Advice wanted, LONG!

tttwalters · November 2013

I am probably over thinking this, and feel free to tell me so, but I have no really close mommy friends that would understand our crazy hormones and I think you ladies are great.

So, I used to have a really good friend, my best friend really, for many years. We were inseparable through highschool and university. We were both in each others weddings and then her and her husband moved to another country for his schooling. I had been TTC for a bit and had a miscarriage and then had told my parents when we were 8 weeks pregnant with my LO. That same night my parents had gone out to dinner with her parents and my parents told her parents I was pregnant. My friend was furious that she was "the last to know" and I felt horrible. I emailed her an apology (I never did tell her about my loss or difficulties TTC) and I never heard back from her. She was home at Easter and I ran into her and we said hello and kept walking. When LO was born she sent me an email saying congrats and she would like to come and visit as she was home. I really meant to reply to her, but I didn't and then so much time went by that I figured it was too late and she just moved to another country with her husband.

She just announced on FB that she is pregnant and I am really happy for her and part of me wants to reach out and the other part wants to be done with the friendship. Looking back our friendship was always up and down, she had a tendency to be jealous of me and even when I got engaged she did not even congratulate me, she went on about how she is never going to get married, and then went and gave her bf an ultimatum. I also do not like how this all makes me feel, I feel like a high school girl and would love to just trash talk her to everyone I know! However, I really want to be an "adult" about this situation. I am sure many of you have a similar friend, so I would appreciate any help, or feel free to call me names and trash talk me!

and here are some puppies for you troubles!

Monkeybutt80 · November 2013

I think the main thing for you to decide is whether or not you want to rekindle the relationship. Sometimes we lose friends simply because our lives take us apart and there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you two were once inseparable, doesn't mean that you are not being an "adult" about it by not being close any more. However, if you miss what you had and want to rekindle the relationship, I think her pregnancy is a great time for you to reach out to her.

buggybear87 · November 2013

I would congratulate her. You probably won't see her much now that she lives in a different country, right? I think it would be better to just be cordial about things rather than hurting feelings by ending the friendship. I've had friends like that and once I moved 3 hours away from my hometown, I never see them. It was better to end on a nice note instead of calling it quits. We are able to know how life is for each other via fb but we don't feel the need to talk to each other either.

ASmallWonder · November 2013

Monkeybutt80 said:

I think the main thing for you to decide is whether or not you want to rekindle the relationship. Sometimes we lose friends simply because our lives take us apart and there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you two were once inseparable, doesn't mean that you are not being an "adult" about it by not being close any more. However, if you miss what you had and want to rekindle the relationship, I think her pregnancy is a great time for you to reach out to her.

100% agree. That's step one and you can't really decide much else until you figure that out. If you DO want to revive your friendship, own up to blowing her off and apologize for that. If you don't want to repair your relationship, there's still no harm in congratulating her, especially because it seems your parents and her parents are friends.

FunkyPhoenix · November 2013

elmoali said:

Monkeybutt80 said:

I think the main thing for you to decide is whether or not you want to rekindle the relationship. Sometimes we lose friends simply because our lives take us apart and there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you two were once inseparable, doesn't mean that you are not being an "adult" about it by not being close any more. However, if you miss what you had and want to rekindle the relationship, I think her pregnancy is a great time for you to reach out to her.

100% agree. That's step one and you can't really decide much else until you figure that out. If you DO want to revive your friendship, own up to blowing her off and apologize for that. If you don't want to repair your relationship, there's still no harm in congratulating her, especially because it seems your parents and her parents are friends.

All these words

tttwalters · November 2013

Thanks everyone, I feel much better! I will congratulate her and leave it at that. I don't think it is really a friendship that I want back, but it would make sense that we could at least be cordial to each other.

Achae · November 2013

I think I would let the distance keep you apart. She sounds selfish and not like a supportive friend. It sucks, but I think you'd be healthier without her. Seriously she got pissed she was "last to know." Not "how are you taking it, what can I do/I am here for you." The latter is a friend. The other is a gossip.

nikel13 · November 2013

I could have written this with just a few alterations. My supposedly "best friend" has not talked to me in at least a year or better. She was always jealous of things and even made my wedding tough. She was the MOH and sulked or texted her then boyfriend the entire time. It is a very hard and personal decision to decide to stop talking to your friends, but I decided that I didn't need her to make my life more difficult. She hasn't even asked about Lily, ever. I've decided it's easier on me and my family to not go out of my way for her anymore.

needanustart · November 2013

I think you should congratulate her and can be long distance friends with no real drama. I find that since most of my friends have children and we live all over the place we rarely communicate other than liking each other's FB posts and pictures anyway, so it would be no sweat off my back to say I was still friends with someone who was jealous or liked drama, because she and I wouldn't even have time for that crap anymore.

I had a similar situation with a falling out with my college roommate and we didn't communicate for a few years. Then I had a baby and she emailed me and then she had a baby too and we've communicated a lot over the last 3 years and I think the perspective of having a family really made it seem dumb to be petty or jealous. Hopefully that will be the same case for the two of you.

tttwalters · November 2013

@nikel13, my friend was the same way at my wedding! I think you are right aboutnot having someone in your life that makes it more difficult.

tttwalters · November 2013

@justplanelove, you made me think! I probably just dont want someone to not like me, and thats my own issue I need to get over.

tttwalters · November 2013

@gigglejiggle, that is totally true about the bad break up! That is what it felt/kind of still feels like. I guess we all have that jealous friend. The one good thing about it, is that I always make sure I am not that friend to others.

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