DH and I disagree about how to feed baby :(

Re: DH and I disagree about how to feed baby :(

• MamaAllison member

  November 2013

  Wow. That's a crappy situation all around, I'm sorry I don't have any great advice. The only thing I offer is that a happy mom = a happy baby. If BFing is that painful for you it seems like a bad choice. Perhaps someone can link that funny formula fed med student article for you to share with DH?

  DD1 - Evelyn Riley - 9/30/11

  DD2 - Charlotte Avery - 1/27/14

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• potbellypig member

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  TyrannosaurusLex said:

  Maybe your DH is confused, like I am, about what your real reasons for not wanting to BF are. Last time you posted you said it was due to him not wanting to be intimate while you had sticky breasts, and that you found it inconvenient because it kept you tied to the baby when you wanted to go out.

  Those are perfectly valid reasons and your own choices to make, but you never mentioned D-MER at all. You also didn't mention it in your (unlabled) cross posts on the Multiples, Natural Birth, or Breastfeeding boards.

  Maybe he is confused about what your real issue with BF is, and it seems hard for him to judge what's really important to you about FF vs BF. 

  I do believe it's a woman's body and a woman's choice as to what to do with it, but I also feel father's opinions should be heard - and it's hard to be mad at him for having a different opinion than you when the facts are so muddled. 

  I don't think any of my reasons are not "real" reasons to not want to BF? Aren't they all "real" reasons? Everything from not having my boobs touched during sex, to being tied down, to DMER (which I only recently figured out was actually a thing and not just depression) is playing into me not wanting to BF...
  

  
  

  re: multiple posts: I copy paste and try to label them but obv. need to slow down before hitting "post" to make sure I do each each time! Sorry

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• mdr619 member

  November 2013

  I think it's important to hear the hubby's opinion on stuff like this, but ultimately it's your body, your decision.

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• ShePersisted member

  November 2013

  Totally random suggestion- of course it depends on your financial situation but would you consider a milk bank as an option and compromise? I have to agree with Tlex though- its something that needs to be well understood before jumping to decisions. Plus you NEVER know how you will feel after birth.

  I don't like the idea of BFing either but I feel like I am not in a situation to make that decision until I experience it.

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• cattuccino member

  November 2013

  To go along with many ladies here, I also recommend talking to your Dr about D-MER - as there are some treatments that might be worth trying, if you were open to it. There's also maybe a compromise you can try to breast feed but if DMER symptoms pop up again, you'll switch to formula...
  
  Make a list with your DH? Pros and cons of both. Just like you have your reasons for FF, perhaps your DH also feels like his reasons for BF aren't being heard?
  Maybe also express with FF he can play a big role in feeding too (unless you pump then he can also, I'm not sure if you pumped last time)...
  
  Just a couple ideas. I think the important thing is you both reach an agreement and talk thoroughly. Yes it's your body, but you don't want there to be conflict from residual feelings, it's also his baby.
  Just like down the road you may disagree whether or not McDs is a suitable meal....

    

   

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• oscarwao member

  November 2013

  I think if your mental and emotional wellness is at stake than you should FF (and hopefully hubby will be understanding of that).

   }

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• orchid8301 member

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  I tend to think my H does have an opinion in the matter. I think ultimately I do have the final say, but I value his opinion and feelings enough to listen to him. I also agree with TLex, your husband may be confused. I certainly am after reading this post. Maybe you just don't want to? I think that is a valid argument. BF was a lot harder and time consuming for me than I ever imagined. I debated on whether to do it for this LO. FWIW, I have decided to give it a try because I have also read about many success stories the second time around. 

  
  

  Also, I always give the last bottle of the night as formula. My body adjusted and I didn't feel the need to express at this time of night. This might help with a few of your reasons. 

  
  

  ETA: I think the part about valuing DH's opinion is poorly written in my post. I am not saying that you don't. I am just trying to say that I do think his opinion is important. 

  

   

  

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• ZAngel member

  November 2013

  I believe this a decision the two of you need to make together.  With that being said, it is ultimately your decision whether you want to breast feed or not.  Maybe you could try pumping and supplement with formula when needed.  There isn't anything wrong with formula if this is not something you can do.  Maybe the two of you should sit down together with your doctor and have a discussion.
  

  BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
  BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
  BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
  
  

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• calimama2007 member

  November 2013

  I don't have anything to add to what other ladies have said, but I HATE when DH pulls the, "it's your job" "you chose this" crap.

  
  

  My DH does it occasionally, especially re getting up in the middle of the night with kids, and it drives me NUTS!!!!!!

  
  

  
  

  
  

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