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MIL's poor judgement, WWYD?

SunAndRainSunAndRain member
in Working Moms

We were visiting MIL and FIL last weekend.  They are inbetween houses, and currently living in a 2nd floor apartment.  MIL was holding 16 mo old DD and I was with them on their balcony.  MIL sits DD on the 6 inch wide railing on the balcony.  She held on to her, but IMO that is NOT a place to ever sit a child!  My immediate concern was that DD could push away from MIL while she wasn't expecting it and fall to the ground.  My longer term concern is that MIL is teaching DD that it is acceptable to sit on a balcony railing.  Which, unless you've got a fall harness on, it simply isn't....IMO

I calmly told MIL, "Don't sit her on the railing," and MIL quickly and politely said, 'Oh you don't want her sitting there?" and took her down.  So the issue isn't that MIL and I disagreed.  My issue is that MIL didn't have the good sense to not put DD in harm's way.

I want DD to be independant and we leave her with babysitters on a regular basis. I assume my child is in good hands so long as their caregiver follows simple instructions. Pretty much uses good judgement.   I don't know what other stupid sh!t MIL does when watching DD.  I don't want to overreact and NOT let her watch DD unless I'm there to supervise, especially not based on this one incident.  But I don't know what goes down when I'm not around when MIL is baby sitting.  And believe me, I GET that MIL is generous to baby sit at all, even though we don't need to rely on her.  What do I make of this?

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Re: MIL's poor judgement, WWYD?

  • FemShepFemShep member
    Has she ever done anything else that you feel shows bad judgement? If not, I'd let it go, especially since she was so respectful. I don't disagree with your feelings or judgement, FWIW, but if she's otherwise a great caregiver, I'd just chalk it up to not thinking things through, which happens to everyone.
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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member
    FemShep said:
    Has she ever done anything else that you feel shows bad judgement? If not, I'd let it go, especially since she was so respectful. I don't disagree with your feelings or judgement, FWIW, but if she's otherwise a great caregiver, I'd just chalk it up to not thinking things through, which happens to everyone.
    I think this is exactly what I needed to be reminded of
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  • aglennaglenn member
    My ILs do this type of stuff all.the.time, like seriously it is one thing after another after another every time they visit.  I don't leave them alone with the kids for long.  But, that is because it is a pattern and I wouldn't worry so much about an isolated incident.  We all do things sometimes that in retrospect are pretty dumb; I am no less guilty than anyone else of this.
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  • cecilyandgautamcecilyandgautam member
    You could request that the baby not have access to the balcony if that will make you feel more at ease. My friends don't let their toddler onto the balcony, even with supervision because they aren't confident in the sturdiness of the railing so it's just a non-baby zone. 

    If that's the only major "OMG! What are you doing with my baby!!??" moment you've had with your MIL, I'd try not to sweat it. 
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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member

    You know what just occurred to me, along the lines of not thinking things through.

    This is the first time MIL has lived in an apartment...or a home with a balcony.  It is quite possible she hasn't spent much time on balconies at all.  I grew up in a city with high rises and...lots of balconies.  So I was taught from an early age how to be safe on one.  So for me it is second nature.  I can truely see how it wouldn't have occurred to her that it is a safety issue.  Hopefully now she knows :)

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  • AgoAgo member

    I think if you see her again, you have the perfect lead-in of "I hope I didn't sound harsh the other day.  I'm so used to being around balconies in the city, so I've heard the stories about what can happen.  That's what was going through my mind when I said to get her down.  Thanks for responding so quickly!"

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  • northtamaracknorthtamarack member
    How is she on other issues?  

    For example, my IL's refused to get a baby gate for their stairs (even one of those ones that don't screw into the wall.  Stairs are at a main point in their living space).  This wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that both of my IL's are in very poor physical condition - hard for them to move around, let alone to move quickly.  They also gave DS a glow stick for a chew toy.  I politely removed it from my DS mouth, and MIL was respectfully sorry as well.  So either one of these can be isolated instances.  My gut tells me it is not safe and that is what I listen to.  What does your gut tell you?  
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