Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
KingLED
member
How's your SO handling the loss?
KingLED
member
So much of the general pregnancy loss discussion is always focused on the woman that physically dealt with the loss, but I think it's important to look at our SO's and bring them in to the conversation as well.
So how is your SO doing? Have you guys talked about it much, or does it just go unspoken? How are they coping?
My SO is handling the most recent loss a lot better than I expected. After the last one, he was done. We had been talking about it for a long time and it was finally just too much for him and we had given up on TTC. So when I got pregnant again this last time I was terrified how he would handle yet another loss, but I don't give him enough credit. He's been really great. I know he's still hurting, but he's outwardly he seems to be handling it in a much more healthy way. He's been helping me and been more affectionate than usual, which helps. His new found optimism is definitely making a difference in how we're both coping with the loss. We don't really talk about it much, more medically what needs to be done and what the next steps are, but we both prefer it that way. We talk about how we're both coping and what the other can do to make things easier and even that is starting to taper off. He's eating a ton of chocolate, though. ha. But seriously, I got him one of those huge Hershey's bars and he hate half of it as soon as he found it and the other half for breakfast the next morning. He doesn't usually eat that much chocolate. One of those bars usually lasts him a month or so (assuming I'm stealing bits and pieces throughout).
So how is your SO doing? Have you guys talked about it much, or does it just go unspoken? How are they coping?
My SO is handling the most recent loss a lot better than I expected. After the last one, he was done. We had been talking about it for a long time and it was finally just too much for him and we had given up on TTC. So when I got pregnant again this last time I was terrified how he would handle yet another loss, but I don't give him enough credit. He's been really great. I know he's still hurting, but he's outwardly he seems to be handling it in a much more healthy way. He's been helping me and been more affectionate than usual, which helps. His new found optimism is definitely making a difference in how we're both coping with the loss. We don't really talk about it much, more medically what needs to be done and what the next steps are, but we both prefer it that way. We talk about how we're both coping and what the other can do to make things easier and even that is starting to taper off. He's eating a ton of chocolate, though. ha. But seriously, I got him one of those huge Hershey's bars and he hate half of it as soon as he found it and the other half for breakfast the next morning. He doesn't usually eat that much chocolate. One of those bars usually lasts him a month or so (assuming I'm stealing bits and pieces throughout).
Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
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Re: How's your SO handling the loss?
I never really thought much about it until my second or third loss, then it just kind of hit me like a Mac truck that h was having a hard time coping. I knew it was hard on him, it was hard on both of us, but it still never really clicked. And you're right. There's almost nothing out there to support the partners. It's terrible. As much pregnancy loss and PPD awareness as there is going around lately, you'd think there would be at least some sort of push to support the partners as well.
He seems to have accepted that our babies have gone so much easier than i have, but now I feel I daren't talk about our losses or express when I'm feeling sad because it reiterates to him that I'm still upset, and it makes him not want to try again. X
Kieran born 21.1.10
Angel baby 1 lost 18.6.13
Angel baby 2 lost 30.10.13