Daycare Worries

clairmeij · November 2013

I am mostly a lurker, but I've been lurking since I was newly pregnant. Even though I only post once in a great while, I'm on this board daily. I hope topic hasn't been raised before, it didn't come up in a search - apologies if it has!

I am having serious daycare doubt. I have never wanted to be a stay at home mum, so although I have normal mummy guilt, I don't think that is what this is. Please share your opinions! I'm not sure if I'm being irrational or if there is some merit to my worries.

My partner and I have dropped in on the daycare unannounced several times and he's always either in a bouncy chair or in his crib, I'm concerned that that simply isn't enough stimulation for a baby of his age. Often he is crying and has been crying long enough that his face is red and blotchy. I asked whether they give him tummy time/mat time and was told that it is difficult to do with the older kids in the class, but they try. (he is in an infant class and there are a couple of babies just turning 1 who are transitioning to the toddler room). The other day I went to pick him up and knew something was wrong immediately, he was just staring into space and didn't even acknowledge me. When I picked him up he felt really hot. I asked for a thermometer and he had a temp of 101.6. It concerns me that nobody had touched him to figure this out! One evening when I went to pick him up the teacher had a cold cloth to his head and he was crying hysterically. She said that the toddler room had closed down for the day, so she had toddlers and infants in the infant room. One of the toddlers had tried to lean into his bouncy seat and fell on top of him with a toy that left a big red welt on his forehead. On other occasions I've noticed the teacher rushing to wipe his tears away as she sees me coming in the building. Last night was the worst so far - he was crying his eyes out in a bouncy chair, so loudly that I could hear him in the reception area. The only teacher in the room had her son on her lap and was ignoring the other children, and my baby's cries. As I got into the room, a second teacher came in from another room and started (defensively) telling me that he had 'only' been crying for about 15 minutes. He was very red and blotchy and really really upset. My first thought was, 'Why aren't you trying to comfort him?'

Do you think that these are normal things that happen in a Daycare Centre? I don't want to be the person who is constantly complaining, but I have a really bad feeling about this. Please share your thoughts, I really want to know if I sound like a nutter!

Murphie82 · November 2013

My kid isn't in daycare (yet), but from what you've described, I would be finding a different daycare.

It's hard to say what's going on with your LO crying because it may just be a timing thing, but the unnoticed fever, the toddler room "closing" down, and a single teacher in the room only paying attention to her own kid while yours is crying - not cool with me.

Edited for grammar

HeartLikeMine3 · November 2013

I don't have any experience with daycare but I can tell you now I'd be very upset. From being on TB it sounds like most of the daycares are nurturing, respectful and fun for the LO's. I would find somewhere else btw If they think 15 min is not long to be crying that's terrible. I'm so mad for you :-q

WasNotWas · November 2013

The combination of all those things concern me. An occasional crying session is fine, even the not getting as much floor time is fine (Tyler has been in school for almost 3 months and is still the youngest, so he can only get on the floor when everyone else is napping or they will attack).

But the bringing toddlers into the infant room is a big no no - our daycare keeps EVERYONE out of the infant room, we even have to take off our shoes to go in there.

I would maybe drop in one more time and before you leave address the issues with the director. Ask about the ratios and the activity policies (how are the teachers supposed to interact with the kids). If you aren't satisfied I would look into an alternative center.

Trust your instincts momma

clairmeij · November 2013

@majwv8 and @Murphie82 - thanks for the feedback! - I don't know any other mums there, but I might try to talk to some at drop off. I think the thing that worries me most is that like your daughter, my son just doesn't normally cry. The only time I've ever seen him blotchy from crying is when he's been upset in his car seat and I haven't been able to get off of the highway for a few miles.

ChristyD6 · November 2013

My baby goes to DC and everything that you mentioned would make me very uncomfortable. We have done random pick ups to see her at various times of the day and she usually seems happy. We asked them to do more tummy time and they were very receptive to that.

