MIL only concerned about my weight

LauraN1224 · November 2013

I'm due mid February. I'm having a girl, the only girl out of 4 grandchildren for my MIL. I am currently 6+ months along and have gained 10 pounds total. The issue I have, is that my MIL had only ever asked me how much weight i have gained. She has never commented on how great I look, or how is baby, or how am I, how is the nursery coming along, how am I feeling, what name have you decided on... None of that. Only "so, how much weight have you gained?" My response is that "I'm not sure, but my doctor isn't concerned so I'm not worrying about it." She asks me infront of people and it makes me very uncomfortable and self conscious. She manages to ask when my husband is not around, which is the kicker bc my MIL can do no wrong in his eyes and she is innocent in everything that she does.

I don't understand why she only seems concerned with my weight?!

RondackHiker · November 2013

So what does your husband say when you tell him what she said?

ziggy903 · November 2013

RondackHiker said:
So what does your husband say when you tell him what she said?

My thoughts exactly. His response to you will say a lot about him.

Mazingmommyof6 · November 2013

Omg. My ex MIL was like that to a T! I could have written your post. She was obsessed with weight in general especially when I was pregnant. Her doctor had her on PHENTERMINE while pregnant with my EXH..... Can you imagine!!!! Just try to remember its HER issues making her curious. Not you. Do your best to be polite, like I'm sure your doing and remember its none of her business.

Btw my ex MIL was thin and fit. Just obsessed with weight of people around her.

LauraN1224 · November 2013

I told my husband about it after the 3rd time she made a comment and he said he was sure she didn't mean it in a bad way....

My MIL is not fit by any means but she isn't a big overweight lady either. And I'm not even sure that's she realizes that mentioning a pregnant woman's weight is rude or out of line which makes it difficult for me to figure out how to respond. With thanksgiving coming up in sure it will be a topic of conversation again... Joy.

RondackHiker · November 2013

I'd just say something like, "the only thing you've asked me about during this pregnancy is my weight! Why are you so curious? My doctor is fine with it and I don't share personal info like that."

And tell your h that she may not mean it badly but you don't like the constant questions, and ask him to back you up and tell her to drop it if she continues after you confront her.

magentawarped · November 2013

I always want to respond to those questions with, "Not sure...how much have YOU gained lately?" This probably isn't the best tactic with your MIL though...

gfam23 · November 2013

LauraN1224 said:
I told my husband about it after the 3rd time she made a comment and he said he was sure she didn't mean it in a bad way....

My MIL is not fit by any means but she isn't a big overweight lady either. And I'm not even sure that's she realizes that mentioning a pregnant woman's weight is rude or out of line which makes it difficult for me to figure out how to respond. With thanksgiving coming up in sure it will be a topic of conversation again... Joy.

It wasn't meant in a "good" way, either. I think he meant she isn't calling you fat. But isn't mentioning any one's weight, pregnant or not, especially in front of others, rude/out of line?

Codypup · November 2013

I agree with PPs. I'd turn it back around on her, and say something like,

"MIL, you seem awfully preoccupied with my weight. It makes me wonder why you're fixating on weight gain. Is there something you want to say? Or talk about? All this focus on the scale makes me worry about you a little bit."

That'll shut her up. I'd also have some issues with my H if he thought his mother could do no wrong, but that's another topic entirely.

slwprincess · November 2013

I swear I think weight obsession is one of the most unattractive qualities any person can have. I don't understand it and I have zero tolerance for it. That said, I think you are handling it correctly- that is about as nice a way to say "mind your own damn business" as I can think of! Sorry you have to deal with that crap.

ziggy903 · November 2013

Codypup said:
I'd also have some issues with my H if he thought his mother could do no wrong, but that's another topic entirely.

Agreed. The two of you should be a team at all times, and he should be defending you to his mother- not the other way around.

LauraN1224 · November 2013

The topic of his mother has always been difficult but especially more now than before because his father passed away about a year ago so I have very little chance at all getting him to see it from my point of view without a big argument which I don't want to do or have the energy to do. I just bite my tongue and vent to my mom and friends. Otherwise my husband is very supportive and understanding. If the comments from her continue it will only become less easy to keep my mouth shut and keep the peace.... It's just hurtful that she seems to only be concerned about my weight. I don't get it.

