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Needing to vent, thank you for listening

Bruton8288Bruton8288 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
***WARNING, LO MENTIONED***

I work the day shift at my local bank here,so my LO goes to daycare. Teachers are great & kiddos are the sweetest. As some are already familiar with my stories other my not, I lost Elizabeth at 33 wks gestation, I always told LO no matter what, she is a big sister. Today I went to pick her up & she was hanging out with the 4yrs old,sitting on a little boy's lap. She saw me & was ready to go, the little boy told her bye, I told him thank your for being so nice to her & what he said just broke me down into tears in front one everyone in the room. He said that he wished he had a sister like my LO & that he loves her. Oh my Lord, Elizabeth came into my mind instantly. Elizabeth would have been about 3 months this month is she was alive, LO would have loved her to hug & kiss her. I felt that took LO away from having a sister to play with, a partner in crime. I may never know why me, why my baby girl, but I will never forgive myself for what happened. I am her mom & I was suppose to protect her & I failed. Sigh, it's going to be a long night tonight. Thank you for listening. 
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Re: Needing to vent, thank you for listening

  • jonahsmajonahsma member
    Sorry for your loss of sweet Elizabeth, you did not fail your child, you loved her and protected her with all you have. Blessings to you and your family.prayers of comfort and peace heading your way. ((hugs))
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  • stefugestefuge member
    You did not fail your daughter, there was nothing you could have done to change things. I know it's hard to convince yourself of that, I am struggling with it as well, but you have to believe that. You are her mommy, and you would have done everything possible to protect her. I'm sorry it was such a rough day, ((hugs))
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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  • jess123456jess123456 member
    I am so so sorry. Like others have said, you absolutely did not fail Elizabeth. She only knew love.
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  • kz's_girlygirlkz's_girlygirl member
    Like PP's have said, please know that you did *not* fail Elizabeth.  Feeling that way sometimes is inevitable, but I hope that deep down, you know that none of this is your fault.  <3
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    Anniversary

    TTC since 2008
    Dh:34, no issues.  Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
    4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
    Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
     6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
    1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized.  2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
    Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
    2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!!  5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP!  Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9  Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2  Beta 3  14dp5dt: 497  Please be our sticky rainbow baby!

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  • mingaling2mingaling2 member
    Oh honey, you didn't fail at anything. Thinking healing thoughts for you. 

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
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  • diamante1181diamante1181 member
    You couldn't possibly have failed Elizabeth. Wherever she is, she knows you love her and you did everything you could for her. Big hugs to you, dear.
    On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
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  • Bruton8288Bruton8288 member
    Thank you all for the comments, it made me feel a bit better, I am going to a grieving counselor soon. My told my mom about this, she told me to think about it this way, that little boy is LO guardian angel that Elizabeth sent to take care of her. I am REALLY trying to accept it wasn't my fault. Thank you all for the comments & listening. I am so grateful I can come here, vent & have people who understand. 
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  • PiperSPiperS member
    I struggle with guilt as well. I think it's all part of grief. I'm sorry for the loss of sweet, Elizabeth. there are so many emotions associated with this kind of loss. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. (( hugs))
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