How do I approach this? — The Bump
Special Needs

How do I approach this?

Last week I picked DS (kindy, pdd-nos) up from his non-school district after school program. He was eating his snack near some older kids (4-5th grade). I sat down with them to let him finish. DS announces that the older kids are his friends. They snicker. The older kid says to me, "I really like DS." I say good, I'm glad he has a buddy here. Then he snickers and says "Yeah, DS really likes to sit on my lap." And they all snicker some more. I'm awful in these circumstances (having one of those am-I-on-the-spectrum-too moments) and I can't decide whether to get the kid to clarify what he is talking about or just let it go. The kids then start dropping some swear words so I just gave them a hard look and left with DS.

I obviously need to get a thick skin and woman up. DH was mad that I didn't say something to the kid and staff immediately. I'm sure this will be the first of many, many times DS is teased not knowing he's being teased. I tried to talk to DS about it and that totally backfired- I asked him why his "friend" (he doesn't even know his name) said that and DS said he just likes to sit on his lap. When I reminded him about personal space and such he burst into tears and said friends sit on laps and he wants to continue to be friends with this kid and then I realize I've probably approached this wrong.

So- how do I approach this with DS? I don't want to create unnecessary anxiety. Maybe I am totally overreacting. DH is going to talk to the staff tonight, too.

Re: How do I approach this?

  • Assembly_ReqdAssembly_Reqd member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    edited November 2013
    I would be freaked about this. WTH does a 4-5th grader care about a kindie kid? Seems kinda weird to me and would lead me to ask more questions about this child. Was he really teasing, somehow getting his sexual jollies, or was he a person with weak social skills as well? I hate to go the sex creeper route but honestly, that is the first thing that popped into my head.

    As far as your son goes. I think you need to stop this lap sitting behavior now. I am sure the ASD moms will have some great ideas, but sitting on another person's lap is for toddlers and babies. Are there other kindie kids sitting on people's laps too? Maybe a social story?

    You are not overreacting. At all.
    WAY 2 Cool 4 School

  • Yeah, I went there too. In my gut I don't think that's what is going on, but you can't help but to think that. Part of the reason I didn't say something to the kid is because my DH has said that there is a guy who likes to read to DS and DS is often sitting on his lap reading when he picks him up. I assumed DH was talking about a staff member, not a kid, but for a split second I gave the kid the benefit of the doubt. It was definitely a staff member (all but one are guys).

    You're right, he does need to get over the lap sitting. He does it with us all of the time (it's a sensory thing I think, liking to be squeezed and hugged), I guess it never occurred to me that he is doing it with other people. I'll have to talk with him about it some more.

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  • Thanks for the comments. DH talked to the director tonite and framed it in terms of "DS needs to learn personal space, please stop him from sitting in laps of others"- she seemed surprised but admitted on her own volition that they should separate the ages better. Right now they are all together all the time. I'm not crazy about this place at all, but DS loves it and it's only an hour and a half a day. Next year he'll be in a better school program. We have psych eval results meeting next week, maybe the psych can weigh in on some strategies for personal space.
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