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October 2012 Moms
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Another MIL/family vent

tamararachel2tamararachel2 member
in October 2012 Moms
So some might remember our issue...my MIL living in Puerto Vallarta but lost her husband and was trying to live their dream still with no money. Anyways, she finally came to her senses, just about too late though. She literally waited until she had nothing. She's sold her stuff to buy her and her two dogs plane tickets here. I'm slightly worried just because we're scraping by and unless DH's GI bill finally comes in, we won't have a Christmas. So here's another mouth to feed and she has a nicotine addiction. So if she has no money, that falls on us. We will have to buy her cigarettes and dog food and whereas she has a great heart and I like being around her despite all this, I feel like I'm being too hard on DH with our money. We had to wire her $125 for I don't even know what for and I know family helps out family, where is my SIL and her help? My SIL and her family live in a house owned by my MIL so their "rent" is $300 and they don't even pay that half the time. I know I'm just freaking out until this GI bill comes, but my MIL only plans on being here 4-5 months to get her income going and then she's going back. I'm secretly praying for less time than that.

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Re: Another MIL/family vent

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  • tamararachel2tamararachel2 member
    lady dixneuf said:
    omg do not buy her cigarettes!
    Trust me, I am not for buying her cigarettes but I know DH. He'll give me a guilt trip and say that this is just temporary. I almost want to tell DH that she should earn money if she needs money for her habit. We can pay her to babysit or something and that money she can use, that way I'm not technically "giving" her money.

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  • ThatWasAHootThatWasAHoot member
    Man, that's a rough situation.  That sucks a lot.  Most people right now are just scraping by and I think we all know how that can feel.  Then you add another person into the picture and it can get complicated.  I hope that it works out easily for you guys and your husband understands :/
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  • tamararachel2tamararachel2 member
    blondie42107 said:
    Can she live with SIL? It is HER house. :-)
    Yea, unfortunately DH's family is from the mountains and my MIL has fibromyalgia...part of the reason they retired to Mexico. It doesn't get as cold here so it was pretty much no choice. It hurts her whole body when it gets too cold and she's tried every kind of medication they make for it and nothing yet has helped. Not to mention, my SIL is kind of depressing and DH doesn't want his mom around depressing people. We're a happy family and always get out and do stuff so he says it will be good for her. 

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  • StefanieM522StefanieM522 member
    That is very nice of you to accommodate her and her two dogs into your home and budget! Please do not purchase smokes for her! If she wants to continue smoking then she needs to make some money and purchase them herself. It is not your responsibility. Also that is awful that the SIL lives in her house and doesn't pay rent. If the SIL payed rent then she would have money for smokes. I hope your husband sides with you.

                    
                   







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  • blondie42107blondie42107 member
    tamararachel2 said:


    blondie42107 said:

    Can she live with SIL? It is HER house. :-)

    Yea, unfortunately DH's family is from the mountains and my MIL has fibromyalgia...part of the reason they retired to Mexico. It doesn't get as cold here so it was pretty much no choice. It hurts her whole body when it gets too cold and she's tried every kind of medication they make for it and nothing yet has helped. Not to mention, my SIL is kind of depressing and DH doesn't want his mom around depressing people. We're a happy family and always get out and do stuff so he says it will be good for her. 

    I vote that SIL starts paying rent or MIL sells the house. If they want it, they can buy it!

     
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  • tamararachel2tamararachel2 member
    blondie42107 said:
    blondie42107 said:
    Can she live with SIL? It is HER house. :-)
    Yea, unfortunately DH's family is from the mountains and my MIL has fibromyalgia...part of the reason they retired to Mexico. It doesn't get as cold here so it was pretty much no choice. It hurts her whole body when it gets too cold and she's tried every kind of medication they make for it and nothing yet has helped. Not to mention, my SIL is kind of depressing and DH doesn't want his mom around depressing people. We're a happy family and always get out and do stuff so he says it will be good for her. 
    I vote that SIL starts paying rent or MIL sells the house. If they want it, they can buy it!
    That is a whole other family issue. DH doesn't really like his sister and he doesn't understand how with two incomes and a rent that cheap, they still can't afford to pay. Yet here we are with one income and a $1300 rent and we still get by. We might not have extras and sadly this year, no new Christmas decorations, but we have everything we need.

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  • tamararachel2tamararachel2 member
    tamararachel2 said:
    blondie42107 said:
    blondie42107 said:
    Can she live with SIL? It is HER house. :-)
    Yea, unfortunately DH's family is from the mountains and my MIL has fibromyalgia...part of the reason they retired to Mexico. It doesn't get as cold here so it was pretty much no choice. It hurts her whole body when it gets too cold and she's tried every kind of medication they make for it and nothing yet has helped. Not to mention, my SIL is kind of depressing and DH doesn't want his mom around depressing people. We're a happy family and always get out and do stuff so he says it will be good for her. 
    I vote that SIL starts paying rent or MIL sells the house. If they want it, they can buy it!
    That is a whole other family issue. DH doesn't really like his sister and he doesn't understand how with two incomes and a rent that cheap, they still can't afford to pay. Yet here we are with one income and a $1300 rent and we still get by. We might not have extras and sadly this year, no new Christmas decorations, but we have everything we need.
    Problem is, my MIL is too nice. She doesn't want to put any of her children without so if letting them skip a rent or two because they need that money, she will. I guess she also sees it as my older SIL is helping out with my younger SIL. She lost a baby two years ago to SIDS and ever since she's been a little depressed. Then last month, the restaurant she worked at caught on fire so she's without a job. 

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  • lady dixneuflady dixneuf member
    edited November 2013
    tamararachel2 said:


    tamararachel2 said:


    blondie42107 said:

    tamararachel2 said:


    blondie42107 said:

    Can she live with SIL? It is HER house. :-)

    Yea, unfortunately DH's family is from the mountains and my MIL has fibromyalgia...part of the reason they retired to Mexico. It doesn't get as cold here so it was pretty much no choice. It hurts her whole body when it gets too cold and she's tried every kind of medication they make for it and nothing yet has helped. Not to mention, my SIL is kind of depressing and DH doesn't want his mom around depressing people. We're a happy family and always get out and do stuff so he says it will be good for her. 
    I vote that SIL starts paying rent or MIL sells the house. If they want it, they can buy it!

    That is a whole other family issue. DH doesn't really like his sister and he doesn't understand how with two incomes and a rent that cheap, they still can't afford to pay. Yet here we are with one income and a $1300 rent and we still get by. We might not have extras and sadly this year, no new Christmas decorations, but we have everything we need.


    Problem is, my MIL is too nice. She doesn't want to put any of her children without so if letting them skip a rent or two because they need that money, she will. I guess she also sees it as my older SIL is helping out with my younger SIL. She lost a baby two years ago to SIDS and ever since she's been a little depressed. Then last month, the restaurant she worked at caught on fire so she's without a job. 





    It's not nice if she needs to rely on her broke son to enable the other stuff. Think of it this way - you're paying their rent too now. Also, she's not that nice if she pulled that crazy Mexico stunt!


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  • tamararachel2tamararachel2 member
    I really appreciate all the replies, really I do! I guess I felt guilty for feeling a little resentment towards her and I really needed some more input to show me that I don't need to feel guilty. 

    I told DH last night that I'll buy her dog food if it gets to the point, but I won't give her money for cigarettes. 

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  • stephcarterstephcarter member
    Virtual high five for you @tamararachel2 :)

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  • pinitbabypinitbaby member
    Maybe I missed something but can she not find a job while she's staying with you guys for those months?? She's just going to sit around, smoke and collect dust? I totally get your frustrations.
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