Child support

cdominique11 · November 2013

My SO and I are talking about getting married. He has two kids from a previous relationship.
If his ex decides to put him on child support, will I have to pay too??

+just+j+ · November 2013

They are not your children, so no. You are not required to pay his child support and I advise that you NEVER do. The court considers his income or his ability to make an income. You are not factored into the equation.

KendraL86 · November 2013

+just+j+ said:
They are not your children, so no. You are not required to pay his child support and I advise that you NEVER do. The court considers his income or his ability to make an income. You are not factored into the equation.

This. They aren't your kids so they are not your financial obligation. The court will only consider his income/ability to earn. In my state, spousal income is also listed on the child support worksheet but is not taken into account unless the person paying requests a downward deviation (saying they can't afford to pay the standard formula for some reason).

Littlejen22 · November 2013

Does he not pay support now? What is your custody?

cdominique11 · November 2013

No he doesn't have a court order, but he gives her money. Knowing her, she will after she finds out we are married.
They share custody.

+just+j+ · November 2013

To be real honest....she is a fool not to have a CO. He is too.

Littlejen22 · November 2013

I hope he never gives her cash. Sometimes people are awarded child support retroactively.

cdominique11 · November 2013

He sends a money order

joshsmandy · November 2013

If she goes for CS and he gets behind on it make sure that you file your taxes separately or file an injured spouse form because if not the IRS will redirect your tax return to CS. Otherwise no your monies will not be counted.

xmaryrickx · November 2013

I thought this was a state by state rule. As in, some states no spousal income is not considered but in some it is.

Not having a CO is not a wise move.

Also, is the amount he is currently paying close to or equal to what the state CS calculator would have him paying? If not, I would be prepared to pay back support in the amount of the difference.

Nineoceans · November 2013

Most judges won't back date it. My Dh and Bm didn't have a custody order for the first three years just shared SS and sent money back and forth.

She decided to lie and say he hadn't given her any money and she was sole custodian when he went into the military. Our attorney said he had never seen a judge back order child support but ours did so all of a sudden my h was three years in "arrears"

Get an attorney- a really good one- and get copies of any and all of the money orders.

Ilumine · November 2013

1) there are states out there that take the overall household budget into account when calculating childsupport. That can include stepparents and/or additional children.

You will need to look at your state's calculator to see it these are applicable or not. A group of internet strangers who do nor practice law in your state cannot answer this question for you.

2) You should not marry your FI until there is a finalized Court Order in place. One that includes Child Support, Visitation, Step-Parent and extended family influences (ie, Right of First Refusal should not include keeping stepparents out) and a clear decision on aging out of child support and whether to cover college expenses or not (I say not be tied down legally).

3) Your FI should be the one to file for a Court Order

I personally would never marry someone who could not put for the time, effort or moral fortitude into legally protecting his children and himself.

xmaryrickx · November 2013

Nineoceans said:
Most judges won't back date it. My Dh and Bm didn't have a custody order for the first three years just shared SS and sent money back and forth.

She decided to lie and say he hadn't given her any money and she was sole custodian when he went into the military. Our attorney said he had never seen a judge back order child support but ours did so all of a sudden my h was three years in "arrears"

Get an attorney- a really good one- and get copies of any and all of the money orders.

You can't say most judges won't back date. Many absolutely will back date it if the NCP hasn't been paying their fair share. Hell I know more than one man who didn't even know they had a child and bam 5-8 years later pay CS for their entire lives. Anecdotes for the win. It IS a possibility. Maybe not a huge one but it is there.

jess9802 · November 2013

My income was factored into my husband's child support order because tax brackets are taken into consideration. The addition of my income (more than 1.5 times my husband's) had the effect of very slightly reducing the minimum support that would have been awarded because my husband was in a higher tax bracket as a result of our combined household income.

My state has a specific statute requiring stepparents to support stepchildren. I do not know how that statute has been enforced or interpreted, but it's on the books.