I'm so sorry. I don't want to be a SAHM either but it's incredibly difficult to leave your baby in the care of someone else, especially if you have so many concerns.

kread8 · November 2013

Oh man... I would try to find a new daycare ASAP! How can they let him cry for that long?!?! 15 minutes is a long time to not do anything to comfort him!!

megaroo64 · November 2013

Crying alone wouldn't necessarily be a red flag, but what you have described seems like so much more than that. Not noticing a fever, mixing toddlers and infants together, and ignoring your kiddo when he is upset are all things that wouldn't fly with me. I would find a new place.

ASmallWonder · November 2013

This doesn't sound like an overall good place for your baby. Like @wasnotwas said, some crying is normal but it sounds like it's too much here and I don't like that he had a fever no one knew about because, like you said, it means no one had laid hands on him. When a child is "off" it's one of the first things they check, in my experience. Our center combines rooms in the mornings and afternoons and sure, Quinn has gotten bonked by an overly excited toddler. Again, it's the combo of things in your case so I think you're right to research other places.

Murphie82 · November 2013

Oh and I second the pp's - 15 minutes is far too long to let LO cry. For the teacher to get all defensive and say LO was only crying for 15 minutes is highly concerning to me.

natalie115 · November 2013

I would get him out of there ASAP. I would be so upset if almost everytime I showed up he was red and blotchy from crying. "Only been crying for 15min"? Um no...they should have been trying to comfort him. Unnoticed fever? Not okay. DS doesn't go to a daycare center, but our daycare lady can have 5 kids there at times and DS still gets tummy/floor time. Usually she's holding him or he's in his walker when I pick him up. He's one of the last ones to be picked up so he gets a little extra attention at the end of the day. Go with your gut!

RissNRuss · November 2013

I'll tell you my thoughts from both Momma side and my side of having previously worked in infant/toddler room in a daycare.

From my previous work experience: the center I worked for condensed rooms as the evening went on and kid count dropped- so all infants/toddlers would end up in one room together- it's not unheard of, however the required ratios would still be met (4:1). There was an evening I was down to two girls, one was hysterical and I was calming her (or trying to). The other girl's mom walked in as she rolled in her crib and cried out. Bad timing. The mom flipped out on me for not attending to her daughter blah blah blah. She came back the next day and apologized, realizing I was putting out fires with a more needy kid. However, her daughter was not red and blotchy from crying- that's not acceptable.

From the Momma perspective, A has definately been crying on occasion at pick up, and once was because one of the "big" kids (a newly minted one-year-old) had rocked the bouncer while she was sleeping, waking her up. However, A rotates activities at pickup, some days she is in the bouncer, some days tummy time, some days a caregiver's lap. I also speak with them daily about her activities- "how was tummy time today" etc, to let them know I'm watching them (or monitoring her activity etc).

Based on your description, I would be having a talk with the director to address my concerns and considering an alternative care center (especially based on the fever issue). BUT I don't know your baby. If your baby is usually calm, etc then I'd likely be pulling them from the center. If your baby is fussy in general, you and the center may need to work together differently. Either way, I'd be having a talk with the director because your child's teachers are not acting professionally in regards to talking with you. And teachers whose own children are in the room need to treat the other children how they'd want their own cared for. We had a teacher like that where I worked, her son was the king and others would not be getting the same level of care, so our director moved her to a classroom other than his so he would be cared for, but all the others would be as well.

(hugs)

I also just reread and noticed the 15 minutes of crying. Holy no! That's way too long without hands-on comforting in my book. Honestly the only time A was screaming at pickup was the time she was woken up by the big kid (and I was on the stairs up to the room as it happened).

clairmeij · November 2013

Thank you all VERY much for your thoughts. I've found it so difficult to try to separate the emotion that I feel for this little guy and being rational. I am going to look at some other centres tomorrow and possibly this afternoon, and see if I can get him in immediately.

DaisyDuck40 · November 2013

My son isn't in Daycare, but if he was and those things happened I would find a different daycare provider immediately.

llbta85 · November 2013

Ditto what everyone has said. The fever thing and bonking on the head seriously worry me. Any time DS had an "altercation" I was called and there was an incident report. And not noticing a 101+ fever is ludicrious. The fact that you have dropped in unannounced several times and haven't had a good feeling based on what you have seen is very telling. And crying for "only" 15 minutes when he's not a cryer or fussy baby is not acceptable. I would move ASAP.

