August 2013 Moms

BTDT Moms: Anyone have a great toddler discipline book?

We are having a HELL of a rough time with our 3 year old. In addition to the transition to big brother, he's just at an all around tough age. Really acting out, especially for me when I'm home with him all day. One of our biggest problems, as mentioned in a previous post, is naptime. It's turned into a battle. He used to go down so easy, and sleep for 2-3 hours. Now the minute I close the door, it begins. Loud stomping on the floor, kicking the walls and screaming. He does this because he knows that it will wake the baby, and that I will come in or let him out eventually because I want baby to sleep. This goes on for 1-2 hours until I just give in and let him out.

He also will stomp around and try to be as loud as possible anytime baby is sleeping. ESPECIALLY if you tell him the baby is sleeping, or you go in to put baby down. He will immediately start making as much noise as he can (jealousy, I'm sure). We've tried time-outs but I have a hard time a) getting him into the timeout, and b) keeping him in the timeout. Esp when I'm dealing with a baby.

And this is honestly just the tip of the iceberg. I could go ON AND ON AND ON as I'm sure many of you with toddlers can as well. Anyone have a great book that won't take me 3 hours to read?? I got The Child Whisperer but I'm not really impressed.

Re: BTDT Moms: Anyone have a great toddler discipline book?

  • CourtJackCourtJack member
    edited November 2013
    I really liked Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp.
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  • The only one I've ever read was 1.2.3 magic
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  • CourtJack said:

    I really liked Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp.

    I started this one many months ago but I didn't finish it. The only part I remember is speaking like a caveman. :) maybe it's time for a revisit?
  • The only one I've ever read was 1.2.3 magic

    Did you find it useful?
  • I thought Happiest Toddler on the Block was good for young toddler years. I've heard good things about 123 magic, but haven't read it.

    I also wanted to commiserate. Our 3.5yo won't leave the babies' toys alone. He gets his grubby hands all over them all the time. And the outright defiance - screaming NO!

    We do timeouts, but they're really more "cool downs" where we remove him from the situation, give him some space, and let him come back to reality. We ask if he wants a hug and if he says yes, we talk about what happened. If he says no, we leave and give him more time to cool off.

    It's far from perfect and we have many other issues. We also use timers to transition between activities and that has helped so so so much.
    image

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  • The only one I've ever read was 1.2.3 magic

    Did you find it useful?
    Yes. You need to have everyone on board with it though (anyone who will be with your toddler).. And you seriously have to follow through. My guy usually only gets to 2.. He's still as crazy as ever, but it's been pretty helpful.
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    ~may siggy challenge~


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  • Parenting your spirited child is my favorite. It really helped me understand and communicate with my kiddos when they were that young. 

    image image

  • BelhurstBrideBelhurstBride member
    edited November 2013
    I really like the Positive Discipline series. I also like Unconditional Parenting and Connection Parenting. Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy has good insight into the mind of a three year old. 

    I've heard fantastic things about The Emotional Life of the Toddler, but I haven't read it yet. 

    Positive Discipline and Connection Parenting are super easy reads. Your Three Year Old is really short but a little more annoying to read. But that might just be me. 

    I also really like the Janet Lansbury and Parenting Beyond Punishment blogs. 

    Sounds like he might be looking for your attention. Could you cuddle with him at nap time? Or do something where he can have your undivided attention for a bit during the day? 

    Assuming that it's attention/jealousy at the root of the problem I wouldn't look toward punishing the misbehavior, but rewarding the positive behavior. Praise him up and down every time he's doing the behavior you seek. 
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  • I think Dr Carp is a joke. There. I said it.

    I don't think happiest baby is all that great and think happiest toddler is a fucking joke. Sure, the 5 "s" are great and work well, but the rest of the book is pretty dumbed down. Personally the tactics in happiest toddler are not how I want to treat my child. I don't feel caveman talk is necessary. Conscious discipline (dr bailey's tactics) are much more in inline with how I want to parent and I feel are more effective.

    I love Dr Becky Bailey.

    https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Love-Difficult-Discipline-Cooperation/dp/0060007753/ref=sr_1_1_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1385169178&sr=8-1&keywords=becky+bailey

    This book was helpful to us. Mine is a bit younger than yours, so we are at the beginnings of "toddlerhood". It's the "theory" his child's day out program (school) uses for discipline as well.

    I can't imagine how tough this is for you. I've been lucky DS1 isn't affected much by DS2. It's as if I hit a magic time where he doesn't really understand and isn't jealous. I have friends going through a 3 year gap and say it was awful for awhile, but that it gets better!! Hang in there, friend!
     DS1 8/2011. DS2 8/2013.

  • There are also some great YouTube videos she has. Very informative. I watch them to help me remember the tactics and they refresh my memory.
     DS1 8/2011. DS2 8/2013.

  • I personally think every toddler (child) is different and not everything you read or try will work the same on each child. I work at a daycare and I know about the whole positive reinforcement and how to talk without saying no.. But honestly.. My son has a mind of his own and sometimes certain things work better than others. I can already tell LO is going to be completely different than him and maybe we will try a different way of handling situations.. But seriously.. Maybe trying a few different methods would be the best way to figure out what works with your LO and you.
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    ~may siggy challenge~


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  • Happiest Toddler worked for me. "Caveman" talk is actually just you talking in short and easy to understand language. My son responded well to it and so I'm recommending it here.
  • ^ yes! That was the other one, genius that man is.
    image image

  • Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'm going to look into some of those.

    I did try the reward chart, as we did that last year to help with his resistance to bedtime routines (bath, brush teeth, etc) and it totally worked. But it did not have any effect on nap. I just watched Super Nanny, wondering how I get in touch with her?! ;)
  • CourtJack said:

    Happiest Toddler worked for me. "Caveman" talk is actually just you talking in short and easy to understand language. My son responded well to it and so I'm recommending it here.

    I totally agree that different methods work for different kids! My distaste for Dr Carp is solely based on my perceptions of the book...I too have pals that love his tactics.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lrxBKvV1p-A

    I did see a parent do the "YOU WANT, you want, you want!" In the bookstore the other day. It cracked me up. I'm not sure if it worked for their toddler or not...I was busy trying to distract mine who kept yelling "baby sad!!! Baby SAD!" At the poor kid.
     DS1 8/2011. DS2 8/2013.

  • CourtJack said:

    Happiest Toddler worked for me. "Caveman" talk is actually just you talking in short and easy to understand language. My son responded well to it and so I'm recommending it here.

    I totally agree that different methods work for different kids! My distaste for Dr Carp is solely based on my perceptions of the book...I too have pals that love his tactics.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lrxBKvV1p-A

    I did see a parent do the "YOU WANT, you want, you want!" In the bookstore the other day. It cracked me up. I'm not sure if it worked for their toddler or not...I was busy trying to distract mine who kept yelling "baby sad!!! Baby SAD!" At the poor kid.
    Ok I have to admit that I'd never be able to do " The talk" in public. Hahaha. I would've laughed if I saw that too!
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