Article re: relocation while pregnant

fellesferie · November 2013

Link: https://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/11/bode_miller_custody_battle_new_york_family_court_made_a_terrible_ruling.html

I'm still kind of digesting the entire thing. But it's a pretty awful situation.

CFjo2010 · November 2013

This article totally illustrates what a member here said awhile ago about Dads not caring until there's a SM in the mix...

MommyEllenSue · November 2013

I disagree Cfjo I think it diminstrates how neither parent should move a child away from the other. It's not about mothers rights and fathers rights but a child's. My DH has an almost similar case to this one. Where BM moved with children (twins) out of state and it took him til they were 8 months old to get them home. There was a battle of state jurisdiction also, but the original state kept jurisdiction. Since that is where the children were conceived and both parents were residents at the time. I (sm) wasn't around then and there was no gf. So it was just DH their DAD fighting for his children's rights. Unfortunately it's a no win situation for this child and both parents involved.

KTdidit · November 2013

The judge in NY was completely out of line. IMO after the BD stated that she "made the choice against his wishes" apparently to keep the baby, that shows he doesn't want to be involved and she could do whatever and go wherever she wanted. I can't believe that the BD got custody of the baby.

fellesferie · November 2013

I'm sure there's a lot more to the story than what made it into the article; but it just all sounds TERRIBLE for the child.

I think everyone needs to take a few steps back and really sort out paternal and maternal rights before setting legal precedents.

CFjo2010 · November 2013

MommyEllenSue said:

I disagree Cfjo I think it diminstrates how neither parent should move a child away from the other. It's not about mothers rights and fathers rights but a child's. My DH has an almost similar case to this one. Where BM moved with children (twins) out of state and it took him til they were 8 months old to get them home. There was a battle of state jurisdiction also, but the original state kept jurisdiction. Since that is where the children were conceived and both parents were residents at the time. I (sm) wasn't around then and there was no gf. So it was just DH their DAD fighting for his children's rights. Unfortunately it's a no win situation for this child and both parents involved.

"...he wouldn’t come with her to an ultrasound because “U made this choice against my wish,” according to a text she released from him." Yeah he didn't give a shit until after he got married.

And I'm not saying all dads are like this, my DH fought hard for K well before I was around. I was referencing a comment made awhile back about a somewhat similar issue.

nattyncbride · November 2013

For what it's worth, the Monday ruling gave SMcKenna custody of Sam (did BMiller seriously 'rename' the child Nate???) until another hearing on Dec 9th.

https://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/11/25/21615168-olympic-skier-bode-miller-loses-round-in-battle-over-custody-of-baby-son

CFjo2010 · November 2013

nattyncbride said:

For what it's worth, the Monday ruling gave SMcKenna custody of Sam (did BMiller seriously 'rename' the child Nate???) until another hearing on Dec 9th.

https://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/11/25/21615168-olympic-skier-bode-miller-loses-round-in-battle-over-custody-of-baby-son

I saw that they were calling the boy by different names, but I thought that was just in the Court filings to preserve some sort of anonymity. I get that both parents have equal rights to a child, but when you send out a text saying "U made this choice against my wish", you obviously don't care. And if he cared so much, why didn't he fly to NY as soon as the baby was born and file paperwork THERE?

I'm glad the baby is back with mom for now. Hopefully Dad can man up and do what's right for the kid. Who cares if he and SM can provide "full time care" for the baby? The mom isn't a stripper working odd hours, she's at frigging Columbia University. Quit being asshats.

fellesferie · November 2013

I can't believe the name thing--how ridiculous is that?! He needs to be called whatever name is on his birth certificate. Period.

MommyEllenSue · November 2013

The thing is nobody knows what the name on the birth certificate is. It could be Sam or Nate or neither. I believe there are a whole lot of other issues to this case then what is said in this article. Especially for a BM to lose custody of a infant the way she did. This article is totally biased to the BM and leaves a lot unsaid. I also don't believe that a Dad that has fought so hard to be involved with his child never wanted to be there in the first place.

CFjo2010 · November 2013

MommyEllenSue said:

The thing is nobody knows what the name on the birth certificate is. It could be Sam or Nate or neither. I believe there are a whole lot of other issues to this case then what is said in this article. Especially for a BM to lose custody of a infant the way she did. This article is totally biased to the BM and leaves a lot unsaid. I also don't believe that a Dad that has fought so hard to be involved with his child never wanted to be there in the first place.

The article flat out says that the Judge was wrong in his ruling and it was turned over on appeals. She only lost custody because some Judge wanted to make a huge statement and get his name in the papers in hopes of setting some sort of new precedent and case law. So with your logic, there's a lot left unsaid about why the child was in fact RETURNED to the mother. I'm inclined to believe the child's legal name is what the mother is calling him since, you know, she gave birth to him and signed the birth certificate.