GracieL79 · November 2013

I agree with what others have said. I worked at a daycare and none of this seems normal at all. I think it's a good idea to look for a new place ASAP!

kelly422 · November 2013

Ditto everyone else. Go with your gut and trust your mommy instincts.

clairmeij · November 2013

I honestly don't have an issue with bigger kids, if they are all being supervised. I also recognize that sometimes accidents will happen. I think its just that its one part of the bigger whole that has me worrying.

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the opinions!

RissNRuss · November 2013

@clairmeij most of your concerns alone are fine/normal, but I agree that all together it makes a scary picture.

clairmeij · November 2013

Thanks a ton @BonnieK10 - I'll make more of an effort to

lioness13 · November 2013

My DD is in daycare and I would be pissed if I saw the things you've seen. Your instinct is right. Good luck with finding better child care. Something better is out there for you!

FunkyPhoenix · November 2013

My heart sank just reading your post. If it were one or two isolated incidences, it would stand to reason that it's prob typical stuff. My DS stays home with me, but if I were you, after all those situations, I would be looking elsewhere right away. Good luck and please let us know what happens!

JessicaKS · November 2013

My daughter is at daycare since October 1st. She has only been crying two or three times when I have gone to pick her up. And she was hungry one of those times and they were heating her bottle. She gets tummy time two or more times a day, they read books, they even do "art" projects. They don't just sit and ignore the babies.

Your gut feeling is not wrong!! Find a new place ASAP!!

clairmeij · November 2013

Thank you all @FunkyPhoenix, I will!

GraceInCA · November 2013

I'm not sure what your geographic location is but do you have a Bright Horizons center near you? They are wonderful with infants.

clairmeij · November 2013

@GraceInCA - we do, but sadly the one close to us doesn't serve the infant age group. They start at toddler age.

Junemom2013 · November 2013

I would switch! 15 minutes for the baby to cry is nuts. It may not seem like a long time to them but to a baby that must be like an eternity.

JessicaKS · November 2013

What @kames12 said! Another mom at my daycare couldn't believe that thy called her at work to let her know that her LO scratched her face. They considered that a "head injury" and wanted to let her know immediately. A bit extreme in the opposite way of OPs daycare, but at least they are paying attention and concerned enough to tell the parent. A high fever is absurd!!

The only times I am at daycare and another baby is crying for a while its because every adult is tending to a baby, or a baby is crying while doing tummy time (which we all know can be quite typical!).

BunnyLove416 · November 2013

I think no matter what it sounds like you're not comfortable with this place and that's reason enough to look for a different solution and make the switch.

clairmeij · November 2013

Thanks everyone. I had a chat with the assistant director, who is the head teacher in LOs class. She was incredibly open and receptive to my concerns, and frankly, surprised by some of them. I am interviewing another daycare this afternoon, but in the meantime, I am going to see if my raising the issue changes anything. To be fair, the things that have happened have never happened when she is there, and if I've never told her, then I can't expect her to do anything to fix it. With all that said, if I do not see an improvement immediately, I'll take him out of their care and move to a different provider. Thank you all so much for the feedback, it really reaffirmed my feelings and helped swing me into action! For some reason I have felt nervous of confronting this issue - and I am normally a very direct person - I think its the concern that they have my baby and I want him to be safe in their care. Ironic really!

kmkaull2 · November 2013

Listen to your gut. Your intuition is waving a million red flags here.

I know it is easier said than done, but my child would be pulled effective today.

glitterbush · November 2013

Trust your gut, mama. If you don't like the vibe you get from them, switch. They're working for YOU. I use a home daycare provider so it's a little different, but she only has 4 children there total so it's a much quieter environment. Like someone else mentioned, we also have to take our shoes off before coming in. She's incredibly on top of her game when it comes to the kids and I feel 100% comfortable with her. That's how you should feel! I hope you find somewhere that you like.