't be the cooking surfaces available!).. With this one It's a "Just can't win!"...

2-Step · November 2013

Kimbus22 said:

Mrs.Hizzo said:

I'm obviously in the minority, but I think it's rude to go to someone else's house for dinner and not only not eat what they serve, but bring something else in. At some point, kids need to learn this, too. Who the hell can't find a single thing to eat out of an entire Thanksgiving meal? I couldn't even tell you what my kids will/won't eat at Thanksgiving, because I neither know nor give a shit. I know that between three different kinds of appetizers, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, bread, green bean casserole, fresh vegetable, fresh cranberry, canned cranberry and two or three different kinds of pie, they've never complained that they were going to bed hungry. So apparently they're eating something, and if anyone says that their typically developing child over the age of 5 won't eat any of that and will be starving, I call bullshit.

I'd rather someone bring something they know their picky kid will eat than have a hungry, cranky kid ruining the day for everyone.

I just don't get this. I don't make separate food for my kid. But if we have dinner with friends and their kid gets mac & cheese and chicken nuggets so my kid wants that instead of what we're eating, whatever. It's one meal. It's not going to ruin what you do at home forever.

I think the point is that we are not talking about toddlers here. We're talking about a 10 year old who can't go to someone's house who spent hours cooking dinner for them without bringing a special side meal to eat because that is what they prefer. I would not want to teach my children that etiquette. Not to mention the mother calling up the person having the meal to tell them that her children won't like anything they plan to make. I get annoyed at how overly accommodating some parents are with their "special" children who need a special meal and a special accommodation for this or that. It's a bad lesson to teach your kids and they end up turning into entitled a-hole adults. I have friends who are like this as adults and this is exactly the type of stuff their parents always did for them. I totally agree with Hizzo on this one.

That being said, there is not much you can do to change it in this situation. But, I would be annoyed to see my sister doing that with her children.

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