Adoption
CaptainSerious
member
Options
Anybody here watch parenthood?
CaptainSerious
member
I've been less attached to this season than in previous years, but tonight they hit me hard. The moment when Victor asked, "Why did you tell me I'm smart, when I'm really stupid?" was the embodiment of my worst fears.
We've always been completely honest and open with the boys about their pasts and current lives. M knows everything we do, in a way he can understand. He knows all about his life before us, his mother, his life with her, how we found him, the things we know about his past he doesn't remember (or want to remember), his diagnosis (sorry, I don't want to reiterate it with the other post here). He know everything...except about what's happening with the school and how old he might really be.
he knows he might be older, and he knows that the school sent a letter this summer about moving him up, but I told him (and believed at the time) it must be a mistake. One of his is biggest fears is that he might be "stupid." Of he ever realizes how delayed he is, or could be, he'd be crushed.
We focus on how well he's doing, on his advancements, and on all the things he's good at. We've come to terms that our next step (after this battle) is setting up SSI. We are always seeking possible careers based on his interest, so we can guide him in the right direction when the time comes. But despite all this, we fear the day, which might not be very far off, when he realozes J (4 years younger) is eclipsing him. We dread him realizing his delays and thinking he's "stupid," because it will crush him, and we fear he'll give up.
Not sure why I'm posting, except that this is my safe place. I know there's not really anything anyone can say or do to lessen my fear. Hoping he never realizes feels like it would be hoping for him to be even more delayed. I don't think there's a silver lining to be found, really, except what my mother-in-law keeps reminding us of: no matter what, even if we don't handle everything perfectly, he's still worlds better off than he would have been if he remained un adopted in Peru.
We've always been completely honest and open with the boys about their pasts and current lives. M knows everything we do, in a way he can understand. He knows all about his life before us, his mother, his life with her, how we found him, the things we know about his past he doesn't remember (or want to remember), his diagnosis (sorry, I don't want to reiterate it with the other post here). He know everything...except about what's happening with the school and how old he might really be.
he knows he might be older, and he knows that the school sent a letter this summer about moving him up, but I told him (and believed at the time) it must be a mistake. One of his is biggest fears is that he might be "stupid." Of he ever realizes how delayed he is, or could be, he'd be crushed.
We focus on how well he's doing, on his advancements, and on all the things he's good at. We've come to terms that our next step (after this battle) is setting up SSI. We are always seeking possible careers based on his interest, so we can guide him in the right direction when the time comes. But despite all this, we fear the day, which might not be very far off, when he realozes J (4 years younger) is eclipsing him. We dread him realizing his delays and thinking he's "stupid," because it will crush him, and we fear he'll give up.
Not sure why I'm posting, except that this is my safe place. I know there's not really anything anyone can say or do to lessen my fear. Hoping he never realizes feels like it would be hoping for him to be even more delayed. I don't think there's a silver lining to be found, really, except what my mother-in-law keeps reminding us of: no matter what, even if we don't handle everything perfectly, he's still worlds better off than he would have been if he remained un adopted in Peru.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anybody here watch parenthood?
Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.
Clearly, I don't have any advise but I'm sorry for what you are going through and it is encouraging to think how better off he is now! You seem like a wise person and an awesome mom! I'm sure you will handle this in the best way possible.
I say this because I can tell you that there may be heart wrenching moments of awareness and grief for him, but (and I know you already know this) you he may also experience joys and understanding that none of us can ever comprehend. It's a tough road. It shouldn't be like this, but you've embraced it beautifully and I have every confidence that you will help him with whatever he has to deal with.