RondackHiker · November 2013

gfam23 said:

LauraN1224 said:
I told my husband about it after the 3rd time she made a comment and he said he was sure she didn't mean it in a bad way....

My MIL is not fit by any means but she isn't a big overweight lady either. And I'm not even sure that's she realizes that mentioning a pregnant woman's weight is rude or out of line which makes it difficult for me to figure out how to respond. With thanksgiving coming up in sure it will be a topic of conversation again... Joy.
It wasn't meant in a "good" way, either. I think he meant she isn't calling you fat. But isn't mentioning any one's weight, pregnant or not, especially in front of others, rude/out of line?

Yes, weight questions are always rude.

There are a lot of posters on here who don't agree with that though and admit to being curious about what others gain. It's strange to me. Who thinks about other's weight?!

Winnieella · November 2013

golfergirl08 said:

ziggy903 said:

I'd also have some issues with my H if he thought his mother could do no wrong, but that's another topic entirely.
Agreed. The two of you should be a team at all times, and he should be defending you to his mother- not the other way around.

Yep, this exactly. I am sorry you have to deal with this. I would get ticked off by that really quickly.

I full heartly agree with this.

I also think that you should turn it back on her, or tell her how she makes you feel.

LauraN1224 · November 2013

Yeah I've just been caught off guard when she has asked me and i didn't want my hormones to respond before I had a chance to process the situation. My next response will probably be along the lines of "well I'm healthy and the baby is healthy and that's all I'm concerned with right now, so I'm not sure of my weight gain." I will see how that goes.

gfam23 · November 2013

ziggy903 said:

Codypup said:
I'd also have some issues with my H if he thought his mother could do no wrong, but that's another topic entirely.

Agreed. The two of you should be a team at all times, and he should be defending you to his mother- not the other way around.

Well said.

ShePersisted · November 2013

My blood boils just reading your post. I would be very pissed if that's all someone asked me. Do you have her around in other peoples company ever. If what pp have suggested here does not work maybe when she is around others you could say, 'the other day someone asked me about my weight and how obnoxious is that? I ignored but man sometimes they don't get the message of how inappropriate their being.' Referring her to in third person in her presence might finally get to her;-). But I only suggest snark like that after straight talk has not worked with her.

Beachmommy1029 · November 2013

Ugh! Is it a generational thing? My grandma asked for a bump pic and her response back was "oh thank god you don't have a fat butt!" Wtf lady? I'm not too concerned about my ass right now. Why are you? It also explains why my mom and aunts are pretty obsessed with how they look. I struggled with an eating disorder when I was younger and I'm not above saying those women probably didn't help things. If your doctor thinks you're good, you're good. Fukc that noise. That being said, I have nothing new to add to what PP have suggested. I can come up with some serious snark but in the end it doesn't help. Sigh. I send you calm vibes so you don't get too stabby with her. >:D<

jpoindahouse · November 2013

I agree with others. Calmly say 'MIL, the only time you seem to be concerned about my pregnancy and the grandchild is when you comment on my weight. My doctor says my weight is fine and that this is a healthy pregnancy. It hurts my feelings when you do this. Is there a reason you are doing it? Could you please stop and can we please focus on the excitement of your future granddaughters arrival?"

At best, she is inappropriate and concerned. At worst, she's a b*tch.

MissDemeanor · November 2013

jpoindahouse said:

I agree with others. Calmly say 'MIL, the only time you seem to be concerned about my pregnancy and the grandchild is when you comment on my weight. My doctor says my weight is fine and that this is a healthy pregnancy. It hurts my feelings when you do this. Is there a reason you are doing it? Could you please stop and can we please focus on the excitement of your future granddaughters arrival?"
At best, she is inappropriate and concerned. At worst, she's a b*tch.

I'd say exactly this. Once. After that I'd just tell her, "As I mentioned before, I'm not comfortable discussing that anymore" and change the subject. Or walk away.

