I thought I'd give an update since Auntie gave me so much helpful advice last week
UPDATE: The school scheduled the Child Study Team meeting for Tuesday. DH and I are working on how to frame our concerns in a way that show educational impact. Auntie, your insight has really helped with this.
As it turned out, DD did/does have a UTI. That's the thing about her SPD. She's over-responsive, so she'll start to feel symptoms before they show up on tests. On more than one occasion, I've taken her to the doctor when she complained of severe ear pain and her ears look clear only to have her develop a raging fever two days later. When the doctor re-checks, sure enough, they're infected. I'm relieved that it was discomfort that was contributing to her anxiety and not the other way around. She only went to school on Monday and Tuesday because she developed a fever at school on Tuesday, but she held it together on Tuesday even though she didn't feel well (she got a bad ear infection on top of the UTI
) I asked the teacher to send home her work for the rest of the week, so that's been a good chance for me to observe her while she's working on her schoolwork.
After talking it over last weekend, DH and I decided to pull the trigger on the special education evaluation, and as it happened the shit also hit the fan with DD1's anxiety (she has ADHD, SPD, and fine motor delays, and she's in half-day kindergarten). She had two really rough days at school last week. In the teacher's eyes I think Wednesday was worse than Thursday, but as far as DD was concerned both days were really bad. The good news is, the teacher is now on board with the evaluation, and she's helping to move things along. The bad news is, we don't have any support in place for DD right now.
Here's a recap: Wednesday they had a book fair instead of their regular library day. The teacher said DD wasn't listening and following directions, and she had to speak to her a number of times. Same story when they were in the computer lab. When they got back to class DD wasn't doing her work (not refusing, just spacing out). The teacher gave her a warning, and when DD didn't start working, the teacher told her she had to move on to her next activity. DD lost it. She was yelling and crying and very disruptive for about 20 minutes. The rest of the class moved onto an art activitiy, and DD had to sit at a table by herself and finish her worksheet. The teacher ended up sending the worksheet home because DD still hadn't completed it by the end of the day. The teacher called me after school and told me about the day.
Thursday was back to the regular routine (I didn't get a call from the teacher, so this is what I pieced together from DD). DD was okay for the first part of the day. The guidance counselor comes and does programs with them on Thursdays, so as far as I can tell everything was okay until the guidance counselor left. At the end of the guidance counselor's presentation she told the kids to come and get a puppet project from her to work on after she left. DD didn't hear her and just went back to her seat. When the kids started working on the project DD didn't have one, and she got upset about that. The teacher had her work on her other work instead. At some point DD was also talking too much at her table and the teacher again moved her to a table by herself. This seems to be the thing that upset DD the most. She was very upset about having to sit by herself and being left out of the puppet activity. Apparently, she was also kept in from recess that day to complete work that she hadn't finished.
I emailed the teacher later to try to get more information, but the teacher told me she didn't know why DD was upset on Thursday. Both days DD was in tears when she got off the bus. She expresses a lot of remorse about "not being a good listener" and "not following directions," and she has been practicing schoolwork at home (totally unprompted by me).
In addition to the difficulties at school, DD has been feeling like she has to go to the bathroom more. It started at the beginning of the week. I took her to see her pediatrician yesterday to rule out a UTI, but we won't get the results until Monday. She had to miss school, which wasn't ideal, but I really wanted to see her regular pediatrician and not someone else from the practice. The pediatrician said the frequent urination could also be from anxiety and that if we rule out a UTI, we really need to get a handle on the source of the anxiety because the frequent urination could take a few weeks to resolve.
Right now I think DD feels very discouraged. Even though she knows she's supposed to listen to the teacher and not talk when she's supposed to be working, in the moment she's really struggling. I want to try to give the teacher some ideas without sounding like I think she's been taking the wrong approach with DD. I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to approach this situation.