How to handle my own frustration?

pb_bride · November 2013

M is 12.5 months now, and I find myself getting frustrated with him easily. Part of it probably because I just assume my child is going to obey everything I say (HA!). Another part of it is b/c I'm SAHM, I am with M 24/7.

The main things that he gets me upset on a daily basis are:

1) Diaper change - he screams and cries like I'm abusing him, when all I need is for him to lie still for 30 seconds without flipping over

2) Getting into his car seat - he fights and cries and arches his back etc. A 30-second task ends up being a 2-min struggle

3) Meal times - he is in super picky mode lately (for the past few wks). I make all his food, and give him 3-4 different foods per meal. At best, he'll eat 1 thing out of the plate, and swipe everything else onto the floor. When this happens 3-4 x a day, it gets old fast

The rest of the time, he is usually pretty good and happy. He does throw mini-tantrums every now and then for no obvious reason. But the 3 things I mentioned above are what really gets me. With 4-5 diaper change + 3 meals + 2 car rides, you can see that it adds up to a lot in one day, and I have to do this every.single.day.

For diaper change and getting into the car, I try distraction, singing etc but they almost never work. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I yell at him, saying "NO!" and "STOP!" but that doesn't achieve anything. I hate it when I get mad at him, but I can't help it either. Intellectually, I understand this is how toddlers express themselves, but emotionally I cannot keep cool.

What I'm afraid of is that, this is only a preview of full-blown tantrums that are to come. If I can't even manage my emotions now, how am I going to deal with him as he gets older? For those of you BTDT, can you give me some advice and words of wisdom?

CallMeAl · November 2013

Oh pb, I get it. It is so hard. Things that helped me:

Read the love & logic book for ages 0-5. The strategies have really helped with DD.

M can understand you now, so start talking about what's going to happen before you do it. "First we are going to read this book, then mommy is going to change your diaper." Or "after we finish snack, we are going to get in the car." The verbal cues really improved DDs attitude.

I still get frustrated. When I feel myself starting to get agitated, I will just get up and walk away. I think the lack of attention sometimes breaks the behavior cycle.

Good luck mama! You're doing a good job.

CarrieB. · November 2013

I think it's just a phase they go through at that point. Hang in there. Honestly I think a 2 year old is easier than a 1 year old because they just understand more.

Dragonfly1226 · November 2013

I agree with giving LO a "heads up" before doing something he/she might not want to do. We will so give a count down, and now that he is older let him choose the count. So for example I will say, "I am going to change your diaper. Do you want me to count to sixteen or nineteen?" Then he will say, "Sixteen." I will count and then we go change the diaper.

Also, as much as you can focus on positive reinforcement. When LO does sit still for a diaper change or even the first part look at him and tell him what a great job he is doing. "Look at how you are laying still while I change your diaper! You are doing an amazing job! That is so helpful!"

I also tell him how much time I need to get something done. "I just need ten seconds. Then count to ten and make sure you are finished doing whatever it is by the time you get to ten.

BTW - DS also started to hate laying still for diaper changes when he got to be about that age. We buy the Huggies Slip-On diapers. They fasten at the sides but come already fastened so you can just pull them up. That way he only has to lie down for diaper changes when he poops. They have been awesome for us!

mcgeeva · November 2013

Dragonfly1226 said:
I agree with giving LO a "heads up" before doing something he/she might not want to do. We will so give a count down, and now that he is older let him choose the count. So for example I will say, "I am going to change your diaper. Do you want me to count to sixteen or nineteen?" Then he will say, "Sixteen." I will count and then we go change the diaper.

Also, as much as you can focus on positive reinforcement. When LO does sit still for a diaper change or even the first part look at him and tell him what a great job he is doing. "Look at how you are laying still while I change your diaper! You are doing an amazing job! That is so helpful!"

I also tell him how much time I need to get something done. "I just need ten seconds. Then count to ten and make sure you are finished doing whatever it is by the time you get to ten.

BTW - DS also started to hate laying still for diaper changes when he got to be about that age. We buy the Huggies Slip-On diapers. They fasten at the sides but come already fastened so you can just pull them up. That way he only has to lie down for diaper changes when he poops. They have been awesome for us!

