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July 2014 Moms
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Advice requested: when to tell my 9yo about his new bro/sis

reecespieces714reecespieces714 member
in July 2014 Moms

Background:  I have a nearly 9 year old from a previous marriage - I have a healthy relationship with his father.  My child gets along very well with my husband - we married 6 mos ago.  I am 8 weeks along.  Our parents and our siblings know.  We want to make sure everything is fine before we communicate our news more broadly - especially to my child.  Today, we had our first u/s and saw the heart beating along - very reassuring (had an 'early' u/s because I am AMA).  Here are my considerations:

1.  It is getting kinda obvious that I am PG - I am packing on the weight (boo), have a pooch that I didn't have and have stopped playing a team 'contact' sport I am heavily involved in.

2.  Getting loads of pressure/questioning probes from folks (especially teammates).

3.  I live in a VERY small country.  Once any rumours start the potential for it to become widespread and somehow get back to my child (or his dad) becomes very real. 

4.  It is very important that my son (and his father) hear our news directly from us.

So....

As I said we saw the heartbeat today (yay!) and now (per the textbooks) the chances of something going wrong are much lower. 

Is it jumping the gun the tell my child and then his father and then the rest of the world this weekend?  Or is it more prudent to wait until the end of the 1st Tri and do my best to hide it and keep peeps off my back (so exhausting)? 

I will admit that I am prone to getting excited and having 'the need to tell' override other considerations.  Clearly, I do not want to do that when it comes to communicating this important news to my kiddo.  So I am hoping for some feedback to help me 'gut-check'.  Thanks!

 

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Re: Advice requested: when to tell my 9yo about his new bro/sis

  • INmommy871278INmommy871278 member
    My parents told us after the first appointment. I also remember with the fourth watching the test waiting or it to turn so we knew right away. I say tell them this weekend since you have heard a heart beat and there is high risk they may find out before you can tell them.
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  • TigerLily12345TigerLily12345 member
    I would probably tell your child & his father ASAP.

    That does not mean you have to tell "the rest of the world" though.
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  • eortmaneortman member
    If I were in your situation, I think I would tell your child & his father right away. It sounds like it is time.
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  • chance_encounterschance_encounters member
    I will be telling my kids next week (on Thanksgiving here in the US). If it was not for the holiday they would already know. I say tell them if you are comfortable with it :)
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  • paxilchykpaxilchyk member
    Will the people that know keep it a secret? My mom had a miscarraige when I was in third grade and it was very painful for me because i wanted a younger sibling so badly. I would consider telling his father if you can trust him to keep it quiet, but wait until you're further along to tell your son.
    That doesn't mean not to talk about the idea if a baby if he starts asking questions. You could talk about how fun it would be to have a younger sibling, the changes that would happen in your family etc. That would make him all the more prepared and excited when you do tell him.
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  • deltadawn89deltadawn89 member
    I was about that age when my mom and step-dad found out they were having a baby. I don't know how early they told me (but I think fairly early). I remember being extremely excited. 
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  • priadeanpriadean member
    My doctor told is after seeing a heartbeat and knowing my progesterone is really high that chances of losing baby were going down. We told our 8 year old that day. I know everyone's situation is different, but I figured if something went wrong at this point anyway I couldn't hide that either. So if something happens we will get through it as a family. Good luck. It is such a hard decision to decide when is best....
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  • TurtleMonstersTurtleMonsters member
    Do you think ppl are going to say something in front of your son (or his friends)? I'm from a very small town and I'd err on telling sooner then later, knowing the way rumors spread. I'd also weigh how hard it would be to untell him. He may be old enough to give a heads up, that in early pregnancy things can happen, and maybe to keep it secret.
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  • alyssa719alyssa719 member
    My neighbor has a 10 year old and told him when she was around 2-3 months along I think.  She's with him all the time and said it was super hard for her to keep quiet about it even that long.
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  • allardrallardr member
    eortman said:
    If I were in your situation, I think I would tell your child & his father right away. It sounds like it is time.
    This. You can always wait on the rest and even if they get wind tha'ts not a big deal. It'd be horrible if kid & his father heard any other way but from you.
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  • toomanycats1toomanycats1 member
    I also think you should tell your DS's father, but wait a bit to tell DS. I told my DS at 7 weeks last time after seeing a good strong heartbeat, and we still ended up losing it. It was very hard to have to explain the loss to him, and horrifying to explain it to all his teachers that he told once it became his news too. Only DH and I know right now (I'm 8w1d) and DS will be the very next to know..... once we hit 12 weeks and have a little more confidence that everything is ok. Out of respect for him, no one else will know before him, and also, this way we won't run the risk of him hearing someone else mention it.

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  • Littlebean312Littlebean312 member
    The next morning after I found out we told our 8 year old. We told her together and we talked about the good thing about being a big sister but we also told her that some times God calls babies to heaven from mommies tummy and they don't get born. She asked why and we told her because god loves babies to and we have to trust him to know what's best for us. If you not christen or don't want to explain it that way that's ok.

    But I would tell older ones that sometimes babies don't make it the hole 9 months, so that just incase, heaven forbid the baby doesn't make it they already have knowledge that it's not something abnormal. It's something you wish wouldn't happen but could. Just help prepared the little ones.

    Also I have to recommend talking to the child bio father incase he has any concerns with what you say.
    (I am a step mom)
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