MommyEllenSue · November 2013

Judges will back date child support! We recently went back to court to review child support and for a couple other issues. DH has paid child support diligently and had no arrears. However child support was last calculated 6 years ago so it had changed. Judge ruled child support would go up $100 a month and back dated that amount for 2 years. Putting DH in arrears. Judges can and will do whatever they want depending on their mood.

ambrvan · November 2013

jess9802 said:
My income was factored into my husband's child support order because tax brackets are taken into consideration. The addition of my income (more than 1.5 times my husband's) had the effect of very slightly reducing the minimum support that would have been awarded because my husband was in a higher tax bracket as a result of our combined household income.

My state has a specific statute requiring stepparents to support stepchildren. I do not know how that statute has been enforced or interpreted, but it's on the books.

I absolutely think I'm probably in the minority. But I think *in theory* this is actually a good idea as long as the SP cannot be held separately accountable, as long as the responsibility still falls on the BP. This might deter more serial marriages (for lack of a better term). It might make both future SPs and BPs think more before jumping into blended family relationships that aren't going to last and are only going to hurt the children more.

How many times have we seen a SP in this board and elsewhere that is irate because their H's CS is affecting their own plans? Families are not blended well unless both the BPs and SPs are willing to show every child involved the same care and concern, and money comes with that.

Like I said, I bet I'm probably in the minority, and perhaps my views would be different if we were paying $1000 in CS every month. But we are on the receiving (yet never received) end of the CS spectrum.

Just my two cents. Probably not worth even that much on this subject.

In response to the OP's actual post, though, if your SO is smart, then he will get a CO asap. It protects everyone's rights and kind of lays out a guideline for playing fair so that the child doesn't get the short end of the sick when parents don't agree and so that neither parent has the power to do what they want on their fickle whims.

xmaryrickx · November 2013

Ambrvan, I can promise you would feel differently if you were on the paying end. It's hard. I don't begrudge my H paying CS (I might if it goes past SS 19 bday) but I work damn hard and made my own life choices so I could live a certain lifestyle. One of those choices was not having biological children. I would never let SS go without. I pay for the food he eats in our home, most of his back to school clothes, Christmas presents, etc. those are for our home though. H and I also keep our own finances seperate bc it works for us. So when I say I pay for those things, I do mean it comes out of my money. If our state did take spousal income into consideration we would not have gotten married until after his CO CS obligation was over. His CS obligation means we have to be more strategic with our finances as a household, and if my income was taken into account that obligation would inevitably be higher.

CurlyQ284 · November 2013

My DH was sending BM checks. When the CO was finalized he showed all the canceled checks but BM had to sign a statement saying she received the checks, which she didnt sign. So he had to pay back child support.

Also, as a Stepmom I dont begrudge the CS paid at all. But if my income would be calculated then this wouldnt be happening. We wouldn't have gotten married. I put my income towards buying them clothes, family vacations etc but I should not be ordered to support them. Nope.

HisChamaoleGirl · November 2013

I would be upset if my income was taken into consideration for cs that is to be paid to a child I have no legal decision making rights for. As a SM I am constantly told I have nothing to do with SS other than being married to his father. I am in the same situation as xmaryrickx in that DH and I have separate finances (except for our mortgage) so anything I do for SS is from me. If I had legal decision making rights as well as my own visitation when DH isn't around then perhaps I would feel differently about my income being factored in for CS.

ambrvan · November 2013

xmaryrickx said:
Ambrvan, I can promise you would feel differently if you were on the paying end. It's hard. I don't begrudge my H paying CS (I might if it goes past SS 19 bday) but I work damn hard and made my own life choices so I could live a certain lifestyle. One of those choices was not having biological children. I would never let SS go without. I pay for the food he eats in our home, most of his back to school clothes, Christmas presents, etc. those are for our home though. H and I also keep our own finances seperate bc it works for us. So when I say I pay for those things, I do mean it comes out of my money. If our state did take spousal income into consideration we would not have gotten married until after his CO CS obligation was over. His CS obligation means we have to be more strategic with our finances as a household, and if my income was taken into account that obligation would inevitably be higher.

I'm sure I would feel differently if I were on that end of the spectrum. I did say *in theory*. And you are a good SP, so you support your skids in every way already. But I was thinking more of the people who get involved with a "pre-started" family with the notion that the kids is only there half the time (or less) so they can just pretend they're not around most of the time and act like they are simply starting a new family in the traditional manner without any care or concern that their lives are all intertwined now, affecting one another in regards to money and everything else.

I don't think the SP should ever be held responsible for paying, but I don't think it would hurt if the household income was taken into effect. That would also prevent BPs from hiding money and assets in their spouse's name. And the BP's income should be the majority of the affecting income. The SP's would only have a small effect.

And now that I am re-reading what I posted, I realize that this would probably never work IRL and would originally cause more problems than it solved. I also am not explaining this just right. I'm even confusing myself now.

And like I said, my take on this probably shouldn't count for much since we are not on the paying end. We will never actually receive any CS either tho.

Ilumine · November 2013

I would divorce DH before I allowed my income (when I had one) to be included in the child support.

Given that I am not allowed to really parent my stepchild, but am legally responsible for his negative actions, I need to keep MY money to cover his actions. Since I am not allowed a say (in many states) in college support, SOMETHING I ACTUALLY DO NOT BELIEVE IN FOR MY OWN CHILD, then I should not have my income taken into account in covering his daily expenses. Given that the minute my SC ages out, he can be very sure that he never sees me again, putting his father in the middle, I do not understand why I should be expected to pay for him.

Now, that does not mean that I would not and have not financially supported him. But It was done out of love and good heart. Which I think HELPS solidify a Step Relationship.

hopanka · November 2013

Illumine...what do you mean by he will never see you again when he ages out?

Ilumine · November 2013

hopanka said:

Illumine...what do you mean by he will never see you again when he ages out?

I meant to wrote COULD.

The reality is, once a child (from an intact family to blended) turns 18, they can walk away from their parents without a single glance backward.

And while in the intact family world, that usually only occurs when the parents have royally screwed up, in an blended family its not so clear cut.

How many NCPs on this site alone have talked about how their stepkids stopped seeing their fathers once the money dried up or have indicated that the father can come and visit, but the Stepmother and/or step&half siblings are not included: from graduations to weddings to holiday events at their home?

And while one does not parent with the idea of getting something in return...Ill be damned if I am legally forced to give up money to raise a child only to be so blatantly disrespected in the end.

Especially if the Custodial Parent somehow thinks that it is my responsiblity to give her child more, but then blocks my ability to bond.

Grant it, I may be a bit personally involved with this. My DH had custody of SD from the time she turned 14ish. BM has never paid a single cent for her care since that moment. She did not pay for her undergraduate or graduate degrees or provide a single cent for any assistance.

I, on the other hand with our combined income, outfitted her college dormroom and then first apt. I not only helped organize her massive car repair but paid money to get it done. And it was our money that helped pay for her college expenses.

But the minute SD graduated from undergrad (and stopped getting any real financial assistance from us), I no longer got the EVOW phone calls or Facebook comments. When DH offered the phone for me to talk, she was usually too busy. We never had the contentuous relationship SS and I have. So It hurts.

+just+j+ · November 2013

CurlyQ284 said:
My DH was sending BM checks. When the CO was finalized he showed all the canceled checks but BM had to sign a statement saying she received the checks, which she didnt sign. So he had to pay back child support.

Also, as a Stepmom I dont begrudge the CS paid at all. But if my income would be calculated then this wouldnt be happening. We wouldn't have gotten married. I put my income towards buying them clothes, family vacations etc but I should not be ordered to support them. Nope.

WTF Curly? You mean her signature on the back of the check wasnt enough?? Thats ridiculous.

jess9802 · November 2013

ambrvan said:

I absolutely think I'm probably in the minority. But I think *in theory* this is actually a good idea as long as the SP cannot be held separately accountable, as long as the responsibility still falls on the BP. This might deter more serial marriages (for lack of a better term). It might make both future SPs and BPs think more before jumping into blended family relationships that aren't going to last and are only going to hurt the children more. How many times have we seen a SP in this board and elsewhere that is irate because their H's CS is affecting their own plans? Families are not blended well unless both the BPs and SPs are willing to show every child involved the same care and concern, and money comes with that. Like I said, I bet I'm probably in the minority, and perhaps my views would be different if we were paying $1000 in CS every month. But we are on the receiving (yet never received) end of the CS spectrum. Just my two cents. Probably not worth even that much on this subject. In response to the OP's actual post, though, if your SO is smart, then he will get a CO asap. It protects everyone's rights and kind of lays out a guideline for playing fair so that the child doesn't get the short end of the sick when parents don't agree and so that neither parent has the power to do what they want on their fickle whims.