Or ask her if she's going through menopause and getting hot flashes, or if she still has a yeast infection.

Sorry, sometimes I amuse myself by imagining all the things I'd like to say to people's stupid questions.

gfam23 · November 2013

MissDemeanor said:

jpoindahouse said:

I agree with others. Calmly say 'MIL, the only time you seem to be concerned about my pregnancy and the grandchild is when you comment on my weight. My doctor says my weight is fine and that this is a healthy pregnancy. It hurts my feelings when you do this. Is there a reason you are doing it? Could you please stop and can we please focus on the excitement of your future granddaughters arrival?"
At best, she is inappropriate and concerned. At worst, she's a b*tch.

I'd say exactly this. Once. After that I'd just tell her, "As I mentioned before, I'm not comfortable discussing that anymore" and change the subject. Or walk away.

Or ask her if she's going through menopause and getting hot flashes, or if she still has a yeast infection.

Sorry, sometimes I amuse myself by imagining all the things I'd like to say to people's stupid questions.

Omg. I'm just imagining her asking your
weight in front of others, and you responding by saying something like "Oh, that reminds me. Has your yeast infection cleared up yet?"

safora33 · November 2013

Boy oh boy! I could of written the same post myself! My MIL is the same way....never asks about anything else except how much did I gain, but the problem is that she thinks I am too thin and need to gain instead of staying fit. According to my m/w my weight in a perfect range so I don't know what her problem is. (Even before each pregnancy she insisted for me to get pregnant so I can gain!)

dunvilles · November 2013

Have you had issues with being underweight or overweight in the past? If you've ever had issues due to your weight, I'd think that's why she's asking.

gfam23 · November 2013

dunvilles said:
Have you had issues with being underweight or overweight in the past? If you've ever had issues due to your weight, I'd think that's why she's asking.

Still wouldn't be okay.

RondackHiker · November 2013

dunvilles said:
Have you had issues with being underweight or overweight in the past? If you've ever had issues due to your weight, I'd think that's why she's asking.

There is never any reason to ask about someone's weight unless you're that person's doctor.

JackieP1023 · November 2013

dunvilles said:
Have you had issues with being underweight or overweight in the past? If you've ever had issues due to your weight, I'd think that's why she's asking.

Definitely doesn't justify. I've been overweight most of my life (thanks, PCOS and thyroidism) and was just telling my DH tonight that I hate that people feel they can judge you. Many people just assume that because I'm overweight, I must not have any dietary control (ie I eat all day long nonstop, or I eat any and everything in front of me). DH told his uncle tonight that I wouldn't be able to have any cake because I have GD and have to watch what I eat. Instead of 'getting' it, he asked whether I really was watching what I eat.

dunvilles · November 2013

I didn't mean anything negative by asking if you've had any problems with weight. I have a cousin who is extremely thin and barely eats because she doesn't want to gain weight. When she was PG the only time she'd eat was in front of people so that it would look like she was getting enough nutrition. Even then she'd only eat side salads (no dressing), and low fat yogurt cups. Her MIL was extremely worried about her and did ask her questions for fear for the baby. Not saying your situation is the same, but I didn't think it was wrong for my cousins MIL to ask her... we were all very concerned.

dunvilles · November 2013

Also, I like the responses of "My doctor says I'm right on track!" etc. That's how I'd answer.

LauraN1224 · November 2013

I can assure you she is not asking out of concern. That's why it's so hurtful and confusing as to why that's all she is concerned about.

LauraN1224 · November 2013

It's purely her being nosey and complete disregard to how a question like that may make me feel, especially when asked in front of others. Not to mention it's the only question she has ever asked me about my pregnancy. I'd rather her ignore me bring pregnant completely than constantly asking about my weight.

RondackHiker · November 2013

LauraN1224 said:
I can assure you she is not asking out of concern. That's why it's so hurtful and confusing as to why that's all she is concerned about.

It doesn't matter if she's concerned. It's still rude and hurtful to ask. It's your private medical information.

Really, just respond and say, "you keep asking that. Is there some reason you're so focused on my weight? That's between me and my doctor and since my doctor is happy, I am too. I will not talk about it."

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