Good tips! We are going through all the same issues now!

queenbone · November 2013

Some really good tips on here. I don't really have any tips just sympathy. It is so hard when thet begin to assert their independence. The only reason I was able to be patient was because I SAH so it didn't really matter when I needed to get to the grocery store. And I could abort a mission if needed. If I had to also get myself to work on time I would have been a really cranky person!

I'm very worried about having a 1yr old and a 3 yr old and needing to get DS1 to school on time. LOL, I'm sure it will be a recipe for disaster!

IBackBevo · November 2013

Ugh. Sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain.

IBackBevo · November 2013

Another thought, have you looked into a mothers day out once or twice a week to give you a break?

ccam · November 2013

I totally understand how you feel! We have the same 3 issues and it is so frustrating.

Ruthie04 · November 2013

BIG hugs, mama. You are not alone. I feel like some sort of switch came on at 12 mos and they decided to really push limits. We haven't had issues with car seats, but I use lift the flap books, small (and rarely seen) toys, and lots of songs and noises for diaper changes. Works like a charm. And, as far as the food thing, I remove the tray for swiping. I'll talk him through what I am doing when I take it away, clean up the floor, and put it back on. I praise for good choices (not swiping) and repeat if he throws again. If he does it 3x, he loses the tray all together. We have had to do this process a few times over the last few months, but it typically nips it in the bud pretty fast. They are total hams for praise, so they'll do pretty much anything for it (even act like they are going to make a poor choice so I will praise them when they stop).

I've also found myself getting super frustrated with them when they do the behaviors at lunch time. I don't know what it is about eating that is such a trigger for me. They have started copying each other, which is really making me nuts. They usually laugh when I raise my voice, which is equally maddening and adorable. All I can really do is take deep breaths and count. There have been a few times I had to walk out of the room to calm down. I taught parenting classes for years and we always told parents to do this, so I figured I should take my own advice!! We always advocated for principles from Love & Logic and I bought the toddler version- I just need to read it!

Eve_Angelique · November 2013

Definitely not alone. My LO has spells like this too, some days I am quick to frustration, and I get upset at myself because I know that he just doesn't understand. They do grow out of it, LO is 17 mo now and he is starting to understand more and more and is understanding direction, so that is helping. It will get better when they can understand more. Just remember to take a break if you need it.

pb_bride · November 2013

Thank you so much for all your advice, support, and understanding! You gals have given me lots of good tips. I'm trying positive reinforcements, which helps me focus on his good behavior instead of his "bad." I also did some counting with him today, and he thinks it's funny. Love and logic is on my wish list, I just need to go get it.

kbeach82 · November 2013

There are definitely a lot of good tips here and I use a lot of them with DS1. One thing that I think is really important, no matter what kind of behavior you are trying to address, is consistency. It would just confuse DS1 more if I didn't react in the same way to a particular behavior each time. I had a heck of a time getting him to go to bed tonight (this recent trend is so frustrating to me because he has always been SO good about nap/bed times in the past). I spent over an hour going back into his room, telling him "it's time for bed now, mommy will see you in the morning" etc. over, and over, and over again. Eventually he got the message and settled down. Try to give yourself a break too. Remember that it is perfectly ok to feel frustrated, whether you are a SAHM or otherwise. This too shall pass! And then it will be on to the next thing ;-)

TJ1979 · November 2013

Big hugs pb. I'm having some patience issues myself lately, especially with this current trip mh is on. The ladies had lots of great advice. I agree that focusing on the good helps. As does redirecting. E LOVES to help out. So if she is freaking out over something, I switch gears and see of she wants to help mommy fees the dogs (her favorite chore!) or throw something in the trash can for mommy. Redirecting her helps redirect myself. And I feel proud o her when she is helping which helps calm me. GL, and remember you are doing a great job.

Oh yeah, E fusses about getting in the carseat too. If I let her hold my keys, it appeases her.

And @ducky719 I can't remember, is she eating solids yet? We use graham crackers as car seat bribery. They have the little mini bite size ones, and I just hand them back one at a time. Cereal would work too.

imoverit · November 2013

Been there and it does get better. For now take some breathers for yourself. Even if its like 30 secs in another room. You also need to get a break somehow at least to get out of the house for even an hour. I know easier said than done. Hang in there. What you are feeling and going through is completely normal.

Want a personalized experience?

How to handle my own frustration?

Re: How to handle my own frustration?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards