I can't help but blame myself for everything that has happened. That it's my fault that Parker didn't make it and that he is no longer with us. I know that he will forever be our son but it doesn't make it any easier. The fact that my SO still does NOT know doesn't help things either. But I guess it's my fault too that he never answers his phone or responds to any of my messages. His family has ruined our relationship and he's bowing down to them and giving me the cold shoulder right now. But I know soon he will come to his senses and want to make things right. I just can't help but blame myself for everything. And also to be anger that he doesn't have to feel the pain that I go through every day just to get through the day and then to lay in bed and cry myself to sleep thinking about everything that has happened in the past months.
Thank you to all who made it this far in reading my post. I guess it's more of a vent than anything. I know that it eventually gets easier but how do I get to the point of not blaming myself anymore?