Look, I'm very pro-dad and feel that both parents should be equally involved in the child's life. But when you send a text basically saying "I didn't want this baby, do it yourself" and then turn around a month later after you get married and *BOOM* suddenly you give a damn, it's hard to believe he ever wanted a part in the child's life.

nattyncbride · November 2013

According to this article, his name is Samuel Bode Miller-McKenna, but Bode Miller petitioned to update his name to add Nathaniel as his middle name, hence calling him 'Nate'. :-/

https://www.gadailynews.com/news/regional/190863-olympic-skier-bode-miller-begins-latest-round-of-bitter-custody-battle-with-ex-as-it-emerges-he-changed-his-son-s-name-without-her-knowledge-or-permission.html

Now, this is a local GA paper, so take it for what it's worth. It makes suggestions for BMiller's emerging interest in his son. I agree with PPs that this is a lesson that no matter how everyone seems to be feeling at the time, formal agreements should be made about custody, etc.

CFjo2010 · November 2013

Wow. @nattyncbride in reading that article there are so many issues here. So SM had a miscarriage in January, her husband's baby is born in February and he files for joint custody after SM miscarries. Yeah, he didn't really want the baby, SM did.

And he changed the baby's name without the mother's consent?! There's so much wrong with this guy.

fellesferie · November 2013

For whatever reason, the name thing feels very offensive to me. Like doing it (either intentionally or thoughtlessly) puts distance between the child and the mother.

I hope they come up with some kind of reasonable time sharing. I hope the BM considers putting wording in the CO that forces them to use the child's real name. Or at least a variation of his real name.

CFjo2010 · November 2013

fellesferie said:

For whatever reason, the name thing feels very offensive to me. Like doing it (either intentionally or thoughtlessly) puts distance between the child and the mother.

This was my feeling as well. It's almost like by changing the name or calling the baby by a different name, the dad and SM are forcing BM out. And I have a feeling it was an intentionally move on their part. Because while BM is calling her little boy "Sam", which is on the birth certificate, Dad and SM have had nearly 6 months of calling the baby "Nate" and that is the name the baby is going to respond to. Now Mom is going to have to use the name that Dad and SM forced on the baby. It's just so screwed up.

MommyEllenSue · November 2013

CFjo2010 said:

fellesferie said:

For whatever reason, the name thing feels very offensive to me. Like doing it (either intentionally or thoughtlessly) puts distance between the child and the mother.

This was my feeling as well. It's almost like by changing the name or calling the baby by a different name, the dad and SM are forcing BM out. And I have a feeling it was an intentionally move on their part. Because while BM is calling her little boy "Sam", which is on the birth certificate, Dad and SM have had nearly 6 months of calling the baby "Nate" and that is the name the baby is going to respond to. Now Mom is going to have to use the name that Dad and SM forced on the baby. It's just so screwed up.

Unfortunately this whole situation is all kinds of screwed up! Especially for that little baby

nattyncbride · November 2013

Totally agree w @fellesferie and @CFjo2010 and @MommyEllenSue about the name. Just highlights one of the many ugly aspects of this case. Thanks OP- I'm totally obsessed w this now!

dmndsr4eva · November 2013

Considering that the dad seems to be a jetsetter who travels the world on a regular basis it seems like he could still have a good relationship with the child via monthly visits in NYC or bringing the child whereever he is going on vacation or work. Seems like he has a lot of money so travel once a month or so doesn't seem like it would be a huge issue. Not an ideal situation but even if they all lived in CA he could possibly get only a few days a month visitation anyways. I don't know...Hope it works out for them. And I think that is really messed up they are calling him two different names. That is just so wrong.

Did you all notice that this is his second child? He also has a 4 or 5 year old that he is trying to get full custody of.

xmaryrickx · November 2013

These people are assholes. Plain and simple. Assholes.

They have the means to live wherever they want and build a stable life for their child. But nope. Let's be selfish and ruin that child. Brilliant.

Lavender P · November 2013

Changing the child's name is so wrong. We have a friend who was with the BM only for a few months after the baby was born. He got a tattoo of his son's name and then the BM changed it legally so now he just has some random name on his body.

jess9802 · November 2013

This whole situation is outrageous and based on what's been published so far, Bode Miller's actions seem punitive and nasty.

twister22 · November 2013

This is disgusting and ridiculous. Miller didn't put up ANY fight to McKenna leaving until SM appeared. What BS.

twister22 · November 2013

Oh and the SM didn't have a miscarriage - she lost her baby in the 3rd trimester. She was due 2/14/13 with a little boy, and she lost the baby in January. That is incredibly sad, but it seems like the SM was bitter that McKenna was able to have a healthy baby and she was not, so she is trying to take McKenna's baby. This is INCREDIBLY screwed up.

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