The stepparent support statute in my state obligates the spouse of the custodial parent to support the custodial parent's child from a different relationship. (I had to look up the statute.) The child support calculator does not include household income from what I recall. My husband's divorce was in California, and I know that only takes household income into consideration because of the effect on tax withholdings.

I have no problem supporting my stepson when he lives in my home; I do and I have. But I did not believe it appropriate for my income to be part of the child support award to DH's XW. Fortunately SS lives with us now (though of course his mother does not pay child support), so it's sort of a moot issue for us.

CurlyQ284 · November 2013

+just+j+ said:

CurlyQ284 said:
My DH was sending BM checks. When the CO was finalized he showed all the canceled checks but BM had to sign a statement saying she received the checks, which she didnt sign. So he had to pay back child support.

Also, as a Stepmom I dont begrudge the CS paid at all. But if my income would be calculated then this wouldnt be happening. We wouldn't have gotten married. I put my income towards buying them clothes, family vacations etc but I should not be ordered to support them. Nope.
WTF Curly? You mean her signature on the back of the check wasnt enough?? Thats ridiculous.

I dont remember why they had that extra paper that had to be signed. This was wayyy back when and I wasnt super involved in all his custody stuff. I was his girlfriend and stayed out of it for the most part but I remember helping him get all the copies of the canceled checks together. We went through statements, highlighted them and then requested copies from the bank. He went to the hearing and came back and said they wouldnt accept it.

Oh wait it wasnt a hearing. They did it all through mediation but the mediator is the judge so I'm not sure what the difference is. Neither party had an attorney. Maybe there would have been a different outcome if one of those factors was different.

FWIW, we all get along for the most part these days. No hostility for years.

Nineoceans · November 2013

+just+j+ said:

CurlyQ284 said:
My DH was sending BM checks. When the CO was finalized he showed all the canceled checks but BM had to sign a statement saying she received the checks, which she didnt sign. So he had to pay back child support.

Also, as a Stepmom I dont begrudge the CS paid at all. But if my income would be calculated then this wouldnt be happening. We wouldn't have gotten married. I put my income towards buying them clothes, family vacations etc but I should not be ordered to support them. Nope.
WTF Curly? You mean her signature on the back of the check wasnt enough?? Thats ridiculous.

It's considered a gift unless Bm says it's support. Essentially if you don't have a CO you are playing with fire.

Ginlyn0 · November 2013

Nineoceans said:

My DH was sending BM checks. When the CO was finalized he showed all the canceled checks but BM had to sign a statement saying she received the checks, which she didnt sign. So he had to pay back child support. Also, as a Stepmom I dont begrudge the CS paid at all. But if my income would be calculated then this wouldnt be happening. We wouldn't have gotten married. I put my income towards buying them clothes, family vacations etc but I should not be ordered to support them. Nope.
WTF Curly? You mean her signature on the back of the check wasnt enough?? Thats ridiculous.
It's considered a gift unless Bm says it's support. Essentially if you don't have a CO you are playing with fire.

This. DH also owed back CS for a year (the time of separation to time of divorce finalization) even though he made CS payments to BM and even though he also gave her half of their rent money until she got evicted from their rental house for non-payment. In my state, I wouldn't advise anyone to pay a cent until CS is ordered.

twister22 · November 2013

After a friend of mine split from his GF he estimated what CS payments would be based off their state calculator, and then added $100 to it just to be safe. He set that money aside every month, and then when a CO was in place and the CS was back dated he was able to pay it as a lump sum. You never know what a judge would do. Where I live it is considered a "gift." BD never paid a cent towards DS (his mom did pay a daycare payment once) and he was ordered to pay back CS from the day DS was born. My atty said even if he was paying double what CS was per month before the CO it wouldn't of made a difference.

Get an attorney and find out the norm in your area.

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